challenging emotional reflective slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven: Character
Strong character development: Yes
Loveable characters: No
Diverse cast of characters: No
Flaws of characters a main focus: Yes

4/5 ★ tw: sexual assault, abuse, pedophilia

I think a lot of people who call this book "disgusting" as if it is romanticizing grooming do not grasp what the book is about in the first place. Strane manages to hold such a high level of trust in Vanessa's life after grooming her that she feels she would rather die at times than be without him, even through all of the physical abuse he puts her through spanning 7 years of her life. My heart hurts so much for Vanessa. When Strane said "I'm going to ruin you" I had to pause the audiobook because 15-year-old Vanessa finds this an endearing statement. The story was extremely disturbing, but Kate Elizabeth Russell wrote a fictional story that blends into much of what so many young men and women have gone through with adults they thought they could trust.

*spoilers ahead*

I know that this is a work of fiction -- but I'm so angry that Strane killed himself. That fucker deserved to spend his life in prison, to realize that the small truths that Vanessa had let out to other people (i.e. Plow who was another villain in this story) was her realizing how much he had abused her. Calling her before jumping, knowing she knew what he was doing, was the last nail in Vanessa's coffin. Making her think, "you're the last person I wanted to talk to before I died." So fucked up.

I didn't cry reading this, but I felt so fucking numb during it. With the digital age I think so so so many girls from 2000-current have been groomed through the internet by adults with fake profiles, and I both love and hate how this novel exposes instant messengers online. Craig from the bowling alley made me so so sick, threatening to come to her school, snatch her, hurt her. I love and hate that this novel outlines how so many people actually feel about taboo subjects such as pedophilia. The blurred lines of acceptance between Henry and Penelope versus Vanessa and Strane are so frustratingly real as older men in power is not just a problem for 15 year old girls, but 18-22 year old college women too.

I'm so upset with all the adults in this novel that failed Vanessa, from her parents not keeping a closer eye on her to the faculty at both her high school and college. I'm angry that this novel is close to reality for some people.

I wish I could give this novel a 5 ★, but I felt that too much time was spent on the act of sexual assault. Towards the middle and end, I felt like it was only being repeated to make the reader cringe. Regardless, this one will stick with me for a while.
challenging dark sad tense medium-paced
dark emotional reflective sad medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven: Character
Strong character development: Complicated
Loveable characters: No
Diverse cast of characters: No
Flaws of characters a main focus: Yes
challenging dark emotional reflective sad slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven: Character
Strong character development: Yes
Loveable characters: Complicated
Diverse cast of characters: No
Flaws of characters a main focus: Yes
dark sad medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven: Character
Strong character development: Yes
Loveable characters: Complicated
Diverse cast of characters: No
Flaws of characters a main focus: Yes
challenging dark mysterious sad medium-paced
Strong character development: Yes
Loveable characters: Complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus: Yes
challenging dark emotional informative mysterious reflective sad tense medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven: Character
Strong character development: Complicated
Loveable characters: Complicated
Diverse cast of characters: No
Flaws of characters a main focus: Yes

i'm really torn between giving this 4 or 5 stars.

the way vanessa contradicts herself and flips between feeling like a victim and refusing to believe that she was was so interesting and the obvious deep rooted issues that came from her being sexually abused as a child carries throughout the story.

the constant comparison to lolita really sets the tone for vanessa and stranes relationship. strane is such an awful character that you really develop such a strong hatred towards him by the end.



dark reflective sad medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven: A mix
Strong character development: Complicated
Loveable characters: Complicated
Diverse cast of characters: No
Flaws of characters a main focus: Yes