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fraeyalise's review
1) Graphic, unnecessary description of child sexual assault that came out of nowhere.
2) Does she even have consent to share the stories of her patients in such graphic detail?
3) The white and class privilege here is grating on me.
I've gotten all I can out of this book. I'm cautious, apprehensive, and wary of reading any more of her anecdotes because of how matter-of-factly she inserted the graphic CSA and rape descriptions.
I was a little triggered by her miscarriage and birth stories as well, but the CSA was the huge final straw.
2) Does she even have consent to share the stories of her patients in such graphic detail?
3) The white and class privilege here is grating on me.
I've gotten all I can out of this book. I'm cautious, apprehensive, and wary of reading any more of her anecdotes because of how matter-of-factly she inserted the graphic CSA and rape descriptions.
I was a little triggered by her miscarriage and birth stories as well, but the CSA was the huge final straw.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Rape, Child abuse, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Pedophilia, Incest, Emotional abuse, Panic attacks/disorders, and Abandonment
Moderate: Pregnancy
Minor: Miscarriage
sophiestasyna's review against another edition
emotional
informative
reflective
slow-paced
3.0
This book had some good nuggets of information. I do believe many of teachings shared are helpful in fostering compassion for oneself and others.
I struggled with the fact that this book was written by a White woman who converted to Buddhism in adulthood. This is more of a systemic issue as opposed to a Tara issue, but there exists a long history of Eurocentric communities appropriating and profiting off Buddhist traditions and practices. I do wish Tara had done a more thorough job of positioning herself and acknowledging her privilege and blindspots in this book. I do see that since this book was published, she has written some reflective pieces on anti-racism and White Privilege, which is a start.
I also think the language of this book did not age well. I found that there was some insidious fatphobia throughout.
I struggled with the fact that this book was written by a White woman who converted to Buddhism in adulthood. This is more of a systemic issue as opposed to a Tara issue, but there exists a long history of Eurocentric communities appropriating and profiting off Buddhist traditions and practices. I do wish Tara had done a more thorough job of positioning herself and acknowledging her privilege and blindspots in this book. I do see that since this book was published, she has written some reflective pieces on anti-racism and White Privilege, which is a start.
I also think the language of this book did not age well. I found that there was some insidious fatphobia throughout.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Sexual violence, Mental illness, Fatphobia, and Child abuse
wagnermelissam's review against another edition
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
1.0
This book is not bad by any means- her storytelling and teachings just didn’t grip me in a way that I felt was applicable to where I am with ~my journey~ right now
Content Warnings
Minor: Sexual assault, Child abuse, and Sexual violence
nmccarron's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.75
beautiful and healing. learnt many lessons and plan on buying the physical copy after listening to the audiobook
Content Warnings
Moderate: Rape and Child abuse
arrr's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
reflective
relaxing
slow-paced
4.25
Good but there's a very sudden dark trauma brought up at one point with no warning. Felt incredibly unsettling to be relaxing listening to this, then suddenly very triggered.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Child abuse, Alcoholism, Eating disorder, and Rape
katharina90's review
informative
reflective
slow-paced
3.0
Much longer than it needs to be which makes it feel really slow. I also think some of it hasn't aged well.
Nevertheless it contains a few helpful takeaways and I like that the author gives credit to Buddhist teachings rather than repackaging and selling mindfulness and various meditation exercises as her own invention which so often happens in the self-help space.
Brock describes radical acceptance as "the willingness to experience ourselves and our life as it is" through mindfulness and compassion.
This involves recognizing our essential goodness, meeting ourselves with unconditional friendliness and curiosity, extending compassion to ourselves and others, and practicing forgiveness.
"our imperfections don't taint our basic goodness"
Nevertheless it contains a few helpful takeaways and I like that the author gives credit to Buddhist teachings rather than repackaging and selling mindfulness and various meditation exercises as her own invention which so often happens in the self-help space.
Brock describes radical acceptance as "the willingness to experience ourselves and our life as it is" through mindfulness and compassion.
This involves recognizing our essential goodness, meeting ourselves with unconditional friendliness and curiosity, extending compassion to ourselves and others, and practicing forgiveness.
"our imperfections don't taint our basic goodness"
Content Warnings
Moderate: Sexual assault, Addiction, Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, Miscarriage, Animal death, Child abuse, and Religious bigotry
Minor: Fatphobia
erinwolf1997's review against another edition
informative
reflective
slow-paced
3.75
Content Warnings
Graphic: Animal death and Miscarriage
Moderate: Eating disorder and Child abuse
Minor: Incest
koreanlinda's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
relaxing
medium-paced
4.0
It is an excellent book for anyone having a hard time in life. I suffer from chronic depression and anxiety. I started this book awhile ago and stopped; however, I had to pick it up again when my depression worsened with suicidal thoughts. Embracing ourselves with deep insecurities, fears, and worries might be the most challenging thing in our life, and this book helps you find a way to continue. I also recommend listening to Tara Brach's meditation series on her website or any podcast player you have.
Review by Linda (she/they) in August 2023
Instagram @KoreanLinda
Essay writer at DefinitelyNotOkay.com
Podcaster at AmericanKsisters.com
Review by Linda (she/they) in August 2023
Instagram @KoreanLinda
Essay writer at DefinitelyNotOkay.com
Podcaster at AmericanKsisters.com
Content Warnings
Minor: Violence, Child abuse, Sexual violence, and Mental illness
There are mentions of violence and abuse that Tara Brach shares from her patients' cases.darumachan's review against another edition
slow-paced
1.5
I picked this up because I use the Calm meditation app, and Brach's meditations have been some of my favorites.
The good: Each chapter has a key term or concept that is directly relevant to a meditation practice, and likewise, each chapter concludes with one or more suggestions for guided meditation. I definitely noticed some overlap with Brach's meditations on Calm, as well as the meaningful influence she has had as a teacher and mentor on Tamara Levitt. But in the end, the chapters go into each topic in more depth and add to the meditations, so the app and the book do work together well.
The frustrating: The book was published in 2003, and has not aged well. Brach relates many (MANY) of her own personal experiences throughout, and I've come away with a fairly ambivalent image of her as self-congratulatory, white-savior-ish, heedless of cultural appropriation, thoughtlessly generalizing "Asian" as a monolithic culture, and entirely unaware of (or unconcerned with) the issues of systemic racism that any BIPOC living in the U.S. at the turn of the 21st century might face. I preface all of that with the original publication date because I recognize that these social issues were not as forefront in the minds of most white writers in the 90s and early 2000s. But... it has been 2 decades, and if there is truly as much continuity between the teachings in the book and the core principles that she continues to teach in contemporary media (apps and podcasts, etc.), then it is worth her time to come back and create a 2nd edition of this book.
**Also, a note about the audiobook-- it is straight up a copy from the original made for a CD -- to the extent that halfway through the book, there is a break that says "This is the end of the CD but not the audiobook; continue on the next disc." In fact, let's just call this technical goof a metaphor for the problems with her tone and social awareness -- it's just coming to us directly from the previous century with no updates whatsoever.
The bad: Besides the topical introduction and concluding meditation, each chapter was little more than a series of anecdotes that were intended to illustrate the problem and how she solves them. There was the occasional lesson-tale from the teachings of the Buddha, which have been clearly used as illustrative anecdotes for millennia, and those were the most useful and least problematic. Besides that, I did not find anything really useful in these anecdotes and in many cases, they did not ring even remotely true. First, there are her own personal life experiences, and the first few seemed genuine in their rawness, but after a while the way she characterized her "learning self" against her "accepting self" started to feel exaggerated and unbelievable (either that or she really does frequently shift seamlessly from "screaming" at her family members to connecting deeply with her colleagues at meditation retreats? I'm not sure which is more troubling). Then, there are the examples of her friends and clients, and fine, this is standard fare for books like this, but their situations were so extreme, Brach's advice so profound and moving, and their resulting transformations so sudden and life-altering, that it all rang false, or at least highly simplified and condescending both to the subject and to the reader. Most egregious were the anonymous and generic "real-life stories" -- the priest comforting a woman on her deathbed -- or literally her describing the equivalent of a New Yorker cartoon in order to illustrate a point, but doing so as if it were a story that had actually happened -- essentially early versions of the clunky internet memes that are trying so hard to teach a lesson but are completely and transparently fabricated.
The downright problematic: More ranting about the anecdotes, but this is important -- every time I picked up the book, I came away feeling quite triggered because of how casually she would use horrific and extreme situations to embellish these ridiculous anecdotes. In her personal life stories: the miscarriage of her first pregnancy; mental and emotional abuse in a cult-like religious group; growing up with abusive and addicted parents; losing a beloved pet to terminal illness. The anecdotes about her friends and clients involved trauma like sexual abuse of a minor, other types of physical and emotional abuse by parents and/or partners, severe cases of religious bigotry, eating disorders, grieving, illness, and addiction. Again, the meme-type anecdotes are the worst because she blithely embellishes them with extreme and sensationally traumatic details like "holocaust survivors" and "heroine addicts" and people wasting away with any number of severe and terminal illnesses (there were at least two instances of "emaciated faces" looking up from hospital beds).
Finally, the language she uses is just careless and problematic -- casual racism, cultural appropriation, fatphobia, addiction, and food restriction. Again, probably more an issue of the book not aging well, but all the more reason to update it as a new edition that reflects the actual concerns and values of our society.
The good: Each chapter has a key term or concept that is directly relevant to a meditation practice, and likewise, each chapter concludes with one or more suggestions for guided meditation. I definitely noticed some overlap with Brach's meditations on Calm, as well as the meaningful influence she has had as a teacher and mentor on Tamara Levitt. But in the end, the chapters go into each topic in more depth and add to the meditations, so the app and the book do work together well.
The frustrating: The book was published in 2003, and has not aged well. Brach relates many (MANY) of her own personal experiences throughout, and I've come away with a fairly ambivalent image of her as self-congratulatory, white-savior-ish, heedless of cultural appropriation, thoughtlessly generalizing "Asian" as a monolithic culture, and entirely unaware of (or unconcerned with) the issues of systemic racism that any BIPOC living in the U.S. at the turn of the 21st century might face. I preface all of that with the original publication date because I recognize that these social issues were not as forefront in the minds of most white writers in the 90s and early 2000s. But... it has been 2 decades, and if there is truly as much continuity between the teachings in the book and the core principles that she continues to teach in contemporary media (apps and podcasts, etc.), then it is worth her time to come back and create a 2nd edition of this book.
**Also, a note about the audiobook-- it is straight up a copy from the original made for a CD -- to the extent that halfway through the book, there is a break that says "This is the end of the CD but not the audiobook; continue on the next disc." In fact, let's just call this technical goof a metaphor for the problems with her tone and social awareness -- it's just coming to us directly from the previous century with no updates whatsoever.
The bad: Besides the topical introduction and concluding meditation, each chapter was little more than a series of anecdotes that were intended to illustrate the problem and how she solves them. There was the occasional lesson-tale from the teachings of the Buddha, which have been clearly used as illustrative anecdotes for millennia, and those were the most useful and least problematic. Besides that, I did not find anything really useful in these anecdotes and in many cases, they did not ring even remotely true. First, there are her own personal life experiences, and the first few seemed genuine in their rawness, but after a while the way she characterized her "learning self" against her "accepting self" started to feel exaggerated and unbelievable (either that or she really does frequently shift seamlessly from "screaming" at her family members to connecting deeply with her colleagues at meditation retreats? I'm not sure which is more troubling). Then, there are the examples of her friends and clients, and fine, this is standard fare for books like this, but their situations were so extreme, Brach's advice so profound and moving, and their resulting transformations so sudden and life-altering, that it all rang false, or at least highly simplified and condescending both to the subject and to the reader. Most egregious were the anonymous and generic "real-life stories" -- the priest comforting a woman on her deathbed -- or literally her describing the equivalent of a New Yorker cartoon in order to illustrate a point, but doing so as if it were a story that had actually happened -- essentially early versions of the clunky internet memes that are trying so hard to teach a lesson but are completely and transparently fabricated.
The downright problematic: More ranting about the anecdotes, but this is important -- every time I picked up the book, I came away feeling quite triggered because of how casually she would use horrific and extreme situations to embellish these ridiculous anecdotes. In her personal life stories: the miscarriage of her first pregnancy; mental and emotional abuse in a cult-like religious group; growing up with abusive and addicted parents; losing a beloved pet to terminal illness. The anecdotes about her friends and clients involved trauma like sexual abuse of a minor, other types of physical and emotional abuse by parents and/or partners, severe cases of religious bigotry, eating disorders, grieving, illness, and addiction. Again, the meme-type anecdotes are the worst because she blithely embellishes them with extreme and sensationally traumatic details like "holocaust survivors" and "heroine addicts" and people wasting away with any number of severe and terminal illnesses (there were at least two instances of "emaciated faces" looking up from hospital beds).
Finally, the language she uses is just careless and problematic -- casual racism, cultural appropriation, fatphobia, addiction, and food restriction. Again, probably more an issue of the book not aging well, but all the more reason to update it as a new edition that reflects the actual concerns and values of our society.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Mental illness, Cultural appropriation, Cancer, Toxic relationship, Medical trauma, Grief, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Physical abuse, Sexual violence, Miscarriage, Fatphobia, Death of parent, Colonisation, Bullying, Terminal illness, Eating disorder, Alcoholism, Addiction, Ableism, Animal death, Drug abuse, Suicide attempt, Abandonment, Suicidal thoughts, Sexual assault, Rape, Medical content, Infertility, Religious bigotry, Drug use, Chronic illness, Body shaming, and Emotional abuse
books_coffee_cornwall's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
slow-paced
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual assault, Drug use, Child abuse, Animal death, and Alcoholism