Reviews with content warning for Transphobia - This Is How It Always Is

I think this book is very pleasant to read, though it definitely drags at points. I loved anything that focused on the relationship between the two parent characters or when the perspective switched to the kids! The characters are beautiful, though the plot seems to drag and is generally simple.
This can also be an intense book with details of transphobia and homophobia that may be triggering to some.

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stremps's review against another edition

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funny hopeful inspiring medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

4.0

I read on a whim and it was longer than I expected (~11 hours) but ended up being worth it. The writing is clever and has rhythm but was too “pop lit” for me at times. I enjoyed the story of the family and the turns it took.

The narrative moves between the characters and, at times, I felt uncomfortable with not centering the trans character’s voice, but ultimately it was interesting to hear the other perspectives and I feel the trans character had their story told. I have read that the within has a trans daughter which makes me feel better about the novel and the narrative position being primarily parental.

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percys_panda_pillow_pet's review against another edition

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challenging emotional funny reflective fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.25

This is how it always is by Laurie Frankel is a brilliantly written novel and I was hooked from the very first page. I am quite a fan of the idea that a child was predestined to be trans or gay, but not in a literal sense but in a joking sense. That is, the story starts with the main character Rosie doing everything she can, hoping against hoping, that she will have a girl instead of another boy, after the 4 boys she birthed previously. The child turns out to be AMAB, assigned male at birth, but this does not seem to hold up in the years to come as the child grows and comes into their own.

There are a lot of things I thought weren't the best about this book, the weird centering of a mission trip to Thailand to show that the concerns of our characters' lives were but nothing in the face of "true poverty" or such, first and foremost. However, there were a lot of things this book did well, including introducing the idea of tolerant people and intolerant people, especially in relation to transphobia.

While the characters and situations felt like they could've been a bit more realistic, at the same time, there was almost a charm in being able to read about such an accepting family, and the magic of twins meeting other twins around the same age and hitting it off spectacularly, or two girls being close enough in age and homes, that they could poke each other's windows and get a response late into the night. The book was very engaging and worthwhile, though I am not sure it was entirely for me.

What I mean by that is that I am part of the LGBTQ+ community and not simply an ally. I am deeply entrenched in the politics and drama that go on within and outside of the community. The author is not perfect by any means, and was taking some inspiration from her own life, she definitely means well and did not overstep her boundaries as she wrote mostly from the perspective of the parent and not the child transitioning. However, because of that, I did feel that this was a book best read by those who relate to that position most.

I did like the nuance given to the child's gender identity because gender, no matter if you are trans, cis, or in-between, is nuanced. I myself really relating to the notion of not being able to just categorize things as "girl things" and "boy things", of living in an in-between zone, a null zone that not many people know about or understand.

I hope everyone and anyone gives this book a try because it is definitely a step forward in being more understanding and accepting of trans people, of normalizing the trans identity.

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mcsenne's review against another edition

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challenging emotional hopeful reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes

5.0

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emilydamron's review

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challenging emotional hopeful reflective fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.5

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emmapaigereads's review against another edition

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emotional hopeful informative medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.75

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skudiklier's review against another edition

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challenging emotional hopeful inspiring reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.5

I mostly liked this and thought it was well-done. There were some things I didn't like (like

changing Poppy's pronouns and name back at the drop of a hat without her even explicitly saying that

) but I like that at least it ended on a more nuanced note. A bunch of the reviews for this book were disappointing though, and I wish it were made more clear by the book that supporting your kid in being trans from a young age isn't the wrong move. Anyway. Overall I liked it, it was nice, it was well-written. Just not perfect.

Oh also, if you're trans, a very specific part of this is really hard to read. Look at the spoiler in my content warnings for more detail.

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