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informative
medium-paced
Useful, even for people without a Borderline Personality to contend with.
I didn't finish the practical section, as it didn't really apply to me.
I didn't finish the practical section, as it didn't really apply to me.
challenging
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
Good book to read if: you grew up managing the emotions and reactions of your parents, you feel resentment but aren't sure why, you have or are around someone with intense mood fluctuations including anger, you can't say anything right to someone, etc.
Not a fun read, but it can be useful.
Not a fun read, but it can be useful.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Abandonment
Minor: Toxic relationship, Gaslighting, Toxic friendship
Writing my first ever Goodreads review and giving this book a (rare for me) 5 star rating. This book was recommended to me by my therapist to help me better understand a family member who has BPD. The book explains BPD in great detail, what people who have BPD’s point of view is, and how to handle various situations when someone you care about has BPD. There are several accounts from people with BPD and their loved ones, which really helped offer various perspectives on the disorder. It was difficult to read, but definitely helped shed a light on BPD, and for me, offered a lot of clarity on things I encountered from my childhood. I’m very grateful for this book in what it has allowed me to see, and highly recommend it to anyone who has a loved one who has BPD.
Edit: I should note that I read the most current edition of this book, which was published in 2020. I am not sure if earlier versions feature the perspective of those with BPD, but I know this was a criticism of the earlier edition. I think it’s important to note that this book isn’t for someone with BPD, but rather, for people who have a loved one with BPD so you may better understand and support them.
Edit: I should note that I read the most current edition of this book, which was published in 2020. I am not sure if earlier versions feature the perspective of those with BPD, but I know this was a criticism of the earlier edition. I think it’s important to note that this book isn’t for someone with BPD, but rather, for people who have a loved one with BPD so you may better understand and support them.
informative
medium-paced
This was riveting. It's like someone wrote a book about my exact relative with severe BPD. Every single one of the examples was relatable. I disagree with other reviewers that it's harsh, but it is straightforward and matter-of-fact. This is not written for people with BPD themselves. That book would have sounded a lot different.
The best advice I took from this was to never internalize how your relative views you. One moment you are the greatest person that has ever existed and the next moment you're the worst, but always remember that you are neither of these things. Don't let yourself get built up and you can't get torn down.
There were two little problems. First, I needed more. I think they should have included more information about going no contact if you find yourself being abused, supporting other relatives that need to go no contact, etc. Second, a lot of the advice still boils down to walking on eggshells lol. You can walk on fewer, but the advice makes it clear that you have to always be vigilant. "Reduce the Eggshells You're Walking On: Taking..."
The best advice I took from this was to never internalize how your relative views you. One moment you are the greatest person that has ever existed and the next moment you're the worst, but always remember that you are neither of these things. Don't let yourself get built up and you can't get torn down.
There were two little problems. First, I needed more. I think they should have included more information about going no contact if you find yourself being abused, supporting other relatives that need to go no contact, etc. Second, a lot of the advice still boils down to walking on eggshells lol. You can walk on fewer, but the advice makes it clear that you have to always be vigilant. "Reduce the Eggshells You're Walking On: Taking..."
informative
inspiring
This book really helped me through a tough time with an ex. I normally don’t enjoy books like this but my therapist had recommended it and it really helped my mental health throughout our break up. While I was still in a relationship it also helped me understand why things would happen and kept me stable so I could be my best self even in a tough relationship. Highly recommend for anyone that loves someone with BPD. It has ways for you to understand the disorder and behaviors, ways to show love even when it’s hard, and for those of us that end up leaving those relationships it has ways to recover and love yourself as well.
It was okay. The last 1/2 to last 1/3 was helpful to ME because my people with BPD have all worked for years of their emotional regulation and have never been violent or hateful. At some points it seemed to infantilize people with BPD or painted them as abusive no matter what. I felt as though I was being talked down to about my own behaviours and I felt as if I was being hailed a damsel in destress fighting a dragon. It also spoke often about leaving dangerous and abusive relationships but I often perceived the following advice encouraged people to stay with the person or allow the abusive behaviour to persist in the name of a disorder.
My view may be very biased and based on the relationships in my life.
My view may be very biased and based on the relationships in my life.