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2.82 AVERAGE
2.82 AVERAGE
Alright, so I have a great deal of conflicting views and emotions about this book, so let's get started.
On one hand, this book was incredibly important and necessary. As a queer nonbinary person, I was extremely excited when I found out that this book would be featuring a genderqueer character, especially since I literally can count the number of genderqueer book characters I know of on one hand. So on that level, I was very, very excited to see someone who's rarely heard get their story told.
However, A LOT of the stuff that a certain character said/thought throughout the novel was very, very, very irritating. (I'm talking about Toni.) I realize that we all go through our own gender journeys, but their narrow-minded, academic-centered thinking through most of the novel was extremely irritating, possibly because I have to deal with people like that in my everyday life. As a nonbinary afab person, many of the basic things Toni said about gender -- like having a complicated relationship with their chest -- I could empathize with. However, for most of the novel they were disgustingly self-centered and narrow-minded in their progressiveness. For example, Toni at one point decides not to use gendered pronouns for other people and to basically just ignore the gender binary. While I appreciate trying to dismantle the rigidity of the gender binary, they had very little thought of the importance other people place in their own pronouns and identity. I found that one of the best passages came from Nance, a character that Toni doesn't seem to particularly love. After Toni complains about how Gretchen doesn't understand them, Nance has a great few pages:
and
and, my favourite,
(Honestly, if the book did not have that last little paragraph, I would have even worse feelings about it.)
So overall, I think this is an important book and I want people to read it. But that's not to say that I wasn't also disappointed. I realize that there needs to be books for genderqueer kids that show the process of coming out and how difficult it can be to understand your own gender. However, at the same time, I just want there to be YA books with genderqueer characters living their lives and not having to sort out their identity -- just like there are for straight readers and increasingly for gay/lesbian readers.
Would I recommend this book? Yes. But take it with a grain of salt, and come away from it saying that we need more genderqueer characters, because we need more than just Toni.
On one hand, this book was incredibly important and necessary. As a queer nonbinary person, I was extremely excited when I found out that this book would be featuring a genderqueer character, especially since I literally can count the number of genderqueer book characters I know of on one hand. So on that level, I was very, very excited to see someone who's rarely heard get their story told.
However, A LOT of the stuff that a certain character said/thought throughout the novel was very, very, very irritating. (I'm talking about Toni.) I realize that we all go through our own gender journeys, but their narrow-minded, academic-centered thinking through most of the novel was extremely irritating, possibly because I have to deal with people like that in my everyday life. As a nonbinary afab person, many of the basic things Toni said about gender -- like having a complicated relationship with their chest -- I could empathize with. However, for most of the novel they were disgustingly self-centered and narrow-minded in their progressiveness. For example, Toni at one point decides not to use gendered pronouns for other people and to basically just ignore the gender binary. While I appreciate trying to dismantle the rigidity of the gender binary, they had very little thought of the importance other people place in their own pronouns and identity. I found that one of the best passages came from Nance, a character that Toni doesn't seem to particularly love. After Toni complains about how Gretchen doesn't understand them, Nance has a great few pages:
"T, look, I see what you're saying, but you're dramatically overanalyzing," Nance says...
"She doesn't get it," I say. "She's barely even thought about any of this stuff. She doesn't know anything about what it's like being trans."
"What, do you only want to date trans people from now on?" Nance asks. "Or would anyone with a PhD in queer studies work for you? God, do you ever even listen to yourself?"
and
"Okay look." Nance doesn't sit back down, so I stand up. It's clear Nance has something to tell me. "I decided I should explain this to you, because I think you aren't intentionally being a jerk. I think you really just don't know any better." ...
"Uh, thanks?" I say to Nance.
"Shut up and listen," Nance says. "You know that thing you do where you try to figure out everybody's story the second you meet them? Whether they're trans or cis or queer or straight so you can decide whether you like them? ... You can't decide your girlfriend sucks just because she doesn't know all the details of how this works. She doesn't know any trans people expect you, and us. Most people don't."
and, my favourite,
"I'm just asking you to check your labeling. Okay? You can pick your own labels all you want, but don't try to out them on everybody else for them. You know how complicated this is for you? Well it's exactly that complicated for everybody else, so stop shortchanging us."
(Honestly, if the book did not have that last little paragraph, I would have even worse feelings about it.)
So overall, I think this is an important book and I want people to read it. But that's not to say that I wasn't also disappointed. I realize that there needs to be books for genderqueer kids that show the process of coming out and how difficult it can be to understand your own gender. However, at the same time, I just want there to be YA books with genderqueer characters living their lives and not having to sort out their identity -- just like there are for straight readers and increasingly for gay/lesbian readers.
Would I recommend this book? Yes. But take it with a grain of salt, and come away from it saying that we need more genderqueer characters, because we need more than just Toni.
*SPOILER ALERT and really a long rant on why cis people should not write trans characters unless they actually know what they're talking about/in collaboration with a trans author*
DISCLAIMER: I am non-binary, a POC and queer.
So this was about a high school couple who go off to different colleges and they try to keep things together. However, one is genderqueer, the other is a cis-lesbian. The genderqueer partner was against the gender binary and at several different points in the book refer to other people using neutral pronouns even if they use male or female pronouns. They try to project their views onto others, ignoring the fact that people find solace and empowerment in gendered spaces and language, especially as a binary trans person.
The author treats genderqueer as a phase or stepping stone into a binary category. Being genderqueer is NOT A PHASE. I mean, for some who question their identity, yes, they do go through lots of labels, or the "gender identity handbook" as one of the character's calls it. There was more talk on gender and gendered language than there was on the actual plot of this book - which was highschool sweethearts who leave for college. Everything reverted back to gender. Whilst reading, I just couldn't get my head around this obsession with Tony's gender on every other page. Yes, I agree, it can get to that point where you obsess about it - I firmly agree - however, other shit goes on. What about TV shows, movies, meeting new friends, doing laundry, buying new clothes, going to see a concert, changing music tastes, changing clothes taste, the environment. I think I would have liked to see more descriptive scenes to break up the monotony of gender talk. I felt like it was just an excuse to talk about gender, and not even in a successful way because if you were not trans or knew much about the non-binary community, you'd come away thinking all of this crap that isn't accurate because how people "do" gender is subjective and that's awesome. THIS BOOK DOES NOT SHOW THAT. All the trans dudes, though I appreciate the racial diversity 110%, are mostly or solely into women. No we are not. It's one of the defining factor of being trans: one's sexuality, pronouns, the desire for medical transition, dysphoria, pronouns. There has been a MEDICALISATION OF THE TRANS COMMUNITY and the body is the focus and it ANNOYS ME - I think Tony would have had a better time figuring out his gender if there was less focus on the body and more focus on identity - how he views himself separate to others, as opposed to how he views himself next to other trans people and their medical transition and body dysphoria.
I wanted to like this book - I did. I liked Tony, and I think that his struggle to figure stuff out is what many of us go through when we transition or question our gender. But I didn't like how Robin Talley approached it. She may as well have got together with actual trans people to write a book promoting trans discourse, instead of trying to wrap a poorly written book on TRANS ISSUES from a NON-TRANS LESBIAN point of view in shiny rainbow paper.
DISCLAIMER: I am non-binary, a POC and queer.
So this was about a high school couple who go off to different colleges and they try to keep things together. However, one is genderqueer, the other is a cis-lesbian. The genderqueer partner was against the gender binary and at several different points in the book refer to other people using neutral pronouns even if they use male or female pronouns. They try to project their views onto others, ignoring the fact that people find solace and empowerment in gendered spaces and language, especially as a binary trans person.
The author treats genderqueer as a phase or stepping stone into a binary category. Being genderqueer is NOT A PHASE. I mean, for some who question their identity, yes, they do go through lots of labels, or the "gender identity handbook" as one of the character's calls it. There was more talk on gender and gendered language than there was on the actual plot of this book - which was highschool sweethearts who leave for college. Everything reverted back to gender. Whilst reading, I just couldn't get my head around this obsession with Tony's gender on every other page. Yes, I agree, it can get to that point where you obsess about it - I firmly agree - however, other shit goes on. What about TV shows, movies, meeting new friends, doing laundry, buying new clothes, going to see a concert, changing music tastes, changing clothes taste, the environment. I think I would have liked to see more descriptive scenes to break up the monotony of gender talk. I felt like it was just an excuse to talk about gender, and not even in a successful way because if you were not trans or knew much about the non-binary community, you'd come away thinking all of this crap that isn't accurate because how people "do" gender is subjective and that's awesome. THIS BOOK DOES NOT SHOW THAT. All the trans dudes, though I appreciate the racial diversity 110%, are mostly or solely into women. No we are not. It's one of the defining factor of being trans: one's sexuality, pronouns, the desire for medical transition, dysphoria, pronouns. There has been a MEDICALISATION OF THE TRANS COMMUNITY and the body is the focus and it ANNOYS ME - I think Tony would have had a better time figuring out his gender if there was less focus on the body and more focus on identity - how he views himself separate to others, as opposed to how he views himself next to other trans people and their medical transition and body dysphoria.
I wanted to like this book - I did. I liked Tony, and I think that his struggle to figure stuff out is what many of us go through when we transition or question our gender. But I didn't like how Robin Talley approached it. She may as well have got together with actual trans people to write a book promoting trans discourse, instead of trying to wrap a poorly written book on TRANS ISSUES from a NON-TRANS LESBIAN point of view in shiny rainbow paper.
Started strong but slowly became more and more issue-y. Tried too hard to deliver a message instead of of letting they story deliver it.
I've never really read anything that looks at trans people, so I wasn't sure what to expect when I picked up this book. I'm so glad I did though, because I couldn't put it down!
A very important note before we start though; I'm going to refer to Toni as she, because Toni was constantly changing what she wanted to be called. Instead of swapping depending on what point in the book I'm talking about, I'm just going to stick with she for now.
We were presented with the perfect relationship between a girl, Gretchen, and her very confused partner, Toni. I was instantly in love with their relationship. These two adore each other, and despite it being an awful insta-love thing, you could tell they were really properly in love. However, as the book goes on, you can really see how un-perfect their relationship is. Gretchen in particular, in my opinion, has the potential to be a lot happier than she is with Toni. It was all the flaws of the relationship that made me really love it, because you could see them start to learn what was wrong. It was realistic, and honest. And the reader was put into the relationship with them, so while they were discovering everything, we were right there with them. It's also so important that this was a major part of the story, so Toni's discovery of who she wanted to be wasn't all that was talked about.
The bit that really got me thinking, though, was Toni's gender identity. Toni has no idea who she is, or who she wants to be. Is she just a lesbian? Gender non conforming? A boy? A girl? Toni has no idea, and it's only when she gets to university that she starts to meet people that could help her out. I'm terribly uneducated with this sort of thing, like Gretchen. I understand trans (a bit), but gender non conforming? What is that? I've seen a few reviews saying that it was badly misrepresented in this book, but as I know nothing, I can't say whether that's right or wrong. That's why it was so good to have a character like Gretchen, who had no idea what any of that stuff meant either, so the reader doesn't feel like they're being thrown into the deep end with all this new terminology. Even with stuff we didn't quite understand, it was still really cool to see Toni go through everything, and how other people responded to that. Toni became close with a genderqueer (am I using that word right?) group, who had almost all gone through a change from man to woman, or vice versa. It was so good for Toni to have someone to explain how it all worked to her.
My only problem was I didn't like how Toni reacted to some of the changes she was going through. She didn't explain anything to Gretchen, but expected her to understand and accept everything without too many questions. She went through a phase of thinking no one should be called by gender-words, like he and she, so never used them. And don't get me wrong, if Toni wants to be called Toni instead of he or she, that's fine. But someone like Eli, who has been brave as heck and changed from identifying as a girl to a boy? Don't you think that deserves some sort of recognition? Or even just Gretchen, who has always been a girl, and is perfectly happy with that. There's nothing wrong with calling her a girl, right? She did get a bit of telling off from some of her friends, but I felt like she could have changed a lot more character-wise than she did.
Overall, I'm pretty happy with this book. And I'm excited to see the rest of what Robin Talley has written!
A very important note before we start though; I'm going to refer to Toni as she, because Toni was constantly changing what she wanted to be called. Instead of swapping depending on what point in the book I'm talking about, I'm just going to stick with she for now.
We were presented with the perfect relationship between a girl, Gretchen, and her very confused partner, Toni. I was instantly in love with their relationship. These two adore each other, and despite it being an awful insta-love thing, you could tell they were really properly in love. However, as the book goes on, you can really see how un-perfect their relationship is. Gretchen in particular, in my opinion, has the potential to be a lot happier than she is with Toni. It was all the flaws of the relationship that made me really love it, because you could see them start to learn what was wrong. It was realistic, and honest. And the reader was put into the relationship with them, so while they were discovering everything, we were right there with them. It's also so important that this was a major part of the story, so Toni's discovery of who she wanted to be wasn't all that was talked about.
The bit that really got me thinking, though, was Toni's gender identity. Toni has no idea who she is, or who she wants to be. Is she just a lesbian? Gender non conforming? A boy? A girl? Toni has no idea, and it's only when she gets to university that she starts to meet people that could help her out. I'm terribly uneducated with this sort of thing, like Gretchen. I understand trans (a bit), but gender non conforming? What is that? I've seen a few reviews saying that it was badly misrepresented in this book, but as I know nothing, I can't say whether that's right or wrong. That's why it was so good to have a character like Gretchen, who had no idea what any of that stuff meant either, so the reader doesn't feel like they're being thrown into the deep end with all this new terminology. Even with stuff we didn't quite understand, it was still really cool to see Toni go through everything, and how other people responded to that. Toni became close with a genderqueer (am I using that word right?) group, who had almost all gone through a change from man to woman, or vice versa. It was so good for Toni to have someone to explain how it all worked to her.
My only problem was I didn't like how Toni reacted to some of the changes she was going through. She didn't explain anything to Gretchen, but expected her to understand and accept everything without too many questions. She went through a phase of thinking no one should be called by gender-words, like he and she, so never used them. And don't get me wrong, if Toni wants to be called Toni instead of he or she, that's fine. But someone like Eli, who has been brave as heck and changed from identifying as a girl to a boy? Don't you think that deserves some sort of recognition? Or even just Gretchen, who has always been a girl, and is perfectly happy with that. There's nothing wrong with calling her a girl, right? She did get a bit of telling off from some of her friends, but I felt like she could have changed a lot more character-wise than she did.
Overall, I'm pretty happy with this book. And I'm excited to see the rest of what Robin Talley has written!
emotional
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Complicated
One of the main characters decides which pronouns to use for others which is super not how that works. Makes the whole book super infuriating to read.
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6469490.Robin_Talley
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Complicated
Hm, what to say about this one?
I enjoyed it whilst I was reading it, but having taken a day to think about it to put my thoughts into words, I found it more and more problematic.
Firstly, genderqueer is not a kind of 'middle ground' between cisgender and transgender. It's a legitimate identity in its own right. People in this book seemed to take it as written that Toni would 'become' trans, however. That and Toni used transgender and other identities kind of interchangeably with each other, which confused things. Yes, trans is an umbrella, but context matters, and in using it in the way Toni did, it just made Toni come across as super-confused. Gender identity is confusing, but Toni often came across as just trying to be 'different'.
I didn't like Toni very much, to be honest. I don't know what it was, just the attitude that went along with it. Constantly rebuffing Gretchen trying to help because she 'couldn't possibly understand'. No, but people don't need to be able to 100% understand and be going through the same thing to support you, you idiot.
Also, the thing with pronouns in this book. Okay, so Toni decides not to use gendered pronouns, then decides to try out 'they' and 'zhe' and 'hir' in different parts of the novel. That's fine, Toni is experimenting, but what really got on my nerves was the fact that Toni insisted on using these pronouns for everyone else as well. Especially after a trans guy called Toni out on this fact, explaining it was hurtful to people who had fought to be referred to by male or female pronouns. But Toni, although seeming to accept this at the time, continued to use whatever the hell pronouns Toni felt like throughout the whole novel. This is NOT okay.
I liked Gretchen more, but she was so scared of saying the wrong thing that she just went along with things and didn't ask Toni any questions whatsoever about what gender identity meant or anything. Having social anxiety, I get that, but it is really frustrating to read about. Particularly when you're being told what a good relationship they have. They really don't (though I think perhaps that was part of Robin Talley's point).
There are a bunch of other things that annoyed me about this book and how it portrayed gender identity (Toni shaming room mates for posting pictures of themselves in bikinis or trying to be feminine, Carroll being a bigot and a walking stereotype, etc), but I think I've said enough.
It's a shame - as I said, I enjoyed this one whilst I was reading it. Maybe the inaccuracies are the point of the novel, as Toni is figuring it all out, but... if that was the case, I feel it would have all been set straight in the end.
Also, for the fact that the relationship between Toni and Gretchen was a central part of the book, I didn't care about it at all. I just wanted Gretchen to find a personality that wasn't centred around Toni.
I don't know. I'll probably give Robin Talley another chance one day, but with this novel I just feel kind of deflated.
I enjoyed it whilst I was reading it, but having taken a day to think about it to put my thoughts into words, I found it more and more problematic.
Firstly, genderqueer is not a kind of 'middle ground' between cisgender and transgender. It's a legitimate identity in its own right. People in this book seemed to take it as written that Toni would 'become' trans, however. That and Toni used transgender and other identities kind of interchangeably with each other, which confused things. Yes, trans is an umbrella, but context matters, and in using it in the way Toni did, it just made Toni come across as super-confused. Gender identity is confusing, but Toni often came across as just trying to be 'different'.
I didn't like Toni very much, to be honest. I don't know what it was, just the attitude that went along with it. Constantly rebuffing Gretchen trying to help because she 'couldn't possibly understand'. No, but people don't need to be able to 100% understand and be going through the same thing to support you, you idiot.
Also, the thing with pronouns in this book. Okay, so Toni decides not to use gendered pronouns, then decides to try out 'they' and 'zhe' and 'hir' in different parts of the novel. That's fine, Toni is experimenting, but what really got on my nerves was the fact that Toni insisted on using these pronouns for everyone else as well. Especially after a trans guy called Toni out on this fact, explaining it was hurtful to people who had fought to be referred to by male or female pronouns. But Toni, although seeming to accept this at the time, continued to use whatever the hell pronouns Toni felt like throughout the whole novel. This is NOT okay.
I liked Gretchen more, but she was so scared of saying the wrong thing that she just went along with things and didn't ask Toni any questions whatsoever about what gender identity meant or anything. Having social anxiety, I get that, but it is really frustrating to read about. Particularly when you're being told what a good relationship they have. They really don't (though I think perhaps that was part of Robin Talley's point).
There are a bunch of other things that annoyed me about this book and how it portrayed gender identity (Toni shaming room mates for posting pictures of themselves in bikinis or trying to be feminine, Carroll being a bigot and a walking stereotype, etc), but I think I've said enough.
It's a shame - as I said, I enjoyed this one whilst I was reading it. Maybe the inaccuracies are the point of the novel, as Toni is figuring it all out, but... if that was the case, I feel it would have all been set straight in the end.
Also, for the fact that the relationship between Toni and Gretchen was a central part of the book, I didn't care about it at all. I just wanted Gretchen to find a personality that wasn't centred around Toni.
I don't know. I'll probably give Robin Talley another chance one day, but with this novel I just feel kind of deflated.
I hated this book oh my dog
I'm too tired to get into detail -- maybe I'll add more later -- but for now, here's one thing that really bugged me.
Throughout the book, the genderqueer mc was experimenting with pronouns.
Not on themself.
On everyone else.
They went through phases of not using any pronouns... for anyone. Then using they pronouns for everyone (regardless of those people's preferences). Then using ze for everyone. Finally they started using people's actual pronouns, but only after more than half a book of intentional misgendering (including of trans people!!! there's one line where someone complains that he's worked so hard for people to use "he" for him, only for the MC to ignore that, but he's the one that's treated as insensitive.)
Every time that happened, I was ready to throw the book across the room.
(They pronouns used for the MC to avoid spoilers, and because tbh I'm still not sure what they ended up identifying as)
I'm too tired to get into detail -- maybe I'll add more later -- but for now, here's one thing that really bugged me.
Throughout the book, the genderqueer mc was experimenting with pronouns.
Not on themself.
On everyone else.
They went through phases of not using any pronouns... for anyone. Then using they pronouns for everyone (regardless of those people's preferences). Then using ze for everyone. Finally they started using people's actual pronouns, but only after more than half a book of intentional misgendering (including of trans people!!! there's one line where someone complains that he's worked so hard for people to use "he" for him, only for the MC to ignore that, but he's the one that's treated as insensitive.)
Every time that happened, I was ready to throw the book across the room.
(They pronouns used for the MC to avoid spoilers, and because tbh I'm still not sure what they ended up identifying as)