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alisabressler's review
2.0
Not a bad memoir but wouldn’t have read if it wasn’t a class reading/I’m confused why this was a class reading tbh
andromeda_em's review
4.0
A great read for Father’s Day weekend! Reading about someone losing her dad helped me appreciate mine.
ellenmc07's review against another edition
challenging
dark
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
3.5
Family, relationships and addiction are something almost everyone on the planet has to deal with. In reading this, I was forced to look at my own reactions to all of these and examine my own behaviour. I don't know if this was on Carr's agenda but, I'm glad it came across that way. While the story as a whole left me wanting more, I'm glad to have perspective from someone who had an enviable relationship with someone they trusted. Better to have something than nothing at all.
lawl3sswr3n's review
1.0
Decent at first, this book got unbearable to read.
This is a documentary writer/producer's attempt at a memoir in which she depicts her life and her relationship with her father.
Although it seems she attempts to do that, there are so many missed opportunities to deep dive and go further. So many holes. So much lacking. So little craft. Here are a few of my very glaring issues with this book:
1. She has a wildly unhealthy relationship with her father. She never truly becomes her own identity without him. She's WILDLY codependent. For her success. For advice. For her self esteem. For her entire worth in this world. Everything was through the lens of him. It was insanity. And so hard to watch. Like.... Baby girl. Do some serious soul searching in learning to love yourself a little more. Find your own value without having to seek approval from him. Actually figure things out on your own (she touches on living in his shadow but never really actually gets out from under it - this book even is still living under his shadow as he takes a larger spotlight than her). This is tough because it's exemplified in the words she uses, the language she uses, and I wish it was phrased differently...
2. She enables her father in making poor choices, tolerates his anger and emotional abuse (writing it off as that's just how he is), and ultimately tolerated his unhealthy behaviors with zero boundaries. She needs to actually learn real boundaries. Stop reading about other addicts. Get some therapy or read books on actual coping tools and mechanisms for a better life.
3. She plays the victim every chance she gets. Says she wants to do things better but never actually does. Instead of acknowledging she has a problem with substance abuse and doing something about it, she justifies her choices. Says she "can't get through ___(whatever event)___ sober". I call BS. Im not one to judge usually in this area as I was raised in an addiction-ridden household and a parent in AA. I get it. But also. When are you going to stop using it as an excuse for things? When are you going to decide you no longer want to play victim and blame your heritage or your family substance abuse, or the actual substance itself and realize you're the common denominator? Taking the first step is hard. I have first-hand experience. But I also chose to no longer let something rule me. It is an actual choice, even if being addicted to a substance is not. I wish that was depicted better here.
3. How she portrayed this in the book, she treats everyone in her life like absolute garbage. Her friends she just uses as outlets to party. Puts her sister into ridiculously tough situations. She picks bad men to date then blames them. She doesn't actually put effort into the people in her life... If she does have good relationships she doesn't highlight them... Which brings down the overall morale and tone of her writing.
4. The woman is codependent. Maybe look at therapy, rehab, and the book by Melody Beattie - Codependency No More. Seriously. This is so hard to witness. Worse to get through in this writing style.
5. The book's tone is whiny. And victim-y. The author refused to own up to anything and when she does she misses the opportunity to learn lessons and learn about herself, to grow and be better. The actual action behind making actionable change. And if she sees the opportunity, instead of learning it herself she essentially reaches out to her dad to teach her. Everything is an emergency. Everything is 'damsel in distress'.
6. Beyond the emotional BS, in the book her dad is always suggesting she get to the heart of her projects by asking what is the point in this story? So I ask. What is the point in this story?! The chapters jump all over, depicting very real tragedy from a surface level, emotions and trauma with what feels like zero connecting of plot or points. If you can't come out and say the point, I should be able to gather it from your writing. I do not. The craft needs some work.
This was a hard one. Pretty much all of this book gives me the absolute ick. I was hopeful. I pushed through wanting so badly to have it get better. It didn't.
It takes guts to write something so candid. And she gave us her guts.
This is a documentary writer/producer's attempt at a memoir in which she depicts her life and her relationship with her father.
Although it seems she attempts to do that, there are so many missed opportunities to deep dive and go further. So many holes. So much lacking. So little craft. Here are a few of my very glaring issues with this book:
1. She has a wildly unhealthy relationship with her father. She never truly becomes her own identity without him. She's WILDLY codependent. For her success. For advice. For her self esteem. For her entire worth in this world. Everything was through the lens of him. It was insanity. And so hard to watch. Like.... Baby girl. Do some serious soul searching in learning to love yourself a little more. Find your own value without having to seek approval from him. Actually figure things out on your own (she touches on living in his shadow but never really actually gets out from under it - this book even is still living under his shadow as he takes a larger spotlight than her). This is tough because it's exemplified in the words she uses, the language she uses, and I wish it was phrased differently...
2. She enables her father in making poor choices, tolerates his anger and emotional abuse (writing it off as that's just how he is), and ultimately tolerated his unhealthy behaviors with zero boundaries. She needs to actually learn real boundaries. Stop reading about other addicts. Get some therapy or read books on actual coping tools and mechanisms for a better life.
3. She plays the victim every chance she gets. Says she wants to do things better but never actually does. Instead of acknowledging she has a problem with substance abuse and doing something about it, she justifies her choices. Says she "can't get through ___(whatever event)___ sober". I call BS. Im not one to judge usually in this area as I was raised in an addiction-ridden household and a parent in AA. I get it. But also. When are you going to stop using it as an excuse for things? When are you going to decide you no longer want to play victim and blame your heritage or your family substance abuse, or the actual substance itself and realize you're the common denominator? Taking the first step is hard. I have first-hand experience. But I also chose to no longer let something rule me. It is an actual choice, even if being addicted to a substance is not. I wish that was depicted better here.
3. How she portrayed this in the book, she treats everyone in her life like absolute garbage. Her friends she just uses as outlets to party. Puts her sister into ridiculously tough situations. She picks bad men to date then blames them. She doesn't actually put effort into the people in her life... If she does have good relationships she doesn't highlight them... Which brings down the overall morale and tone of her writing.
4. The woman is codependent. Maybe look at therapy, rehab, and the book by Melody Beattie - Codependency No More. Seriously. This is so hard to witness. Worse to get through in this writing style.
5. The book's tone is whiny. And victim-y. The author refused to own up to anything and when she does she misses the opportunity to learn lessons and learn about herself, to grow and be better. The actual action behind making actionable change. And if she sees the opportunity, instead of learning it herself she essentially reaches out to her dad to teach her. Everything is an emergency. Everything is 'damsel in distress'.
6. Beyond the emotional BS, in the book her dad is always suggesting she get to the heart of her projects by asking what is the point in this story? So I ask. What is the point in this story?! The chapters jump all over, depicting very real tragedy from a surface level, emotions and trauma with what feels like zero connecting of plot or points. If you can't come out and say the point, I should be able to gather it from your writing. I do not. The craft needs some work.
This was a hard one. Pretty much all of this book gives me the absolute ick. I was hopeful. I pushed through wanting so badly to have it get better. It didn't.
It takes guts to write something so candid. And she gave us her guts.
lstrom2010's review
1.0
I was disappointed with this book, but my condolences to Ms. Carr for the death of her father.
murphyjfraser's review
3.0
3.5 stars. The parts I enjoyed most about this book, the parts that inched me to 4 stars were the ones that intimately and often rawly portrayed the complexity of Erin and her father’s relationship. The push and pull, the highs and lows. I’m a sucker for tricky dad <> daughter relationships, and so I found myself drawn most into their captured written exchanges. I found myself wanting more of that - almost as if I was looking for more paternal guidance and wisdom and encouragement… for myself. That probably makes this review unfair, but then again aren’t all reviews from a stranger about someone else’s own story unfair? Anyways, it’s clear that some people exist (before and beyond the grave) as larger than life. This memoir shined brightest, for me, when Erin described her dad’s larger than life presence and their familial (and friendly, too?) dynamic, in all its beautiful yet gritty complexity.
mrsfurball's review
4.0
Listened to the audio book. Daughter of journalist David Carr, whose own memoir I also read a couple of years ago. I found parts of it really poignant and heart-rending. An unflinching portrayal of young grief and addiction.