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3.92 AVERAGE
3.92 AVERAGE
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
informative
I won't get too involved in my review of this book. This is another that my wife and I listened to together.
Pros: Its helpful. It works. Both my wife and I appreciate the tips and suggestions mentioned.
Cons: The word cunnlingus is mentioned ad nauseum with no change up of expression. Some the jokes/puns are cringy.
Pros: Its helpful. It works. Both my wife and I appreciate the tips and suggestions mentioned.
Cons: The word cunnlingus is mentioned ad nauseum with no change up of expression. Some the jokes/puns are cringy.
adventurous
informative
lighthearted
fast-paced
I gave this a re-read now, now that it’s been around nine years since I listened to the audiobook. I remember the content surprisingly well, supposedly because it did leave an imprint on me, and I felt convinced about the superiority of this stuff...
The mindset, and some of the techniques, have always been in the back of my head since reading the book. What made me commit this to my memory for so long was probably how it promised that women are willing to do your laundry if you do this right.
And fast toward today ... while the 'laundry question' is an endless debate, I’m grateful for having read the book, because well, even though it probably doesn't give me enough leverage to permanently solve the laundry once and for all, the feedback I get on oral sex is so overwhelmingly positive to the degree it outshines my manhood and questions my masculinity. Well, uh, thanks ladies… So now I consider it keeping it as a secret weapon until the relationship is in trouble and I need to buy myself some time… and perhaps some clean clothes.
Now, okay, the author is a sexologist of some sort, but really, his education is irrelevant, apart from spitting out generic sex facts that 'sexperts' these days can’t seem to hold on to themselves, regardless of what the topic at hand is.
The author struggled with premature ejaculation, and he speculated it was some sort of evolutionary reason to come fast, or perhaps due to his masturbation habits in the past, so he resorted pretty quickly to alternative ways of pleasing his woman and then he became a specialist in eating pussy.
I suppose he can be portrayed as going through a Hero’s journey of some sort, in the beginning, he had a deficiency ... but had a calling ... so he went down into the underworld, drank the elixir of life, and now has returned to the normal world to spread the gospel, with the elixir still dripping from his face, and redeem his society: the secret sorcery on how to make women do your laundry. Well, there’s one missing piece from the Hero’s journey, namely the true reconciliation between the known and the unknown, because never really addressed the initial shortcomings, nor tried to unify them with what he had learned.
And that was the most disappointing thing, Kerner still insists on the superiority of pussy eating, in contrast to intercourse, without reconciling them, without dealing with his premature ejaculation.
So, how can I truly take his opinion seriously, unless he has mastered both, or at the very least, is not predisposed to be incompetent at the alternative? So you have to take everything with a grain of salt... because of course, he’s going to have a bias against intercourse if he’s only had bad experiences with it.
According to some statistics he cites, the typical male lasts around 2-3 minutes, and the statistics show just how few women orgasm during intercourse. Kerner, understandably, therefore, has a pretty bleak perception of what intercourse is, and eating pussy seems better in so many regards.
The moral of the story here is that if you’re struggling with something, just give up and find an alternative. This is not always a bad idea, having certain handicaps forces you to think differently, and then you can master the skill in ways you never would have otherwise, and thus you become a true gift to society. But this isn’t exactly that, because the author here fell in love with the solution to the handicap, without really taking the essence of what he learned and bringing it all together.
By the way, premature ejaculation can be solved in many ways, and I think the best way is to do bodywork. One way to look at ejaculation is that your organism cannot contain sexual excitement anymore, because there is a limited amount of "life" your body can contain. Learning bioenergetics and yogic breathing can help with this. Additionally, if you learn how to increase your physical vitality, by lifting weights, eating raw moss-fed elk liver, etc. you can increase your testosterone which makes premature ejaculation irrelevant, as you’ll be ready to go again in a few minutes anyway. Additionally, you might have some pelvic floor issues. So just do yoga and lift weights, eat healthy, you can't go wrong with that.
See, my problem is that Kerner doesn't give a realistic perspective of sex. His limited experience and "research" are disconnected from the real world.
I am puzzled about how to voice my main problem with the book without sounding like a, uh, dick. I suppose one way to start is to point out how easy it is to make a fool of ourselves when discussing sex in public, like when Ben Shapiro criticized in the music video “Wet ass pussy” by saying that women’s women pussy don’t get that wet, “my wife’s pussy don’t get that wet”.
The book was missing the crucial point ... namely that the psychological aspect of sex is more important than the physical. When women fantasize about sex, they’re not thinking about how great it will be when he fingers her, or when his tongue lightly touches her clitoris like a smooth, delicate butterfly.
He writes “If you ask women, they will admit that what makes them the hottest and come hardest is when a man can use his tongue well.” But then again, what do they fantasize about? What do they insist upon with the type of male she fantasizes about? The book refers to some psychological aspects of sex, which is great, and I’ll discuss later, but regardless, he shows an inability to tie it together in any meaningful way.
Kerner flapped his lips about the physical superiority of directly stimulating the clitoris, and that how intercourse is just an inferior way of doing it, as he reasons, the G-spot, is just the back-side of the clitoris. The limits of this reductionism are obvious, as women’s real preferences for what should make up the bulk of the sex is not congruent with this book. Don’t get me wrong, women love oral sex, and contrary to my joke earlier, it has a solid place in a relationship, but it's utterly unrealistic to say that women would like this to be the majority of what constitutes sex.
At one point, Kerner claims to be not “anti-intercourse,” but it’s pretty clear he is.
First, I find it curious how the subtitle is “A thinking man’s guide to pleasuring a woman.”
In the subtitle of a book, every word is deliberate, so why exactly is “Thinking man guide” in opposition to just “A man’s guide?” There seems to be an implication here that this book is for men who think, but since, of course, all men think, the subtitle seems to imply that the target audience is men who think more than others. Now, what kind of man thinks more than others? I believe the man who is in mind here, is the man who thinks he’s different from those basic immature loud Neanderthals who swing their stupid wieners left and right cumming senselessly, but instead that sensitive soul, that intellectual poet, that true gentleman, who truly cares and respects women.
Further, he writes that cunnilingus is the most intimate, respectful, and rewarding act a man can engage in. That makes me wonder why Kerner thinks cunnilingus is more respectful than intercourse. I mean, is it more disrespectful to penetrate her? Being on top of her? If so, why? And what about dirty talk? How do you establish a hierarchy of respect in terms of ways of making love?
I think this is what pains me the most, a best-selling sex-author who has no real grasp of eroticism…
There seems to be a weird anti-penis movement, which I experienced first-hand when a woke German I shared a room in the Amazon jungle shunned me as a bigot for preferably using my penis in sex. We see this echoed in the book, where the author quotes someone who by all appearances agrees with this: “Better if men simply left their penis alone, stopped attending to those immature nerve fibers, and concentrated instead of learning how to orgasm through their tongues.”
It would be pretty cool to orgasm through my tongue, and also my fingers, and my ears, and why the hell not, let’s learn how to orgasm through my elbows while we're coming everywhere, but in the meantime, the combination with alluding to the penis as being “immature” and that oral sex is more “respectful” it’s clear to me that the author has decided to demonize that which he has himself failed to develop a competency for.
Closing up on the “Guide for the thinking man” you could interpret it as making the target audience those who are interested in literature, as Kerner, throughout the book, draws parallels between eating pussy and quotes from the writing guide Element of Style, which seems fine with me.
But this notion of making cunnilingus appeal to the intellect seems contrived when he quotes ancient philosophers, he even goes as far as to recommend committing some Shakespeare lines to memory and thinking about them while eating her out (pussy eating has never been so intellectually cultivating!), and he compares the movement for more pussy eating as the communist revolution in his chapter “The Cunninglinguist Manifesto,” where associates the wisdom of Karl Marx with pussy eating and writes “Take one small lick for man, one giant lick for womankind. Cunnilinguists of the world unite. The revolution is upon us. Viva la vulva!”
Well, that escalated quickly. What's next? Cocks to the gulag?
It’s interesting to contemplate whether I’d prefer to learn from a man who is a fanatic about something or someone who can put it into perspective and has balance. I don’t think Kerner does much damage by his closed perspective, considering how easily reality reveals itself regardless. I suppose fanatics, specialists, that is, can be used for getting good at that particular thing, so long as you don’t buy into their close-mindedness. So, with that in mind, I do think this is a great guide on pussy eating. And I’m glad I got exposed to it as early as I did because had I read it now, I would not be able to stomach the “revenge of the nerds” vibe, and probably would have dismissed cunnilingus as a beta male activity, or a form of warm-up routine at best.
The book provides a lot of great practical information, here I will try to distill what I found most valuable.
Cunninglingus can be split up as follows:
Foreplay, teasing, touching, kissing the body, breathing
Transition to cunnilingus, “the first clitoral kiss”
Establishing rhythm and acclimating the clitoris
Building tension, focusing more on the clitoris, and some fingering
Continuing escalating, stimulating the G-spot and the clitoral head
Preorgasm. Maintaining an optimal balance of rhythm and pressure
Orgasm
I get the impression that what most guys do wrong is that they’re too aggressive, as aggressiveness is often associated with erotic. Here, you want to be delicate. The book recommends a minimum 10-15 minutes before you give her the first kiss. The key is to tease her, taunt her, make her think she’s finally going to get it, but then kiss her on the side of it instead, make her think she’s never going to get it, and when she’s at the brink of madness, give it to her. Her entire body is an erogenous zone, so you can touch her, and kiss her… and it won’t be boring, although a quarter of an hour sounds a lot, given that there’s suspense, unpredictability, and variety.
Think breast stimulation, french kisses down the body, kisses on the inside of the hips, on the insides of the thighs, breathing hotly on her vulva, blowing lightly on it, this should go on for roughly 10 - 20 minutes.
Verbal reassurance is important, and essentially, there are three things you want to come across so that she can be more relaxed and have a better experience:
You enjoy this as much as she does. You like going down on her.
There’s no rush, she has all the time in the world. You want to savor every moment.
You like her scent and her taste
An example of something you can say is “You taste delicious, this is so delicious, could eat you all night long, I’m going to eat you all night long.”
If she doesn’t taste good, it might be sweaty, so you can either skip it or take a shower together. It might be a bacterial infection, or it could be that she’s promiscuous, which actually, I think, has some truth to it.
Make the transition from foreplay to eating her as an event, like a slow and tender ice-cream lick, which you have eagerly anticipated for a long time.
In the beginning, you should focus on the vagina, and gradually pay more attention to the clitoris as excitement builds.
In the beginning, go slow, and make every lick fully resonate before you go for it again. For the first couple of minutes, you can do a five-second slow lick, five seconds resting the tongue on the vulva, for a couple of minutes.
It’s pretty funny how I imagined a “routine” for establishing rhythm and building tension that was based on a misinterpretation of one of the book. But it doesn’t matter, it’s based on the same principles, namely that there should be a good mix between rhythm and repetition and unpredictability and variety - think music… One I’ve used throughout these years, again, based on a memory failure, was doing 3 licks, hot breath, 3 licks, hot breath, 3 licks, hot breath, then ramping up to 6 licks, eventually 9, and 12, and then until I run out of breath, and then either do it all over again or do a sort of pyramid. I was surprised not to find it in the book, as I was certain I got it from that. Anyway, if it ain’t fixed, don’t break it. And as a side note, I suspect the system and the counting, etc, helps with the focus, and immersion, and makes you more mentally durable.
More tips! Keep your left hand supporting her ass, clenching the two, uh, sides together. I have religiously done this so far, although I am not entirely certain why he insists on it. But hey, if it ain’t broke… plus, if the hand on a butt is redundant, it’s not exactly a great sacrifice. The right hand can be used to finger her while you’re eating her out. When she’s approaching orgasm you can stimulate the anus for greater potency with the hand that’s supporting her ass.
One tip I liked is that usually when she’s approaching orgasm we get excited and just ramp up, up up up the intensity.. But the author recommends slowing down in the pre-orgasm phase and teasing the orgasm out of her. Do this if you’re confident in your orgasm-making abilities, also, it actually makes for a better orgasm for her.
Women’s orgasms are sort of the opposite of that of men’s, if she’s already had an orgasm, she’s more likely to have a second one, and a third one, etc etc.
I recommend reading it - but don’t take the author seriously. I'll keep you all updated on the laundry situation.
The mindset, and some of the techniques, have always been in the back of my head since reading the book. What made me commit this to my memory for so long was probably how it promised that women are willing to do your laundry if you do this right.
And fast toward today ... while the 'laundry question' is an endless debate, I’m grateful for having read the book, because well, even though it probably doesn't give me enough leverage to permanently solve the laundry once and for all, the feedback I get on oral sex is so overwhelmingly positive to the degree it outshines my manhood and questions my masculinity. Well, uh, thanks ladies… So now I consider it keeping it as a secret weapon until the relationship is in trouble and I need to buy myself some time… and perhaps some clean clothes.
Now, okay, the author is a sexologist of some sort, but really, his education is irrelevant, apart from spitting out generic sex facts that 'sexperts' these days can’t seem to hold on to themselves, regardless of what the topic at hand is.
The author struggled with premature ejaculation, and he speculated it was some sort of evolutionary reason to come fast, or perhaps due to his masturbation habits in the past, so he resorted pretty quickly to alternative ways of pleasing his woman and then he became a specialist in eating pussy.
I suppose he can be portrayed as going through a Hero’s journey of some sort, in the beginning, he had a deficiency ... but had a calling ... so he went down into the underworld, drank the elixir of life, and now has returned to the normal world to spread the gospel, with the elixir still dripping from his face, and redeem his society: the secret sorcery on how to make women do your laundry. Well, there’s one missing piece from the Hero’s journey, namely the true reconciliation between the known and the unknown, because never really addressed the initial shortcomings, nor tried to unify them with what he had learned.
And that was the most disappointing thing, Kerner still insists on the superiority of pussy eating, in contrast to intercourse, without reconciling them, without dealing with his premature ejaculation.
So, how can I truly take his opinion seriously, unless he has mastered both, or at the very least, is not predisposed to be incompetent at the alternative? So you have to take everything with a grain of salt... because of course, he’s going to have a bias against intercourse if he’s only had bad experiences with it.
According to some statistics he cites, the typical male lasts around 2-3 minutes, and the statistics show just how few women orgasm during intercourse. Kerner, understandably, therefore, has a pretty bleak perception of what intercourse is, and eating pussy seems better in so many regards.
The moral of the story here is that if you’re struggling with something, just give up and find an alternative. This is not always a bad idea, having certain handicaps forces you to think differently, and then you can master the skill in ways you never would have otherwise, and thus you become a true gift to society. But this isn’t exactly that, because the author here fell in love with the solution to the handicap, without really taking the essence of what he learned and bringing it all together.
By the way, premature ejaculation can be solved in many ways, and I think the best way is to do bodywork. One way to look at ejaculation is that your organism cannot contain sexual excitement anymore, because there is a limited amount of "life" your body can contain. Learning bioenergetics and yogic breathing can help with this. Additionally, if you learn how to increase your physical vitality, by lifting weights, eating raw moss-fed elk liver, etc. you can increase your testosterone which makes premature ejaculation irrelevant, as you’ll be ready to go again in a few minutes anyway. Additionally, you might have some pelvic floor issues. So just do yoga and lift weights, eat healthy, you can't go wrong with that.
See, my problem is that Kerner doesn't give a realistic perspective of sex. His limited experience and "research" are disconnected from the real world.
I am puzzled about how to voice my main problem with the book without sounding like a, uh, dick. I suppose one way to start is to point out how easy it is to make a fool of ourselves when discussing sex in public, like when Ben Shapiro criticized in the music video “Wet ass pussy” by saying that women’s women pussy don’t get that wet, “my wife’s pussy don’t get that wet”.
The book was missing the crucial point ... namely that the psychological aspect of sex is more important than the physical. When women fantasize about sex, they’re not thinking about how great it will be when he fingers her, or when his tongue lightly touches her clitoris like a smooth, delicate butterfly.
He writes “If you ask women, they will admit that what makes them the hottest and come hardest is when a man can use his tongue well.” But then again, what do they fantasize about? What do they insist upon with the type of male she fantasizes about? The book refers to some psychological aspects of sex, which is great, and I’ll discuss later, but regardless, he shows an inability to tie it together in any meaningful way.
Kerner flapped his lips about the physical superiority of directly stimulating the clitoris, and that how intercourse is just an inferior way of doing it, as he reasons, the G-spot, is just the back-side of the clitoris. The limits of this reductionism are obvious, as women’s real preferences for what should make up the bulk of the sex is not congruent with this book. Don’t get me wrong, women love oral sex, and contrary to my joke earlier, it has a solid place in a relationship, but it's utterly unrealistic to say that women would like this to be the majority of what constitutes sex.
At one point, Kerner claims to be not “anti-intercourse,” but it’s pretty clear he is.
First, I find it curious how the subtitle is “A thinking man’s guide to pleasuring a woman.”
In the subtitle of a book, every word is deliberate, so why exactly is “Thinking man guide” in opposition to just “A man’s guide?” There seems to be an implication here that this book is for men who think, but since, of course, all men think, the subtitle seems to imply that the target audience is men who think more than others. Now, what kind of man thinks more than others? I believe the man who is in mind here, is the man who thinks he’s different from those basic immature loud Neanderthals who swing their stupid wieners left and right cumming senselessly, but instead that sensitive soul, that intellectual poet, that true gentleman, who truly cares and respects women.
Further, he writes that cunnilingus is the most intimate, respectful, and rewarding act a man can engage in. That makes me wonder why Kerner thinks cunnilingus is more respectful than intercourse. I mean, is it more disrespectful to penetrate her? Being on top of her? If so, why? And what about dirty talk? How do you establish a hierarchy of respect in terms of ways of making love?
I think this is what pains me the most, a best-selling sex-author who has no real grasp of eroticism…
There seems to be a weird anti-penis movement, which I experienced first-hand when a woke German I shared a room in the Amazon jungle shunned me as a bigot for preferably using my penis in sex. We see this echoed in the book, where the author quotes someone who by all appearances agrees with this: “Better if men simply left their penis alone, stopped attending to those immature nerve fibers, and concentrated instead of learning how to orgasm through their tongues.”
It would be pretty cool to orgasm through my tongue, and also my fingers, and my ears, and why the hell not, let’s learn how to orgasm through my elbows while we're coming everywhere, but in the meantime, the combination with alluding to the penis as being “immature” and that oral sex is more “respectful” it’s clear to me that the author has decided to demonize that which he has himself failed to develop a competency for.
Closing up on the “Guide for the thinking man” you could interpret it as making the target audience those who are interested in literature, as Kerner, throughout the book, draws parallels between eating pussy and quotes from the writing guide Element of Style, which seems fine with me.
But this notion of making cunnilingus appeal to the intellect seems contrived when he quotes ancient philosophers, he even goes as far as to recommend committing some Shakespeare lines to memory and thinking about them while eating her out (pussy eating has never been so intellectually cultivating!), and he compares the movement for more pussy eating as the communist revolution in his chapter “The Cunninglinguist Manifesto,” where associates the wisdom of Karl Marx with pussy eating and writes “Take one small lick for man, one giant lick for womankind. Cunnilinguists of the world unite. The revolution is upon us. Viva la vulva!”
Well, that escalated quickly. What's next? Cocks to the gulag?
It’s interesting to contemplate whether I’d prefer to learn from a man who is a fanatic about something or someone who can put it into perspective and has balance. I don’t think Kerner does much damage by his closed perspective, considering how easily reality reveals itself regardless. I suppose fanatics, specialists, that is, can be used for getting good at that particular thing, so long as you don’t buy into their close-mindedness. So, with that in mind, I do think this is a great guide on pussy eating. And I’m glad I got exposed to it as early as I did because had I read it now, I would not be able to stomach the “revenge of the nerds” vibe, and probably would have dismissed cunnilingus as a beta male activity, or a form of warm-up routine at best.
The book provides a lot of great practical information, here I will try to distill what I found most valuable.
Cunninglingus can be split up as follows:
Foreplay, teasing, touching, kissing the body, breathing
Transition to cunnilingus, “the first clitoral kiss”
Establishing rhythm and acclimating the clitoris
Building tension, focusing more on the clitoris, and some fingering
Continuing escalating, stimulating the G-spot and the clitoral head
Preorgasm. Maintaining an optimal balance of rhythm and pressure
Orgasm
I get the impression that what most guys do wrong is that they’re too aggressive, as aggressiveness is often associated with erotic. Here, you want to be delicate. The book recommends a minimum 10-15 minutes before you give her the first kiss. The key is to tease her, taunt her, make her think she’s finally going to get it, but then kiss her on the side of it instead, make her think she’s never going to get it, and when she’s at the brink of madness, give it to her. Her entire body is an erogenous zone, so you can touch her, and kiss her… and it won’t be boring, although a quarter of an hour sounds a lot, given that there’s suspense, unpredictability, and variety.
Think breast stimulation, french kisses down the body, kisses on the inside of the hips, on the insides of the thighs, breathing hotly on her vulva, blowing lightly on it, this should go on for roughly 10 - 20 minutes.
Verbal reassurance is important, and essentially, there are three things you want to come across so that she can be more relaxed and have a better experience:
You enjoy this as much as she does. You like going down on her.
There’s no rush, she has all the time in the world. You want to savor every moment.
You like her scent and her taste
An example of something you can say is “You taste delicious, this is so delicious, could eat you all night long, I’m going to eat you all night long.”
If she doesn’t taste good, it might be sweaty, so you can either skip it or take a shower together. It might be a bacterial infection, or it could be that she’s promiscuous, which actually, I think, has some truth to it.
Make the transition from foreplay to eating her as an event, like a slow and tender ice-cream lick, which you have eagerly anticipated for a long time.
In the beginning, you should focus on the vagina, and gradually pay more attention to the clitoris as excitement builds.
In the beginning, go slow, and make every lick fully resonate before you go for it again. For the first couple of minutes, you can do a five-second slow lick, five seconds resting the tongue on the vulva, for a couple of minutes.
It’s pretty funny how I imagined a “routine” for establishing rhythm and building tension that was based on a misinterpretation of one of the book. But it doesn’t matter, it’s based on the same principles, namely that there should be a good mix between rhythm and repetition and unpredictability and variety - think music… One I’ve used throughout these years, again, based on a memory failure, was doing 3 licks, hot breath, 3 licks, hot breath, 3 licks, hot breath, then ramping up to 6 licks, eventually 9, and 12, and then until I run out of breath, and then either do it all over again or do a sort of pyramid. I was surprised not to find it in the book, as I was certain I got it from that. Anyway, if it ain’t fixed, don’t break it. And as a side note, I suspect the system and the counting, etc, helps with the focus, and immersion, and makes you more mentally durable.
More tips! Keep your left hand supporting her ass, clenching the two, uh, sides together. I have religiously done this so far, although I am not entirely certain why he insists on it. But hey, if it ain’t broke… plus, if the hand on a butt is redundant, it’s not exactly a great sacrifice. The right hand can be used to finger her while you’re eating her out. When she’s approaching orgasm you can stimulate the anus for greater potency with the hand that’s supporting her ass.
One tip I liked is that usually when she’s approaching orgasm we get excited and just ramp up, up up up the intensity.. But the author recommends slowing down in the pre-orgasm phase and teasing the orgasm out of her. Do this if you’re confident in your orgasm-making abilities, also, it actually makes for a better orgasm for her.
Women’s orgasms are sort of the opposite of that of men’s, if she’s already had an orgasm, she’s more likely to have a second one, and a third one, etc etc.
I recommend reading it - but don’t take the author seriously. I'll keep you all updated on the laundry situation.
informative
slow-paced
Perhaps I'm underestimating the general male population, but the beginning had me wondering if any guy would stick with this book because of the dry delivery of statistics and anatomy. It kinda felt more like a classroom lecture than a fun, sex-positive book that men will actually want to read. It really needs some kind of spice to make the information a little more fun to digest. The rest of the book was actually very informative and a bit more fun. The descriptions were easy to understand and the routines outlined very thorough paths for men to follow. If they can slog through the first few chapters, they'll be making all their ladies cum like pros.