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3.49 AVERAGE
3.49 AVERAGE
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
This book contains many very good ideas and tips, but also a few pieces of (what seems to me) truly awful advice! So read discerningly. Also, while it's generally quite good at addressing the fact that every adoption story is different, one scenario that's never addressed is one where contact with a foster family is maintained instead of, or in addition to, contact with a birth family. Still, it's a quick read with some valuable insights.
challenging
dark
emotional
slow-paced
I know this book is meant to show the harder aspects of adoption and to really teach IPs valuable lessons BUT as a gay man looking to adopt a child with my husband, this was entirely unhelpful as it walked through many things that a heterosexual couple might do. It made me sad to learn about this author’s experiences but ultimately I did not find it a helpful read in my journey.
They ONLY focused on the negative aspects of their adoption. I know it’s harsh but it really felt like a way to get other people to pay to listen to them complain instead of getting professional help in therapy.
They ONLY focused on the negative aspects of their adoption. I know it’s harsh but it really felt like a way to get other people to pay to listen to them complain instead of getting professional help in therapy.
emotional
informative
reflective
There are some valuable concepts here, particularly for those who might still believe closed adoptions are healthier than open, but the book suffers from not being very well written or edited. I also tend to think it conveys the experience of being adopted as much heavier and darker than it is for many adoptees, although I know it's not exactly for me to say.
As a parent in the very very early stages of adoptive parenthood, I can say this book left me even happier than I already was that we chose open adoption, and that our son's birth parents will be in his life and available for any questions or conversations he might need along the way. I already knew I wouldn't want to do this without them, and that has certainly been reinforced by reading this one account from the perspective of someone who was raised in a closed adoption and had a very hard time of it.
As a parent in the very very early stages of adoptive parenthood, I can say this book left me even happier than I already was that we chose open adoption, and that our son's birth parents will be in his life and available for any questions or conversations he might need along the way. I already knew I wouldn't want to do this without them, and that has certainly been reinforced by reading this one account from the perspective of someone who was raised in a closed adoption and had a very hard time of it.
Good book with some interesting insights. I've read several negative reviews, and while I agree that there is a real focus "negative" aspects of loss and trauma, I do feel that Eldridge weaves a sense of hope through the book.
And of course, I take all parenting books with a grain of salt. Every child is a unique work of art. My two girls are so different, even though they share the same parents. They react differently, have different emotional makeups and approaches to life.
I expect the child that my wife and I will adopt to be the same (which is to say different). I am attempting to keep and open mind and allow the child to teach us about himself or herself. As one adoption speaker we've heard says, the information in this book will be one tool in our adoption toolbox.
So I feel this is a worthwhile read. But I'm not taking it as adoption "gospel"
And of course, I take all parenting books with a grain of salt. Every child is a unique work of art. My two girls are so different, even though they share the same parents. They react differently, have different emotional makeups and approaches to life.
I expect the child that my wife and I will adopt to be the same (which is to say different). I am attempting to keep and open mind and allow the child to teach us about himself or herself. As one adoption speaker we've heard says, the information in this book will be one tool in our adoption toolbox.
So I feel this is a worthwhile read. But I'm not taking it as adoption "gospel"
While I do agree that there is valuable information in this book, I'm having a powerful, negative reaction to it. I think the bottom line is that it seem to focus SO MUCH on the negatives of being an adopted child...all the hurt, anger, grief, loss, etc. etc. that the child experiences, and what potential adoptive parents need to do to help the child grieve the loss of their birth parents properly and move on to a better place in their lives. I don't discount this element, but in this case the negatives seem to so overshadow anything positive about adoption that they blot them out to a great degree.
I'm also struggling with the author's assertion that most adoptees feel as she did and does. If that is indeed true, that is a tragedy, and it would really put doubts in a lot of potential adoptive parents' minds about whether or not this was a good thing to do. I think in that respect the author (regardless of her good intentions) perpetrates a huge disservice to those seeking to pursue adoption. This was most certainly her experience, and there is no doubt that others have had very similar experiences, but I have serious doubts that in this day and age, with the resources available, her adoption story is the norm. I would certainly hope and pray that it is not.
I'm also struggling with the author's assertion that most adoptees feel as she did and does. If that is indeed true, that is a tragedy, and it would really put doubts in a lot of potential adoptive parents' minds about whether or not this was a good thing to do. I think in that respect the author (regardless of her good intentions) perpetrates a huge disservice to those seeking to pursue adoption. This was most certainly her experience, and there is no doubt that others have had very similar experiences, but I have serious doubts that in this day and age, with the resources available, her adoption story is the norm. I would certainly hope and pray that it is not.
Not sure all 20 of these concepts would apply to all every adopted child, but it definitely helped me gain some insights in to some of our daughter's behaviors and the messages she may be sending. It's also a little dated in its focus on children who don't find out about or address their own adoptions until later in adulthood, and I'm grateful that those days are (or should be!) behind us.