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luann28's review against another edition
3.0
Hoped to finish this book with a big sigh of relief and a "thank-goodness-we've-come-so-far-since-then". Disappointed to find that no huge strides have been made (based on personal experience and of those close to me) and that we still lag miles behind other countries who benefit from government policies that support families, helping them to find that elusive balance between career, family/marriage.
Hitting hardest, the author reflects on "marital clashes [that] reflect a broader social tension- between faster-changing women and slower-changing men. .... More important, over the last thirty years, men's underlying feelings about taking responsibility at home have changed much less than women's feelings have changed about forging some kind of identity of work." At first publication in 1989, it's pathetic that this still rings woefully true.
Speaking to divorce rates in our country, not surprisingly "Sharing the second shift improved a marriage regardless of what ideas either had about men's and women's roles. Whether they were traditional or egalitarian, couples were happier when the men did more housework and child care."
The author's call to action, "in the era of a stalled revolution, one way to reverse this devaluation is for men to share in that devalued work, [homemaking, child rearing] and thereby help to revalue it. Many working mothers are already doing all they can at home. Now it's time for met to make the move. In an age of divorce, marriage itself can be at stake."
Really? No kidding....
Hitting hardest, the author reflects on "marital clashes [that] reflect a broader social tension- between faster-changing women and slower-changing men. .... More important, over the last thirty years, men's underlying feelings about taking responsibility at home have changed much less than women's feelings have changed about forging some kind of identity of work." At first publication in 1989, it's pathetic that this still rings woefully true.
Speaking to divorce rates in our country, not surprisingly "Sharing the second shift improved a marriage regardless of what ideas either had about men's and women's roles. Whether they were traditional or egalitarian, couples were happier when the men did more housework and child care."
The author's call to action, "in the era of a stalled revolution, one way to reverse this devaluation is for men to share in that devalued work, [homemaking, child rearing] and thereby help to revalue it. Many working mothers are already doing all they can at home. Now it's time for met to make the move. In an age of divorce, marriage itself can be at stake."
Really? No kidding....
charlieolivia's review against another edition
5.0
Still one of my favorite books and absolute favorite sociology study! It was written in the 1980s, but is still so relevant today. Definitely recommend if you’re interested in gender inequality, home and family dynamics, or women studies.
pauls's review
informative
reflective
sad
medium-paced
3.5
Hochschild’s work offers the reader illustrative real-life examples followed by some general findings and statistics.
However, it’s hard to speak of it’s importance, seeing as the research was conducted in the 80s among middle-class families (mostly). I can’t say it wasn’t worth my time, but it failed to provide the in-depth analysis I expected. I also have several complaints regarding the language used by the writer and referring to the couples by their names (truly, while reading the last chapters I couldn’t care less about who mrs. Holt or her mother were).
However, it’s hard to speak of it’s importance, seeing as the research was conducted in the 80s among middle-class families (mostly). I can’t say it wasn’t worth my time, but it failed to provide the in-depth analysis I expected. I also have several complaints regarding the language used by the writer and referring to the couples by their names (truly, while reading the last chapters I couldn’t care less about who mrs. Holt or her mother were).
jordanrisa's review
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.75
Life changing and very validating. A must read for anyone in a relationship, anyone living with a partner, anyone married or about to be. As someone who has struggled with external opinions (namely, my parents) about my “role” in my relationship, this book confirmed so much of what I suspected in gender roles and expectations within a family unit. I’ve gifted it to three friends already and plan to share it with more.
It was first published in 1989, but still so relevant today. It talks about how not enough has changed as women have entered the workforce yet still are expected to take on the “second shift” of the majority of housework and childcare. While women have advanced so far in society in the past few decades, men and workplaces have remained largely unchained and have a lot of progress left to make. It’s a necessary read for both men and women.
I have so many dog ears and highlights in this book and plan to revisit.
“Many women struggle to avoid, suppress, obscure, or justify a frightening conflict over the second shift… they are forced to choose between equality and marriage. And they choose marriage.” (60)
“The belief that their husbands shared 50% of the work at home was fairly common among successful upper middle class professional women in the late 80s, women who carried most of the burden of the second shift.” (106)
“When girls grow up, they seek to recapitulate… by becoming mothers themselves. When boys grow up, they try to recapitulate… by finding a woman ‘like mother.’” (163)
“Supermoming was a way of absorbing into oneself the conflicting demands of home and work. To prepare themselves emotionally, many supermoms develop a conception of themselves as ‘on the go, organized, competent,’ as women without need for rest, without personal needs. Both as a preparation for this strategy and as a consequence of it, supermoms tended to seem out of touch with their feelings.” (204)
“It was a privilege to have a wife tend the home. If a man shared the second shift, that privilege was lost.” (209)
“The female culture has shifted more rapidly than the male culture; the image of the go get ‘em woman has yet to be fully matched by the image of the lets take care of the kids together man.” (214)
“What did contribute to happiness was the husbands willingness to do the work at home. Sharing the second shift improved a marriage regardless of what ideas either had about mens and womens roles.” (221)
“127 countries — including virtually every industrial nation — mandate some sort of paid family leave. But in the US, the richest nation in the world, working parents are not guaranteed a penny of paid leave to stay at home with a newborn baby.” (280)
It was first published in 1989, but still so relevant today. It talks about how not enough has changed as women have entered the workforce yet still are expected to take on the “second shift” of the majority of housework and childcare. While women have advanced so far in society in the past few decades, men and workplaces have remained largely unchained and have a lot of progress left to make. It’s a necessary read for both men and women.
I have so many dog ears and highlights in this book and plan to revisit.
“Many women struggle to avoid, suppress, obscure, or justify a frightening conflict over the second shift… they are forced to choose between equality and marriage. And they choose marriage.” (60)
“The belief that their husbands shared 50% of the work at home was fairly common among successful upper middle class professional women in the late 80s, women who carried most of the burden of the second shift.” (106)
“When girls grow up, they seek to recapitulate… by becoming mothers themselves. When boys grow up, they try to recapitulate… by finding a woman ‘like mother.’” (163)
“Supermoming was a way of absorbing into oneself the conflicting demands of home and work. To prepare themselves emotionally, many supermoms develop a conception of themselves as ‘on the go, organized, competent,’ as women without need for rest, without personal needs. Both as a preparation for this strategy and as a consequence of it, supermoms tended to seem out of touch with their feelings.” (204)
“It was a privilege to have a wife tend the home. If a man shared the second shift, that privilege was lost.” (209)
“The female culture has shifted more rapidly than the male culture; the image of the go get ‘em woman has yet to be fully matched by the image of the lets take care of the kids together man.” (214)
“What did contribute to happiness was the husbands willingness to do the work at home. Sharing the second shift improved a marriage regardless of what ideas either had about mens and womens roles.” (221)
“127 countries — including virtually every industrial nation — mandate some sort of paid family leave. But in the US, the richest nation in the world, working parents are not guaranteed a penny of paid leave to stay at home with a newborn baby.” (280)
nico2022's review against another edition
4.0
A few years ago, I told a girlfriend of mine that the reason women didn't run the world is we get distracted by housework. I was joking, but as it turns out, I wasn't too far from being right. Women work 2-4 extra weeks a year compared to their husbands when it comes to domestic and family care, and when pushed, men often avoid the work entirely (beds don't need made, hire a maid, etc.).
Prof. Hochschild's book offers fantastic insight into this imbalance and its many forms; I'd highly recommend it. From a purely intellectual perspective, it's fascinating and digestible by a lay person (it also made me want to read more sociology books). From a personal perspective, it spoke to some things very close to me and gave words and concepts to thoughts and feelings I'd only loosely grasped before: gender strategies (e.g., I looked at the people and opportunities around me to determine what type of woman made sense in my context), the economy of gratitude, and the difference between managing and doing domestic work.
My only disappointment was that only heterosexual couples with children were included in the study. I'm actually writing a letter to the author (I'm THAT nerdy) asking if there are similar studies of dual-career couples without children and research on same-sex, dual-career couples with children. I'm curious about how the second shift would be balanced in these cases and how gender strategies play out in the latter scenario.
What I took away from this work—particularly in light of some conversations I've heard in the news lately—is that balancing career and family cannot be a "women's problem." It's a family problem, and men should be part of families. The question isn't how women can balance work and motherhood. The question should be how can everyone do good work and nurture healthy families?
Prof. Hochschild's book offers fantastic insight into this imbalance and its many forms; I'd highly recommend it. From a purely intellectual perspective, it's fascinating and digestible by a lay person (it also made me want to read more sociology books). From a personal perspective, it spoke to some things very close to me and gave words and concepts to thoughts and feelings I'd only loosely grasped before: gender strategies (e.g., I looked at the people and opportunities around me to determine what type of woman made sense in my context), the economy of gratitude, and the difference between managing and doing domestic work.
My only disappointment was that only heterosexual couples with children were included in the study. I'm actually writing a letter to the author (I'm THAT nerdy) asking if there are similar studies of dual-career couples without children and research on same-sex, dual-career couples with children. I'm curious about how the second shift would be balanced in these cases and how gender strategies play out in the latter scenario.
What I took away from this work—particularly in light of some conversations I've heard in the news lately—is that balancing career and family cannot be a "women's problem." It's a family problem, and men should be part of families. The question isn't how women can balance work and motherhood. The question should be how can everyone do good work and nurture healthy families?
ecstaticlistening's review
4.0
It's fascinating to see what has changed and what has not in the decades since this book was published. I find myself curious to hear what Hochschild thinks about the so-called "mancession" and the increase in stay-at-home dads in recent years. Although this particular work of research is older, it's certainly still relevant and worth reading for any member of a dual-income couple.
impeachnixon's review against another edition
informative
medium-paced
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexism