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purghy's review against another edition
4.0
It's an awesome book for anyone who loves (and understands) Basset-Hounds & Iron Maiden. And weird situations, of course, because there are lots of them!! :) Like the thing with Bruce Dickinson's (gentlemen's) poop... it is the strangest thing I've ever read! :)))) (I'm curious to know if he read it - I'm sure he would say: bloody hell!)
Oh, by the way, I wouldn't want to be a translator for this book. :D
Oh, by the way, I wouldn't want to be a translator for this book. :D
helpfulsnowman's review against another edition
3.0
Well, this project, begun in October 2020, has been completed!
Er, well, I finished one step in my 2020 project.
Ah, October 2020. What a terrible time that was. COVID was rampaging (although that's now totally over with the exception of a couple hundred dorks every day in this country alone. I mean, what's a couple hundred lives a day? Life isn't worth living unless I can sit inside an Applebee's), my partner had an infection IN HER SKULL, and Halloween was most certainly going to be destroyed by COVID.
On the plus, we got stimulus checks.
Remember that shit? Someone was like, "Bro, you're getting like a couple thousand dollars this year." And I thought it was a scam. I was pretty sure this was something cooked up by a "Nigerian Prince" to get my routing number or whatever.
Even when it turned out to be true, I didn't think there was money for ME. What did I need that for? Surely this was going to people who needed the money, who lost their jobs or something. Nope! Yours truly got a check.
That first check, I sent half to a charity (Off the Street Club in West Garfield Park, Chicago! Look them up!) and spent some on a new phone. I was rocking an iPhone 4, and, well, to say I was "rocking" it is a bit of an oversell. I could only make calls, send texts, and sometimes, kind of, get voicemails. And for some reason, the game Desert Golf still worked. I was overdue.
Desert Golf does NOT work on my new phone. By the way, Apple.
The other thing I spent money on was books. Books from some bookstores that I've really enjoyed in my travels, Powell's in Portland, OR and The Strand in NYC.
Both bookstores were got some backlash over the pandemic times, I think because their owners are rich and the people who work there are not rich. Is that the new standard? Everyone at the company gets the same pay? If that's the only kind of place where I can shop, I'll be dead within a week. And bored way before that.
I mean, I was genuinely afraid Amazon was going to kill the indie bookstore during the pandemic. I figured this was it. If indie bookstores couldn't open up, which they couldn't for a long time, they'd probably be dead and buried before long.
So I helped.
Not in a heroic way, let's not get crazy. It was "help" that was also to my benefit. Heroic help is me fixing my mom's printer. That does not benefit me at all.
What I did is search the oldest books on my to-read list and see if I could get them shipped to me. And wouldn't you know, Smashed, the first book on my list, was available!
I was going to plow through my to-read list, oldest books first, support an indie bookstore, beat the pandemic (in a spiritual sense, not in an actual sense, that shit is still rocking my world in the literal sense), and then...
Well, here I am, 2 years later, one book into my pandemic reads.
But goddammnit, I made it this far.
And that's the way to look at it: It took me a long time, but I'm still alive, still stepping in the right direction, and that's really all a person can ask for.
Okay, I just did the math on my Hoopla favorites from the library, and I figured that at the rate of 6 checkouts per month, it'll take me...like 4 and a half years to get through everything.
And yeah, okay, I made a spreadsheet with all the movies and TV shows I've got in my streaming queues. And there's like...4 lifetimes of stuff there.
There are the video games I never finished, movies I purchased, albums I've never listened to...
I think the best way for me to address this is to get fired from my job and just spend my life trying to get through all the STUFF.
Can someone get me fired? What do I have to say to get fired? Is cancel culture not real, have we decided that? Could it be real this one time?
Er, well, I finished one step in my 2020 project.
Ah, October 2020. What a terrible time that was. COVID was rampaging (although that's now totally over with the exception of a couple hundred dorks every day in this country alone. I mean, what's a couple hundred lives a day? Life isn't worth living unless I can sit inside an Applebee's), my partner had an infection IN HER SKULL, and Halloween was most certainly going to be destroyed by COVID.
On the plus, we got stimulus checks.
Remember that shit? Someone was like, "Bro, you're getting like a couple thousand dollars this year." And I thought it was a scam. I was pretty sure this was something cooked up by a "Nigerian Prince" to get my routing number or whatever.
Even when it turned out to be true, I didn't think there was money for ME. What did I need that for? Surely this was going to people who needed the money, who lost their jobs or something. Nope! Yours truly got a check.
That first check, I sent half to a charity (Off the Street Club in West Garfield Park, Chicago! Look them up!) and spent some on a new phone. I was rocking an iPhone 4, and, well, to say I was "rocking" it is a bit of an oversell. I could only make calls, send texts, and sometimes, kind of, get voicemails. And for some reason, the game Desert Golf still worked. I was overdue.
Desert Golf does NOT work on my new phone. By the way, Apple.
The other thing I spent money on was books. Books from some bookstores that I've really enjoyed in my travels, Powell's in Portland, OR and The Strand in NYC.
Both bookstores were got some backlash over the pandemic times, I think because their owners are rich and the people who work there are not rich. Is that the new standard? Everyone at the company gets the same pay? If that's the only kind of place where I can shop, I'll be dead within a week. And bored way before that.
I mean, I was genuinely afraid Amazon was going to kill the indie bookstore during the pandemic. I figured this was it. If indie bookstores couldn't open up, which they couldn't for a long time, they'd probably be dead and buried before long.
So I helped.
Not in a heroic way, let's not get crazy. It was "help" that was also to my benefit. Heroic help is me fixing my mom's printer. That does not benefit me at all.
What I did is search the oldest books on my to-read list and see if I could get them shipped to me. And wouldn't you know, Smashed, the first book on my list, was available!
I was going to plow through my to-read list, oldest books first, support an indie bookstore, beat the pandemic (in a spiritual sense, not in an actual sense, that shit is still rocking my world in the literal sense), and then...
Well, here I am, 2 years later, one book into my pandemic reads.
But goddammnit, I made it this far.
And that's the way to look at it: It took me a long time, but I'm still alive, still stepping in the right direction, and that's really all a person can ask for.
Okay, I just did the math on my Hoopla favorites from the library, and I figured that at the rate of 6 checkouts per month, it'll take me...like 4 and a half years to get through everything.
And yeah, okay, I made a spreadsheet with all the movies and TV shows I've got in my streaming queues. And there's like...4 lifetimes of stuff there.
There are the video games I never finished, movies I purchased, albums I've never listened to...
I think the best way for me to address this is to get fired from my job and just spend my life trying to get through all the STUFF.
Can someone get me fired? What do I have to say to get fired? Is cancel culture not real, have we decided that? Could it be real this one time?
gaderianne's review against another edition
3.0
I had hoped that I would love this book. It has so many good reviews! But....I didn't. The best part for me was the forward where I laughed and laughed and thought....oh this book is going to be good! And then I didn't laugh any more. I found some parts mildly amusing but otherwise this book just made me tired.
shane_tiernan's review against another edition
4.0
I wouldn't say that Mr (Rev?) Lance Carbuncle and I are soulmates or anything, but I believe we share certain twists in personality. Really other than his fascination with all things scatological and his not liking Ronnie James Dio in Black Sabbath (or was that just his character?) I think we would get along just fine.
This is the second book of his that I've read and I think I actually liked it better than [b:Grundish and Askew|6774979|Grundish and Askew|Lance Carbuncle|https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1347219135s/6774979.jpg|6975258] which was a more serious novel about scat (and maybe Ronnie James Dio too, I can't remember). This was just really freaking funny.
I wanted to call it "white trash noir" but it's not really that (maybe because that's not a thing? Is that a thing?) There's a bunch of metaphysical stuff going on so maybe "Trailer Supernatural"? I mean it's definitely in the "absurd", "gonzo" thing but I feel like it could be further categorized, maybe for no other reason than to create a category that Mr. Carbuncle can be made famous for.
So what I'm saying is read it, it's probably not like anything you've read before.
This is the second book of his that I've read and I think I actually liked it better than [b:Grundish and Askew|6774979|Grundish and Askew|Lance Carbuncle|https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1347219135s/6774979.jpg|6975258] which was a more serious novel about scat (and maybe Ronnie James Dio too, I can't remember). This was just really freaking funny.
I wanted to call it "white trash noir" but it's not really that (maybe because that's not a thing? Is that a thing?) There's a bunch of metaphysical stuff going on so maybe "Trailer Supernatural"? I mean it's definitely in the "absurd", "gonzo" thing but I feel like it could be further categorized, maybe for no other reason than to create a category that Mr. Carbuncle can be made famous for.
So what I'm saying is read it, it's probably not like anything you've read before.
phronk's review against another edition
4.0
Some truly laugh-out-loud moments and situations. They're connected by only the loosest plot, which never really goes anywhere, but the ride is enjoyable enough that it doesn't matter.
bundy23's review against another edition
3.0
Pure entertainment, the mostly juvenile humour can get a little tiring at times but it moves along so quickly that you get over it. Sadly it all gets a bit sentimental in the final 5th which kind of ruined the fun for me.
uncle_duke's review against another edition
5.0
After reading GRUNDISH + ASKEW, I had to get SMASHED (+ QUASHED, SPLATTERED, CHEWED, CHUNKED and SPEWED.) It is an absolutely terrific debut work from The Dr. Reverend Lance Carbuncle. His self-described "aburdist" literature (I presume that would be "Abs-Lit" in Book-Speak) threatens an unrelenting simultaneous assault on all sensibilities - humor, horror, entertainment, mystery, revulsion, amazement, comedy, tragedy, gastric + even the psychic. And, the good doctor definitely delivers in this autobiographical story of a road-trip that all can relate to instantly.
However, I do not think the "Abs-Lit" genre adequately describes the full spectrum of imagination + style within Carbuncle's speculative fiction (Spec-Fi?). There is a bit of weird romance, but it is not Chick-Lit - also the odd paranormal, but not really Sci-Fi - possibly an attempt at Porno, but really needs much more research - and, since the reader is actually sharing a slice of life, possibly non-fiction (is that Non-Fi?) might be the most accurate tag. Knowing quite well the territory travelled by the author on this literary highway, it provides an extremely familiar deja vu all over again feeling - created by a carefully intertwined mash-up of Gonzo, Animal House, Elmore Leonard + Carl Hiaasen-esque storytelling - along with a big dose of Jerry Springer reality. The explosive emerging talent of The Dr. Reverend leaves the reader totally awestruck and awaiting the next installment in the Chronicles of Carbuncle ...
However, I do not think the "Abs-Lit" genre adequately describes the full spectrum of imagination + style within Carbuncle's speculative fiction (Spec-Fi?). There is a bit of weird romance, but it is not Chick-Lit - also the odd paranormal, but not really Sci-Fi - possibly an attempt at Porno, but really needs much more research - and, since the reader is actually sharing a slice of life, possibly non-fiction (is that Non-Fi?) might be the most accurate tag. Knowing quite well the territory travelled by the author on this literary highway, it provides an extremely familiar deja vu all over again feeling - created by a carefully intertwined mash-up of Gonzo, Animal House, Elmore Leonard + Carl Hiaasen-esque storytelling - along with a big dose of Jerry Springer reality. The explosive emerging talent of The Dr. Reverend leaves the reader totally awestruck and awaiting the next installment in the Chronicles of Carbuncle ...
mrfrank's review against another edition
4.0
This is the first book published by unrecognizable author Lance Carbuncle. Some may call it a comedy, some may call it bizarro, some may call it a road trip novel. They would all be right and still be missing the mark. SMASHED, SQUASHED, SPLATTERED, etc. etc. is one thing for certain, it is fiction as only the good Reverend Dr. Lance Carbuncle can write it.
You get pulled through these pages by your emotions. Carbuncle is a master at tugging on the readers feelings. You may be led to believe this is the story of a man looking for his dog but you would be wrong. SMASHED, SQUASHED, SPLATTERED, etc. etc. is a book about soul searching. It's an exploration of what it means to have a soul, what a soul is and where souls can be found. Its even about what makes a soul good or bad.
Along the way is Lance Carbuncle's signature humor. Its bit dark and its a bit pop culturish. An enjoyable part of this story are the little footnotes that appear along the way to add a little extra flavor. It's uncanny the amount of offbeat knowledge Carbuncle possesses (or at the very least has bothered to research).
If you've never read Lance Carbuncle before this book is a great place to start. If you have read him before check this out too. Carbuncle is inimitable and if you enjoy the offbeat genre mashing soul twanging read then consider yourself inducted into the Lance Carbuncle club!
You get pulled through these pages by your emotions. Carbuncle is a master at tugging on the readers feelings. You may be led to believe this is the story of a man looking for his dog but you would be wrong. SMASHED, SQUASHED, SPLATTERED, etc. etc. is a book about soul searching. It's an exploration of what it means to have a soul, what a soul is and where souls can be found. Its even about what makes a soul good or bad.
Along the way is Lance Carbuncle's signature humor. Its bit dark and its a bit pop culturish. An enjoyable part of this story are the little footnotes that appear along the way to add a little extra flavor. It's uncanny the amount of offbeat knowledge Carbuncle possesses (or at the very least has bothered to research).
If you've never read Lance Carbuncle before this book is a great place to start. If you have read him before check this out too. Carbuncle is inimitable and if you enjoy the offbeat genre mashing soul twanging read then consider yourself inducted into the Lance Carbuncle club!
melanie_page's review against another edition
1.0
Woooow. Chapter two and the dude wishes he could freeze time so he could rape women. When he unfroze time, she would "come to with a warm feeling between her legs and a smile on her face."
Content Warnings
Moderate: Rape