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2.82 AVERAGE
2.82 AVERAGE
reflective
medium-paced
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
WHAT WE LEFT BEHIND is one of the truest love stories I've ever read in YA.
Tony and Gretchen met each other in high school and fell in love. They're the perfect couple and they've been together for almost two years when they leave for different universities – Tony to Harvard and Gretchen to NYU. They think they'll survive the long distance, but it's much easier said than done. Tony, who identifies as genderqueer, befriends a group of trans guys at Harvard and feels like this is where he belongs. He slowly figures out more about his gender identity, but he doesn't feel like he can talk to Gretchen about it anymore, as she won't understand him the way his trans guy friends do. Gretchen, on the other hand, is starting to wonder who she is outside of her relationship with Tony. Tony is too busy for Gretchen to visit often, and they begin to drift apart. Can they save their relationship – or more importantly, should they?
NB: Tony is written 'Toni' in the official blurb. When he and Gretchen first meet, Tony is presenting as female and has not yet started identifying as genderqueer, and he and Gretchen were known to everyone as a lesbian couple. However, over the course of the book Tony begins to identify as more on the male end of the spectrum than the female end and decides to adopt he/him pronouns and spell his name with a y instead of an i. Thus I believe it best to call him Tony and use male pronouns for him.
I'm not trans, and while I personally think this book did a pretty good job of exploring the mindset of a character who is still figuring out their complex gender identity, I obviously don't have any experience with this and I can't say with total confidence that this book isn't problematic in any way. Another reviewer in particular has pointed out some faults that they have found with the book. I really think this is a review that you ought to check out when you're considering whether or not to pick up the book (and the issues raised in the review are definitely valid concerns that you ought to bear in mind when reading the book).
While it's true that Tony is very confused about his gender identity throughout the book, I find the representation of that confusion realistic and compelling to read about. Confusion is certainly something that some trans people go through and it seems important to me that the book shows how Tony finds it very difficult that it seems like he's the only one among his group of trans friends who isn't sure, who has a hard time pinning down his identity and knowing what steps, if any, he wants to take (pronouns, labels, hormones, surgery, etc.) with regards to his gender presentation. His friends all seem like they know exactly what they're doing, and this makes him feel worse about himself for being so confused. I think this is a crucial message of the book: it's okay not to know. It's okay to take time to figure things out. It's okay to feel confused. Not everyone really knows what they're doing even if they might seem like they do. Plus, Tony's confused but that doesn't mean he makes no progress at all during the book. I think he makes quite a bit of progress and learns a lot.
I also think that the reader is meant to see Tony as kind of a dick. Well, I don't know about other readers, but I did. I find him pretty unlikeable and I spent most of the book shouting at him. At the beginning of the book he doesn't like using gendered pronouns at all, for anybody. A trans person explains why this is hurtful for the many people who do identify as a certain gender and want to have that affirmed by gendered pronouns. Tony seems to think about this for a brief moment, but then he just goes back to avoiding gendered pronouns completely. I think this is meant to illustrate how self-centred Tony is, because yes, the whole story is trying to show that. Tony is self-centred and he spends way too much time thinking only of himself and nobody else. Eventually, he does go back to using gendered pronouns for people who want them. And there's certainly a variety of trans characters in the book to represent a range of experiences so that Tony isn't the only trans voice in the story. (Some of these trans characters are POC as well, which I appreciated.)
It's understandable that Tony is kind of a dick; I could relate to his stress from all the stimuli of his first semester at Harvard, juggling his heavy workload and too many extracurriculars and hanging out with friends and being perpetually ill and not ever sleeping enough. All this while trying to figure out his gender identity. It's hard for anyone this stressed to not be a dick sometimes. I did really enjoy reading about the Harvard experience; I don't know how authentic it is with regards to Harvard specifically but it certainly seems like a familiar tale to me as an Oxford student, so that was fun. Talley really managed to convey how hectic Tony's life was as he was constantly running around campus and being late to things and dealing with stupid roommates and writing papers.
Yet that doesn't excuse Tony's selfishness and his possessiveness and how he seems to see his girlfriend as more of a prop than a real human being with her own life sometimes, as a perfect woman for him to show off and to comfort him when he needs it, someone who'll always be there for him and who'll always try to understand him even though he's not so willing to always be there for her and to understand her. He's also incredibly rash and even though he overthinks constantly, he also doesn't seem to nearly think enough sometimes about what he's doing. He's more privileged than he realises, I think. I don't like him very much a lot of the time, but I do like reading about him a lot.
Gretchen's life in NYU was interesting too, and I liked her more than Tony, although I was frustrated by a lot of the things she did as well; she's much less assertive than she should be but she definitely grows over the course of the book. I loved the development of her friendship with Carroll, a gay boy who is pretty much her only friend at NYU for a while – and she's his only friend too. They're really sweet friends to begin with but then it takes a really bold turn which I loved. Talley really makes us think about our relationships, whether romantic or platonic, with other people and how we should conduct these relationships, and what's good for us and what's not.
I rooted for Gretchen more and more as the book went on, because I found myself identifying with her much more – being the one in the relationship who always seems to have to bury their own emotions in order to support the other person and losing their sense of self in the relationship because of this. The ending before the epilogue almost had me cheering, because Gretchen finally realised what she had to do. It was powerful and beautiful and real, and I am glad to see something like this in YA.
I found the experience of reading WHAT WE LEFT BEHIND incredibly satisfying, because it was everything I wanted when I first heard about this book: the trajectory of a relationship from the end of high school to the beginning of college, the highs and the lows, the struggle with long distance, the characters realising that perfection isn't real, that there has to be more to their lives than this relationship, that love isn't always enough. The culmination of all of this unfolded exactly as it should, and I adored every bittersweet moment of it.
The result is a funny, honest, and moving portrayal of teenage love and of the human struggle to find identity and belonging. Talley stuns and enthrals with her depiction of Tony and Gretchen's complicated relationship, and I can't wait to read whatever she has to offer next.
Tony and Gretchen met each other in high school and fell in love. They're the perfect couple and they've been together for almost two years when they leave for different universities – Tony to Harvard and Gretchen to NYU. They think they'll survive the long distance, but it's much easier said than done. Tony, who identifies as genderqueer, befriends a group of trans guys at Harvard and feels like this is where he belongs. He slowly figures out more about his gender identity, but he doesn't feel like he can talk to Gretchen about it anymore, as she won't understand him the way his trans guy friends do. Gretchen, on the other hand, is starting to wonder who she is outside of her relationship with Tony. Tony is too busy for Gretchen to visit often, and they begin to drift apart. Can they save their relationship – or more importantly, should they?
NB: Tony is written 'Toni' in the official blurb. When he and Gretchen first meet, Tony is presenting as female and has not yet started identifying as genderqueer, and he and Gretchen were known to everyone as a lesbian couple. However, over the course of the book Tony begins to identify as more on the male end of the spectrum than the female end and decides to adopt he/him pronouns and spell his name with a y instead of an i. Thus I believe it best to call him Tony and use male pronouns for him.
I'm not trans, and while I personally think this book did a pretty good job of exploring the mindset of a character who is still figuring out their complex gender identity, I obviously don't have any experience with this and I can't say with total confidence that this book isn't problematic in any way. Another reviewer in particular has pointed out some faults that they have found with the book. I really think this is a review that you ought to check out when you're considering whether or not to pick up the book (and the issues raised in the review are definitely valid concerns that you ought to bear in mind when reading the book).
While it's true that Tony is very confused about his gender identity throughout the book, I find the representation of that confusion realistic and compelling to read about. Confusion is certainly something that some trans people go through and it seems important to me that the book shows how Tony finds it very difficult that it seems like he's the only one among his group of trans friends who isn't sure, who has a hard time pinning down his identity and knowing what steps, if any, he wants to take (pronouns, labels, hormones, surgery, etc.) with regards to his gender presentation. His friends all seem like they know exactly what they're doing, and this makes him feel worse about himself for being so confused. I think this is a crucial message of the book: it's okay not to know. It's okay to take time to figure things out. It's okay to feel confused. Not everyone really knows what they're doing even if they might seem like they do. Plus, Tony's confused but that doesn't mean he makes no progress at all during the book. I think he makes quite a bit of progress and learns a lot.
I also think that the reader is meant to see Tony as kind of a dick. Well, I don't know about other readers, but I did. I find him pretty unlikeable and I spent most of the book shouting at him. At the beginning of the book he doesn't like using gendered pronouns at all, for anybody. A trans person explains why this is hurtful for the many people who do identify as a certain gender and want to have that affirmed by gendered pronouns. Tony seems to think about this for a brief moment, but then he just goes back to avoiding gendered pronouns completely. I think this is meant to illustrate how self-centred Tony is, because yes, the whole story is trying to show that. Tony is self-centred and he spends way too much time thinking only of himself and nobody else. Eventually, he does go back to using gendered pronouns for people who want them. And there's certainly a variety of trans characters in the book to represent a range of experiences so that Tony isn't the only trans voice in the story. (Some of these trans characters are POC as well, which I appreciated.)
It's understandable that Tony is kind of a dick; I could relate to his stress from all the stimuli of his first semester at Harvard, juggling his heavy workload and too many extracurriculars and hanging out with friends and being perpetually ill and not ever sleeping enough. All this while trying to figure out his gender identity. It's hard for anyone this stressed to not be a dick sometimes. I did really enjoy reading about the Harvard experience; I don't know how authentic it is with regards to Harvard specifically but it certainly seems like a familiar tale to me as an Oxford student, so that was fun. Talley really managed to convey how hectic Tony's life was as he was constantly running around campus and being late to things and dealing with stupid roommates and writing papers.
Yet that doesn't excuse Tony's selfishness and his possessiveness and how he seems to see his girlfriend as more of a prop than a real human being with her own life sometimes, as a perfect woman for him to show off and to comfort him when he needs it, someone who'll always be there for him and who'll always try to understand him even though he's not so willing to always be there for her and to understand her. He's also incredibly rash and even though he overthinks constantly, he also doesn't seem to nearly think enough sometimes about what he's doing. He's more privileged than he realises, I think. I don't like him very much a lot of the time, but I do like reading about him a lot.
Gretchen's life in NYU was interesting too, and I liked her more than Tony, although I was frustrated by a lot of the things she did as well; she's much less assertive than she should be but she definitely grows over the course of the book. I loved the development of her friendship with Carroll, a gay boy who is pretty much her only friend at NYU for a while – and she's his only friend too. They're really sweet friends to begin with but then it takes a really bold turn which I loved. Talley really makes us think about our relationships, whether romantic or platonic, with other people and how we should conduct these relationships, and what's good for us and what's not.
I rooted for Gretchen more and more as the book went on, because I found myself identifying with her much more – being the one in the relationship who always seems to have to bury their own emotions in order to support the other person and losing their sense of self in the relationship because of this. The ending before the epilogue almost had me cheering, because Gretchen finally realised what she had to do. It was powerful and beautiful and real, and I am glad to see something like this in YA.
I found the experience of reading WHAT WE LEFT BEHIND incredibly satisfying, because it was everything I wanted when I first heard about this book: the trajectory of a relationship from the end of high school to the beginning of college, the highs and the lows, the struggle with long distance, the characters realising that perfection isn't real, that there has to be more to their lives than this relationship, that love isn't always enough. The culmination of all of this unfolded exactly as it should, and I adored every bittersweet moment of it.
The result is a funny, honest, and moving portrayal of teenage love and of the human struggle to find identity and belonging. Talley stuns and enthrals with her depiction of Tony and Gretchen's complicated relationship, and I can't wait to read whatever she has to offer next.
ok.
so i am very patient with books and honedtly i loved the representation and the gender confusion was so palpable and relateable. honestly all the characters were a mess and I loved Toni getting told off. i could even forgive the close minded character for using the t slur once at the beginning. got quickly corrected. but i just got about three quarters through and the t slur got dropped again. and im so angry and frustrated. i dont know who would learn ehat from this book. i gave it 2 stars because the amount of gender confusion is something i needed to read. but all the rest of it? horribly triggering. horribly written. i just cant.
i skipped to the end. im done.
so i am very patient with books and honedtly i loved the representation and the gender confusion was so palpable and relateable. honestly all the characters were a mess and I loved Toni getting told off. i could even forgive the close minded character for using the t slur once at the beginning. got quickly corrected. but i just got about three quarters through and the t slur got dropped again. and im so angry and frustrated. i dont know who would learn ehat from this book. i gave it 2 stars because the amount of gender confusion is something i needed to read. but all the rest of it? horribly triggering. horribly written. i just cant.
i skipped to the end. im done.
This review was originally posted on Books of Amber
Lies We Tell Ourselves was one of my favourite books of the year last year, and when I found out that Talley's next book would be about a girl who is a lesbian and a character who identifies as genderqueer, I was incredibly excited. Unfortunately, I was more than a little let down by What We Left Behind, and the reason for that lies with the character of Toni.
There are two main characters, Toni and Gretchen, but What We Left Behind focusses mostly on the genderqueer character, Toni. Toni started off okay and all, and I was interested in reading about someone who identifies in such a way, and also about someone who is still wondering which label or labels they want to assign themselves, but by the end Toni made me want to tear my hair out.
Toni was incredibly preachy, and when reading from Toni's point of view I felt like I was reading an essay. There was a lot of info-dumping and none of it felt particularly natural, as info-dumps rarely do, and on top of that Toni was a self absorbed prat who didn't deserve Gretchen. I understand/acknowledge/agree that Toni was going through a lot of difficult things relating to gender and identity and sexuality, but those things can't really be used as an excuse here. Whenever Toni had a chapter (i.e. throughout most of the book) I was subjected to an essay about identity and genderqueer-ness and sexuality. And yes, those things need to be talked about and I'm all for representation, but if I wanted to read about them in a non-fiction format then I could have found all this stuff online.
I did, to begin with, enjoy the discussions that the characters had about identity and pronouns and language, but again, it was all put forward in the wrong way, in my opinion.
I've also read a couple of other reviews on the topic of genderqueer representation and they were interesting. You can find one of them here, which talks about how Talley doesn't do a great job of representing genderqueer people. I don't feel like I'm educated enough on that particular identity to provide much of a comment, but the review was an interesting read. I would agree that What We Left Behind seems to label genderqueer as a transitional period rather than a real identity or label.
On another note, I really started to dislike Toni when Toni met two girls and said they have no right to talk about feminism or be feminists until they stop wearing bikinis. Like. Mate. You're completely missing what feminism is about. Do you think we all have to go around in hoodies and jeans to be legit?!
And I suppose I'm going to leave the review here as I don't have much more to say. I'm disappointed, but I'm open to reading more from Talley in the future.
I wanted to give his a higher rating because I loved her first book but this was just too dramatic for me. The entire thing was just one long back and forth, are we or aren't we, immature relationship story. I appreciate the topics she introduced and the subject matter that was discussed but the characters were all so whiny and immature and I had a tough time getting through the last half of the book.
I'm too much of a laywoman to comment on the genderqueer content of this book and how "right" or "wrong" the author gets it. I do know teenagers though and I think that the author does a great job of capturing 18 and freshman year.
Read this review and more on my blog!
I received an eARC of What We Left Behind from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review - thanks to MIRAInk and NetGalley for letting me read this book early!
Check out my review of Robin Talley's debut, Lies We Tell Ourselves, here.
Last month I read Robin Talley's debut novel, Lies We Tell Ourselves, and with her third novel, As I Descended, being one of my most anticipated reads of 2016, I think it's safe to say that Talley is an author I've been keeping my eye on, so I was thrilled when my request to receive an eARC was approved.
Sadly, I didn't love this one. In fact I struggled to finish it.
Something that really excited me about this book is the inclusion of a genderqueer protagonist. Before now I hadn't read a single book with a protagonist who identified as genderqueer, and it's so important that people who identify as such are given a voice in literature just as much as any other member of the LGBT+ community. Now the first thing I must say is that I am cisgender and, as such, my reading experience with this book is probably very different to someone who identifies as genderqueer - in other words, people who identify as genderqueer will know a lot more about the representation of gender fluidity than I do, so please keep that in mind when reading my review. If you identify as genderqueer and haven't read this book yet, it could be that my opinion of it doesn't help you to decide whether you should read it or not. Okay? Okay.
There is a lot of discussion about sexuality and gender in this book. I love that. Sexuality and gender need to be discussed more, and lately, in YA in particular, I've seen a lot of LGBT+ representation, which I think is fantastic. Having said that, there were times when this novel felt more like a piece of non-fiction; it was as though Talley was simply using Tony (I will be using 'Tony' and 'he/his' pronouns throughout this review) as a puppet through which she could discuss all the thoughts about gender that are bopping about in her brain.
I'm sorry to say that Tony got on my nerves, too. He doesn't have a great home life, and for that I completely sympathised with him, but there were times when he was just so selfish. It's important for us to have stories like this one about people who are trying to figure themselves out - I think we spend our whole lives constructing and deconstructing ourselves - but Tony is so concerned with his own self-discovery that he forgets the people around him are people with their own hopes, dreams and fears. He assumes Gretchen is just going to follow him everywhere and do whatever he wants, and yet he refuses to explain his worries to her because he doesn't think she'll understand. Then he accuses her of not understanding. I also didn't appreciate his jealous streak, or his pretentiousness; at first he doesn't like to use gendered pronouns, which is totally his call to make, but he never considers how not using pronouns for other people might make them feel. Some people feel uncomfortable when gendered pronouns aren't used for them, and it's hypocritical of Tony to demand something for himself he's not willing to do for others.
I wasn't keen on Tony's thoughts concerning heterosexual women, either; two of his roommates are pretty horrible, but he thinks they don't count as feminists simply because they like to 'conform to gender stereotypes'. It was almost as thought anyone outside the LGBT+ community wasn't worth his time, and I didn't like that.
The person I hated most in this novel, though, was Gretchen's 'best friend' Carroll. Despite being a gay man from a very homophobic background, and therefore knowing what it was like to feel belittled and anxious because of his sexuality, he was incredibly rude to other members of the LGBT+ community. He was particularly rude to Gretchen when talking about Tony - the guy had some serious transphobia going on and it really bugged me that Gretchen never told him where he could shove his frankly disgusting opinions. I spent most of the novel hoping he'd get hit by a bus.
I appreciate what Talley was trying to do with this story, I just didn't feel it; it didn't move me in the same way Lies We Tell Ourselves did, and I wasn't too keen on the insinuation throughout the novel that people who identify as genderqueer simply haven't decided whether they're male, female or non-binary yet. It's almost like saying that someone who is bisexual hasn't decided if they're gay or straight yet. I don't think that is Talley's view - and one thing I did appreciate is that neither of her protagonists are perfect, not by a long-shot - but it still came across that way and it made me uncomfortable.
So I didn't love this, and I'm disappointed that I didn't love this, but I'm still looking forward to reading more of Talley's work, because I think we need more authors like her who are willing to tackle subjects like this one.
I'm going to leave a link to Layla @ The Midnight Garden's review here, because she felt very similarly to me about the book and managed to phrase everything far more eloquently than I have!
I received an eARC of What We Left Behind from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review - thanks to MIRAInk and NetGalley for letting me read this book early!
Check out my review of Robin Talley's debut, Lies We Tell Ourselves, here.
Last month I read Robin Talley's debut novel, Lies We Tell Ourselves, and with her third novel, As I Descended, being one of my most anticipated reads of 2016, I think it's safe to say that Talley is an author I've been keeping my eye on, so I was thrilled when my request to receive an eARC was approved.
Sadly, I didn't love this one. In fact I struggled to finish it.
Something that really excited me about this book is the inclusion of a genderqueer protagonist. Before now I hadn't read a single book with a protagonist who identified as genderqueer, and it's so important that people who identify as such are given a voice in literature just as much as any other member of the LGBT+ community. Now the first thing I must say is that I am cisgender and, as such, my reading experience with this book is probably very different to someone who identifies as genderqueer - in other words, people who identify as genderqueer will know a lot more about the representation of gender fluidity than I do, so please keep that in mind when reading my review. If you identify as genderqueer and haven't read this book yet, it could be that my opinion of it doesn't help you to decide whether you should read it or not. Okay? Okay.
There is a lot of discussion about sexuality and gender in this book. I love that. Sexuality and gender need to be discussed more, and lately, in YA in particular, I've seen a lot of LGBT+ representation, which I think is fantastic. Having said that, there were times when this novel felt more like a piece of non-fiction; it was as though Talley was simply using Tony (I will be using 'Tony' and 'he/his' pronouns throughout this review) as a puppet through which she could discuss all the thoughts about gender that are bopping about in her brain.
I'm sorry to say that Tony got on my nerves, too. He doesn't have a great home life, and for that I completely sympathised with him, but there were times when he was just so selfish. It's important for us to have stories like this one about people who are trying to figure themselves out - I think we spend our whole lives constructing and deconstructing ourselves - but Tony is so concerned with his own self-discovery that he forgets the people around him are people with their own hopes, dreams and fears. He assumes Gretchen is just going to follow him everywhere and do whatever he wants, and yet he refuses to explain his worries to her because he doesn't think she'll understand. Then he accuses her of not understanding. I also didn't appreciate his jealous streak, or his pretentiousness; at first he doesn't like to use gendered pronouns, which is totally his call to make, but he never considers how not using pronouns for other people might make them feel. Some people feel uncomfortable when gendered pronouns aren't used for them, and it's hypocritical of Tony to demand something for himself he's not willing to do for others.
I wasn't keen on Tony's thoughts concerning heterosexual women, either; two of his roommates are pretty horrible, but he thinks they don't count as feminists simply because they like to 'conform to gender stereotypes'. It was almost as thought anyone outside the LGBT+ community wasn't worth his time, and I didn't like that.
The person I hated most in this novel, though, was Gretchen's 'best friend' Carroll. Despite being a gay man from a very homophobic background, and therefore knowing what it was like to feel belittled and anxious because of his sexuality, he was incredibly rude to other members of the LGBT+ community. He was particularly rude to Gretchen when talking about Tony - the guy had some serious transphobia going on and it really bugged me that Gretchen never told him where he could shove his frankly disgusting opinions. I spent most of the novel hoping he'd get hit by a bus.
I appreciate what Talley was trying to do with this story, I just didn't feel it; it didn't move me in the same way Lies We Tell Ourselves did, and I wasn't too keen on the insinuation throughout the novel that people who identify as genderqueer simply haven't decided whether they're male, female or non-binary yet. It's almost like saying that someone who is bisexual hasn't decided if they're gay or straight yet. I don't think that is Talley's view - and one thing I did appreciate is that neither of her protagonists are perfect, not by a long-shot - but it still came across that way and it made me uncomfortable.
So I didn't love this, and I'm disappointed that I didn't love this, but I'm still looking forward to reading more of Talley's work, because I think we need more authors like her who are willing to tackle subjects like this one.
I'm going to leave a link to Layla @ The Midnight Garden's review here, because she felt very similarly to me about the book and managed to phrase everything far more eloquently than I have!
2.5
I commend this book for what it did. I really do, however I don't believe that it was executed in the right way. At the start of this book I believed that it was worthy of 4 maybe in 5 stars. Then the problems started to kick in.
Now I do not identify as genderqueer, non-binary, transgender, lesbian or any of the sexualities/genders mentioned in this book so I do not know how accurate these representations are. However I just believe that T's character was quite a dramatic and over the top person sometimes and it was very hard to handle.
Like I said before I commend this book for what it tried to do I just believe that it was not written very thoughtfully.
I commend this book for what it did. I really do, however I don't believe that it was executed in the right way. At the start of this book I believed that it was worthy of 4 maybe in 5 stars. Then the problems started to kick in.
Now I do not identify as genderqueer, non-binary, transgender, lesbian or any of the sexualities/genders mentioned in this book so I do not know how accurate these representations are. However I just believe that T's character was quite a dramatic and over the top person sometimes and it was very hard to handle.
Like I said before I commend this book for what it tried to do I just believe that it was not written very thoughtfully.
This is going behind a spoiler cut because I'm going to be extremely opinionated.
You have been warned.
NB: I use 'they' for Toni more than any other gendered pronouns, purely because Toni doesn't start to identify as a male with male pronouns until the end of the book, and all of this stuff I'm talking about is before that part happens.
This book was really well written. Like really well. For the most part.
This is the first novel from this author that I have read, and yes, it is exactly the kind of book that absolutely everyone everywhere should read for the topics that it discusses throughout.
Gretchen and Toni are the two main characters.
They meet at a high school dance and promptly fall in love.
By the time the book properly starts, they've been together for almost two years and are on their way to university.
Whilst Toni thinks that they are both going to university in Boston, Gretchen has hidden the fact that she is going to NYC, not Boston, like had been Toni's plan.
That's where this couple's trouble really starts.
Toni finds, and immediately joins, an LGBTQIA group at Harvard, where there are people who are out and proud trans people. These are the kinds of people Toni has been unknowingly looking for their entire life. Toni immediately fits in with them and feels a sense of belonging, that these people know exactly what T is going through.
Gretchen, on the other hand, goes to NYC, where she, unfortunately, meets an absolute wanker of a person, Carroll. Carroll is a toxic friend. He is a gay guy, just like she is a lesbian woman. And Gretchen, who is reeling from the loss of having Toni in her everyday existence, clings onto him. He does so with her, too.
Sadly, he is an absolute arsehole. He is the definition of an uneducated, uncaring gay male, who doesn't understand that there are more people in the spectrum of the LGBTQIA community than just gay males and lesbian women. And, sadder still, he represents a large portion of people who exist in this world - they don't want to bother understanding because that just means they'll have to educate themselves when they would rather be ignorant.
Carroll says and does the most disgusting things when it comes to Gretchen talking about her relationship with Toni, who has discovered that they're definitely leaning towards the male end of the gender spectrum, rather than the genderqueer person that Toni always identified with.
I'll be frank and say it - I hate Carroll. I hated him from the first second he opened his mouth.
While Gretchen and Toni are dealing with being apart for the first time in their coupled life, they both try to grow whilst maintaining their ever hectic university schedules.
Toni becomes completely obsessed with pronouns, gender, gender identity, and of course, them self, and it is absolutely understandable, considering that this education is brand new and all encompassing. The desire to label every one into neat little boxes becomes Toni's thing, until someone justly points it out that things don't always work out like that. (Which, let me say, I fricken loved Nance for doing so. Toni needed to be taken down a peg there.)
Whilst Toni becomes even more self-obsessed, Gretchen is pretty much left in the lurch with her extremely toxic and gross friend, Carroll. Who is emotionally manipulative at the best of times, at any given time of the day.
I wish Gretchen had developed a back bone and told Carroll to fuck right off with the things that he said, but she remained a doormat, even when he was an absolute piece of shit to her.
Then. My least favourite part of the novel happened.
Now, this is extremely opinionated, please keep that in mind.
Gretchen and Toni have gone "on a break" (ugh). Carroll and Gretchen go out, get completely drunk, and have sex.
I understand that this plot device was put in place to break up Gretchen and Carroll's friendship, but that could have easily been achieved with Gretchen calling Carroll out on his disgusting behaviour. It didn't do anything to move the plot forward except to break up their friendship, and I believe it could have been handled better.
(And honestly, I am so sick of seeing lesbians just used in novels like their sexualities don't matter at all. It pisses me off so much.)
Other things that irked me beyond belief is the fact that Toni is constantly saying that Gretchen couldn't possibly understand what they're going through because they are the ones going through it. But Toni doesn't even give Gretchen a chance. Gretchen feels like she can't even ask questions for fear of being laughed at, and resorts to a bit of reading before it all comes too much for her. Which is understandable.
Toni should have been a better partner and understood that Gretchen would need to be educated, and that she wouldn't just understand it all because it's what Toni was thinking.
That was some really unrealistic expectations that Toni had, and it pissed me off. It wasn't necessary for Toni to shut Gretchen out like that. Toni was so wrapped up in their own head that they forgot that Gretchen even existed, let alone that they were a couple.
Tony finally decides that he is going to start transitioning to be a male, comes out to his mum, which goes pretty well, considering what a horrid woman she is painted to be. But, it's still terrible none the less.
Whilst there are so many parts of this book that piss me off (the every day language from some characters, the characters themselves), I have to remind myself that, unfortunately, a lot of the world is still like this.
Which brings me to the fact that this is a good book for its content. It's annoying as fuck in some parts, sure, but I have yet to read a book that so blatantly goes into what it feels like for a transgender person realising who they really are.
There are points where I wanted to strangle almost every single character (except Eli, I adored Eli. And Sam. I adored Sam), but that is so human.
This is really well written, too.
It did take me about 4 days to read because of the heavy content, but it was really worth it.
I'm an opinionated person. I feel a bit guilty posting this. But I know I'll regret it if I don't. I might even end up deleting this. But yeah.
2/5 stars
You have been warned.
NB: I use 'they' for Toni more than any other gendered pronouns, purely because Toni doesn't start to identify as a male with male pronouns until the end of the book, and all of this stuff I'm talking about is before that part happens.
This book was really well written. Like really well. For the most part.
This is the first novel from this author that I have read, and yes, it is exactly the kind of book that absolutely everyone everywhere should read for the topics that it discusses throughout.
Gretchen and Toni are the two main characters.
They meet at a high school dance and promptly fall in love.
By the time the book properly starts, they've been together for almost two years and are on their way to university.
Whilst Toni thinks that they are both going to university in Boston, Gretchen has hidden the fact that she is going to NYC, not Boston, like had been Toni's plan.
That's where this couple's trouble really starts.
Toni finds, and immediately joins, an LGBTQIA group at Harvard, where there are people who are out and proud trans people. These are the kinds of people Toni has been unknowingly looking for their entire life. Toni immediately fits in with them and feels a sense of belonging, that these people know exactly what T is going through.
Gretchen, on the other hand, goes to NYC, where she, unfortunately, meets an absolute wanker of a person, Carroll. Carroll is a toxic friend. He is a gay guy, just like she is a lesbian woman. And Gretchen, who is reeling from the loss of having Toni in her everyday existence, clings onto him. He does so with her, too.
Sadly, he is an absolute arsehole. He is the definition of an uneducated, uncaring gay male, who doesn't understand that there are more people in the spectrum of the LGBTQIA community than just gay males and lesbian women. And, sadder still, he represents a large portion of people who exist in this world - they don't want to bother understanding because that just means they'll have to educate themselves when they would rather be ignorant.
Carroll says and does the most disgusting things when it comes to Gretchen talking about her relationship with Toni, who has discovered that they're definitely leaning towards the male end of the gender spectrum, rather than the genderqueer person that Toni always identified with.
I'll be frank and say it - I hate Carroll. I hated him from the first second he opened his mouth.
While Gretchen and Toni are dealing with being apart for the first time in their coupled life, they both try to grow whilst maintaining their ever hectic university schedules.
Toni becomes completely obsessed with pronouns, gender, gender identity, and of course, them self, and it is absolutely understandable, considering that this education is brand new and all encompassing. The desire to label every one into neat little boxes becomes Toni's thing, until someone justly points it out that things don't always work out like that. (Which, let me say, I fricken loved Nance for doing so. Toni needed to be taken down a peg there.)
Whilst Toni becomes even more self-obsessed, Gretchen is pretty much left in the lurch with her extremely toxic and gross friend, Carroll. Who is emotionally manipulative at the best of times, at any given time of the day.
I wish Gretchen had developed a back bone and told Carroll to fuck right off with the things that he said, but she remained a doormat, even when he was an absolute piece of shit to her.
Then. My least favourite part of the novel happened.
Now, this is extremely opinionated, please keep that in mind.
Gretchen and Toni have gone "on a break" (ugh). Carroll and Gretchen go out, get completely drunk, and have sex.
I understand that this plot device was put in place to break up Gretchen and Carroll's friendship, but that could have easily been achieved with Gretchen calling Carroll out on his disgusting behaviour. It didn't do anything to move the plot forward except to break up their friendship, and I believe it could have been handled better.
(And honestly, I am so sick of seeing lesbians just used in novels like their sexualities don't matter at all. It pisses me off so much.)
Other things that irked me beyond belief is the fact that Toni is constantly saying that Gretchen couldn't possibly understand what they're going through because they are the ones going through it. But Toni doesn't even give Gretchen a chance. Gretchen feels like she can't even ask questions for fear of being laughed at, and resorts to a bit of reading before it all comes too much for her. Which is understandable.
Toni should have been a better partner and understood that Gretchen would need to be educated, and that she wouldn't just understand it all because it's what Toni was thinking.
That was some really unrealistic expectations that Toni had, and it pissed me off. It wasn't necessary for Toni to shut Gretchen out like that. Toni was so wrapped up in their own head that they forgot that Gretchen even existed, let alone that they were a couple.
Tony finally decides that he is going to start transitioning to be a male, comes out to his mum, which goes pretty well, considering what a horrid woman she is painted to be. But, it's still terrible none the less.
Whilst there are so many parts of this book that piss me off (the every day language from some characters, the characters themselves), I have to remind myself that, unfortunately, a lot of the world is still like this.
Which brings me to the fact that this is a good book for its content. It's annoying as fuck in some parts, sure, but I have yet to read a book that so blatantly goes into what it feels like for a transgender person realising who they really are.
There are points where I wanted to strangle almost every single character (except Eli, I adored Eli. And Sam. I adored Sam), but that is so human.
This is really well written, too.
It did take me about 4 days to read because of the heavy content, but it was really worth it.
I'm an opinionated person. I feel a bit guilty posting this. But I know I'll regret it if I don't. I might even end up deleting this. But yeah.
2/5 stars