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158 reviews for:
Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility
Foster Cline, Jim Fay
3.75 AVERAGE
158 reviews for:
Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility
Foster Cline, Jim Fay
3.75 AVERAGE
While I do appreciate what this author is trying to say. I am not sure I am 100% sold on all of his beliefs in parenting. There are some ideas in here that I find extreme and there are others that are more feasible. I am yelling less at my children (YAH!!!) and I am offering them more choices when handling situations so they feel like they have more control of the decisions made. I will keep this book as a resource to keep going back to as my children get older. The Pearls of Wisdom the author shares for dealing with different situations gives me some good ideas on how I want to raise my children.
I like the general foundation of this. I think giving kids options instead of demands and letting them solve their problems, within reason, is a great parenting technique we could all stand to follow.
However, I think the authors of this book take it WAY too far and are borderline cruel in some areas. (The bit with the dog.) I also couldn't help feel like they viewed children as a burden and not something to love and treasure.
Their goals? Magnificent. The basis of their method? Brilliant. Their full technique? Not for me. Did I pick up a potential trick or two? Sure. But most everything in here had me shaking my head wondering why they bothered to have kids to begin with, if that's what they thought of them. And I know that in reality, no the authors don't really feel kids to be burdens, but that's how they come across.
I've been advised the book "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" has the same basic premiss but a much more realistic and kind technique. I'm looking forward to reading that one soon.
However, I think the authors of this book take it WAY too far and are borderline cruel in some areas. (The bit with the dog.) I also couldn't help feel like they viewed children as a burden and not something to love and treasure.
Their goals? Magnificent. The basis of their method? Brilliant. Their full technique? Not for me. Did I pick up a potential trick or two? Sure. But most everything in here had me shaking my head wondering why they bothered to have kids to begin with, if that's what they thought of them. And I know that in reality, no the authors don't really feel kids to be burdens, but that's how they come across.
I've been advised the book "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" has the same basic premiss but a much more realistic and kind technique. I'm looking forward to reading that one soon.
When I picked up this book, I thought it was more or less a standalone work. If I'd realized that it was part of a "Love and Logic" series and that its authors preside at the "Love and Logic" institute, I'd have had a much better idea what to expect.
The book has one Big Idea, namely that kids learn to make good decisions by practicing decision-making. Every other idea in this book (and there aren't that many) is derived from this one. It might not sound like an earth-shattering insight, but while most of us would nod our head in agreement at the statement, I think that the authors have it right: not many people raise their kids this way, because they are unwilling for their child (or themselves) to face the consequences of their childrens' poor decisions, and/or the decisions don't have natural consequences that matter to the kids.
There are two sections in this short book. The first half is devoted to the Love and Logic principles and ideas as they apply to parenting. The second is called "Pearls", which contains anecdotes and ideas for applying these ideas to a variety of common issues.
There were three main things about their line of thinking that bothered me:
1) The authors insist on using "thinking words" to rephrase your requests. Large passages in the book are devoted to "thinking words" for all kinds of situations. For instance, instead of saying "No TV until you finish your dinner, young lady", you are instructed to say "Feel free to join us for some television once you've finished your dinner." I'll agree that the second option is less confrontational, but my gut says that any smart kid is quickly going to realize that these two statements mean exactly the same thing.
2) The authors have what is--in my limited experience--an inflated opinion in the ability of children to retroactively recognize that a decision was bad. For instance, if your kid pops another kid in the face, they recommend asking some passive questions about whether they thought that was a good way to resolve the issue and then dropping the subject. Later, when he doesn't have any friends because he's mean to everyone, he'll realize that he shouldn't have done that! Lesson learned! Right?
3) The principles, while apparently sound, are supported not by research or years of parenting experience, but by a few anecdotes from the childhoods of the authors and a few more from parents who successfully used the techniques. It sounds like they would work, but the authors don't bring much in the way of hard evidence to the table.
That said, there really are some great nuggets in this book, and since I only have one child and she's still in diapers, it's hard to evaluate the merit of many of the ideas. I will say that it's made some changes in the way that I think about parenting: my natural instinct is to be a commander and tell my daughter what she needs to do or not do; this book helped me see that that approach isn't good for either of us in the long run.
The book has one Big Idea, namely that kids learn to make good decisions by practicing decision-making. Every other idea in this book (and there aren't that many) is derived from this one. It might not sound like an earth-shattering insight, but while most of us would nod our head in agreement at the statement, I think that the authors have it right: not many people raise their kids this way, because they are unwilling for their child (or themselves) to face the consequences of their childrens' poor decisions, and/or the decisions don't have natural consequences that matter to the kids.
There are two sections in this short book. The first half is devoted to the Love and Logic principles and ideas as they apply to parenting. The second is called "Pearls", which contains anecdotes and ideas for applying these ideas to a variety of common issues.
There were three main things about their line of thinking that bothered me:
1) The authors insist on using "thinking words" to rephrase your requests. Large passages in the book are devoted to "thinking words" for all kinds of situations. For instance, instead of saying "No TV until you finish your dinner, young lady", you are instructed to say "Feel free to join us for some television once you've finished your dinner." I'll agree that the second option is less confrontational, but my gut says that any smart kid is quickly going to realize that these two statements mean exactly the same thing.
2) The authors have what is--in my limited experience--an inflated opinion in the ability of children to retroactively recognize that a decision was bad. For instance, if your kid pops another kid in the face, they recommend asking some passive questions about whether they thought that was a good way to resolve the issue and then dropping the subject. Later, when he doesn't have any friends because he's mean to everyone, he'll realize that he shouldn't have done that! Lesson learned! Right?
3) The principles, while apparently sound, are supported not by research or years of parenting experience, but by a few anecdotes from the childhoods of the authors and a few more from parents who successfully used the techniques. It sounds like they would work, but the authors don't bring much in the way of hard evidence to the table.
That said, there really are some great nuggets in this book, and since I only have one child and she's still in diapers, it's hard to evaluate the merit of many of the ideas. I will say that it's made some changes in the way that I think about parenting: my natural instinct is to be a commander and tell my daughter what she needs to do or not do; this book helped me see that that approach isn't good for either of us in the long run.
Here's some good advice contained within this book:
• Let your kids learn from the natural consequences of their actions.
• Don't be afraid to give your child choices: do you want to clean your room now or later? do you want to sweep the floor or do the dishes?
Here's what's terrible about this book:
• Spanking is ok! but only if your child is under 3. And "spank only if you can do it in a painful way." (I'm sorry WHAAAAT?!)
• It's ok to condescend to your kids, so long as you use the love-and-logic-approved phrasing: "Hm-m-m, that's a really interesting way of looking at it. Let me know how that turns out."
• Terrifying your kid is ok, too! CHILD: "I don't want to go to bed, Mom. I'm afraid I might die tonight." MOM: "Luckily, only one child in ten million will die in his sleep tonight, honey." (Wow. NOT helpful, Mom.)
• God is Good, and you should Trust in His Divine Plan. In the meantime, here are some ways to coerce your kids into going to church.
Wow. Soooo, yeah. High ho Stinko, AWAAAAAYYYY!!!
• Let your kids learn from the natural consequences of their actions.
• Don't be afraid to give your child choices: do you want to clean your room now or later? do you want to sweep the floor or do the dishes?
Here's what's terrible about this book:
• Spanking is ok! but only if your child is under 3. And "spank only if you can do it in a painful way." (I'm sorry WHAAAAT?!)
• It's ok to condescend to your kids, so long as you use the love-and-logic-approved phrasing: "Hm-m-m, that's a really interesting way of looking at it. Let me know how that turns out."
• Terrifying your kid is ok, too! CHILD: "I don't want to go to bed, Mom. I'm afraid I might die tonight." MOM: "Luckily, only one child in ten million will die in his sleep tonight, honey." (Wow. NOT helpful, Mom.)
• God is Good, and you should Trust in His Divine Plan. In the meantime, here are some ways to coerce your kids into going to church.
Wow. Soooo, yeah. High ho Stinko, AWAAAAAYYYY!!!
I enjoyed this book, especially since it got me talking with my husband about important parenting decisions. Do I agree with everything? No. But I think there are a lot of solid principles to consider.
I thought there were a couple of good things in this book. I like the idea of giving your child a "win-win" choice, and framing all commands as choices for your children. That has been something we've used.
I think it's sort of ridiculous how the book puts down any other parenting method. Also, the examples of what to expect if you use the Love & Logic method, versus if you don't, are so polarized and exaggerated that I was laughing out loud.
I think it's sort of ridiculous how the book puts down any other parenting method. Also, the examples of what to expect if you use the Love & Logic method, versus if you don't, are so polarized and exaggerated that I was laughing out loud.
There was a ton of great stuff in this book, though about 25% of it was a bit ridiculous or unrealistic. But the ideas about letting kids experience logical, natural consequences, allowing failure, developing a healthy self-concept, and giving them choices is definitely going to influence my parenting for the better.
This book is not for the faint of heart. There are times that I hear the practices of parenting and I think, “wow that is a really detached response,” or I wonder, “was that even a harsh enough punishment?” Overall, the message and the logic behind this book is practical and counter cultural to the way most children were raised. The biggest concept in this book is that eventually kids have to think for themselves so if you are always doing all the thinking for them, how will they learn to make wise decisions? I highly recommend this book to anyone who works with/has children.
There are many great points in this book, several I've already used successfully with my 3.5 year old. The few weaknesses I see are pushing the problem off on someone else. I'd hate to be the teacher of a child being strictly parented by this book, as many issues are simply handed off. This isn't a luxury I have as my son isn't in school yet. Some tactics obviously wouldn't work for homeschool families, or those without a strong support system outside of the house. Many tatics are linked to money consequences, which again don't apply very well to young children who don't receive an allowance. I do plan to re-read and reconsider this book in a few years, as it seems more applicable to school-aged children.