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4.31 AVERAGE
4.31 AVERAGE
This was SUPPPERRR good. I learned more from reading this book then Sex Ed ever dared to teach me. The science here was solid and the writing was really good! The only reason that it’s four stars is just the general cheesiness of the metaphors that made me roll my eyes a little and the fact that the author did this weird thing where she would say “we’ll get to that in chapter blank” or “what we are going to talk about in chapters bla”. Stupid note but it’s a pet peeve. I will be buying a copy of this book for many people including my partner just so he knows the science that I just learned. Every person of ever gender and sexual identity should read this book it touched on so much good information. Highly recommend!
funny
informative
lighthearted
medium-paced
this book was extremely validating as someone with sex anxiety. like yes queen.... u are normal, and a lot of women feel the same ways you do... i also really liked the personal stories from the author's friends, bc even if i couldn't relate to it directly, it still widened my scope of women's sexual expression. if u have a partner with/have a pussy.... girl read this
Absolute must read for any cis gender woman, and anyone who is in an intimate relationship with any cis gender woman.
An absolute must read for every human on the planet!
Interesting and important information and I’m glad I read (well skimmed) it-however the book started to feel repetitive about halfway through. Also the fake anecdotes of her sessions with woman who had unbelievable revelations after getting her advice were a bit off putting. Would have been more powerful with real narratives and examples.
hopeful
informative
slow-paced
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
A book I think every woman should read. Points that will stick with me:
- All her garden metaphors worked for me. An example: "An apple tree can be healthy no matter what variety of apple it is - though one variety may need constant direct sunlight and another might enjoy some shade. And an apple tree can be healthy when it's a seed, when it's a seedling, as it's growing, and as it fades at the end of the season, as well as when, in late summer, it is laden with fruit. But it has different needs at each of those phases in its life. You, too, are healthy and normal at the start of your sexual development, as you grow, and as you bear the fruits of living with confidence and joy inside your body. You are healthy when you need lots of sun, and you're healthy when you enjoy some shade. That's the true story. We are all the same. We are all different. We are all normal."
- Her framework of accelerators and brakes is so valuable. "The goal of understanding your brake and accelerator is not to understand 'what men are like' or 'what women are like' but to understand what YOU are like."
- "Just as there are no innate words, there appear to be almost no innate sexual stimuli. What turns us on (or off) is learned from culture."
- One of the biggest brakes for women is stress. Our bodies hold on to stress because we don't know how to let it complete its cycle. "Physical activity is the single most effective strategy for completing the stress response cycle and re-calibrating your central nervous system into a calm state."
- Negative messages from culture: Moral (you are evil), Medical (you are diseased), Media (you are inadequate)
- "A lot of women trust their bodies less than they trust what they've been taught about their bodies."
- Desire = arousal in context. CONTEXT MATTERS. A physical sensation in one context can be a turn-on, in another context it can be annoying.
- Framework of responsive vs. spontaneous desire
- Sex isn't a drive, it is "incentive motivation." A drive is something that keeps you from dying. Incentive motivation moves you toward pleasure. Important because you aren't broken, and men don't get to excuse assault/rape/etc. because of their "drive"
- All her garden metaphors worked for me. An example: "An apple tree can be healthy no matter what variety of apple it is - though one variety may need constant direct sunlight and another might enjoy some shade. And an apple tree can be healthy when it's a seed, when it's a seedling, as it's growing, and as it fades at the end of the season, as well as when, in late summer, it is laden with fruit. But it has different needs at each of those phases in its life. You, too, are healthy and normal at the start of your sexual development, as you grow, and as you bear the fruits of living with confidence and joy inside your body. You are healthy when you need lots of sun, and you're healthy when you enjoy some shade. That's the true story. We are all the same. We are all different. We are all normal."
- Her framework of accelerators and brakes is so valuable. "The goal of understanding your brake and accelerator is not to understand 'what men are like' or 'what women are like' but to understand what YOU are like."
- "Just as there are no innate words, there appear to be almost no innate sexual stimuli. What turns us on (or off) is learned from culture."
- One of the biggest brakes for women is stress. Our bodies hold on to stress because we don't know how to let it complete its cycle. "Physical activity is the single most effective strategy for completing the stress response cycle and re-calibrating your central nervous system into a calm state."
- Negative messages from culture: Moral (you are evil), Medical (you are diseased), Media (you are inadequate)
- "A lot of women trust their bodies less than they trust what they've been taught about their bodies."
- Desire = arousal in context. CONTEXT MATTERS. A physical sensation in one context can be a turn-on, in another context it can be annoying.
- Framework of responsive vs. spontaneous desire
- Sex isn't a drive, it is "incentive motivation." A drive is something that keeps you from dying. Incentive motivation moves you toward pleasure. Important because you aren't broken, and men don't get to excuse assault/rape/etc. because of their "drive"