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Reviews
Change Your Questions, Change Your Life: 10 Powerful Tools for Life and Work by Marilee Adams
papi's review against another edition
3.0
With an amateurish story, written to illustrate (and advertise) her methods, a consultant describes "QT," or question thinking. While I like the methods, I don't believe the story goes far enough to successfully show how to use the methods in real life. Rather, it is clearly a book-length advertisement for the program, and an attempt to get the reader to visit Adams' website and presumably enroll in training or purchase other materials to flesh out the methods.
The methods themselves are grounded in principles of communication that stand the test of time, most of which can be found in other sources as well, and often better illustrated and explained. For example, I would recommend readers interested in pursuing similar ideas to Crucial Conversations or Crucial Accountability, both from VitalSmarts, or to Difficult Conversations, by Bruce Patton. And certainly there are other books that illustrate methods grounded in the principles. I teach (or have taught) classes using all of these books, and highly recommend them. I am not affiliated with the associated companies or authors in other respects.
In short, avoid judging others unfairly, become curious and seek to learn, and ask questions designed to elicit creative and positive responses, and (not surprisingly) people will generally respond in productive ways.
The methods themselves are grounded in principles of communication that stand the test of time, most of which can be found in other sources as well, and often better illustrated and explained. For example, I would recommend readers interested in pursuing similar ideas to Crucial Conversations or Crucial Accountability, both from VitalSmarts, or to Difficult Conversations, by Bruce Patton. And certainly there are other books that illustrate methods grounded in the principles. I teach (or have taught) classes using all of these books, and highly recommend them. I am not affiliated with the associated companies or authors in other respects.
In short, avoid judging others unfairly, become curious and seek to learn, and ask questions designed to elicit creative and positive responses, and (not surprisingly) people will generally respond in productive ways.
melissadesimone's review against another edition
1.0
The nuggets in this are not worth the tortured narrative fable. This is one of those books that could have been a blog post or a magazine article.
bev1984's review against another edition
5.0
This book is a must read for everyone. How you look at situations in your life and how you ask questions shape relationships. If you want a different result, consider the question. I love how Marilee Adams challenges our "judging"
amyrhoda's review against another edition
3.0
This book presents a question-based framework for several self-management/emotional intelligence skills. It's structured as a narrative, with fictional characters.
The skills presented are the ability to recognize one's own stress response (characterized in the book as "Judger hijack") and to manage it by changing one's perception of the situation, seeking more information, or seeking perspective. The tools presented for developing these skills are questions.
The book presents a useful framework and some interesting ideas. The stickiest one is that of Judger/Learner mindsets — the idea that you can either be "in Judger" (that is, being critical and looking for a scapegoat) or "in Learner" (that is, curious and open to new ideas and interpretations). The key to this idea is that it's possible to "switch lanes" by (1) noticing you're in Judger, (2) pausing, and (3) asking some questions to change to a more curious state of mind.
I guess the ideas and structures presented in this book might be mind-blowing if you have never read a self-help or leadership book before, but changing your questions isn't going to change your life (nor make you thin or improve your sex life, as the book implies).
The fictional narrative structure drives me nuts. I can't abide a cautionary tale. If I had known this book was written as fiction I would have looked for a different book by this author. In this case, our protagonist has to learn everything about Adams's framework, which means he has to start the book as a self-absorbed ass, a terrible boss and awful husband. A mere twelve chapters later, he's a mensch. I love good fiction and I love good non-fiction, and it's a lot harder to write good fiction.
The skills presented are the ability to recognize one's own stress response (characterized in the book as "Judger hijack") and to manage it by changing one's perception of the situation, seeking more information, or seeking perspective. The tools presented for developing these skills are questions.
The book presents a useful framework and some interesting ideas. The stickiest one is that of Judger/Learner mindsets — the idea that you can either be "in Judger" (that is, being critical and looking for a scapegoat) or "in Learner" (that is, curious and open to new ideas and interpretations). The key to this idea is that it's possible to "switch lanes" by (1) noticing you're in Judger, (2) pausing, and (3) asking some questions to change to a more curious state of mind.
I guess the ideas and structures presented in this book might be mind-blowing if you have never read a self-help or leadership book before, but changing your questions isn't going to change your life (nor make you thin or improve your sex life, as the book implies).
The fictional narrative structure drives me nuts. I can't abide a cautionary tale. If I had known this book was written as fiction I would have looked for a different book by this author. In this case, our protagonist has to learn everything about Adams's framework, which means he has to start the book as a self-absorbed ass, a terrible boss and awful husband. A mere twelve chapters later, he's a mensch. I love good fiction and I love good non-fiction, and it's a lot harder to write good fiction.