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This book is helpful for anyone planning on adopting. I could relate to a lot of the statements made.

I don't think it should be limited to just adoptive parents. I think grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. should all peruse this book.
informative reflective medium-paced

Um livro escrito para pais adotivos sobre como lidar com crianças adotadas. O livro não apenas responde a várias perguntas que pais adotivos têm sobre como criar sua criança adotada, como também lança uma luz sobre questões que provavelmente passam despercebidas ou com as quais os pais têm medo de lidar.
Cada capítulo do livro corresponde a uma das perguntas (na verdade são 22 perguntas), dentro de cada capítulo existe uma seção específica que indica o que os pais devem fazer para ajudar seus filhos e a si mesmos. Por isto, parece-me um excelente livro de consulta para criação (e não para educação) de crianças adotadas.
emotional informative reflective medium-paced

Things I wish I could have expressed when I was younger.

This was mostly terrible.

The author seems to have written this mostly out of anger, which, fine, but it shouldn't be couched as applying to everyone.

The author also seemed to work backward, looking for research to back up her thoughts and anecdotes.

Every now and then, there was something that was worth learning and remembering but I wouldn't advise someone read this book to get those little tidbits.

I hope this review makes sense as I try to gather my thoughts.
This book's title was not what I thought it would be. I thought this book would address different things to help ease the transition for adoptive children and adoptive parents. The first two thirds of this book was terrible and I honestly wanted to stop reading. As a new adoptive parent who is starting the process, this book didn't ease my mind or give me tools but rather scared me into thinking that this relationship with my adopted child some day would be all negative.

As someone who has studied children and psychology, I understood how loss encompasses the three groups: the birthparents, the child, and the adoptive parents. However, I felt the author was beating a dead horse with the first two thirds of the book by saying just how negative the child will feel.

This review has two stars because the one redeeming quality was the last third of the book. The author provided specific scenarios along with tools that the adoptive parents can use. I loved this part of the book! I was highlighting left and right. I honestly felt much better with this last part because I felt that I could put away some of these ideas and tools for future reference. However, I would NOT recommend this book for someone who is just starting the process. There is another book that I've read that address the same issues and ideas but under a much more positive tone. I'm sure there even more books that are better than this one.

I hope that I haven't offended anyone but please read this with the mindset that it is from my point of view; which is also the view of someone who is in the early stages of adoption. I'm sure there are parents who have adopted that love this book. Maybe I can re-read this book and have a completely different outlook; but this book was so painful for me to read that I think I would rather find a different book to pick up before I pick this one up again.

I think this book holds a lot of merit despite it catering to the more extreme and terrifying experiences within adoption. Not everyone will hit al 20 of these things but having tools to work through them is important.

This was a hard book to read. At this stage in the process (pre-adoption) I have no way of verifying how much of it is true overall; if the contents are largely representative, then adoption is an incredible scary thing for the adoptive parents because just the simple act of adopting a child has already caused damage, even in a newborn placed directly into a loving family.

That said, I'm glad to have read it. Much of what it covers really applies most to closed adoptions, and I hope that openness in adoption removes some of those obstacles and prevents some of the damage, but the rest gave good advice on questions adopted children/adults might have, how parents can respond and what parents can do to pre-empt difficulties.

Overall, this was a difficult book to get through. I didn't like the implication that every adoptive family is one who is not capable of having biological children. I also didn't appreciate the assumption that all adoptive families have disdain towards biological families. There were a lot of generalizations put on adoptive parents that I found myself not identifying with. There were small tidbits of knowledge that might be helpful but I generally found the book somewhat degrading and very generalized.