Reviews with content warning for Misogyny - Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing

This is just sad. Not only because the topic is sad, but because you can hear the pain and bitterness in the audiobook. It breaks my heart that addiction took so much from Matthew. That he had so many regrets in life. That, even when he got over it, there was so much leftover pain and health issues. That being said, I was hoping and waiting through the audiobook to get a shift in the narration from this hurt misogynistic child to the adult I thought he might become through therapy and sobriety. But that never happened. I know that it is related - his relationship with woman and the way he lived his life - but I am just sad that he is not a single bit regretful to exploit woman for sex (and complain about being scammed for it). He also kept insulting people throughout, or cursing quite a lot. And it is just sad. I'm sorry he had the life he had, and hearing him narrate it made my chest ache.

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alixcallender's review

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challenging dark emotional funny hopeful informative inspiring reflective sad fast-paced

4.25

Listening to the audiobook version of this after Matthew Perry’s death is unbearably, crushingly sad. I am weeping like a child as I write this, having just heard his closing montage of love and gratitude for the people in his life.

It is not a perfect book, but it’s honest - he equally expresses his anger, fear, and complete selfishness alongside humility, reflection, and love. He’s a complex person, like we’re all complex people. I am actually surprised it has such low ratings, but my guess is probably that people struggle with the beginning. At the outset, he portrays himself as a narcissistic, bitter curmudgeon with mommy/daddy issues and no respect for women. If you’d picked up the book because you love Chandler Bing, this intro is alarming. (It is also a bit disorganized, from an editing/narrative standpoint.) But to anyone who starts it, I implore you to finish it. You must finish it. As the book continues, Perry stumblingly arrives to a place of gratitude and hard-won optimism, acknowledging his deep-set flaws and realizing the universe is not out to get him. I think the set up of this book is deliberate: you start from the brain of an millionaire drug addict, self-pitying and loathsome and ungrateful; then you join him on the painful journey to sobriety, failing plenty of times along the way but ultimately coming out the other side with love both for himself and for the people in his life.

That’s why the reality of his untimely death is so, so sad. He concludes with such hope and optimism and appreciation for the beauty of the world. Wanting this chapter of his life to be the longest and happiest, wanting to find love, maybe have kids. He continually expressed how thankful he was to just be alive. A sense that he survived what he did for a higher purpose. Listening to this, knowing he would be dead only two years later, is heartbreaking. I can only imagine how his friends and family must feel.

I don’t know fully what to take away from this. Yes, he had many successes in life and had it a lot easier than some addicts, and yes much of this book is flawed. But addiction like this is unimaginably difficult no matter how much fame and money you have. I was rooting for him throughout, and am sadder for it. I’m only hopeful he found true happiness at the very end.

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fanchera's review

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challenging emotional funny hopeful inspiring lighthearted reflective sad medium-paced

3.5

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aoifsdarcy's review

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dark reflective slow-paced

2.5

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juliamb's review against another edition

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dark sad slow-paced

1.5

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