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2.82 AVERAGE
2.82 AVERAGE
To see more reviews check out MI Book Reviews.
This was a wonderful surprise gift from Maddy. She bought it for me while she was off in England being a terribly impressive book nerd in her publishing program. I hadn’t heard of the book and I could have sworn I had never heard of the author before (turns out that wasn’t quite true, since I was given an ARC of Talley’s newest book!).
So I went into this book with no expectations outside of “Oh no” because many of the reviews I read were about how terrible the representation was for gender queer people. I was scared to read it, but I was also scared to not read it. I didn’t want to be triggered by my reading, but I wanted to read something that Maddy had sent me because she knows me so well. What was a boy to do? Well, angst about it and read it and then angst about it some more.
So the book is far from perfect. It is terrible in some aspects. Let me make one thing clear: this book is terrifyingly bad at representing gender queer people as people. They are a complete stereotype of confusion in this book. They are the new bisexual stereotype for sure. It was gross. Toni/Tony/T was almost the worst character in the book (I will use T exclusively to not spoil any final decisions). T refused to use gender pronouns for anyone which is super awful. I fought for my damn right to be called he/him. I lived for that pronoun when I was 15 and starting my transition. I fight every day for others to have the right to their pronoun, what gives T the right to deny me my pronoun? Ok, I am angry at a fictional character, yes. Another character yells at T too. I was grinning so hard at that. In T’s efforts to express T and be a feminist, T erased a ton of people and their needs. It was horrible. T is the type of person that has made me fearful of being in a trans or queer space. T exists out there in the real world, but T is dangerous. T is the reason why I, a big ole trans queer, was majorly depressed when I lived in one of the queerest places in the country. I was deemed not queer enough because I wanted male pronouns. While T’s entire plot was cringe worthy and gross, T’s character was seriously flawed and it was deliciously wonderful. T gets chewed out, T refuses to learn, T learns anyway. It was a wonderful story about growth. If only T wasn’t a walking cliche and horrible description of what a cis person thinks being gender queer is about. None of my gender queer friends angst over if they are a boy or not. They just are themselves. That is not saying there are no people that are confused or dealing with their stuff, but that is not all that they are. They exist beyond that and they enjoy playing with their gender. It was just so disheartening to see such a bad portrayal of gender queer in a book that was so diverse.
Can I say right now that I would die for Derek and Eli? Can I also say that I would marry them this very second? Fight me if you think they are not the most darling and intelligent and wonderful and so much more secondary characters. But you know what else I hated about this book? Carroll. He is a walking cliche of his own. He is terribly transphobic ALL OF THE DAMN TIME. I am sorry. I am so over gay guys getting to be total assholes and it be seen as cute. I am so tired of gay cis men in particular just being super awful about trans characters. I also want to add almost all of the insults and transphobic language that Carroll used is almost exclusively about trans women. It was so off putting that the author didn’t seem to do any bit of research into what is actually said to and about trans masculine people.
Outside of that horrible trans representation and research, this book was pretty fantastic. I loved the love story. I was giggling and gasping out loud. I was shipping everyone so hard. I wanted more. I would have been happy with more about these characters. I would give this book an easy 5 stars for the love plot, if the transphobia wasn’t so damn bad. It got so bad that even the ending result of T’s thinking had me rolling my eyes. Just no. I loved the writing and I loved the idea behind this book, but so many cringe worthy things were said and done. So two stars is as far as I could stretch my rating, but I am so damn disappointed that I couldn’t give it more. I binge read this book and loved it, but I just can’t. There was so much that was wrong with it that parts became so difficult to read, they hurt me to read as a trans person.
This was a wonderful surprise gift from Maddy. She bought it for me while she was off in England being a terribly impressive book nerd in her publishing program. I hadn’t heard of the book and I could have sworn I had never heard of the author before (turns out that wasn’t quite true, since I was given an ARC of Talley’s newest book!).
So I went into this book with no expectations outside of “Oh no” because many of the reviews I read were about how terrible the representation was for gender queer people. I was scared to read it, but I was also scared to not read it. I didn’t want to be triggered by my reading, but I wanted to read something that Maddy had sent me because she knows me so well. What was a boy to do? Well, angst about it and read it and then angst about it some more.
So the book is far from perfect. It is terrible in some aspects. Let me make one thing clear: this book is terrifyingly bad at representing gender queer people as people. They are a complete stereotype of confusion in this book. They are the new bisexual stereotype for sure. It was gross. Toni/Tony/T was almost the worst character in the book (I will use T exclusively to not spoil any final decisions). T refused to use gender pronouns for anyone which is super awful. I fought for my damn right to be called he/him. I lived for that pronoun when I was 15 and starting my transition. I fight every day for others to have the right to their pronoun, what gives T the right to deny me my pronoun? Ok, I am angry at a fictional character, yes. Another character yells at T too. I was grinning so hard at that. In T’s efforts to express T and be a feminist, T erased a ton of people and their needs. It was horrible. T is the type of person that has made me fearful of being in a trans or queer space. T exists out there in the real world, but T is dangerous. T is the reason why I, a big ole trans queer, was majorly depressed when I lived in one of the queerest places in the country. I was deemed not queer enough because I wanted male pronouns. While T’s entire plot was cringe worthy and gross, T’s character was seriously flawed and it was deliciously wonderful. T gets chewed out, T refuses to learn, T learns anyway. It was a wonderful story about growth. If only T wasn’t a walking cliche and horrible description of what a cis person thinks being gender queer is about. None of my gender queer friends angst over if they are a boy or not. They just are themselves. That is not saying there are no people that are confused or dealing with their stuff, but that is not all that they are. They exist beyond that and they enjoy playing with their gender. It was just so disheartening to see such a bad portrayal of gender queer in a book that was so diverse.
Can I say right now that I would die for Derek and Eli? Can I also say that I would marry them this very second? Fight me if you think they are not the most darling and intelligent and wonderful and so much more secondary characters. But you know what else I hated about this book? Carroll. He is a walking cliche of his own. He is terribly transphobic ALL OF THE DAMN TIME. I am sorry. I am so over gay guys getting to be total assholes and it be seen as cute. I am so tired of gay cis men in particular just being super awful about trans characters. I also want to add almost all of the insults and transphobic language that Carroll used is almost exclusively about trans women. It was so off putting that the author didn’t seem to do any bit of research into what is actually said to and about trans masculine people.
Outside of that horrible trans representation and research, this book was pretty fantastic. I loved the love story. I was giggling and gasping out loud. I was shipping everyone so hard. I wanted more. I would have been happy with more about these characters. I would give this book an easy 5 stars for the love plot, if the transphobia wasn’t so damn bad. It got so bad that even the ending result of T’s thinking had me rolling my eyes. Just no. I loved the writing and I loved the idea behind this book, but so many cringe worthy things were said and done. So two stars is as far as I could stretch my rating, but I am so damn disappointed that I couldn’t give it more. I binge read this book and loved it, but I just can’t. There was so much that was wrong with it that parts became so difficult to read, they hurt me to read as a trans person.
Look it's not flawless but I really needed to read this in this moment and also, these characters are 18 and still learning and growing so I feel like they can't be the perfect representation for non-binary or trans people or anyone really because they seemed so privileged. Sometimes there isn't this neat obvious decision/endpoint. I liked the thought processes Toni was going through I feel like that was a realistic portrayal (for me anyway) of someone who is questioning their gender. It is ambitious but if it helps educate anyone around gender then that's a good thing.
Hm. Hm. Mixed feelings about this one, enough that I'm not really sure how to rate it at all.
My first impression was: holy shit, we have come a LONG way since I was a teen! A non-binary character who's on a journey! Happy queer teens dating in high school and having realistic dating feelings! This is new, and neat.
Less thrilling: you've got a whole group of (presumably) extremely smart, politicized trans Harvard students and not one of them says, hey, dude, you know the whole pronoun thing? U R DOING IT WRONG. Really, nobody says, hey, Toni, you've got it backwards, you state your pronoun for you and *I* state my pronoun for me, and when I tell you what my pronoun is, you use it. This whole "I'm going to call everyone by gender-variant pronouns despite the fact that they've told me their actual pronouns are [whatever]" going uncorrected was frankly bizarre. Also for heaven's sakes, kiddo, THE SINGULAR THEY EXISTS. Hard to believe that in 2016 Toni would be willing to use ze/hir but not the singular they for grammar reasons.
Also less thrilling: not until five pages before the end does anybody suggest therapy?!?
Also truly not thrilling at all: the tone-deaf blinders around race and privilege.
But... gosh, it's not Geography Club. Things really have moved since the early 2000s, and that really is something. There were many different types of queer/trans characters in the cast overall, and that's something interesting too.
My first impression was: holy shit, we have come a LONG way since I was a teen! A non-binary character who's on a journey! Happy queer teens dating in high school and having realistic dating feelings! This is new, and neat.
Less thrilling: you've got a whole group of (presumably) extremely smart, politicized trans Harvard students and not one of them says, hey, dude, you know the whole pronoun thing? U R DOING IT WRONG. Really, nobody says, hey, Toni, you've got it backwards, you state your pronoun for you and *I* state my pronoun for me, and when I tell you what my pronoun is, you use it. This whole "I'm going to call everyone by gender-variant pronouns despite the fact that they've told me their actual pronouns are [whatever]" going uncorrected was frankly bizarre. Also for heaven's sakes, kiddo, THE SINGULAR THEY EXISTS. Hard to believe that in 2016 Toni would be willing to use ze/hir but not the singular they for grammar reasons.
Also less thrilling: not until five pages before the end does anybody suggest therapy?!?
Also truly not thrilling at all: the tone-deaf blinders around race and privilege.
But... gosh, it's not Geography Club. Things really have moved since the early 2000s, and that really is something. There were many different types of queer/trans characters in the cast overall, and that's something interesting too.
Likes:
I related to the gender confusion Toni had. I don't understand my gender. Gender is a confusing concept anyways. It's a jumble of pronouns and identification. I don't try to think about it. My mind turns into a knot if I try. So I related to Toni's confusion. No pronouns, they, ze/hir (I actually never heard about these before. Learn something new every day...), then he. It was a long line of changes, all within a year or so. The rushed change did annoy me a bit, but it was understandable. I hear college is an epic journey in finding yourself. Not that I know.
The diversity was great. Yay genderqueer books! I love the fact that this book was written. The content might have irritated many in the way it was presented, but I loved that there was a genderqueer book written. A+ for diversity!
Dislikes:
The plot was boring. Nothing really happened. Mostly girlfriend problems. And I never signed up for that. It was supposed to be a coming-of-age story, but it was all drama. If I wanted drama, I could skip school and watch daytime shows. So no.
The characters and dialogue were annoying. I was grumbling the entire book. Gretchen and Toni didn't act like teenagers-in-college. They sounded like children. All the 'waaah' and 'YAAAAY' stuff I use. I try to sound younger and cuter. You're in college. You don't get that chance. And the characters irked me. Gretchen was all beautiful blonde, but my mental image was of the braided brunette from the kids' show 'Recess'. Stop messing with my mental image. And she seemed pretty shallow. It's not about you. Toni is just figuring things out. Calm down, Gretch. And Toni acted like things were all about him. Uh, no again. Sorry, dude. But that's not how this works. You're figuring things out, but you don't get to act all offensive when people point out your problems.
Before and after chapter were confusing. The story leaped from during high school go during college. And, man, was that hard to understand. You have to actively read the chapter headers. No way, Jose. I'm not into that stuff. Plus, the 'weeks apart' and 'weeks together' thing was tiring. Choose between weeks or before/after.
I related to the gender confusion Toni had. I don't understand my gender. Gender is a confusing concept anyways. It's a jumble of pronouns and identification. I don't try to think about it. My mind turns into a knot if I try. So I related to Toni's confusion. No pronouns, they, ze/hir (I actually never heard about these before. Learn something new every day...), then he. It was a long line of changes, all within a year or so. The rushed change did annoy me a bit, but it was understandable. I hear college is an epic journey in finding yourself. Not that I know.
The diversity was great. Yay genderqueer books! I love the fact that this book was written. The content might have irritated many in the way it was presented, but I loved that there was a genderqueer book written. A+ for diversity!
Dislikes:
The plot was boring. Nothing really happened. Mostly girlfriend problems. And I never signed up for that. It was supposed to be a coming-of-age story, but it was all drama. If I wanted drama, I could skip school and watch daytime shows. So no.
The characters and dialogue were annoying. I was grumbling the entire book. Gretchen and Toni didn't act like teenagers-in-college. They sounded like children. All the 'waaah' and 'YAAAAY' stuff I use. I try to sound younger and cuter. You're in college. You don't get that chance. And the characters irked me. Gretchen was all beautiful blonde, but my mental image was of the braided brunette from the kids' show 'Recess'. Stop messing with my mental image. And she seemed pretty shallow. It's not about you. Toni is just figuring things out. Calm down, Gretch. And Toni acted like things were all about him. Uh, no again. Sorry, dude. But that's not how this works. You're figuring things out, but you don't get to act all offensive when people point out your problems.
Before and after chapter were confusing. The story leaped from during high school go during college. And, man, was that hard to understand. You have to actively read the chapter headers. No way, Jose. I'm not into that stuff. Plus, the 'weeks apart' and 'weeks together' thing was tiring. Choose between weeks or before/after.
This book is problematic and just not good. The dialogue is so inauthentic and the queer representation is just too stereotypical and like a caricature of queerness. Don’t read this
A fast read that felt engaging at the time, but sitting down to write the review all I can remember are the many moments I was annoyed by either T or Gretchen. Overall, would not recommend unless you have no other books with genderqueer or trans characters to read and are dying to just read SOMETHING painless and fast.
When I saw this book in the bookstore I was so excited! I have only read a few books where one or more of the main characters is queer, least of all genderqueer. I was so ready to love What We Left Behind! However the book was just not for me. I did not really care for the characters, and by the end I felt that a lot of my questions were left unanswered.
*UPDATE: 3/5/18
The more I think about it, the more i feel that maybe Tony was just a baby-trans and sometimes trans people, especially when they're coming out, have weird notions of gender. So, no rating. Gonna wait to reread
*Update: 8/3/17, the more I think about this book, the more I realize how I just don't like it. The only thing it did well was address insta-love. Most of the queer characters were terrible. So, 1 star*
Original REVIEW:
Actual rate: 1.5
I was so excited to read about a genderqueer character and having the relationship take place in college and be long distance.
Then I started reading and I was rather quickly disappointed. Here are my main problems with it:
Tony and Gretchen are in a relationship and have been since they instantly fell in love during their junior prom. They are going to two different colleges and promise to try and make the relationship work despite living a few states away.
Tony at the beginning of the book identifies as genderqueer and the book is essentially about Tony's transition and gender adventure. I just wish he was a more likable character because I hated his chapters so much. He was extremely judgmental of people, trans or cis, to the point where he tries to figure out a person's gender based on their appearance and???? thats the most contradictory thing I've ever heard??? Like, I'm not trans, but I feel like it I was, I'd be even less quick to judge because a person's appearance does not equal their gender!!! And this continues until the last 50 pages, where Tony is FINALLY called out for her shit, but only in one place and it's never brought up again.
Speaking of judgmental, there's so much girl hate for Tony's roommates for NO reason! Yes, they are highly critical of Tony's gender identity and I agree they are terrible for that, but Tony criticizes them for being "so cisgender" and "so feminine" and wanting to dress a certain way and there's no reason for it, it just makes Tony even more unlikable. It's basically the "im not like the other girls, I'm Different" line of thinking but Tony isn't even female and I just hate it.
Gretchen is overall a better character, and I felt bad for her not knowing what to do about Tony and his gender adventure, but being too scared to ask questions. Her chapter were much better to read, but her gay best friend, Carroll didn't make them any better. He felt very gay-stereotype, both in being a fashion expert and not knowing anything about LGBTQIA+ besides the L and the G. The ending with him especially pissed me off, but I won't spoil it.
This book also annoyed me because 200 page sin, they state most of the side characters were POC, which felt like the biggest cop out ever. Like it felt the editor went "Robin, there's too many white people," so she just added 3 lines explaining how 2 characters are black, 1 Vietnamese, and 1 Korean, all the while never once talking about it before this point (except the Korean guy) and never having their identity impact their character at all. It felt extremely sloppy and poorly placed.
So why does this get 2.5 stars? The 1.5 is for Gretchen and the discussion of insta-love and how relationships don't work on that basis.
I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone though.
The more I think about it, the more i feel that maybe Tony was just a baby-trans and sometimes trans people, especially when they're coming out, have weird notions of gender. So, no rating. Gonna wait to reread
*Update: 8/3/17, the more I think about this book, the more I realize how I just don't like it. The only thing it did well was address insta-love. Most of the queer characters were terrible. So, 1 star*
Original REVIEW:
Actual rate: 1.5
I was so excited to read about a genderqueer character and having the relationship take place in college and be long distance.
Then I started reading and I was rather quickly disappointed. Here are my main problems with it:
Tony and Gretchen are in a relationship and have been since they instantly fell in love during their junior prom. They are going to two different colleges and promise to try and make the relationship work despite living a few states away.
Tony at the beginning of the book identifies as genderqueer and the book is essentially about Tony's transition and gender adventure. I just wish he was a more likable character because I hated his chapters so much. He was extremely judgmental of people, trans or cis, to the point where he tries to figure out a person's gender based on their appearance and???? thats the most contradictory thing I've ever heard??? Like, I'm not trans, but I feel like it I was, I'd be even less quick to judge because a person's appearance does not equal their gender!!! And this continues until the last 50 pages, where Tony is FINALLY called out for her shit, but only in one place and it's never brought up again.
Speaking of judgmental, there's so much girl hate for Tony's roommates for NO reason! Yes, they are highly critical of Tony's gender identity and I agree they are terrible for that, but Tony criticizes them for being "so cisgender" and "so feminine" and wanting to dress a certain way and there's no reason for it, it just makes Tony even more unlikable. It's basically the "im not like the other girls, I'm Different" line of thinking but Tony isn't even female and I just hate it.
Gretchen is overall a better character, and I felt bad for her not knowing what to do about Tony and his gender adventure, but being too scared to ask questions. Her chapter were much better to read, but her gay best friend, Carroll didn't make them any better. He felt very gay-stereotype, both in being a fashion expert and not knowing anything about LGBTQIA+ besides the L and the G. The ending with him especially pissed me off, but I won't spoil it.
This book also annoyed me because 200 page sin, they state most of the side characters were POC, which felt like the biggest cop out ever. Like it felt the editor went "Robin, there's too many white people," so she just added 3 lines explaining how 2 characters are black, 1 Vietnamese, and 1 Korean, all the while never once talking about it before this point (except the Korean guy) and never having their identity impact their character at all. It felt extremely sloppy and poorly placed.
So why does this get 2.5 stars? The 1.5 is for Gretchen and the discussion of insta-love and how relationships don't work on that basis.
I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone though.
This book reminded me how spazzy and confusing and awful and wonderful going away to college can be. It's a story about how scary it is to be away from friends, combined with the exhilaration of figuring out who you are, testing out different identities.
I like that the ending is ambiguous, and that the protagonists don't have everything figured out--that feels real to me.
I have read only a couple books with characters who identify as transgender, and I appreciated the diversity of LGBTQ (+ a myriad of other identifications) characters presented in the story.
This book reminded me to be loving. The hardest parts for me to read, emotionally-speaking, were those where people had opportunities to respond with love but chose not to. Those scenes made me think that even if you're confused or scared by how someone in your life identifies, you can still be kind and loving while you take some time to educate yourself.
I like that the ending is ambiguous, and that the protagonists don't have everything figured out--that feels real to me.
I have read only a couple books with characters who identify as transgender, and I appreciated the diversity of LGBTQ (+ a myriad of other identifications) characters presented in the story.
This book reminded me to be loving. The hardest parts for me to read, emotionally-speaking, were those where people had opportunities to respond with love but chose not to. Those scenes made me think that even if you're confused or scared by how someone in your life identifies, you can still be kind and loving while you take some time to educate yourself.