Reviews

4.5 stars, rounded up! Very much enjoyed Machado's writing in this, and the execution of several sections was literary, creative and haunting (I especially enjoyed the choose your own adventure section, and it really helped highlight the futile attempts to appease an abuser and the repetitive cycle of abuse). Very dark subject matter but a discussion that absolutely needs to be had and I really appreciate the vulnerability it took to write and release this.

In addition to being a personal re-telling of Machado's own experiences, she does an excellent job integrating references to scholarly work, the criminal justice system, and lived experiences of other domestic violence survivors. It helps unmask a lot of the deliberate concealment within same-sex abusive relationships and she aptly acknowledges that her experiences are unfortunately shared by many others who may not have had their experiences raised on such a platform. I was able to connect to a lot of passages with my own lived experiences; same-sex abuse is poorly represented and often discussions surrounding it are grossly mislabeled as retaliative or vengeful rather than addressing the issue itself.

You can tell a lot of healing and reflection has occurred in the writing of this memoir, and it helps contextualize how things that could be perceived as innocuous behaviour at the beginning of her relationship with the woman in the dream house had more sinister undertones (i.e., love bombing, isolation disguised as quality time, toxicity attributed to broader factors like misogyny or homophobia, etc.). So much of this is important for anyone, queer or not, to hear as they navigate dating and interpersonal relationships in a time where dating is constantly evolving with technology.

Machado aptly notes that a lot of the time, we try to attribute abusive behaviour to some grander upstream factor - undiagnosed mental conditions, substance abuse, familial history - and in many cases spin our heads endlessly trying to pinpoint the exact cause, often to identify a treatment strategy or fix for the problem. In actuality, it boils down to the simple reality that an abuser has something they want, and are willing to take extreme measures to get it. Of course several of these factors play a role in the evolution of domestic violence and the propensity of an individual to perpetuate it, but her perspective really helps her key message resonate with readers - abuse can happen to anyone, and the longer we treat same-sex relationships and abusive relationships as mutually exclusive, the longer we will have to unlearn this misconception and address the implications of it.

Overall, an excellent memoir in both theme and execution, and Machado is no doubt an incredibly talented writer.