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3.93 AVERAGE
3.93 AVERAGE
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
This memoir was beautifully and evocatively written. Reading this felt very real and honest in the way it describes the family dynamics and mental health struggles. Throughout her childhood to adulthood, she always races towards the American dream, wanting to fulfill her parents' wishes. Until the end when she finds her passion for art and can live for herself truly. As I was reading through the memoir I felt myself going through a roller coaster of emotions and I could find myself relating to Hyeseung. This memoir was impactful for me and I think that her story will help others.
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
dark
emotional
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medium-paced
emotional
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slow-paced
challenging
emotional
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medium-paced
A heart-wrenching and vulnerable memoir, "Docile" is Hyeseung Song's look back on her complex and longstanding struggle with her own identity and upbringing. The oldest child of Korean immigrants, Hyeseung's grew up in the deep south of Texas where, from the very beginning, she knew she was not like other children. Her appearance and her family's financial difficulties made for a difficult childhood, her father's constant pursuit of the "American dream" and becoming an entrepreneur leading to many fights with her mother, eventually forcing the family to declare bankruptcy and lose their home. Some of her earliest memories are of her inserting herself between her parents when they fought, trying to keep the fragile peace within the family.
As Hyeseung grows older, however, she becomes inundated with the messaging that many Asian parents dump on their children - the singular goal of academic excellence, which she absorbs as her own benchmark for life. Even when she gets accepted to some of the best schools in the nation, it's still not enough for her mother, who only wanted Harvard. Hyeseung graduates from Princeton, floundering on a path forward and questioning her future path in life; she is accepted to Harvard Law but her struggles with her own mental health completely derail her life - to the point where she must completely reassess what she's always been told she should do.
As a first generation Chinese-American immigrant myself, this novel hit so close to home and was relatable on far too many levels; I think readers who don't grow up with this background may not understand the weight of Hyeseung's upbringing and how devastating the (dis)approval of one's parents can be, even far into adulthood. It's painful, reading how exhaustingly she worked to follow path that was set for her, and what she sacrificed of herself in order to achieve it. She builds and fleshes out her parents into complex, multi-layered individuals - flawed, emotional, and imperfect, but also deeply loving individuals who also wanted the best for their children and thought they knew how to raise their daughter in a brand new country.
I admire Song for being able to pivot her life even as an adult, letting go of the years and time she'd put into pursuing a career that she never wanted, and finding her voice as an artist and writer. The last few chapters of the novel, as she comes to terms with her decisions and actions did feel a little rushed, especially with the passing of her mother, and I personally wish she had spent a little more time and focus on the more recent years.
Very much a recommended read when "Docile" is published in July 2024, especially for those with a similar upbringing.
Thank you Simon & Schuster for the advance copy of this novel!
As Hyeseung grows older, however, she becomes inundated with the messaging that many Asian parents dump on their children - the singular goal of academic excellence, which she absorbs as her own benchmark for life. Even when she gets accepted to some of the best schools in the nation, it's still not enough for her mother, who only wanted Harvard. Hyeseung graduates from Princeton, floundering on a path forward and questioning her future path in life; she is accepted to Harvard Law but her struggles with her own mental health completely derail her life - to the point where she must completely reassess what she's always been told she should do.
As a first generation Chinese-American immigrant myself, this novel hit so close to home and was relatable on far too many levels; I think readers who don't grow up with this background may not understand the weight of Hyeseung's upbringing and how devastating the (dis)approval of one's parents can be, even far into adulthood. It's painful, reading how exhaustingly she worked to follow path that was set for her, and what she sacrificed of herself in order to achieve it. She builds and fleshes out her parents into complex, multi-layered individuals - flawed, emotional, and imperfect, but also deeply loving individuals who also wanted the best for their children and thought they knew how to raise their daughter in a brand new country.
I admire Song for being able to pivot her life even as an adult, letting go of the years and time she'd put into pursuing a career that she never wanted, and finding her voice as an artist and writer. The last few chapters of the novel, as she comes to terms with her decisions and actions did feel a little rushed, especially with the passing of her mother, and I personally wish she had spent a little more time and focus on the more recent years.
Very much a recommended read when "Docile" is published in July 2024, especially for those with a similar upbringing.
Thank you Simon & Schuster for the advance copy of this novel!
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
reflective
sad
medium-paced
dark
emotional
reflective
fast-paced
challenging
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
medium-paced
challenging
emotional
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
“I did not just want dreams and happiness - the American construct - but to be able to reject things that came my way and not accept in famished gratitude whatever the world fed me.”
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the eARC!
Hyeseung Song's "Docile: Memoirs of a Not-So-Perfect Asian Girl" is a poignant exploration of the American Dream's illusions, the harsh realities faced by immigrants, and one Asian American woman’s realization that she doesn’t need to be perfect. Through evocative prose, Song invites readers into her world, where the pursuit of perfection and acceptance often clashes with the complexities of her Korean American identity.
From the outset, Song's narrative captures the feeling of invisibility she experienced growing up in Texas, where her parents built a custom home in an up-and-coming subdivision. Despite her efforts to please those around her, especially her Umma, Song's childhood was marked by a lack of support and resources, common struggles among immigrant families. Song's poignant observation, “I heard and saw everything, as immigrant children are not shielded from much; in some cases, they are the shields themselves,” encapsulates the heavy burden of parentification many immigrant children bear.
Song's memoir is deeply introspective, offering readers a window into her parents' lives in Korea and how their past shaped their American experience. The family's financial struggles culminate in bankruptcy and the loss of their dream home, forcing young Hyeseung to navigate poverty and racial discrimination in a new predominantly white, middle-class community. This section of the memoir is particularly powerful, highlighting the resilience and adaptability required of immigrant children.
As Song matures, her struggle to balance Korean and American cultural expectations becomes more pronounced. The memoir delves into the patriarchal norms of Korean culture and the weight of her mother's expectations, which haunt her well into adulthood. Song's journey through high school and her time at Princeton is marred by racial microaggressions and a profound sense of being misunderstood. Her decision to take a year off from Princeton in search of a softer life reflects her ongoing quest for self-discovery and respite from the pressures of perfection.
The narrative reaches a critical point when Song moves to Korea at her parents' insistence during her gap year. Here, she feels lost between two cultures: “America or Korea: both countries claimed me, both rejected me. What, then, was the method by which I should choose and believe?” This sense of displacement, coupled with her severe depressive episodes, paints a vivid picture of her mental health struggles.
After returning to and graduating from Princeton, Song's battle with her mother's expectations leads her to Harvard Law, a path that exacerbates her mental health issues. Song's candid account of her suicide attempt and hospitalization is both harrowing and brave, shedding light on the stigma and challenges of mental illness within immigrant communities. Her eventual decision to leave law school, supported by her partner Nate, marks the beginning of her healing journey. Song's realization that survival and thriving may require going "off script" is a powerful testament to her resilience and determination to forge her own path.
Throughout the memoir, Song's writing is rich with descriptive language, vivid imagery, and metaphor, painting detailed pictures of both physical landscapes and emotional states. Her contemplative tone and reflective insights make this memoir a deeply personal and culturally resonant read. Themes of identity, belonging, and the tension between cultural worlds are explored with nuance, highlighting the conditional nature of love and acceptance within family and society. The memoir also delves into the power dynamics shaped by whiteness and the struggle for individuality amidst cultural and familial pressures. "Docile: Memoirs of a Not-So-Perfect Asian Girl" is a compelling and heartfelt journey of self-acceptance, cultural reconciliation, and one woman’s reckoning with her mental health. Thank you, Hyeseung, for sharing your story!
📖 Recommended For: Readers who resonate with introspective and evocative memoirs, those interested in the immigrant experience and mental health, anyone who values stories about navigating cultural identity and family expectations, fans of intimate and reflective writing.
🔑 Key Themes: The Immigrant Experience, Parentification and Family Dynamics, Mental Health and Bipolar Disorder, Cultural Identity and Belonging, Navigating Perfection and Self-Acceptance.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Mental illness, Sexual assault, Suicidal thoughts, Forced institutionalization
Moderate: Domestic abuse, Suicide attempt
Minor: Homophobia, Racism, Abortion, Death of parent, Fire/Fire injury
The sexual assault scenes occur in Part 5 Chapter 4.