Reviews

Such a phenomenal debut novel about self-destruction, the desire for validation, and unhealthy relationships with others, yourself, and food. There is damn near every trigger warning under the sun, so tread with caution for this one. It's a series of vignettes of this woman's life where you see the abuse she goes through but also willingly puts herself through most of the time. She allows, and often asks, for these men to mistreat her, and she almost thrives on that because to her, attention is attention regardless. It's beautifully written and extremely heartbreaking, and I guarantee you'll find several relatable lines from this one.

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challenging dark reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

You hate me, I thought sometimes, when you see me drink or cry or cut myself, but you don’t hate me in the right way. Your disgust is domesticated. I fear that your distaste is that of your average husband – not the glittering and sexual kind you used to show me when you looked down at me, before I won you.

The unnamed early twentysomething narrator goes through a turbulent relationship with a closed-off man who treats her like she's nothing and she believes him. She's naive, moony and defines her life through Ciaran; she segregates it as "before Ciaran" where everything is grey and lacking, and "after" where love explodes her life into a beautiful supernova.

If you've ever been in a relationship where you feel like you have to constantly beg for even the most meagre attention from your partner and never know where you stand on their priority list, but you can't tell anyone because you don't know how to explain it without being criticised because you still love your partner above all... watch out. This book will give you a war flashback. But read it anyway. You might feel understood by how detailed Megan Nolan writes the emotions and insecurities that aren't always easy to admit.

This book feels intimate, like I'm reading someone's diary. The feelings and the observations of them are so precise that I can resonate with them deeply. While I never went through her specific experiences, I've felt the torture of being desperate to be seen as a newly adult woman. I had to pause every few chapters to avoid overwhelming my psyche.

I definitely didn't expect it to end with a character development. I thought she'd implode or return to the status quo. It felt rewarding and relieving to see her finally care enough about herself not to debase herself for love anymore.

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