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39 reviews for:
Boundaries: Where You End And I Begin: How To Recognize And Set Healthy Boundaries
Anne Katherine
3.66 AVERAGE
39 reviews for:
Boundaries: Where You End And I Begin: How To Recognize And Set Healthy Boundaries
Anne Katherine
3.66 AVERAGE
challenging
informative
fast-paced
challenging
informative
slow-paced
Read this book at the recommendation of my therapist to help me further understand boundaries. It was good, some parts were outdated but overall a good, basic book about boundaries
I listened to the audible audiobook and struggled to pay attention because the book is super outdated and swirling and disorganized in it’s presentation of information. The exercises are mostly silly, the text is very old school and hetero, and all of the information can mostly be found in newer, better books on boundaries. My first introduction to the concept of true intimacy was through Pia Melody’s work. That said, the text had good anecdotes, and even in it’s disorganized way of presenting the information, there were a lot of good reminders of different types of boundaries. I appreciated the focus on childhood trauma, the feminism, and the warm, grandmotherly voice of the reader. It was esspecially affirming in setting boundaries with parents and respecting the autonomy of children, as well as shedding light on domestic emotional abuse and the dangers of marrying with infatuation rather than true knowing. Stay true to yourself and don’t be afraid to express your true opinions and boundaries, no matter the situation! That was the validating takeaway.
Interesting book about the lack of boundaries in dysfunctional families and the effects in adulthood.
My therapist gave me this book to read. I understood the big message - boundaries are important and healthy. However, it was hard to apply some of the more specific messages to my life because all of the examples seemed SO extreme. Abuse, alcoholism, incest - these are things that I have no real experience with. I wish that the author had included a few "tamer" examples. This topic is something that almost everyone could use some help with and I learned a lot of good techniques and exercises to help me with boundaries in my relationships.
I thought it was spot on and very helpful. I actually cried at times. I haven't cried like that since Albus Dumbledore was killed by Severus Snape in the Potter series. (No judgement)
challenging
informative
reflective
medium-paced
Trigger Warnings: Incest, pedophilia, child abuse, child sexual abuse, spousal abuse, fatphobia
This book is actually pretty terrible.
I picked it up because I was hoping for a good alternative to Cloud and Townsend's famous book on boundaries, which was so aggressively Christian that I couldn't get past the introduction. I had hoped it would do what it says it would: Explain what healthy boundaries are, how to recognize if your boundaries are being violated, and how to protect yourself.
I read this entire book and I'm still not sure how to set a boundary, let alone what a boundary actually is. But I can tell you when a boundary is being grossly violated, because 75% of this book is extended examples of boundary violations - which include many uncomfortable and unnecessarily-descriptive stories of incest and child sexual abuse. Anne constantly harps on the fact that boundary violations are bad, childhood trauma is bad, and you should probably go to therapy, but as for teaching me how to set or enforce one ... I think there was a paragraph under that heading in the book? Maybe?
But in order to avoid boundary violations, here are some people Anne says you should not be friends with:
- Anyone who does anything for you (one example she gives is that you should never hire your lawyer friend to write your will because they are a friend and it will result in boundary violations)
- Leaders at your church - pastors, you should not be friends with any of your congregants
- Anyone you look up to
- People in authority over you, like bosses and landlords (although to be fair, I agree with this one - though more for relationship reasons than "boundary violation" reasons)
What boundaries that violates, though, I'm not sure, because she never actually explained what boundaries are in the first place, let alone what boundaries being friends with someone you look up to violates.
I think the general point Anne is trying to make is that everyone needs to go to therapy. Which, I think therapy can be a very good thing. But I wanted a book that explained boundaries - what they are, how to set them, how to enforce them, how to adjust them, how to notice when they are being violated - and not a 150-page description of various traumas and an ad for therapy.
This book is actually pretty terrible.
I picked it up because I was hoping for a good alternative to Cloud and Townsend's famous book on boundaries, which was so aggressively Christian that I couldn't get past the introduction. I had hoped it would do what it says it would: Explain what healthy boundaries are, how to recognize if your boundaries are being violated, and how to protect yourself.
I read this entire book and I'm still not sure how to set a boundary, let alone what a boundary actually is. But I can tell you when a boundary is being grossly violated, because 75% of this book is extended examples of boundary violations - which include many uncomfortable and unnecessarily-descriptive stories of incest and child sexual abuse. Anne constantly harps on the fact that boundary violations are bad, childhood trauma is bad, and you should probably go to therapy, but as for teaching me how to set or enforce one ... I think there was a paragraph under that heading in the book? Maybe?
But in order to avoid boundary violations, here are some people Anne says you should not be friends with:
- Anyone who does anything for you (one example she gives is that you should never hire your lawyer friend to write your will because they are a friend and it will result in boundary violations)
- Leaders at your church - pastors, you should not be friends with any of your congregants
- Anyone you look up to
- People in authority over you, like bosses and landlords (although to be fair, I agree with this one - though more for relationship reasons than "boundary violation" reasons)
What boundaries that violates, though, I'm not sure, because she never actually explained what boundaries are in the first place, let alone what boundaries being friends with someone you look up to violates.
I think the general point Anne is trying to make is that everyone needs to go to therapy. Which, I think therapy can be a very good thing. But I wanted a book that explained boundaries - what they are, how to set them, how to enforce them, how to adjust them, how to notice when they are being violated - and not a 150-page description of various traumas and an ad for therapy.