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2.82 AVERAGE
2.82 AVERAGE
Since reading Golden Boy by Abigail Tartellin a few years back, I have been intrigued by fiction that features central characters who are transgender. It is a subject that I am fascinated by; equally I am encouraged that more and more fiction discusses this topic.
The LGBTQIA community has been hidden away for so long that it truly makes me smile that young adults can read about characters’ struggles and maybe even identify with their stories. This is a great way to change opinions and remove ignorance along with giving the young adult reading the book (who is confused by their feelings in the convention societal arena) hope.
In What We Left Behind, we meet Gretchen and Toni(y) – our two protagonists; a lesbian couple who are trying to make their long distance relationship work as they head off to two different colleges. Alongside this struggle, Toni is discovering that s/he (for ease of description) wants to go through with transgender realignment. However, Gretchen is confsed as to what role she will play in Tony’s life now. Will she be his girlfriend? Does this make her straight? Both of them are struggling with these big life changes and are falling apart rather than anchoring each other.
What We Left Behind is a book that is essentially about relationships; our relationship with others and our relationship with ourselves. Robin Talley handles the topic with sensitivity whilst also managing to make the reader question our own levels of acceptance and how we perceive those around us.
What We Left Behind is an excellent novel.
What We Left Behind by Robin Talley is available now.
Follow Robin Talley (@Robin_Talley) via Twitter.
The LGBTQIA community has been hidden away for so long that it truly makes me smile that young adults can read about characters’ struggles and maybe even identify with their stories. This is a great way to change opinions and remove ignorance along with giving the young adult reading the book (who is confused by their feelings in the convention societal arena) hope.
In What We Left Behind, we meet Gretchen and Toni(y) – our two protagonists; a lesbian couple who are trying to make their long distance relationship work as they head off to two different colleges. Alongside this struggle, Toni is discovering that s/he (for ease of description) wants to go through with transgender realignment. However, Gretchen is confsed as to what role she will play in Tony’s life now. Will she be his girlfriend? Does this make her straight? Both of them are struggling with these big life changes and are falling apart rather than anchoring each other.
What We Left Behind is a book that is essentially about relationships; our relationship with others and our relationship with ourselves. Robin Talley handles the topic with sensitivity whilst also managing to make the reader question our own levels of acceptance and how we perceive those around us.
What We Left Behind is an excellent novel.
What We Left Behind by Robin Talley is available now.
Follow Robin Talley (@Robin_Talley) via Twitter.
DNF: Reads like a bad fanfic. Don't bother, I couldn't get past the first chapter.
challenging
tense
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Clumsy attempt at exploring genderqueer identity with a boring plot and absolutely zero likable characters. An absolute chore to read -- almost every page made me rage. Talley's use of transphobia was entirely unnecessary, and it triggered a lot of bad memories. The author does not take care of her trans audience by any means, and definitely doesn't do a good job at introducing non-trans readers to conversations on gender. The only reason I finished was because I had to for class. I usually donate books I had to buy but didn't like, but I'm literally ritually burning this one. I need the closure.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Deadnaming, Mental illness, Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, Toxic relationship, Transphobia
Minor: Ableism, Alcoholism, Body shaming, Homophobia, Sexual content, Antisemitism
I don’t know all that much about the LGBTQIA beyond my experiences with friends, family and the media which is pretty shameful. After reading a lot online about diversity, I decided to educate myself and what better way than through books? What We Left Behind not only has a delightful cover (yes, I’m still shallow in that respect) but follows a young couple from the end of high school through to college. And as we all know, college/university is a place for change, experimentation and to grow into your adult skin.
Toni (short for Antonia, but don’t call her that) meets new girl Gretchen on the dance floor and it’s love at first sight. The pair become inseparable through the last years of school and it’s presumed by everyone that they will be together forever. They’ve already got plans to meet up each weekend in Boston where they’ll be attending different colleges when Gretchen throws the first curveball – she’s been accepted into NYU. It’s a shock to Toni, but the pair are determined to make their long distance relationship work. However, that’s before reality hits. Gretchen loses her way, finding herself alone for the first time in a long time. Toni makes a group of transgender friends and starts to question where she fits – genderqueer, looking to transition or something else?
The story is essentially a coming of age/love story but it’s enchanting. Both Toni and Gretchen make completely idiotic decisions at times, compounded by their loneliness, feeling isolated and problems in their relationship. It’s to be expected, given their age and the world of possibilities when you’re on your own for the first time, but it was still sometimes frustrating. I really wanted to grab either of them and yell, ‘Don’t do it! Think of the consequences!’ Gretchen moped around a lot at first, pining for Toni and missing opportunities for new friends and excitement. Toni appeared to be more mature initially, but I think she was immature in her relationship, having an expectation of perfection. (One of the things she often boasted about was how she and Gretchen never, ever argued – that’s not a sign of a great relationship). It was interesting that neither of them saw the writing on the wall earlier with the cancelled trips to awkward calls but I guess love is blind.
I did really enjoy the friendships the couple made while they were apart. In Gretchen’s case, there was a sense of fun with the people she met, allowing her to take new risks and enjoy being young. Toni’s friends were more intense, being at various stages of transitioning from male to female, but it gave an insight as to what that’s like. Toni’s experimentation with avoiding the use of she/he (how difficult must that have been to write?) and different gender-neutral pronouns was thought provoking. What I didn’t like at times was both Toni and Gretchen’s distain for the straight or girly girls. Toni thinks her roommates are stupid because they straighten their hair, wear makeup and heels. If Toni’s so keen on everyone being able to express themselves how they see fit, why aren’t they included? Gretchen doesn’t do straight because it’s ‘boring’. I really hope they extend their acceptance to everyone as they grow up.
Apart from this, I enjoyed the story. It’s fun and light. The message that it’s okay to be confused and okay to be different resonated through.
Thanks to Harlequin for the eARC of this book. My review is honest.
http://samstillreading.wordpress.com
Toni (short for Antonia, but don’t call her that) meets new girl Gretchen on the dance floor and it’s love at first sight. The pair become inseparable through the last years of school and it’s presumed by everyone that they will be together forever. They’ve already got plans to meet up each weekend in Boston where they’ll be attending different colleges when Gretchen throws the first curveball – she’s been accepted into NYU. It’s a shock to Toni, but the pair are determined to make their long distance relationship work. However, that’s before reality hits. Gretchen loses her way, finding herself alone for the first time in a long time. Toni makes a group of transgender friends and starts to question where she fits – genderqueer, looking to transition or something else?
The story is essentially a coming of age/love story but it’s enchanting. Both Toni and Gretchen make completely idiotic decisions at times, compounded by their loneliness, feeling isolated and problems in their relationship. It’s to be expected, given their age and the world of possibilities when you’re on your own for the first time, but it was still sometimes frustrating. I really wanted to grab either of them and yell, ‘Don’t do it! Think of the consequences!’ Gretchen moped around a lot at first, pining for Toni and missing opportunities for new friends and excitement. Toni appeared to be more mature initially, but I think she was immature in her relationship, having an expectation of perfection. (One of the things she often boasted about was how she and Gretchen never, ever argued – that’s not a sign of a great relationship). It was interesting that neither of them saw the writing on the wall earlier with the cancelled trips to awkward calls but I guess love is blind.
I did really enjoy the friendships the couple made while they were apart. In Gretchen’s case, there was a sense of fun with the people she met, allowing her to take new risks and enjoy being young. Toni’s friends were more intense, being at various stages of transitioning from male to female, but it gave an insight as to what that’s like. Toni’s experimentation with avoiding the use of she/he (how difficult must that have been to write?) and different gender-neutral pronouns was thought provoking. What I didn’t like at times was both Toni and Gretchen’s distain for the straight or girly girls. Toni thinks her roommates are stupid because they straighten their hair, wear makeup and heels. If Toni’s so keen on everyone being able to express themselves how they see fit, why aren’t they included? Gretchen doesn’t do straight because it’s ‘boring’. I really hope they extend their acceptance to everyone as they grow up.
Apart from this, I enjoyed the story. It’s fun and light. The message that it’s okay to be confused and okay to be different resonated through.
Thanks to Harlequin for the eARC of this book. My review is honest.
http://samstillreading.wordpress.com
If you're looking for genderqueer representation, don't read this book. Much of T's journey felt forced, and confusing to me as their thought process was exhausting and difficult to keep straight in this amount of pages. I get that this is what college feels like, to an extent, which I thought worked really well -- the confusion and angst alone? Um, yes!
I didn't keep track of it, but it also felt like we heard T's perspective much more than we heard Gretchen's, and I felt like the book suffered for that. I was going to recommend this book to a friend looking for more lgbtq+ stories, but I don't think I can in good conscience.
I didn't keep track of it, but it also felt like we heard T's perspective much more than we heard Gretchen's, and I felt like the book suffered for that. I was going to recommend this book to a friend looking for more lgbtq+ stories, but I don't think I can in good conscience.
3.5 Stars.
Originally posted on Once Upon a Bookcase.
After loving Lies We Tell Ourselves by Robin Talley, I was so excited when I heard about What We Left Behind! However, it was quite a difficult read, and I'm not sure I can say I enjoyed it in the end.
Gretchen and Toni have been the perfect couple for almost two years; so in love, and completely inseparable. So when the time comes to go to college, a rift is caused between them when, the day before, Gretchen reveals she'll actually be attending NYU and not going to college in Boston, like Toni. Toni is mad at Gretchen, Gretchen feels terribly guilty, and having to deal with being further apart than planned is seriously difficult. But at Harvard, Toni, who identifies as genderqueer, signs up to a LGBTQ group, and makes friends with a number of trans people. In this new environment, Toni starts to think more about Toni's gender identity, what it means, what fits, and Gretchen begins to discover just who she is when she's not known as "Toni's girlfriend". Can their love survive the distance and embrace the new people they're becoming?
This book isn't what I thought it was about. When I first heard about it, there wasn't much description yet; it was a LGBTQ love story where one of the narrators is genderqueer. As I said, I loved Lies We Tell Ourselves, hearing that Talley would again be tackling an LGBTQ story I hadn't read before, I was so excited. I was expecting a nice (though hard) college romance, and to learn more about genderqueer. What We Left Behind is actually a lot more about indentity - specifically Toni's gender identity - than it is about romance. Gretchen and Toni's romance is the backdrop to Toni's story of self-discovery.
Toni identifies as genderqueer, which falls under than trans umbrella; as Toni puts it, Toni knows Toni isn't female, but isn't quite sure that Toni is male, either. The reason I keep repeating Toni's name instead of using male or female pronouns (he/his or she/her) is because Toni doesn't like them being used in relation to Toni. The way I'm writing right now is how Gretchen talks about Toni all the time, and how Toni talks about most people. That is until Toni decices to experiment with other pronouns, such as they/them or the pronouns created to be gender neutral, ze/hir. What We Left Behind is full of Toni's ideas when it comes to gender politics and how there is no gender binary (I.E. the gender binary being male and female, when it's more of a spectrum, as Toni's gender identity shows, where people can fall somewhere between the two). This isn't just because of Toni's own gender identity, but because Toni thinks the English language is full of sexism. There is a wonderful conversation with a transman, Pete, who gets a little annoyed with Toni refusing to use gendered pronouns, pretty much saying that he had to fight hard enough as it is to get people to see him (Pete) as male, it's not so great when Toni refuses to acknowledge his gender by using the gendered pronouns he wants people to use for him. There are a lot of really interesting conversations like this throughout the book.
The focus is mostly on Toni's gender identity, though. Toni is so confused; as I said, Toni knows Toni isn't female, but the more time Toni spends around Toni's new trans friends, the more confused Toni gets. Toni wonders if Toni will be genderqueer Toni's whole life, or if at some point Toni will feel more male and become a transman. But is that what Toni wants? With Toni's annoyance with the English language and labels, Toni also experiments with various labels to describe how Toni feels about Toni's gender identity; as well as genderqueer, Toni tries gender variant, gender non-conforming, there's talk about non-binary, and a few others are tried on and discarded, because nothing really feels right to Toni. Despite not liking labels, Toni is upset about not know what Toni is, and not knowing if Toni will ever stop feeling this way.
Then there's Gretchen. Her girlfriend, Toni, is going through all these changes, but what does that mean for her? She's so confused about what this all means. If Toni becomes a transman, would that make her straight? But she's a lesbian. She loves Toni, but would Toni still be attracted to her if Toni becomes a man? Would she still be attracted to Toni? She doesn't understand and these questions keep flying around her head, but she doesn't ask any of them because she's worried about things coming out wrong and offending Toni. And Toni doesn't talk to Gretchen about these things, partly because Toni is still mad at her, but also because Toni doesn't think Gretchen will understand. And all the while, Gretchen is berrating herself, feeling awful for having these questions because it doesn't really matter, not really, she should just be Toni's supportive girlfriend and do whatever she can to help Toni. But then she'll be involved in conversations were Toni is talking about Toni's gender identity, and there will be decisions Toni's made that come out of left field for Gretchen because Toni never told her. So Gretchen ends up hurt because she doesn't know what's going on in her girlfriend's head, but again, doesn't want to ask.
These two wound me the hell up, I swear. There is zero communication for much of the story, and their relationship is unbelievably unhealthy. Toni ends up being really quite selfish, worrying about themself and getting annoyed at the idea of talking to Gretchen, because what's the point, she doesn't get it, and Gretchen is bending over backwards to be there for Toni, and ends up being quite obsessed about when she'll hear from Toni next, what's Toni's going to say, because she loves Toni, she needs Toni, she can't do without Toni. It's really uncomfortable to read. Not only that, but they're at college, they're 18, but the way they both act when it comes to their relationship, feels so juvenile! Yes, they have major changes to contend with, but they're grown ups now, and need to stop acting like young teenagers.
As educational as this book is, it's also serious heavy. There is so much information on various gender identities and pronouns, and I do feel enlightened, but I also felt bloody exhausted once I finished it. There are so few books out there on genderqueer people, so this is such a hugely important book, but there is barely any let up. Gretchen's chapters are where you feel like you can breath a little easier, but even she spends a lot of time thinking about Toni and Toni's gender identity. No matter what's happening at any point with Toni, Toni is talking or thinking about Toni's gender identity. But I finished the book not knowing if this story of confusion on Toni's part is how most genderqueer people feel all the time, or if that was just how Toni was dealing with Toni's gender identity. It just felt like too much, all at once. This is my first experience of reading a book about a genderqueer peerson, so I don't know if I'm being insensitive or not - I apologise if I am.
What We Left Behind is a pretty good and important book, and one you will definitely learn from.
Thank you to Mira Ink for the proof.
Originally posted on Once Upon a Bookcase.
After loving Lies We Tell Ourselves by Robin Talley, I was so excited when I heard about What We Left Behind! However, it was quite a difficult read, and I'm not sure I can say I enjoyed it in the end.
Gretchen and Toni have been the perfect couple for almost two years; so in love, and completely inseparable. So when the time comes to go to college, a rift is caused between them when, the day before, Gretchen reveals she'll actually be attending NYU and not going to college in Boston, like Toni. Toni is mad at Gretchen, Gretchen feels terribly guilty, and having to deal with being further apart than planned is seriously difficult. But at Harvard, Toni, who identifies as genderqueer, signs up to a LGBTQ group, and makes friends with a number of trans people. In this new environment, Toni starts to think more about Toni's gender identity, what it means, what fits, and Gretchen begins to discover just who she is when she's not known as "Toni's girlfriend". Can their love survive the distance and embrace the new people they're becoming?
This book isn't what I thought it was about. When I first heard about it, there wasn't much description yet; it was a LGBTQ love story where one of the narrators is genderqueer. As I said, I loved Lies We Tell Ourselves, hearing that Talley would again be tackling an LGBTQ story I hadn't read before, I was so excited. I was expecting a nice (though hard) college romance, and to learn more about genderqueer. What We Left Behind is actually a lot more about indentity - specifically Toni's gender identity - than it is about romance. Gretchen and Toni's romance is the backdrop to Toni's story of self-discovery.
Toni identifies as genderqueer, which falls under than trans umbrella; as Toni puts it, Toni knows Toni isn't female, but isn't quite sure that Toni is male, either. The reason I keep repeating Toni's name instead of using male or female pronouns (he/his or she/her) is because Toni doesn't like them being used in relation to Toni. The way I'm writing right now is how Gretchen talks about Toni all the time, and how Toni talks about most people. That is until Toni decices to experiment with other pronouns, such as they/them or the pronouns created to be gender neutral, ze/hir. What We Left Behind is full of Toni's ideas when it comes to gender politics and how there is no gender binary (I.E. the gender binary being male and female, when it's more of a spectrum, as Toni's gender identity shows, where people can fall somewhere between the two). This isn't just because of Toni's own gender identity, but because Toni thinks the English language is full of sexism. There is a wonderful conversation with a transman, Pete, who gets a little annoyed with Toni refusing to use gendered pronouns, pretty much saying that he had to fight hard enough as it is to get people to see him (Pete) as male, it's not so great when Toni refuses to acknowledge his gender by using the gendered pronouns he wants people to use for him. There are a lot of really interesting conversations like this throughout the book.
The focus is mostly on Toni's gender identity, though. Toni is so confused; as I said, Toni knows Toni isn't female, but the more time Toni spends around Toni's new trans friends, the more confused Toni gets. Toni wonders if Toni will be genderqueer Toni's whole life, or if at some point Toni will feel more male and become a transman. But is that what Toni wants? With Toni's annoyance with the English language and labels, Toni also experiments with various labels to describe how Toni feels about Toni's gender identity; as well as genderqueer, Toni tries gender variant, gender non-conforming, there's talk about non-binary, and a few others are tried on and discarded, because nothing really feels right to Toni. Despite not liking labels, Toni is upset about not know what Toni is, and not knowing if Toni will ever stop feeling this way.
Then there's Gretchen. Her girlfriend, Toni, is going through all these changes, but what does that mean for her? She's so confused about what this all means. If Toni becomes a transman, would that make her straight? But she's a lesbian. She loves Toni, but would Toni still be attracted to her if Toni becomes a man? Would she still be attracted to Toni? She doesn't understand and these questions keep flying around her head, but she doesn't ask any of them because she's worried about things coming out wrong and offending Toni. And Toni doesn't talk to Gretchen about these things, partly because Toni is still mad at her, but also because Toni doesn't think Gretchen will understand. And all the while, Gretchen is berrating herself, feeling awful for having these questions because it doesn't really matter, not really, she should just be Toni's supportive girlfriend and do whatever she can to help Toni. But then she'll be involved in conversations were Toni is talking about Toni's gender identity, and there will be decisions Toni's made that come out of left field for Gretchen because Toni never told her. So Gretchen ends up hurt because she doesn't know what's going on in her girlfriend's head, but again, doesn't want to ask.
These two wound me the hell up, I swear. There is zero communication for much of the story, and their relationship is unbelievably unhealthy. Toni ends up being really quite selfish, worrying about themself and getting annoyed at the idea of talking to Gretchen, because what's the point, she doesn't get it, and Gretchen is bending over backwards to be there for Toni, and ends up being quite obsessed about when she'll hear from Toni next, what's Toni's going to say, because she loves Toni, she needs Toni, she can't do without Toni. It's really uncomfortable to read. Not only that, but they're at college, they're 18, but the way they both act when it comes to their relationship, feels so juvenile! Yes, they have major changes to contend with, but they're grown ups now, and need to stop acting like young teenagers.
As educational as this book is, it's also serious heavy. There is so much information on various gender identities and pronouns, and I do feel enlightened, but I also felt bloody exhausted once I finished it. There are so few books out there on genderqueer people, so this is such a hugely important book, but there is barely any let up. Gretchen's chapters are where you feel like you can breath a little easier, but even she spends a lot of time thinking about Toni and Toni's gender identity. No matter what's happening at any point with Toni, Toni is talking or thinking about Toni's gender identity. But I finished the book not knowing if this story of confusion on Toni's part is how most genderqueer people feel all the time, or if that was just how Toni was dealing with Toni's gender identity. It just felt like too much, all at once. This is my first experience of reading a book about a genderqueer peerson, so I don't know if I'm being insensitive or not - I apologise if I am.
What We Left Behind is a pretty good and important book, and one you will definitely learn from.
Thank you to Mira Ink for the proof.
What We Left Behind has a very diverse cast, and that both works for and against it. On the one hand, the novel contains mostly LGT characters, and a handful of these characters are people of color. It is much needed representation in YA. On the other hand, Talley’s portrayals are not necessarily good ones. In this review I will offer some examples of problematic aspects of the novel (I am myself cis + white) so that you can form your own conclusions on the material.
I don’t know if Talley is cis or not, but judging by her uncomfortable sympathy with cis partners of trans people (and how hard it is! And how grateful trans people should be for even the smallest effort!), I would guess that she is. My own personal rule for fiction is that any author can write any character well—including characters of different sexual orientations and genders, different races, religions, life experiences—as long as they do their research and don’t write stories that are about the racism, transphobia, homophobia, etc that they do not themselves experience. Of course racism, transphobia, etc can (and maybe should) be present in stories about oppressed peoples—there is no value in erasing these experiences—but a white author should not write a book where the main plot is about race, and a straight author should not write a plot all about coming out, and a cis author…you get the picture. Why not? Because it’s inauthentic. Because it takes the voices right out of oppressed peoples’ mouths, and because it is very often wrong. This is especially dangerous when novels present themselves as the authority on race or sexuality or gender—it spreads incorrect information to a younger audience and generally makes life harder for oppressed groups who now find they have to argue against published material as well as the misconceptions others already held.
And here I also have limitations, as I am writing as a cis person. I will mention now that Toni/Tony changes names and pronouns in the novel as T’s/his gender identity changes. To be honest, I do not know the most respectful way to refer to Toni/Tony. Toni is trans while going by Toni and using no pronouns/trying on different pronouns, just as Tony is trans while going by he/him—but there are earlier parts in the novel where Toni is uncomfortable with he/him, and it seems not quite right to use he/him retroactively for times when Toni is adamantly against any pronouns being used for T’s self. I’m choosing to change how I refer to Toni/Tony depending on how T/he identifies at the particular point in the novel I am talking about.
Now, back to the novel at hand: Talley has written What We Left Behind as a PSA about trans experiences—and I have to say that she is very inclusive. She discusses nonbinary identities at length, exploring the subtle differences in words, from genderqueer to gender nonconforming to gender variant. The book has two main characters—one, Gretchen, is a cis lesbian. The other, Toni, is trans/genderqueer, and has been dating Gretchen for almost 2 years when the novel begins. The two of them go separately to college, and the novel is primarily about how they cope with being separated for the first time, how Toni’s gender identity changes once Toni is in a community of other trans people, and how Gretchen copes with those changes.
There were some things about the novel that I found very relatable to my own experience as a cis queer person—but that is not necessarily a good thing. Gretchen does the right thing when it comes to Toni’s gender, sort of. She adapts to pronoun changes without too much BS about how hard it is, and she accepts Toni when Toni comes out without any fuss. But Gretchen does no research on her own time. She doesn’t ask any questions because she is afraid of saying the wrong thing, and while this may be true to life for many cis queers, her continued ignorance over a year after Toni comes out is presented in the novel as completely natural. Gretchen is constantly praised for half-assing her allyship because she is better than most cis people, generally. Further, she pursues friendship with a boy (cis gay) who calls her partner her “girlfriend,” uses the T slur, and is all around incredibly transphobic. Even Gretchen calls Toni her “girlfriend” throughout the novel, when Toni is genderqueer and when Tony is considering that he may be a binary trans man. And this is never called out as bad behavior, only the kind of “oopsie” that Gretchen can’t help.
Which brings me to Toni’s trans friends Toni meets at college. Derek, Eli, and Nance (cis lesbian who is a part of the same friend group) all have problematic opinions which are treated by the novel as legitimate guidance for Toni. Nance criticizes Toni for being so hard on Gretchen for not “getting it” right away because Gretchen is the best thing that Toni is ever going to get—which Derek seconds. This raised a lot of red flags. Toni’s friends tell T that nobody is perfect, essentially, and laughingly question whether Toni plans on only dating other trans people—as if Tony wanting his girlfriend to respect and understand him is setting his standards too high. This is truly disgusting and abusive. Further, Toni’s friends pressure T by implying that all nonbinary trans people are just on their way to becoming binary trans people—they make fun of the way T spells “Toni,” they do not ask T’s pronouns and automatically use he/him (in a trans-only space in which it would be safe to ask), Toni’s frequent pronoun changes are made fun of, and everyone assumes that Toni is going to physically transition. In my opinion, this is a very cis-oriented way of viewing trans people. Talley assumes that hormones and SRS are the only way to “accomplish” being transgender, and makes her trans characters reflect these beliefs. She conflates sex and gender even when writing in the perspectives of trans people. And the fact that Tony does end up suddenly realizing he is a trans man (and I do mean suddenly—he tells his mother he is a man and is surprised by his own admission, although after the fact he does still consider himself both a man and genderqueer) only confirms the bias against nonbinary trans people—that they are really only on their way to becoming binary. While it is true that this may be many trans peoples’ experience, Talley never criticizes the anti-nonbinary sentiment that Tony’s friends offer, or treat this as internalized transphobia—which she doesn’t have any business writing about anyway, if that was her intention.
This novel also has a good share of transmisogyny. There are no trans women or amab trans people in Toni’s circle of friends—which is a group of trans students T meets through one of Harvard’s LGBTQIA clubs. The only trans woman in the novel is a drag queen bouncer who lets them into a bar and later starts a fistfight, so make of that what you will.
What’s more, Talley focuses on passing as essential to being trans. Once Tony decides to identify mainly as male, he passes immediately in just a binder, as his family’s wealth and his slim frame mean he has the resources and body type to pass as a man. He replaces his entire wardrobe in an afternoon. All his friends at school are either taking hormones or getting top surgery—and while that is important to respect, Talley portrays this as the only way to be trans, with no discussion on people who can’t pass or don’t have the resources to pass or don’t want to pass–and with Talley’s criticism of the gender binary, it is especially odd that neither Tony nor any other character considers passing versus not passing more carefully.
And finally, pronouns. I will leave you to decide whether or not you find the treatment of pronouns in the novel problematic or not, but how Talley talks about pronouns seemed to me to miss the point. Toni starts off using no pronouns for T’s self, instead going by Toni or T for short, usually in place of a pronoun, which is of course legitimate. However, Toni also uses no pronouns for other trans people T meets, and insists that doing so is taking a political stance against the gender binary—ie, that referring to others by gender in the first place is problematic because it emphasizes the importance of gender in our culture. This causes an argument in Toni’s circle of friends, as Andy asserts that he has to fight to be recognized by the correct pronouns, and it is no one else’s place to decide for him what pronouns to use for him. After this fight Toni continues to refer to others either only by name, or later by they/them or ze/hir. At the end, when Tony decides to use he/him, Tony is relieved that he no longer has to put so much effort into using non-gendered pronouns for everyone, and how much easier it is now that he can use she and he for everyone (there are no other nonbinary characters that Toni/Tony interacts with). Tony never comes to the conclusion that you should ask a person’s pronouns and respect them—or to use they/them until one knows what pronouns to use, which is the stance on pronouns that I am most familiar with. Also, in reading this novel, prepare for Toni to be misgendered constantly—and when Tony is misgendered, it is rarely corrected.
Obviously I have just made a lot of criticism without saying anything good about the book. I think that Talley under-researched her novel. I think that her characters of color tend to be lacking development (Eli’s family falls into the overly strict/punitive Asian parents trope; Toni’s roommate is named “Ebony” and isn’t particularly important to the story; Toni’s other two roommates are transphobic; Eli’s party for his first T injection is jokingly called a “bar mitzvah” despite the fact he isn’t even Jewish). Derek and Eli are the more major characters of color, and less trope-y, though Eli mysteriously both has a Buddha statue in his room and hands out fliers for a Harvard Christian student club he’s active in. Talley is too sympathetic for Gretchen, and actively blames Toni/Tony for stringing Gretchen along while Toni/Tony works out T’s/his identity. Gretchen is the longsuffering supportive girlfriend who just wants to understand while Toni/Tony is vilified for expecting too much of her.
This book is the perfect example of why cis people writing to explain the trans experience is so harmful. And I haven’t even gotten to the complete lack of plot. The novel lacks action—the only conflict is the characters stuck in their own heads, thinking about coming out, or what it means to be trans, or whether Gretchen can still identify as a lesbian while dating a non-woman (note this does not occur to her until Tony is presenting more masculinely/is a man—Gretchen still thinks of Toni as her girlfriend as long as T is nonbinary). If you are reading this book for plot or romance, it isn’t really there. This is definitely a book about growing up and coming out, and it doesn’t even do that very well. I think I’ve been pretty generous by rating it 2 stars, and that is only because as problematic as it may be, looking at What We Left Behind in comparison with most cis queer media and how exclusive it is, What We Left Behind is a step in the right direction—it’s just that it steps too far, talking over trans writers about the trans experience. I don’t recommend this to cis queer readers who haven’t already taken steps to educate themselves. I think it would be a huge mistake to base your understanding of what it’s like to be trans off this book. It encourages lazy allyship and allows cis people to justify their own prejudices as “innocent.” As for trans readers, I imagine the above issues will be frustrating.
I hesitate to give such a bad review because I had such high hopes for this book—and no book is perfect. After all, compared to the swathes of cishet literature where LGBTQIA people are treated like we don’t exist, any book that has lesbian, gay, trans, and nonbinary trans characters has to be a step up from nothing. So, if you are feeling patient and willing to put on a critical eye, this book may be worth your time. For me, it was just something to read on the plane, but then again, it’s not as hard for me to find WLW to relate to in literature than it is to find trans and nonbinary representation—I wouldn’t fault any reader for giving this book a try with the knowledge that it may not be everything they are looking for. After all, often a problematic book is still exactly what we need to feel validated.
I don’t know if Talley is cis or not, but judging by her uncomfortable sympathy with cis partners of trans people (and how hard it is! And how grateful trans people should be for even the smallest effort!), I would guess that she is. My own personal rule for fiction is that any author can write any character well—including characters of different sexual orientations and genders, different races, religions, life experiences—as long as they do their research and don’t write stories that are about the racism, transphobia, homophobia, etc that they do not themselves experience. Of course racism, transphobia, etc can (and maybe should) be present in stories about oppressed peoples—there is no value in erasing these experiences—but a white author should not write a book where the main plot is about race, and a straight author should not write a plot all about coming out, and a cis author…you get the picture. Why not? Because it’s inauthentic. Because it takes the voices right out of oppressed peoples’ mouths, and because it is very often wrong. This is especially dangerous when novels present themselves as the authority on race or sexuality or gender—it spreads incorrect information to a younger audience and generally makes life harder for oppressed groups who now find they have to argue against published material as well as the misconceptions others already held.
And here I also have limitations, as I am writing as a cis person. I will mention now that Toni/Tony changes names and pronouns in the novel as T’s/his gender identity changes. To be honest, I do not know the most respectful way to refer to Toni/Tony. Toni is trans while going by Toni and using no pronouns/trying on different pronouns, just as Tony is trans while going by he/him—but there are earlier parts in the novel where Toni is uncomfortable with he/him, and it seems not quite right to use he/him retroactively for times when Toni is adamantly against any pronouns being used for T’s self. I’m choosing to change how I refer to Toni/Tony depending on how T/he identifies at the particular point in the novel I am talking about.
Now, back to the novel at hand: Talley has written What We Left Behind as a PSA about trans experiences—and I have to say that she is very inclusive. She discusses nonbinary identities at length, exploring the subtle differences in words, from genderqueer to gender nonconforming to gender variant. The book has two main characters—one, Gretchen, is a cis lesbian. The other, Toni, is trans/genderqueer, and has been dating Gretchen for almost 2 years when the novel begins. The two of them go separately to college, and the novel is primarily about how they cope with being separated for the first time, how Toni’s gender identity changes once Toni is in a community of other trans people, and how Gretchen copes with those changes.
There were some things about the novel that I found very relatable to my own experience as a cis queer person—but that is not necessarily a good thing. Gretchen does the right thing when it comes to Toni’s gender, sort of. She adapts to pronoun changes without too much BS about how hard it is, and she accepts Toni when Toni comes out without any fuss. But Gretchen does no research on her own time. She doesn’t ask any questions because she is afraid of saying the wrong thing, and while this may be true to life for many cis queers, her continued ignorance over a year after Toni comes out is presented in the novel as completely natural. Gretchen is constantly praised for half-assing her allyship because she is better than most cis people, generally. Further, she pursues friendship with a boy (cis gay) who calls her partner her “girlfriend,” uses the T slur, and is all around incredibly transphobic. Even Gretchen calls Toni her “girlfriend” throughout the novel, when Toni is genderqueer and when Tony is considering that he may be a binary trans man. And this is never called out as bad behavior, only the kind of “oopsie” that Gretchen can’t help.
Which brings me to Toni’s trans friends Toni meets at college. Derek, Eli, and Nance (cis lesbian who is a part of the same friend group) all have problematic opinions which are treated by the novel as legitimate guidance for Toni. Nance criticizes Toni for being so hard on Gretchen for not “getting it” right away because Gretchen is the best thing that Toni is ever going to get—which Derek seconds. This raised a lot of red flags. Toni’s friends tell T that nobody is perfect, essentially, and laughingly question whether Toni plans on only dating other trans people—as if Tony wanting his girlfriend to respect and understand him is setting his standards too high. This is truly disgusting and abusive. Further, Toni’s friends pressure T by implying that all nonbinary trans people are just on their way to becoming binary trans people—they make fun of the way T spells “Toni,” they do not ask T’s pronouns and automatically use he/him (in a trans-only space in which it would be safe to ask), Toni’s frequent pronoun changes are made fun of, and everyone assumes that Toni is going to physically transition. In my opinion, this is a very cis-oriented way of viewing trans people. Talley assumes that hormones and SRS are the only way to “accomplish” being transgender, and makes her trans characters reflect these beliefs. She conflates sex and gender even when writing in the perspectives of trans people. And the fact that Tony does end up suddenly realizing he is a trans man (and I do mean suddenly—he tells his mother he is a man and is surprised by his own admission, although after the fact he does still consider himself both a man and genderqueer) only confirms the bias against nonbinary trans people—that they are really only on their way to becoming binary. While it is true that this may be many trans peoples’ experience, Talley never criticizes the anti-nonbinary sentiment that Tony’s friends offer, or treat this as internalized transphobia—which she doesn’t have any business writing about anyway, if that was her intention.
This novel also has a good share of transmisogyny. There are no trans women or amab trans people in Toni’s circle of friends—which is a group of trans students T meets through one of Harvard’s LGBTQIA clubs. The only trans woman in the novel is a drag queen bouncer who lets them into a bar and later starts a fistfight, so make of that what you will.
What’s more, Talley focuses on passing as essential to being trans. Once Tony decides to identify mainly as male, he passes immediately in just a binder, as his family’s wealth and his slim frame mean he has the resources and body type to pass as a man. He replaces his entire wardrobe in an afternoon. All his friends at school are either taking hormones or getting top surgery—and while that is important to respect, Talley portrays this as the only way to be trans, with no discussion on people who can’t pass or don’t have the resources to pass or don’t want to pass–and with Talley’s criticism of the gender binary, it is especially odd that neither Tony nor any other character considers passing versus not passing more carefully.
And finally, pronouns. I will leave you to decide whether or not you find the treatment of pronouns in the novel problematic or not, but how Talley talks about pronouns seemed to me to miss the point. Toni starts off using no pronouns for T’s self, instead going by Toni or T for short, usually in place of a pronoun, which is of course legitimate. However, Toni also uses no pronouns for other trans people T meets, and insists that doing so is taking a political stance against the gender binary—ie, that referring to others by gender in the first place is problematic because it emphasizes the importance of gender in our culture. This causes an argument in Toni’s circle of friends, as Andy asserts that he has to fight to be recognized by the correct pronouns, and it is no one else’s place to decide for him what pronouns to use for him. After this fight Toni continues to refer to others either only by name, or later by they/them or ze/hir. At the end, when Tony decides to use he/him, Tony is relieved that he no longer has to put so much effort into using non-gendered pronouns for everyone, and how much easier it is now that he can use she and he for everyone (there are no other nonbinary characters that Toni/Tony interacts with). Tony never comes to the conclusion that you should ask a person’s pronouns and respect them—or to use they/them until one knows what pronouns to use, which is the stance on pronouns that I am most familiar with. Also, in reading this novel, prepare for Toni to be misgendered constantly—and when Tony is misgendered, it is rarely corrected.
Obviously I have just made a lot of criticism without saying anything good about the book. I think that Talley under-researched her novel. I think that her characters of color tend to be lacking development (Eli’s family falls into the overly strict/punitive Asian parents trope; Toni’s roommate is named “Ebony” and isn’t particularly important to the story; Toni’s other two roommates are transphobic; Eli’s party for his first T injection is jokingly called a “bar mitzvah” despite the fact he isn’t even Jewish). Derek and Eli are the more major characters of color, and less trope-y, though Eli mysteriously both has a Buddha statue in his room and hands out fliers for a Harvard Christian student club he’s active in. Talley is too sympathetic for Gretchen, and actively blames Toni/Tony for stringing Gretchen along while Toni/Tony works out T’s/his identity. Gretchen is the longsuffering supportive girlfriend who just wants to understand while Toni/Tony is vilified for expecting too much of her.
This book is the perfect example of why cis people writing to explain the trans experience is so harmful. And I haven’t even gotten to the complete lack of plot. The novel lacks action—the only conflict is the characters stuck in their own heads, thinking about coming out, or what it means to be trans, or whether Gretchen can still identify as a lesbian while dating a non-woman (note this does not occur to her until Tony is presenting more masculinely/is a man—Gretchen still thinks of Toni as her girlfriend as long as T is nonbinary). If you are reading this book for plot or romance, it isn’t really there. This is definitely a book about growing up and coming out, and it doesn’t even do that very well. I think I’ve been pretty generous by rating it 2 stars, and that is only because as problematic as it may be, looking at What We Left Behind in comparison with most cis queer media and how exclusive it is, What We Left Behind is a step in the right direction—it’s just that it steps too far, talking over trans writers about the trans experience. I don’t recommend this to cis queer readers who haven’t already taken steps to educate themselves. I think it would be a huge mistake to base your understanding of what it’s like to be trans off this book. It encourages lazy allyship and allows cis people to justify their own prejudices as “innocent.” As for trans readers, I imagine the above issues will be frustrating.
I hesitate to give such a bad review because I had such high hopes for this book—and no book is perfect. After all, compared to the swathes of cishet literature where LGBTQIA people are treated like we don’t exist, any book that has lesbian, gay, trans, and nonbinary trans characters has to be a step up from nothing. So, if you are feeling patient and willing to put on a critical eye, this book may be worth your time. For me, it was just something to read on the plane, but then again, it’s not as hard for me to find WLW to relate to in literature than it is to find trans and nonbinary representation—I wouldn’t fault any reader for giving this book a try with the knowledge that it may not be everything they are looking for. After all, often a problematic book is still exactly what we need to feel validated.
Better suited for high school than middle school.
Toni and Gretchen fell in love at first sight at a dance in high school. The two years since then have passed without the usual high school drama and teen angst. However, when they go to different colleges, things become much more difficult especially as Toni starts exploring more and more about being gender queer.
Toni and Gretchen fell in love at first sight at a dance in high school. The two years since then have passed without the usual high school drama and teen angst. However, when they go to different colleges, things become much more difficult especially as Toni starts exploring more and more about being gender queer.
I was so excited for this book and was sorely disappointed. I couldn't wait to read about a character who was genderqueer like me. Unfortunately the book poorly represented genderqueer people. It made it appear as if afab people identify as genderqueer as just a stop on the path for to becoming a man. I'm not saying that it is wrong to decide to transition after identifying as genderqueer but genderqueer is a legitimate identity on its own, the book did not make this clear. There was also a character who referred to the genderqueer character as slurs and no one in the book seemed to care. Also beyond it being offensive and an inaccurate depiction of genderqueer people it was also just poorly written. The love story was uninteresting and I did not care for any of the characters. I would not recommend this book.