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1.84k reviews for:
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
Gary Chapman
3.99 AVERAGE
1.84k reviews for:
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
Gary Chapman
3.99 AVERAGE
I've been wanting to read this book for quite some time, as I'm one of those people whose love language isn't obvious. The chapters on the five languages themselves were very satisfying and helpful (except for physical touch, which mentioned the obvious point that it isn't all sexual yet failed to really expand on that) and I walked away feeling much more certain. Some of the chapters afterward were helpful, but I didn't feel compelled to read them as in-depth. His approach isn't the end-all-be-all to a happy relationship, but I believe it's a huge part of it.
Though Chapman writes the book from a Christian point of view and religion does play an appropriately heavy role, I would step out on a limb and recommend this book to non-Christians as well. The basic premise remains the same regardless of your faith or non-faith and it would be a shame to miss out on such an eye-opening concept just because of that.
Though Chapman writes the book from a Christian point of view and religion does play an appropriately heavy role, I would step out on a limb and recommend this book to non-Christians as well. The basic premise remains the same regardless of your faith or non-faith and it would be a shame to miss out on such an eye-opening concept just because of that.
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
hopeful
informative
fast-paced
i needed this read in my life
So...sigh. I have to say, the 5 love languages is an incredibly useful concept for better communication between you and your partner, the languages being Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Quality Time. By knowing your own love language, knowing the love language of your partner, and communicating your needs related to your language, you have the ingredients to a happier partnership.
However, the usefulness of this book stops there, and the mechanism by which these concepts were delivered is...questionable. For one, Gary Chapman is a pastor in a baptist church, so I didn't particularly care for all the biblical references and honestly probably wouldn't have read this book had I done any research into it and the author. Second, I took SERIOUS issue with one of his anecdotes and approaches regarding one of the love languages, Physical Touch. He describes a situation where a woman in distress is suffering verbal abuse from her husband, whose love language is Physical Touch. Chapman's solution? Why, just have more sex with him, obviously! I don't even know where to begin with that.
Despite the concept of the 5 love languages being an interesting and ultimately what I believe to be helpful theory, the book is (unsurprisingly) wrought with heteronormativity and problematic gender roles (God FORBID Mr. Chapman must vacuum!), so skip this.
However, the usefulness of this book stops there, and the mechanism by which these concepts were delivered is...questionable. For one, Gary Chapman is a pastor in a baptist church, so I didn't particularly care for all the biblical references and honestly probably wouldn't have read this book had I done any research into it and the author. Second, I took SERIOUS issue with one of his anecdotes and approaches regarding one of the love languages, Physical Touch. He describes a situation where a woman in distress is suffering verbal abuse from her husband, whose love language is Physical Touch. Chapman's solution? Why, just have more sex with him, obviously! I don't even know where to begin with that.
Despite the concept of the 5 love languages being an interesting and ultimately what I believe to be helpful theory, the book is (unsurprisingly) wrought with heteronormativity and problematic gender roles (God FORBID Mr. Chapman must vacuum!), so skip this.
fast-paced
I could see this book being helpful to someone, specifically surrounding communicating with your partner the way they understand instead of the way you want, but this book is INCREDIBLY hetero-normative, very Christian-centric (the author is a faith leader, not a licensed therapist) and completely unresearched, so there is no real evidence backing to it. Simply a collection of observations from one preacher about the people he has led in faith.
I picked up this book based on the recommendation of a YouTuber I followed. It is wildly popular, but after almost a year wait I finally got my hands on the book.
The book is interesting, albeit a bit simplified. It is a very quick read and designed to be easily consumable. There are many aspects that I found enlightening, and provides mini case studies for each of the language to exemplify what the author is saying. It is a nice building block to start thinking about what you are receptive to, and how people perceive and demonstrate love in different ways.
However, the Christian overtone is quite strong, which should be expected given the author's background. While I appreciate the second chances mentality, and the hopeful, optimistic outlook of turning a relationship around given love and patience, I also find it problematic. The case studies are very short and simplified to it's impossible to get the full story, but from the snippets that we gleaned, some of the relationships seem emotionally abusive and toxic, and after decades of this toxicity, the female (majority of the time) still wants to and has the hope to turn it around, and they do, which is a lovely fairy tale ending. But if you grow to hate someone, and that someone is supposed to be your spouse, then there are more to address than simply you're not loving each other using the correct language.
Perhaps, a lot more of relationships can be saved/turned around have the participants learn that different people love differently, but not all relationships can be saved, and not everyone is the right person for you. People change. Sometimes in the same way, sometimes in different ways. There are many components, and there is no guidebook which makes each relationship, be it romantic, familiar, platonic, that much more varied, interesting, and worthwhile.
The book is a quick read to flip through if one is interested, but it could very well stand alone as a BuzzFeed listicle and you can gleam the same information. Perhaps a condensed form with only the languages, and some examples of it at work would be more effective (and a more lucrative strategy to get people to attend seminars).
At the end of the book, there is a "test" for the reader to figure out his/her primary love language. The test at the end appears to be the same for the male and females, with changed pronouns as the only difference. The "test" consists of thirty questions. Each question has a paired statement and you select the letter that you agree with the most with in how you would feel loved. At the end of the test, you tally up your responses and the highest score is your primary love language. The format and style is akin to a "test" one would stereotypically find in a generic female-oriented magazine. I feel like I've taken Buzzfeed tests that are more nuanced and intricate.
There is no magic formula for these tests. They're all subjective and biased, and meant as a starting point. Given the number of books sold and sworn believers, I'm sure there is some method, it's just not the format or level of depth I expected. Furthermore, many of the question and answer options seem like basic human decency and manners that I would expect out of any adult, even child, much less my partner.
For example:
S/he doesn’t interrupt while I'm talking vs. Gift giving is an important part of our relationship
S/he doesn’t check his/her phone while we're talking vs. S/he goes out of his/her way to do something that relives the pressure on me.
Or perhaps, that is indeed the target audience of the book.
The book is interesting, albeit a bit simplified. It is a very quick read and designed to be easily consumable. There are many aspects that I found enlightening, and provides mini case studies for each of the language to exemplify what the author is saying. It is a nice building block to start thinking about what you are receptive to, and how people perceive and demonstrate love in different ways.
However, the Christian overtone is quite strong, which should be expected given the author's background. While I appreciate the second chances mentality, and the hopeful, optimistic outlook of turning a relationship around given love and patience, I also find it problematic. The case studies are very short and simplified to it's impossible to get the full story, but from the snippets that we gleaned, some of the relationships seem emotionally abusive and toxic, and after decades of this toxicity, the female (majority of the time) still wants to and has the hope to turn it around, and they do, which is a lovely fairy tale ending. But if you grow to hate someone, and that someone is supposed to be your spouse, then there are more to address than simply you're not loving each other using the correct language.
Perhaps, a lot more of relationships can be saved/turned around have the participants learn that different people love differently, but not all relationships can be saved, and not everyone is the right person for you. People change. Sometimes in the same way, sometimes in different ways. There are many components, and there is no guidebook which makes each relationship, be it romantic, familiar, platonic, that much more varied, interesting, and worthwhile.
The book is a quick read to flip through if one is interested, but it could very well stand alone as a BuzzFeed listicle and you can gleam the same information. Perhaps a condensed form with only the languages, and some examples of it at work would be more effective (and a more lucrative strategy to get people to attend seminars).
At the end of the book, there is a "test" for the reader to figure out his/her primary love language. The test at the end appears to be the same for the male and females, with changed pronouns as the only difference. The "test" consists of thirty questions. Each question has a paired statement and you select the letter that you agree with the most with in how you would feel loved. At the end of the test, you tally up your responses and the highest score is your primary love language. The format and style is akin to a "test" one would stereotypically find in a generic female-oriented magazine. I feel like I've taken Buzzfeed tests that are more nuanced and intricate.
There is no magic formula for these tests. They're all subjective and biased, and meant as a starting point. Given the number of books sold and sworn believers, I'm sure there is some method, it's just not the format or level of depth I expected. Furthermore, many of the question and answer options seem like basic human decency and manners that I would expect out of any adult, even child, much less my partner.
For example:
S/he doesn’t interrupt while I'm talking vs. Gift giving is an important part of our relationship
S/he doesn’t check his/her phone while we're talking vs. S/he goes out of his/her way to do something that relives the pressure on me.
Or perhaps, that is indeed the target audience of the book.
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
His book on that everyone has different love languages is very insightful. It helps you to understand how love can be miscommunicated in a relationship but it also shows you how to fix it.
2.5
This book, written many years ago, clearly hasn’t undergone significant updates or revisions, as much of its content and examples feel outdated and somewhat out of touch with modern times. Having read many similar books, I found the author’s writing style particularly off-putting. While the core ideas and concepts presented are undeniably valuable, the way Gary Chapman consistently references himself, his achievements, and others' admiration for him comes across as overly self-congratulatory.
This tendency to repeatedly highlight his own brilliance and correctness made the book a bit tiresome to read. It felt less like a balanced guide and more like a platform for self-praise. That said, the central idea of the "languages of love" and its practical applications, especially for couples, remains a noteworthy takeaway. Despite my criticisms, I do believe these insights are helpful and worth considering, even if the presentation left much to be desired. Ultimately, I’d rate this book lower than most, but its core message does hold enduring value.
This book, written many years ago, clearly hasn’t undergone significant updates or revisions, as much of its content and examples feel outdated and somewhat out of touch with modern times. Having read many similar books, I found the author’s writing style particularly off-putting. While the core ideas and concepts presented are undeniably valuable, the way Gary Chapman consistently references himself, his achievements, and others' admiration for him comes across as overly self-congratulatory.
This tendency to repeatedly highlight his own brilliance and correctness made the book a bit tiresome to read. It felt less like a balanced guide and more like a platform for self-praise. That said, the central idea of the "languages of love" and its practical applications, especially for couples, remains a noteworthy takeaway. Despite my criticisms, I do believe these insights are helpful and worth considering, even if the presentation left much to be desired. Ultimately, I’d rate this book lower than most, but its core message does hold enduring value.