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4.1 AVERAGE
4.1 AVERAGE
“I gave you my heart on a silver fucking platter and you ate it, piece by bloody piece.”
Thank you very much to Macmillan Children’s Publishing Group for providing a copy of the novel in exchange for an honest review.
Reading Bad Romance by Heather Demetrios is like watching a train wreck occur before you very eyes, in slow motion: you are horrified, but at the same time, you are unable to look away. The novel is emotional from beginning to end, as it explores the discourse surrounding toxic relationships, and complex family connections.
(This review contains very mild spoilers.)
Heather Demetrios’ novel is one of the most gut-wrenching, emotional YA contemporaries I have ever read. I think it’s fair to say I have never read something like this before, as many YA novels tend to shy away from the harmful side of romance.
There were many times while reading this book where I wanted to shout at Grace and tell her to look at the signs. There were many times I wanted to shake her for her inability to leave him when she starts to recognise his unhealthy behaviour. But that is the very point of the novel; that is what the novel is trying to show: that no matter how badly you want out of a bad relationship, sometimes, it is not that easy. I have never had a Gavin of my own (thank God), so I came to this book with a completely different perspective, but the novel soon opened my eyes. Bad Romance is certainly a novel that everyone should read – it is so powerful, so heartbreaking, and so inspiring, I want to give a copy to every person I know so they can learn that they don’t always need to choose romance: they can choose themselves.
What stood apart immediately was the use of second-person narration. I have never read a novel that utilises this type of narration before, and I have to admit, it does take some getting used to. It gives the impression of Grace relating a letter to Gavin, of her explaining their history together, from the perspective of hindsight. Once you get used to the narration style, the novel seamlessly flows from one scene to the next. The plot is quite simple in that there is not much action: the novel follows Grace for almost two years, as she meets Gavin, becomes his girlfriend, falls for him, and slowly becomes scared of him. But the heavy content and beautiful writing more than makes up for the slow plot. But given the novel’s subject, the slow plot makes sense, as the reader is following along with Grace on her journey from loving Gavin, to hating him.
Gavin’s abuse comes in the form of verbal and emotional, and I think this was a deliberate decision on the author’s part. Gavin never physically harms Grace (as in raising his hand to her), but he hurts her in a myriad of other ways. It is important to show the reader, most of whom are probably young adults themselves, that abuse comes in many different forms, not just the physically violent. A boyfriend can love you deeply, can treat you like a princess, but still talk down to you and try to isolate you from your family and friends – this type of behaviour is also domestic abuse, but many people, including society, don’t treat it as such.
Gavin first treats Grace as if she is unintelligent. before moving on to controlling who she is allowed to be alone around, to forcing her to give up on her dreams, and finally, attempting to cut her friends out of her life – thankfully, Grace has the best friends in the history of the world who do not allow this to happen. Grace’s best friends, Natalie and Alyssa, are the novel’s most wonderful characters – they love Grace with all their hearts, and are always there for her, even when Gavin tries to isolate her. As true friends, they pick up on Gavin’s controlling behaviour long before Grace does, and try to warn her of this. Honestly, this novel has some of the best examples of female friendship I have read in years, and is a powerful reminder that us girls always need our bffs.
Grace is a very sympathetic character, and one I formed an emotional connection with almost immediately, even though there were times I grew incensed by her decisions (or lack thereof). Her mother has a severe mental illness, which is increased by her husband’s controlling behaviour, and Grace is viewed as her household’s slave: she is not allowed to hang out with her friends or go to parties until she has scrubbed the skirting boards, and she is constantly late to school and exams because her mother needs to lock the doors for the twelfth time in a row. There were many times I was angered on Grace’s behalf, and it is very easy to see how a girl who works as her family’s Cinderella, is swept off her feet by a sensitive, tortured soul/musician like Gavin.
There isn’t much else I can say, aside from, ‘Read this haunting novel and be prepared to cry your eyes out.’ I think Bad Romance is a novel many people should strive to read, particularly because of the messages the novel promotes (if you can handle such triggers). This novel is powerfully realistic and will open your eyes to the negative, harmful side of ‘unconditional’ romance.
Thank you very much to Macmillan Children’s Publishing Group for providing a copy of the novel in exchange for an honest review.
Reading Bad Romance by Heather Demetrios is like watching a train wreck occur before you very eyes, in slow motion: you are horrified, but at the same time, you are unable to look away. The novel is emotional from beginning to end, as it explores the discourse surrounding toxic relationships, and complex family connections.
(This review contains very mild spoilers.)
Heather Demetrios’ novel is one of the most gut-wrenching, emotional YA contemporaries I have ever read. I think it’s fair to say I have never read something like this before, as many YA novels tend to shy away from the harmful side of romance.
There were many times while reading this book where I wanted to shout at Grace and tell her to look at the signs. There were many times I wanted to shake her for her inability to leave him when she starts to recognise his unhealthy behaviour. But that is the very point of the novel; that is what the novel is trying to show: that no matter how badly you want out of a bad relationship, sometimes, it is not that easy. I have never had a Gavin of my own (thank God), so I came to this book with a completely different perspective, but the novel soon opened my eyes. Bad Romance is certainly a novel that everyone should read – it is so powerful, so heartbreaking, and so inspiring, I want to give a copy to every person I know so they can learn that they don’t always need to choose romance: they can choose themselves.
What stood apart immediately was the use of second-person narration. I have never read a novel that utilises this type of narration before, and I have to admit, it does take some getting used to. It gives the impression of Grace relating a letter to Gavin, of her explaining their history together, from the perspective of hindsight. Once you get used to the narration style, the novel seamlessly flows from one scene to the next. The plot is quite simple in that there is not much action: the novel follows Grace for almost two years, as she meets Gavin, becomes his girlfriend, falls for him, and slowly becomes scared of him. But the heavy content and beautiful writing more than makes up for the slow plot. But given the novel’s subject, the slow plot makes sense, as the reader is following along with Grace on her journey from loving Gavin, to hating him.
Gavin’s abuse comes in the form of verbal and emotional, and I think this was a deliberate decision on the author’s part. Gavin never physically harms Grace (as in raising his hand to her), but he hurts her in a myriad of other ways. It is important to show the reader, most of whom are probably young adults themselves, that abuse comes in many different forms, not just the physically violent. A boyfriend can love you deeply, can treat you like a princess, but still talk down to you and try to isolate you from your family and friends – this type of behaviour is also domestic abuse, but many people, including society, don’t treat it as such.
Gavin first treats Grace as if she is unintelligent. before moving on to controlling who she is allowed to be alone around, to forcing her to give up on her dreams, and finally, attempting to cut her friends out of her life – thankfully, Grace has the best friends in the history of the world who do not allow this to happen. Grace’s best friends, Natalie and Alyssa, are the novel’s most wonderful characters – they love Grace with all their hearts, and are always there for her, even when Gavin tries to isolate her. As true friends, they pick up on Gavin’s controlling behaviour long before Grace does, and try to warn her of this. Honestly, this novel has some of the best examples of female friendship I have read in years, and is a powerful reminder that us girls always need our bffs.
Grace is a very sympathetic character, and one I formed an emotional connection with almost immediately, even though there were times I grew incensed by her decisions (or lack thereof). Her mother has a severe mental illness, which is increased by her husband’s controlling behaviour, and Grace is viewed as her household’s slave: she is not allowed to hang out with her friends or go to parties until she has scrubbed the skirting boards, and she is constantly late to school and exams because her mother needs to lock the doors for the twelfth time in a row. There were many times I was angered on Grace’s behalf, and it is very easy to see how a girl who works as her family’s Cinderella, is swept off her feet by a sensitive, tortured soul/musician like Gavin.
There isn’t much else I can say, aside from, ‘Read this haunting novel and be prepared to cry your eyes out.’ I think Bad Romance is a novel many people should strive to read, particularly because of the messages the novel promotes (if you can handle such triggers). This novel is powerfully realistic and will open your eyes to the negative, harmful side of ‘unconditional’ romance.
dark
sad
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
No
Writing style was rough to get into at first, did show a good perspective of what it’s like to be in a certain position
- La narrativa es interesante: la historia está contada por la protagonista como si todo fuera una larga carta dirigida a Gavin.
- El tema que trata el libro me parece súper importante porque es necesario que se le de visibilidad. Creo que todo el mundo debería leerlo para aprender a identificar las señales de violencia y manipulación que al principio son imperceptibles. El romance es un amor enfermizo, obsesivo y posesivo. Gavin es un manipulador, un acosador, un controlador y un psicópata.
- Me desesperaba que Grace no pudiera ver las señales de lo tóxico que es Gavin pero la realidad es que, desgraciadamente, cuando alguien está en una relación abusiva le es muy difícil poder reconocerlo y salir de esa situación.
- Emocionalmente es un libro difícil de leer por toda la violencia que tiene que soportar Grace: violencia física, violencia psicológica, violencia emocional, violencia sexual. Te daña el corazón ver cómo sufre y cómo no puede salir de las situaciones abusivas por parte de Gavin o su familia.
- Pero entre tanto sufrimiento quiero destacar a las mejores amigas de Grace, que nunca la dejaron sola y que fueron el pilar fundamental para que ella pudiera finalmente dejar esa relación. En estas situaciones, contar con una red de apoyo es fundamental.
- Lo único que no me terminó de convencer es que los diálogos a veces son demasiado simples y tampoco me gustó que al comienzo hubiera una romantización del suicidio cuando es un hecho que jamás tendría que verse de esa manera.
⭐️ 4
YA is full of books about first love. The stories are often sweet, charming, romantic. The good guy is obviously good. The bad guy is obviously bad (he cheats, he lies, he harms). Unfortunately, that isn't always true in real life.
Bad Romance is about the times when the red flags are either well-hidden or easy to dismiss by the admirer. It's about the subtle forms of abuse that people experience in toxic relationships. It's about how it's not that easy to leave this kind of situation, especially when you're in love.
Abuse comes in all forms. Yes, there's the physical. But there's also emotional abuse, which seems so much more common. It's possessive and demanding and expects you to bend (often until you break) to its whim.
Heather Demetrios did an excellent job with this topic (probably because it is inspired by her own personal experience). It is written in second person past tense, meaning that Grace always refers to Gavin as "you" and asks him questions directly. It does the story justice, because we are hearing Grace explain why this needs to end. It's all of the things she wants to say but feels she can't. Grace is an imaginative girl, living in a future where she will be away from her terrible stepfather and mentally ill mother. She daydreams of a life in France, she immerses herself in music and theater, and she has big goals. We watch that slowly fade away, and it was done so realistically and subtly. I found myself feeling distant from Grace, but that's because she was distant from herself. Such a smart way to approach this.
Hindsight is 20/20 and most people who have experienced toxic relationships will wish that it never happened. This book, instead, shows what it's like to attempt to come out of it on the other side. We can't fix the past, but we can learn from it and create a better present and future.
Bad Romance is about the times when the red flags are either well-hidden or easy to dismiss by the admirer. It's about the subtle forms of abuse that people experience in toxic relationships. It's about how it's not that easy to leave this kind of situation, especially when you're in love.
Abuse comes in all forms. Yes, there's the physical. But there's also emotional abuse, which seems so much more common. It's possessive and demanding and expects you to bend (often until you break) to its whim.
Heather Demetrios did an excellent job with this topic (probably because it is inspired by her own personal experience). It is written in second person past tense, meaning that Grace always refers to Gavin as "you" and asks him questions directly. It does the story justice, because we are hearing Grace explain why this needs to end. It's all of the things she wants to say but feels she can't. Grace is an imaginative girl, living in a future where she will be away from her terrible stepfather and mentally ill mother. She daydreams of a life in France, she immerses herself in music and theater, and she has big goals. We watch that slowly fade away, and it was done so realistically and subtly. I found myself feeling distant from Grace, but that's because she was distant from herself. Such a smart way to approach this.
Hindsight is 20/20 and most people who have experienced toxic relationships will wish that it never happened. This book, instead, shows what it's like to attempt to come out of it on the other side. We can't fix the past, but we can learn from it and create a better present and future.
Bad Romance is genuine and accurate in its portrayal of vulnerability and abuse. It transported me to my toxic past. It reminded me of all the mind games, possessiveness, hopelessness, paranoia, and fear. It reminded me of the time when I lost myself. It is a painful read but a relevant one. Most abusers are charming manipulators. They can be very hard to spot at first, but not impossible. Abusers will always be littered with red flags and Bad Romance has done an amazing job of listing and portraying those red flags.
Original review: Wow.
Edited: 7/17/18
I think it's time for me to write an expanded review of this book. And in the future I may write an even more expanded review because I have a lot of thoughts on this subject and I don't feel comfortable sharing them all just yet.
Let me start by saying this: If there is one thing I won't take in a relationship (romantic, platonic, or otherwise) it's manipulation. But only because I've let myself be manipulated and it's awful. Especially when it escalates to the point of threatening suicide to make you stay. You feel like you have to choose between your life and theirs, and because you aren't on the edge that way you feel like you have to choose them or it will be your fault.
But, ultimately, you are not responsible for another person's mental health.
It's possible that this book will only resonate with people who have some experience with this type of manipulation. If you haven't, it's easy to wonder why Grace doesn't just leave the second Gavin crosses a line, or why she even gets involved with him in the first place, given that he threatened suicide when his last girlfriend broke up with him.
But it's not easy to leave. First of all, Gavin built up a foundation of good experiences with Grace, so that when things started to go poorly she would keep hoping that things would go back to the way they were "supposed" to be. This is how manipulative people work. They get their claws in you. They make you feel like you have loyalty or obligation to them, because of the times they were there for you, so that when the pretense drops you can't just leave. They do a few big good things, and then a million tiny bad things, so that if you try to explain to them what the problem is, they can tell you that you're overreacting. Even though for you it has built up into something big (a lack of respect, a lack of trust, a lack of individuality), if you try to tell them what's wrong it comes out as a list of things that sound small and petty, which they can easily dismiss.
It's also not easy to 'just not get involved in the first place.' What was Grace supposed to do, not get involved with him because he might be emotionally abusive? She's a teenager. She had never experienced something like this before. Yes, she saw him threaten suicide over his last breakup (and after dating him, she would know how much of a red flag that is) but he targeted her because she was naive and vulnerable. She was naive enough to think she could fix him (I know what that feels like. It's really really difficult to let go of the idea of fixing someone). She was naive enough to think that he threatened suicide because of his girlfriend rather than because of himself. She was vulnerable because of her home life, she was looking for someone to make her feel valuable and needed and appreciated.
Gavin certainly made her feel needed. And that was how he reeled her in.
The part that hurt the most for me was how he tried to isolate her. He didn't like her friends, he didn't want her spending so much time with them, especially when he started to get the sense that they didn't like him. To have someone discourage you from having other friends because they're jealous, because they want to be everything you need (which is not healthy by the way, they do this so they can control you, so that you will become codependent and have nowhere else to turn when they finally start behaving however they want instead of taking your feelings into account) is not something that someone who really truly cares about you (and I mean cares about you, as in, you as a person, not you as a possession) would do. I am so glad that Grace had friends that helped open her eyes to what was happening, because that's what it takes to get out.
I know there are a lot of people who don't get out of situations like this, but I think it's important to tell an ultimately hopeful story, especially in a YA book. It is possible. It's hard. It's really really hard. It will hurt a lot. You will doubt yourself. But it's possible.
I think Bad Romance is an incredibly important story to tell. I think it was well told and realistic, with just the right amount of hope. It feels very genuine, I can tell that Heather Demetrios was writing it straight from her heart.
Just a brief note on the narrative style. This book is written in second person (basically like a letter from Grace to Gavin), and for some people that will be a huge deal breaker. Normally, it would be for me too. But it didn't feel like a gimmick here, it felt like an integral part of the story. I'm not going to seek out other books in second person, but it was an important tool here.
Edited: 7/17/18
I think it's time for me to write an expanded review of this book. And in the future I may write an even more expanded review because I have a lot of thoughts on this subject and I don't feel comfortable sharing them all just yet.
Let me start by saying this: If there is one thing I won't take in a relationship (romantic, platonic, or otherwise) it's manipulation. But only because I've let myself be manipulated and it's awful. Especially when it escalates to the point of threatening suicide to make you stay. You feel like you have to choose between your life and theirs, and because you aren't on the edge that way you feel like you have to choose them or it will be your fault.
But, ultimately, you are not responsible for another person's mental health.
It's possible that this book will only resonate with people who have some experience with this type of manipulation. If you haven't, it's easy to wonder why Grace doesn't just leave the second Gavin crosses a line, or why she even gets involved with him in the first place, given that he threatened suicide when his last girlfriend broke up with him.
But it's not easy to leave. First of all, Gavin built up a foundation of good experiences with Grace, so that when things started to go poorly she would keep hoping that things would go back to the way they were "supposed" to be. This is how manipulative people work. They get their claws in you. They make you feel like you have loyalty or obligation to them, because of the times they were there for you, so that when the pretense drops you can't just leave. They do a few big good things, and then a million tiny bad things, so that if you try to explain to them what the problem is, they can tell you that you're overreacting. Even though for you it has built up into something big (a lack of respect, a lack of trust, a lack of individuality), if you try to tell them what's wrong it comes out as a list of things that sound small and petty, which they can easily dismiss.
It's also not easy to 'just not get involved in the first place.' What was Grace supposed to do, not get involved with him because he might be emotionally abusive? She's a teenager. She had never experienced something like this before. Yes, she saw him threaten suicide over his last breakup (and after dating him, she would know how much of a red flag that is) but he targeted her because she was naive and vulnerable. She was naive enough to think she could fix him (I know what that feels like. It's really really difficult to let go of the idea of fixing someone). She was naive enough to think that he threatened suicide because of his girlfriend rather than because of himself. She was vulnerable because of her home life, she was looking for someone to make her feel valuable and needed and appreciated.
Gavin certainly made her feel needed. And that was how he reeled her in.
The part that hurt the most for me was how he tried to isolate her. He didn't like her friends, he didn't want her spending so much time with them, especially when he started to get the sense that they didn't like him. To have someone discourage you from having other friends because they're jealous, because they want to be everything you need (which is not healthy by the way, they do this so they can control you, so that you will become codependent and have nowhere else to turn when they finally start behaving however they want instead of taking your feelings into account) is not something that someone who really truly cares about you (and I mean cares about you, as in, you as a person, not you as a possession) would do. I am so glad that Grace had friends that helped open her eyes to what was happening, because that's what it takes to get out.
I know there are a lot of people who don't get out of situations like this, but I think it's important to tell an ultimately hopeful story, especially in a YA book. It is possible. It's hard. It's really really hard. It will hurt a lot. You will doubt yourself. But it's possible.
I think Bad Romance is an incredibly important story to tell. I think it was well told and realistic, with just the right amount of hope. It feels very genuine, I can tell that Heather Demetrios was writing it straight from her heart.
Just a brief note on the narrative style. This book is written in second person (basically like a letter from Grace to Gavin), and for some people that will be a huge deal breaker. Normally, it would be for me too. But it didn't feel like a gimmick here, it felt like an integral part of the story. I'm not going to seek out other books in second person, but it was an important tool here.
this was so so so so good. i literally did not want to stop reading it at all, but yk with school and everything i couldn’t just read.
i was so proud of grace at the end of the book, it was amazing to see her progress and everything throughout the book. and i also tried to see gavin’s point of view which was hard, but i do hope he got help just because i felt bad for him in a way.
it was an amazing read and i will be recommending it to everyone i know.
i was so proud of grace at the end of the book, it was amazing to see her progress and everything throughout the book. and i also tried to see gavin’s point of view which was hard, but i do hope he got help just because i felt bad for him in a way.
it was an amazing read and i will be recommending it to everyone i know.
Such an insightful and thought provoking book. Anyone’s who’s ever felt like they might be/were in an abusive relationship, needs to read this book. It shows not only that it’s possible to get out of such a toxic relationship, (no matter how impossible it may seem in the moment) but also that’s it’s possible to find happiness again.
Side note: the best friends in this were so great! They were supportive and helpful, continuously reminding the main character they were there for her. They encouraged her to get out of her toxic relationship without ever pushing her to do something she was uncomfortable with.
If you think you are in an [emotionally] abusive relationship, read this book. If you see yourself in the main character and/or see your significant other in the book’s love interest, please please get out of the relationship. Or at the very least, talk to someone you trust about what is going on and let them help you.
Side note: the best friends in this were so great! They were supportive and helpful, continuously reminding the main character they were there for her. They encouraged her to get out of her toxic relationship without ever pushing her to do something she was uncomfortable with.
If you think you are in an [emotionally] abusive relationship, read this book. If you see yourself in the main character and/or see your significant other in the book’s love interest, please please get out of the relationship. Or at the very least, talk to someone you trust about what is going on and let them help you.
It was an intense book! It was an emotional ride like a roller coaster threatening to throw me off if I don't hold tight. It was a vividly written by the author how Grace got herself into a toxic relationship.
That’s how the worst year of my life starts—in a Mustang with steamed-up windows, with a beautiful boy who cries.
When I read Emily May's review and the first chapter of the book already described Gavin as a monster and will destroy her. I thought I wouldn't be surprised since I know I won't feel attached to his character, but boy was I wrong. He was beautifully written. Between his creepiness and his psychotic tendencies he was just a lost boy that is confused about himself. It was clear that there's something wrong with him, clinically wrong with.
I understand why Grace fell in love with him. I, was too, hopeful he will be okay in the end. It was good to have best friends that will get you over him, help you get yourself back. This book I somehow can relate not because I experienced to be in a toxic, abusive and emotional distress. I know someone and I have loved ones that is in this situation and I can't seem to help them, but I hope if they read this they will have an epiphany and realize that they DESERVE BETTER. That they deserve to be treated with respect, tenderness and love.
Choose you. Choose yourself. You can do this, I know you can.
That’s how the worst year of my life starts—in a Mustang with steamed-up windows, with a beautiful boy who cries.
When I read Emily May's review and the first chapter of the book already described Gavin as a monster and will destroy her. I thought I wouldn't be surprised since I know I won't feel attached to his character, but boy was I wrong. He was beautifully written. Between his creepiness and his psychotic tendencies he was just a lost boy that is confused about himself. It was clear that there's something wrong with him, clinically wrong with.
I understand why Grace fell in love with him. I, was too, hopeful he will be okay in the end. It was good to have best friends that will get you over him, help you get yourself back. This book I somehow can relate not because I experienced to be in a toxic, abusive and emotional distress. I know someone and I have loved ones that is in this situation and I can't seem to help them, but I hope if they read this they will have an epiphany and realize that they DESERVE BETTER. That they deserve to be treated with respect, tenderness and love.
Choose you. Choose yourself. You can do this, I know you can.