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4.17 AVERAGE
4.17 AVERAGE
i was looking forward to this memoir as i really enjoyed body work, febos’s guide to writing memoir. while i didn’t enjoy the dry season quite as much, i think there are some interesting lessons to be taken from it. the book reflects on her period of celibacy, where she reflected on the non-stop chain of relationships she was in up until her mid-thirties.
i got a lot out of her reflections on using this period as a time to truly find herself and focus on the other important things in her life such as friendship, writing, and spirituality. also loved the literary references she made, especially audre lorde’s uses of the erotic, which had a great impact on me when i read it at the end of 2024. febos mentions a lot of writers and historical figures that would be interesting to research further.
i think reactions to her musings on sex and love and relationships will greatly depend on the readers’ own experiences with those things. some of those sections fell a bit flat for me compared to the parts focusing on her internal changes and confidence as her independence grew. some of the timelines of her relationships and those of her friends that are going through similar situations also felt a bit jumbled at times.
thank you to knopf and netgalley for the digital ARC - the dry season published on june 3rd!
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
medium-paced
emotional
funny
informative
inspiring
lighthearted
reflective
fast-paced
“You can’t get enough of a thing you don’t need.”
While Febos spends a year reestablishing her priorities without the noise of romantic pursuits she also takes a “personal inventory” of her past relationships, entanglements, and failures. Like a person going through her little black book to disclose an STI to past partners, she initiates a series of conversations with old lovers to discuss her compulsion for people-pleasing which her therapist insists doubles as people-using.
Febos’s discussions around celibacy illicit confusion and curiosity from her social circle while her own research shows a long standing tradition of women’s celibacy movements. She projects a feeling of being grounded in a life that has de-centered men and cloistered her away from the heteronormative expectations of marriage, kids, and unending domestic labor.
One of these days I will rate something Melissa Febos has written less than 5 stars…not today though. I found in this memoir a compelling connection to both philosophies of social interactions as well as an expanded sense of spirituality that invited me in to consider where my own greatest life distractions lie.
Content Warnings
Minor: Domestic abuse, Sexual assault
informative
reflective
medium-paced
emotional
hopeful
reflective
fast-paced
emotional
inspiring
reflective
informative
medium-paced
reflective
slow-paced
This book was an intimate look into the year of celibacy brought about by an urgent desire to break free from a pattern that resulted in multiple relationships that ranged from traumatic to unfulfilling to devastating.
I enjoyed the historical research about the beguines and celibate figures throughout history and I certainly left this book with a new perspective on Wile E. Coyote. The discussions about limerence and addiction was also very enlightening.
I’m a fan of Melissa Febos and I’ve generally liked whatever I’ve read from her. This book is not different. I’ve just finished it and I definitely feel like I need to sit with it a bit longer before doing a full review, but I will definitely be recommending this one.
Thank you to Knopf for the advanced readers copy!
I enjoyed the historical research about the beguines and celibate figures throughout history and I certainly left this book with a new perspective on Wile E. Coyote. The discussions about limerence and addiction was also very enlightening.
I’m a fan of Melissa Febos and I’ve generally liked whatever I’ve read from her. This book is not different. I’ve just finished it and I definitely feel like I need to sit with it a bit longer before doing a full review, but I will definitely be recommending this one.
Thank you to Knopf for the advanced readers copy!
adventurous
challenging
emotional
hopeful
reflective
relaxing
medium-paced
I received this as an E-ARC on NetGalley. Thank you to the publisher!
Melissa's writing remains invigorating to me, even though I so often take my time with her books. I've seen a few mentions or even critiques that Febos does not delve into the political so much, but frankly I disagree. In my opinion, much of her memoirs live well within these political structures and societal values, but are much less interested in the theories that explain them so much as they are deeply invested in how to live within them. Or in this book's case how to divest from them, and what that means for yourself and your life in the long run. It is not a perspective I am completely used to, so it is one I am greatly interested in. While I don't think I've read enough Butler to be qualified to say this, this is an aspect that reminds me of her writing as well. Both utilize the political as a catalyst for the personal and the erotic, though with obviously differing intentions.
Now having completed the book, I can see the way it builds continuously upon her previous work. If you're just starting out with Febos's work, I would never argue against starting wherever you wanted in her bibliography, but I think your understanding and connection with this book is heightened if you've read her other work (especially abandon me, and perhaps girlhood, in shades). I can understand why this book's subject, finding sensuality in celibacy may seem to some as trite, cliched, or even anti-sex, but I don't think it is at all. Celibacy is her route of discovery in this book, but it is the discovery that resonates throughout. Part I is perhaps the most scattered in terms of ideas and topics. There is no sugar coating, but frequent self denial and human ignorance. You make sense of the book as the book begins to make sense of itself, with the payoffs in Parts II and III being well worth the journey.
Febos moves through the story of ancient female mystics, erotic obsessed authors, feminist activists and more as she tries to make sense of the her underlying instincts, and the patterns of her life. This is a hard book to sum up in my own words, so I'll use hers: "I am doing the same thing here: building a linear narrative, grafting other stories onto it, folding time to see the patterns. If I suggest a single meaning it will be a lie."
Melissa's writing remains invigorating to me, even though I so often take my time with her books. I've seen a few mentions or even critiques that Febos does not delve into the political so much, but frankly I disagree. In my opinion, much of her memoirs live well within these political structures and societal values, but are much less interested in the theories that explain them so much as they are deeply invested in how to live within them. Or in this book's case how to divest from them, and what that means for yourself and your life in the long run. It is not a perspective I am completely used to, so it is one I am greatly interested in. While I don't think I've read enough Butler to be qualified to say this, this is an aspect that reminds me of her writing as well. Both utilize the political as a catalyst for the personal and the erotic, though with obviously differing intentions.
Now having completed the book, I can see the way it builds continuously upon her previous work. If you're just starting out with Febos's work, I would never argue against starting wherever you wanted in her bibliography, but I think your understanding and connection with this book is heightened if you've read her other work (especially abandon me, and perhaps girlhood, in shades). I can understand why this book's subject, finding sensuality in celibacy may seem to some as trite, cliched, or even anti-sex, but I don't think it is at all. Celibacy is her route of discovery in this book, but it is the discovery that resonates throughout. Part I is perhaps the most scattered in terms of ideas and topics. There is no sugar coating, but frequent self denial and human ignorance. You make sense of the book as the book begins to make sense of itself, with the payoffs in Parts II and III being well worth the journey.
Febos moves through the story of ancient female mystics, erotic obsessed authors, feminist activists and more as she tries to make sense of the her underlying instincts, and the patterns of her life. This is a hard book to sum up in my own words, so I'll use hers: "I am doing the same thing here: building a linear narrative, grafting other stories onto it, folding time to see the patterns. If I suggest a single meaning it will be a lie."
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Death, Drug abuse, Drug use, Emotional abuse, Sexual content, Abandonment, Alcohol
challenging
emotional
funny
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC.
This book is a triumph in a way that builds upon the legacy of Febos’ other works. It is so thoughtful, well researched, and meandering in a way that felt beautiful. She took a concept that she admits herself isn’t super universal and then wrote a book that felt truly universal in its descriptions of the search for meaning and love that sit at the heart of most all of humanity.
It was truly a gift to read. It is academic and spiritual and accessible and funny. It is the type of book you will want to annotate. The type of book you will want to savor. The type of book that reminds you that maybe figuring out who you are and what you want in in fact worth your time and energy.
This book is a triumph in a way that builds upon the legacy of Febos’ other works. It is so thoughtful, well researched, and meandering in a way that felt beautiful. She took a concept that she admits herself isn’t super universal and then wrote a book that felt truly universal in its descriptions of the search for meaning and love that sit at the heart of most all of humanity.
It was truly a gift to read. It is academic and spiritual and accessible and funny. It is the type of book you will want to annotate. The type of book you will want to savor. The type of book that reminds you that maybe figuring out who you are and what you want in in fact worth your time and energy.