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2.62 AVERAGE
2.62 AVERAGE
The Cyborg Tinkerer puts the Steam in Steampunk! I was so excited when this book finally came out and I was NOT disappointed. Meg is a fantastic writer who created a beautiful world and awesome characters.
The story was gripping and entertaining with romance and action at every turn. I loved the triangle between Gwen, Rora, and Bastion. Even if it didn’t quite feel like one. It was so tactfully done and I admit I was quite jealous of Gwen at the end! (Read to find out why!!)
The ONLY gripe I had was that there was no Bastion POV. I loved getting to see Rora and Gwen’s side but now I’m curious about Bastion! He was my favorite by far but I love the dark mysterious and damaged type lol
If you want to read a story that will keep you flipping pages and wanting more? I highly recommend checking out this story!!! Great job, Meg!
The story was gripping and entertaining with romance and action at every turn. I loved the triangle between Gwen, Rora, and Bastion. Even if it didn’t quite feel like one. It was so tactfully done and I admit I was quite jealous of Gwen at the end! (Read to find out why!!)
The ONLY gripe I had was that there was no Bastion POV. I loved getting to see Rora and Gwen’s side but now I’m curious about Bastion! He was my favorite by far but I love the dark mysterious and damaged type lol
If you want to read a story that will keep you flipping pages and wanting more? I highly recommend checking out this story!!! Great job, Meg!
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
No
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
No
See my video review of this book here: https://youtu.be/fnOFzDmFIQM
The characters and story arcs in this book make it feel very much like a Young Adult book with sex scenes and swear words smeared over the top of it to try to "adult it up".
It follows the unfortunate course of starting a really great plot (the main character being forced to decide to save herself or do what she knows is right), then gets distracted by an underwhelming romance and never really follows through.
It could have been a really great book for teens, if the random, awkward swearing and graphic sex scenes hadn't been there, but because these things were included, it doesn't really have an audience. It's too immature for adults, and too raunchy for teens. What a shame.
The characters and story arcs in this book make it feel very much like a Young Adult book with sex scenes and swear words smeared over the top of it to try to "adult it up".
It follows the unfortunate course of starting a really great plot (the main character being forced to decide to save herself or do what she knows is right), then gets distracted by an underwhelming romance and never really follows through.
It could have been a really great book for teens, if the random, awkward swearing and graphic sex scenes hadn't been there, but because these things were included, it doesn't really have an audience. It's too immature for adults, and too raunchy for teens. What a shame.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Eating disorder, Homophobia, Lesbophobia
adventurous
I like supporting indie authors, and for that reason, I wanted to give this book a fair shot by reading it in full. Sadly for me, it didn't redeem itself. The story as a whole has serious developmental issues that I felt could've been resolved if the right pool of beta readers was consulted. Specifically, the book has a catchy premise but suffers from poor characterization, incomplete worldbuilding, and a clunky structure.
Gwen, the MC, is a borderline Mary Sue for the most part. Yes, she has agency now and then, but apparently, she can also master new skills like programming in the span of one page without any prior experience. Her entire motivation to engage with the plot hinges on one thing: she wants to be the best cyborg tinkerer and save all cyborgs from their plight. Why? We never get to know her backstory, and we don't learn of the needs and fears that drive her from within. And that makes Gwen a hard character to sympathize with.
Gwen also starts off as a person at the brink of death, but post the surgery that cures her of it and also turns her into a cyborg, we hear nothing of it. No meaningful insight, no existential reflection on what it means to be human. This was a great opportunity for Meg to make some kind of commentary on AI/tech (a theme most steampunk stories tackle), but it got so terribly wasted.
Bastian is done relatively better. We understand his fears and needs, but unfortunately, he's neither a PoV character nor is he used to his potential. As a "tamer of beasts," you'd expect him to save the day when a dragon ravages a city, but nope. He's chucked to the curb for Gwen the MC to steal his thunder, even though she has never worked with an animal before.
Rora, the other PoV character, is one of the most inconsistently written characters out there. Either that, or she's a flat-out hypocrite. Her plan to accomplish her life's biggest goal involves seducing the MC. As if we don't have enough stories where the only tool available for female characters is seduction! As if that isn't bad enough, when Gwen calls her out, Rora plays the morality card and turns the table. Not to mention that I'm supposed to root for this relationship (the author even calls them "endgame." The only thing worse would've been to shove a ship-name in the face) that's founded on manipulation, lies, and a sense of ownership. Wonder what it would take for authors to stop writing toxic relationships!
I get that this is a romance story, but it's hard for me to take the stakes seriously when characters think and talk of sex during a tense situation that's sometimes even life-or-death. And yet, the author seems to confuse lust for love, making these perpetually horny characters question whether they were in love early on, dropping L-words around the midpoint. Without any chemistry or character establishment, the sequences get more cringe-worthy every-time.
Worldbuilding is a key element to any fantasy, but here, it's almost non-existent. The story is set in a solar system of 13 planets and some moons, and the characters shuttle between at least 2 or 3 planets. And yet, I can't tell you a single distinct feature about any of these planets. Nothing about the terrain, the type of species that inhabit them, the climate, or the culture. The author paints them all in one color using a single brush stroke with no lore or context to provide depth. We have computers, dragons, cyborgs, an evil emperor, pirates, literal ships sailing across space, and even force fields. But they're all just there with nothing to bind them into a cohesive world. For all I care, this story could've taken place in Victorian Era Europe, and the story wouldn't have changed one bit. And that's a red flag if you're writing fantasy.
There were several issues with the writing style and sentence structure that broke my immersion:
- The author uses phrases like "as you know," "as always," and "again," as if self-aware of repeating information with no additional insight. I found it quite patronizing
- The pacing is atrocious. Weeks pass between important scenes, and the characters behave like clean slates when we meet them again. Some characters suffer injuries but bear no mental trauma from any of that. Characters "land several blows," "fix numerous cyborgs," "spend several hours"
- The circus owner, Mistress, is one of the antagonists. She has minions to do her bidding, and yet, they seem to conveniently vanish when the plot needs the MC to do something, and appear when the plot needs conflict
- Programming is given the same stereotypical treatment that Hollywood gives hackers: just tap a few keys away and you can just about do anything. Computers are expensive in this world and only the nobility seems to have one, and yet, when the plot requires one, the MC and her friend (both being cyborgs who are banished from the country) manage to acquire a computer overnight without any conflict or consequence. Also, the MC, who has zero experience writing code, taps some keys and wakes a cyborg up from a coma! All in the span of two pages. If that doesn't make the MC a Mary Sue, I don't know what
- Characters make weird leaps of judgment and indulge in interpersonal conflicts that can be resolved by a single conversation
- The humor was lost on me. Often, the characters would strike up banter that's mostly small talk and full of cheesy flirtatious lines that go nowhere
- As our antagonists, we have two ridiculously dumb people. The emperor's character is so fickle that he bends over to every demand the MC makes of him. He's not cunning, shrewd, or charismatic. Heck, we don't even know why he's the bad guy! Just a puppet who's somehow the emperor of 13 planets that we ought to be afraid of? Ha, good one!
Overall, I felt that this book could've been so much more if it was given the right amount of attention and effort. Early on, Meg had marketed the book on YouTube as a steampunk space opera with action and romance, prompting me to preorder it, and only later did I learn that she pivoted and rebranded the genre as steampunk romance. I don't fault her entirely as this is her debut and we all make mistakes. But I do wish I'd known the correct genre earlier, in which case I'd have skipped buying it. Needless to say, I won't be continuing this series.
All said I'll still continue to follow Meg's journey on YouTube and earnestly hope she does her due diligence the next time and improves her craft. We all have to start somewhere!
Gwen, the MC, is a borderline Mary Sue for the most part. Yes, she has agency now and then, but apparently, she can also master new skills like programming in the span of one page without any prior experience. Her entire motivation to engage with the plot hinges on one thing: she wants to be the best cyborg tinkerer and save all cyborgs from their plight. Why? We never get to know her backstory, and we don't learn of the needs and fears that drive her from within. And that makes Gwen a hard character to sympathize with.
Gwen also starts off as a person at the brink of death, but post the surgery that cures her of it and also turns her into a cyborg, we hear nothing of it. No meaningful insight, no existential reflection on what it means to be human. This was a great opportunity for Meg to make some kind of commentary on AI/tech (a theme most steampunk stories tackle), but it got so terribly wasted.
Bastian is done relatively better. We understand his fears and needs, but unfortunately, he's neither a PoV character nor is he used to his potential. As a "tamer of beasts," you'd expect him to save the day when a dragon ravages a city, but nope. He's chucked to the curb for Gwen the MC to steal his thunder, even though she has never worked with an animal before.
Rora, the other PoV character, is one of the most inconsistently written characters out there. Either that, or she's a flat-out hypocrite. Her plan to accomplish her life's biggest goal involves seducing the MC. As if we don't have enough stories where the only tool available for female characters is seduction! As if that isn't bad enough, when Gwen calls her out, Rora plays the morality card and turns the table. Not to mention that I'm supposed to root for this relationship (the author even calls them "endgame." The only thing worse would've been to shove a ship-name in the face) that's founded on manipulation, lies, and a sense of ownership. Wonder what it would take for authors to stop writing toxic relationships!
I get that this is a romance story, but it's hard for me to take the stakes seriously when characters think and talk of sex during a tense situation that's sometimes even life-or-death. And yet, the author seems to confuse lust for love, making these perpetually horny characters question whether they were in love early on, dropping L-words around the midpoint. Without any chemistry or character establishment, the sequences get more cringe-worthy every-time.
Worldbuilding is a key element to any fantasy, but here, it's almost non-existent. The story is set in a solar system of 13 planets and some moons, and the characters shuttle between at least 2 or 3 planets. And yet, I can't tell you a single distinct feature about any of these planets. Nothing about the terrain, the type of species that inhabit them, the climate, or the culture. The author paints them all in one color using a single brush stroke with no lore or context to provide depth. We have computers, dragons, cyborgs, an evil emperor, pirates, literal ships sailing across space, and even force fields. But they're all just there with nothing to bind them into a cohesive world. For all I care, this story could've taken place in Victorian Era Europe, and the story wouldn't have changed one bit. And that's a red flag if you're writing fantasy.
There were several issues with the writing style and sentence structure that broke my immersion:
- The author uses phrases like "as you know," "as always," and "again," as if self-aware of repeating information with no additional insight. I found it quite patronizing
- The pacing is atrocious. Weeks pass between important scenes, and the characters behave like clean slates when we meet them again. Some characters suffer injuries but bear no mental trauma from any of that. Characters "land several blows," "fix numerous cyborgs," "spend several hours"
- The circus owner, Mistress, is one of the antagonists. She has minions to do her bidding, and yet, they seem to conveniently vanish when the plot needs the MC to do something, and appear when the plot needs conflict
- Programming is given the same stereotypical treatment that Hollywood gives hackers: just tap a few keys away and you can just about do anything. Computers are expensive in this world and only the nobility seems to have one, and yet, when the plot requires one, the MC and her friend (both being cyborgs who are banished from the country) manage to acquire a computer overnight without any conflict or consequence. Also, the MC, who has zero experience writing code, taps some keys and wakes a cyborg up from a coma! All in the span of two pages. If that doesn't make the MC a Mary Sue, I don't know what
- Characters make weird leaps of judgment and indulge in interpersonal conflicts that can be resolved by a single conversation
- The humor was lost on me. Often, the characters would strike up banter that's mostly small talk and full of cheesy flirtatious lines that go nowhere
- As our antagonists, we have two ridiculously dumb people. The emperor's character is so fickle that he bends over to every demand the MC makes of him. He's not cunning, shrewd, or charismatic. Heck, we don't even know why he's the bad guy! Just a puppet who's somehow the emperor of 13 planets that we ought to be afraid of? Ha, good one!
Overall, I felt that this book could've been so much more if it was given the right amount of attention and effort. Early on, Meg had marketed the book on YouTube as a steampunk space opera with action and romance, prompting me to preorder it, and only later did I learn that she pivoted and rebranded the genre as steampunk romance. I don't fault her entirely as this is her debut and we all make mistakes. But I do wish I'd known the correct genre earlier, in which case I'd have skipped buying it. Needless to say, I won't be continuing this series.
All said I'll still continue to follow Meg's journey on YouTube and earnestly hope she does her due diligence the next time and improves her craft. We all have to start somewhere!
I was really excited to read this book as I really like Meg and her youtube channel.
That said...
I was expecting more sci-fi/steampunk than we actually got. The romance was way more front and center than I like in books and super heavy handed. I think we're supposed to see Gwenn as casual or liberated or something, but she read like a horny teenager.
Then there's the cursing. I don't mind cursing when it's done well and/or creatively. This was neither. It was effectively the same word peppered through the manuscript like someone had just...upended a pepper shaker.
Oops.
I almost threw my tablet across the room when, suddenly, the story had dragons. It felt really unnecessary.
The antagonist felt very flat to me. When her motives are revealed toward the end of the book, it wasn't all that much of a shock. Meg mentioned something about it earlier in the book. At the time it felt like a throwaway line to highlight how awful the Emperor is.
Also, is it a union or an empire? Both terms are used to describe the star system and the definitions of both conflict with what she's trying to accomplish.
I finished it, but man...
The best thing I can say is that it was an easy read.
That said...
I was expecting more sci-fi/steampunk than we actually got. The romance was way more front and center than I like in books and super heavy handed. I think we're supposed to see Gwenn as casual or liberated or something, but she read like a horny teenager.
Then there's the cursing. I don't mind cursing when it's done well and/or creatively. This was neither. It was effectively the same word peppered through the manuscript like someone had just...upended a pepper shaker.
Oops.
I almost threw my tablet across the room when, suddenly, the story had dragons. It felt really unnecessary.
The antagonist felt very flat to me. When her motives are revealed toward the end of the book, it wasn't all that much of a shock. Meg mentioned something about it earlier in the book. At the time it felt like a throwaway line to highlight how awful the Emperor is.
Also, is it a union or an empire? Both terms are used to describe the star system and the definitions of both conflict with what she's trying to accomplish.
I finished it, but man...
The best thing I can say is that it was an easy read.
challenging
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
N/A
Strong character development:
No
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
Complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
I really tried to read this as it had cyborgs, steampunk and dragons and it took me almost an entire year of trying and stopping. I kept hoping it might pick up or get better. Seriously, is this an university experiment where they had an AI write a book after it was 'fed' some steampunk, fantacy, circus stuff, clumsy erotica and sci-fi? The AI then also worked off a checklist of what not to include in a book and how not to write as well, but mistakenly included all of it. Very odd indeed.
adventurous
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
adventurous
tense
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
adventurous
emotional
funny
mysterious
tense
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Plot
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Complicated
Maybe I made a mistake to read this alongside a Brandon Sanderson novel, but this is simply not a well-executed book. There was potential, but it missed its mark.
I gave the book 100 pages and 10 chapters to grip me, as you do, and couldn't get into it.
Here are my notes:
The descriptions are so weird. In the second paragraph, a ship is described like this:
"She wouldn't miss being the ship tinkerer on this creaking bucket of soured engines and deflated tits for sails" (1).
The person she's been hooking up with on the ship hasn't seen her in a while and Gwen reminds this woman, Alberta, that she was busy dying and wasn't in the mood. And literally two paragraphs down, Gwen narrates, "A pang of loneliness bolted through her, but she shook it off. It wasn't time for regrets just yet. First, she had some living to do. Maybe she would find someone to fuck the time away with."
And then this gem, because she is bisexual and you must know that bisexual women are promiscuous and will screw anyone they see:
"It'd been months since she'd bedded a man. At the very least, there had to be a decent underground gambling on this skanky-as-fuck moon."
Why is this a description that made it through beta reading, alpha reading, revisions, editing?
11 pages in, Gwen’s told readers she’s dying like seventeen times and has sexually objectified several people and even hooked up in a dark alley with a strange woman because, again, bisexual people are going around hooking up with strangers in dark alleys at all times. She just saw this woman, the woman came to her and kissed her and that was that. Do people not consent to things in this book because implied consent is not a thing, I will remind you. Also, STOP CHARACTERIZING BISEXUAL AND PANSEXUAL PEOPLE AS PROMISCUOUS, WILL-SCREW-ANYONE PEOPLE. This is so awfully offensive and a huge, horrible stereotype.
Also, the pacing is way off. In 11 pages, Gwen arrives in Anchorage (which I literally thought was in Alaska and was thrown off for a while), quits her job, leaves behind one lover, finds a place to live, goes to the circus, hooks up with a stranger in a dark alley, and is taken in by the circus because she's apparently a good tinkerer. Way too much stuff in a small amount of space.
“She laughed so fucking hard she got hiccups and then vomited on the floor” (17). The use of profanity in this book is meant to be edgy and set apart this novel as adult instead of YA, but it doesn't work. It's extremely off-putting. Adult fantasy does not have to have to have the word "fuck" every other sentence to be adult. Look at Brandon Sanderson's Stormlight Archives, for instance. There has never been one bad word in four 1200-page books, and it is STILL ADULT FICTION.
Why would someone lose their human memories over time after becoming a cyborg? That makes no sense to me. Rora, for instance, had a wrist replaced and she lost her memories but still remembers that her parents sucked and that she hates them. This is inconsistent. You have got to show me why they lose their memories. Explain it. I have never been in your world, I don't know how it works. It is your job as an author to give me that information in an entertaining way. We get none of that.
I can’t tell what anyone looks like. At all. Sometimes you get descriptions but they are thrown in as an errant thought, almost.
Orthodocks is a strange name for a planet or whatever it is. I know what she's trying to do here, but it comes across as juvenile and cringeworthy.
"The sly bastards found a loophole to do advanced surgeries in space instead of on planets." That’s the most lax law of all time. Seriously? Let's make this law but, you know, the circus is so smart and instead operates in outer space so they're not technically breaking the law. This is too simplistic.
Gwen can tell Bastian is intelligent because of the way his eyes are.
“Anesthesia interferes with the implantation of the chip. Your mind needs to be fully alert and unaltered to receive the mainframe—even if you pass out. If you’re still awake after, we will sedate you.” This makes no sense because it is never explained why. It is a plot device to make sure you know how much pain Gwen and the others have gone through to be cyborgs. But then when Gwen goes through her surgery, it isn't shown at all. This is lazy writing.
“She knew the sounds of those ungreased wheels anywhere.” Do you see the glaring editing error? Another thing I noticed was that the tenses were all over the place.
The way Marzanna’s gender identity was revealed. Out of nowhere, literally. They’re talking about one thing and then the narrator lets you know they’re transgender. This is what makes me think this was a box LaTorre wanted to tick off in her "representation list". It pisses me off.
And then there are dragons and the reader never gets an explanation about them, no history. Nothing. It is an afterthought during a few paragraphs of exposition and then I never heard of it again after that.
I thought Gwen's hair was brown because it is described like that on the first or second chapter, but later it's described as midnight black. Inconsistencies like these can be avoided, especially when it's your main character.
Both Rora and Gwen literally just have to see another human and they’ll get horny. One is bi, and the other assumedly gay, so they must be horny at all times without any consideration of personality or chemistry.
The names Rora, Thaniel, Bastian. They are mundane for the world, but also strange. She would have been better off using the full names. Aurora, Nathaniel, Sebastian. Why cut up names like that for no reason other than to sound different? It doesn't work; it is distracting.
Every description of pain is exactly the same. Every description of people’s features sounds the same. Every time someone gets horny, it sounds the same. I think the issue here is the lack of characterization and how every single character is the same but with different features. Rora and Gwen, for instance, are the exact same character.
The use of “suddenly" is thrown in way too much.
There is no sense of space or time. I don't really know what things look like, how the world works. Why this weird cyborg law is in place. It seems to simply be a plot device with no background or explanation as to why cyborgs are hated so much. Also, if the circus is illegal, why are they allowed to still be a thing? This is a plot hole.
Rora wants to seduce Gwen so she can get a new hand, which is forbidden in the circus but when Gwen touches her, Rora is like "ugh why does her touch make me feel like this?" Like ma’am, you literally got hot looking at her for five seconds one time and you don't even know this newcomer. I understand lust at first sight. That's fine. No issues with that. But be consistent. It also comes across really gross when every character only thinks about sex at all times and with everyone they see.
“Dark lashes framed an iris as infinite as the stars” (48). Pretty much all the metaphors sound like this.
It seems like everyone in this book thinks of sex as a thing to pass the time. This is also another ploy used to make sure the reader never forgets this is meant to be an adult novel.
One of my main issues with this novel is the amount of info-dumping. Two people will be having a conversation and the dialogue is interrupted by exposition to explain backstory. It’s not done well at all. Also, there is a trope used in fiction that's lazy as hell and it is everywhere in this book. It is called the "As you know, Bob" trope/cliche/bullshit-writing. Basically, it is when one characters tells another character something they know about their situation or world, or even another character. This happens several times within the first 10 chapters and it is lazy writing and immediately told me LaTorre really doesn't know this is an issue in fiction, which is really shocking because she gives incredible writing advice, and claims to have worked in literary agencies and knows publishing in and out. I am so confused.
Also, Gwen and Rora act as if they’ve known each other forever. It’s a bizarre relationship. I know it’s meant to come across like they have a connection but these two people don’t know one another and the author wrote it like they do. It’s so weird. Also, the weird way Gwen thinks of Bastian, as if she has always known him, and him being cryptic is surprising to her. Ma'am, you don't know these people. Why would you ever assume you know anything at all? Bastian is also a cartoon character: the super capable, strong, dark, handsome man... and that's it. He a ring leader and he cute and mysterious.
“Like Abrecan, Thaniel was a large man, both in height and stature.” Look, I know stature can mean accomplishments and reputation, but that word does not work here because it is used right next to A SYNONYM FOR THAT WORD. Stature also means height.
I am done reading Authortube books. This is it for me.
This novel, along with Jenna Moreci's novels, read exactly the same: like rough drafts. This was not ready for publishing and needed a few more editing rounds and honest beta reading and feedback. Editing is more than just grammar-focused, and it pains me to see people putting out works that aren't ready just because they have an audience that will applaud them for everything they do.
I gave the book 100 pages and 10 chapters to grip me, as you do, and couldn't get into it.
Here are my notes:
The descriptions are so weird. In the second paragraph, a ship is described like this:
"She wouldn't miss being the ship tinkerer on this creaking bucket of soured engines and deflated tits for sails" (1).
The person she's been hooking up with on the ship hasn't seen her in a while and Gwen reminds this woman, Alberta, that she was busy dying and wasn't in the mood. And literally two paragraphs down, Gwen narrates, "A pang of loneliness bolted through her, but she shook it off. It wasn't time for regrets just yet. First, she had some living to do. Maybe she would find someone to fuck the time away with."
And then this gem, because she is bisexual and you must know that bisexual women are promiscuous and will screw anyone they see:
"It'd been months since she'd bedded a man. At the very least, there had to be a decent underground gambling on this skanky-as-fuck moon."
Why is this a description that made it through beta reading, alpha reading, revisions, editing?
11 pages in, Gwen’s told readers she’s dying like seventeen times and has sexually objectified several people and even hooked up in a dark alley with a strange woman because, again, bisexual people are going around hooking up with strangers in dark alleys at all times. She just saw this woman, the woman came to her and kissed her and that was that. Do people not consent to things in this book because implied consent is not a thing, I will remind you. Also, STOP CHARACTERIZING BISEXUAL AND PANSEXUAL PEOPLE AS PROMISCUOUS, WILL-SCREW-ANYONE PEOPLE. This is so awfully offensive and a huge, horrible stereotype.
Also, the pacing is way off. In 11 pages, Gwen arrives in Anchorage (which I literally thought was in Alaska and was thrown off for a while), quits her job, leaves behind one lover, finds a place to live, goes to the circus, hooks up with a stranger in a dark alley, and is taken in by the circus because she's apparently a good tinkerer. Way too much stuff in a small amount of space.
“She laughed so fucking hard she got hiccups and then vomited on the floor” (17). The use of profanity in this book is meant to be edgy and set apart this novel as adult instead of YA, but it doesn't work. It's extremely off-putting. Adult fantasy does not have to have to have the word "fuck" every other sentence to be adult. Look at Brandon Sanderson's Stormlight Archives, for instance. There has never been one bad word in four 1200-page books, and it is STILL ADULT FICTION.
Why would someone lose their human memories over time after becoming a cyborg? That makes no sense to me. Rora, for instance, had a wrist replaced and she lost her memories but still remembers that her parents sucked and that she hates them. This is inconsistent. You have got to show me why they lose their memories. Explain it. I have never been in your world, I don't know how it works. It is your job as an author to give me that information in an entertaining way. We get none of that.
I can’t tell what anyone looks like. At all. Sometimes you get descriptions but they are thrown in as an errant thought, almost.
Orthodocks is a strange name for a planet or whatever it is. I know what she's trying to do here, but it comes across as juvenile and cringeworthy.
"The sly bastards found a loophole to do advanced surgeries in space instead of on planets." That’s the most lax law of all time. Seriously? Let's make this law but, you know, the circus is so smart and instead operates in outer space so they're not technically breaking the law. This is too simplistic.
Gwen can tell Bastian is intelligent because of the way his eyes are.
“Anesthesia interferes with the implantation of the chip. Your mind needs to be fully alert and unaltered to receive the mainframe—even if you pass out. If you’re still awake after, we will sedate you.” This makes no sense because it is never explained why. It is a plot device to make sure you know how much pain Gwen and the others have gone through to be cyborgs. But then when Gwen goes through her surgery, it isn't shown at all. This is lazy writing.
“She knew the sounds of those ungreased wheels anywhere.” Do you see the glaring editing error? Another thing I noticed was that the tenses were all over the place.
The way Marzanna’s gender identity was revealed. Out of nowhere, literally. They’re talking about one thing and then the narrator lets you know they’re transgender. This is what makes me think this was a box LaTorre wanted to tick off in her "representation list". It pisses me off.
And then there are dragons and the reader never gets an explanation about them, no history. Nothing. It is an afterthought during a few paragraphs of exposition and then I never heard of it again after that.
I thought Gwen's hair was brown because it is described like that on the first or second chapter, but later it's described as midnight black. Inconsistencies like these can be avoided, especially when it's your main character.
Both Rora and Gwen literally just have to see another human and they’ll get horny. One is bi, and the other assumedly gay, so they must be horny at all times without any consideration of personality or chemistry.
The names Rora, Thaniel, Bastian. They are mundane for the world, but also strange. She would have been better off using the full names. Aurora, Nathaniel, Sebastian. Why cut up names like that for no reason other than to sound different? It doesn't work; it is distracting.
Every description of pain is exactly the same. Every description of people’s features sounds the same. Every time someone gets horny, it sounds the same. I think the issue here is the lack of characterization and how every single character is the same but with different features. Rora and Gwen, for instance, are the exact same character.
The use of “suddenly" is thrown in way too much.
There is no sense of space or time. I don't really know what things look like, how the world works. Why this weird cyborg law is in place. It seems to simply be a plot device with no background or explanation as to why cyborgs are hated so much. Also, if the circus is illegal, why are they allowed to still be a thing? This is a plot hole.
Rora wants to seduce Gwen so she can get a new hand, which is forbidden in the circus but when Gwen touches her, Rora is like "ugh why does her touch make me feel like this?" Like ma’am, you literally got hot looking at her for five seconds one time and you don't even know this newcomer. I understand lust at first sight. That's fine. No issues with that. But be consistent. It also comes across really gross when every character only thinks about sex at all times and with everyone they see.
“Dark lashes framed an iris as infinite as the stars” (48). Pretty much all the metaphors sound like this.
It seems like everyone in this book thinks of sex as a thing to pass the time. This is also another ploy used to make sure the reader never forgets this is meant to be an adult novel.
One of my main issues with this novel is the amount of info-dumping. Two people will be having a conversation and the dialogue is interrupted by exposition to explain backstory. It’s not done well at all. Also, there is a trope used in fiction that's lazy as hell and it is everywhere in this book. It is called the "As you know, Bob" trope/cliche/bullshit-writing. Basically, it is when one characters tells another character something they know about their situation or world, or even another character. This happens several times within the first 10 chapters and it is lazy writing and immediately told me LaTorre really doesn't know this is an issue in fiction, which is really shocking because she gives incredible writing advice, and claims to have worked in literary agencies and knows publishing in and out. I am so confused.
Also, Gwen and Rora act as if they’ve known each other forever. It’s a bizarre relationship. I know it’s meant to come across like they have a connection but these two people don’t know one another and the author wrote it like they do. It’s so weird. Also, the weird way Gwen thinks of Bastian, as if she has always known him, and him being cryptic is surprising to her. Ma'am, you don't know these people. Why would you ever assume you know anything at all? Bastian is also a cartoon character: the super capable, strong, dark, handsome man... and that's it. He a ring leader and he cute and mysterious.
“Like Abrecan, Thaniel was a large man, both in height and stature.” Look, I know stature can mean accomplishments and reputation, but that word does not work here because it is used right next to A SYNONYM FOR THAT WORD. Stature also means height.
I am done reading Authortube books. This is it for me.
This novel, along with Jenna Moreci's novels, read exactly the same: like rough drafts. This was not ready for publishing and needed a few more editing rounds and honest beta reading and feedback. Editing is more than just grammar-focused, and it pains me to see people putting out works that aren't ready just because they have an audience that will applaud them for everything they do.