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biolexicon's review against another edition
5.0
More generally, I appreciated this book’s focus on the causes of Columbine as multifactorial. It’s not just a toxic school climate, or easy access to guns, or even just mental health. I appreciated the book’s resistance of oversimplification and the author’s willingness to dive into something so painful.
Because this book is so personal to the author, my review is equally personal. Reading other reviews, some have mentioned discomfort at the hyperfocus on the perpetrators and the book as an insult to the victims. I wanted to talk about that and about why I think books like this are incredibly necessary.
In the past, I have stayed away from the whole true crime genre or writing featuring violence because I’m sensitive and care more about victim stories than perpetrator stories. This focus stems partly from the fact that I am a victim. I say this not to bring anything into the conversation other than just noting it as a fact. In just the past couple years I have run from and barricaded myself in my apartment as a fugitive with weapons had a standoff with US marshals in my apartment’s parking lot and I’ve been held hostage during a bank robbery. As recently as 3 days ago, gunshots and a strange pounding at my door woke me up and kept me awake. During the bank robbery, I hid under a desk with another woman. When it was over, I stayed and talked with her. She mentioned that she had thought about bringing her young daughter with her to the bank, but decided against it at the last minute. I think about that young kid and how thankful I am that she was spared being a victim. I then think about how the men in ski masks and AK-47s who in broad daylight shot at another man right in front of me, how they’re still out there. I think about the men who robbed that bank, how they’re still out there. I think about how the police told me the bank robbers will probably do the same thing again and I think about that little girl. How close she came to being a victim and how deeply I want to prevent her from ever being one. I am a victim and my story and experience matters, but having that little girl not be a victim matters more. I care about making all of this stop. And to do so, I think we have to talk about perpetrators and read books like these. To figure out why this happens and how to prevent it. Before having these experiences, I never had to think about gun violence. I had that privilege because I wasn’t exposed to it in the past and didn’t look like the “typical perpetrators” so I never was forced to imagine myself in their place or deal with other people imagining me as a cause of violence. I come late to this topic, but better late than never. This story is just one story of gun violence, but it’s a good place to start.
Even if you find the book self-involved, full of denial, or find the author to be a shitty person, I would argue that the book itself is still valuable. She’s offering a window, even if it’s a flawed window, into the development of a perpetrator of gun violence and that window provides vital data we can use to process and ultimately stop people from committing violent acts. It takes courage to open that window, to expose yourself to even more scrutiny, but the information she provides is so valuable I can’t be anything other than thankful she’s providing it. There have been so many school shootings since Columbine, so many families of perpetrators living with that shame. I also think more generally about how many families love someone who took the life of someone else. How isolated a place that must be and how I hope that they can find community and we can find answers to prevent that community from growing.
Because this book is so personal to the author, my review is equally personal. Reading other reviews, some have mentioned discomfort at the hyperfocus on the perpetrators and the book as an insult to the victims. I wanted to talk about that and about why I think books like this are incredibly necessary.
In the past, I have stayed away from the whole true crime genre or writing featuring violence because I’m sensitive and care more about victim stories than perpetrator stories. This focus stems partly from the fact that I am a victim. I say this not to bring anything into the conversation other than just noting it as a fact. In just the past couple years I have run from and barricaded myself in my apartment as a fugitive with weapons had a standoff with US marshals in my apartment’s parking lot and I’ve been held hostage during a bank robbery. As recently as 3 days ago, gunshots and a strange pounding at my door woke me up and kept me awake. During the bank robbery, I hid under a desk with another woman. When it was over, I stayed and talked with her. She mentioned that she had thought about bringing her young daughter with her to the bank, but decided against it at the last minute. I think about that young kid and how thankful I am that she was spared being a victim. I then think about how the men in ski masks and AK-47s who in broad daylight shot at another man right in front of me, how they’re still out there. I think about the men who robbed that bank, how they’re still out there. I think about how the police told me the bank robbers will probably do the same thing again and I think about that little girl. How close she came to being a victim and how deeply I want to prevent her from ever being one. I am a victim and my story and experience matters, but having that little girl not be a victim matters more. I care about making all of this stop. And to do so, I think we have to talk about perpetrators and read books like these. To figure out why this happens and how to prevent it. Before having these experiences, I never had to think about gun violence. I had that privilege because I wasn’t exposed to it in the past and didn’t look like the “typical perpetrators” so I never was forced to imagine myself in their place or deal with other people imagining me as a cause of violence. I come late to this topic, but better late than never. This story is just one story of gun violence, but it’s a good place to start.
Even if you find the book self-involved, full of denial, or find the author to be a shitty person, I would argue that the book itself is still valuable. She’s offering a window, even if it’s a flawed window, into the development of a perpetrator of gun violence and that window provides vital data we can use to process and ultimately stop people from committing violent acts. It takes courage to open that window, to expose yourself to even more scrutiny, but the information she provides is so valuable I can’t be anything other than thankful she’s providing it. There have been so many school shootings since Columbine, so many families of perpetrators living with that shame. I also think more generally about how many families love someone who took the life of someone else. How isolated a place that must be and how I hope that they can find community and we can find answers to prevent that community from growing.
rebekahy's review against another edition
4.0
This was an interesting and difficult read. I can't even imagine trying to grieve for your child that you love while also hating what they have done in their last moments. This mother feels responsible when she literally had no idea what was about to happen. Looking back she can see red flags but honestly those red flags are also just troubled grumpy teenager moods that 80% of other mothers deal with that DONT end up in a school massacre. Hindsight let's us judge situations so differently to what we do in the moment. Her son was brought up in an average home with the same sort of rules as my house which is terrifying. An average kid can do a monstrous thing. The fact that she's gone on to educate about the signs to look for suicide and murder/suicide is admirable.
katieodonnell_21's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
sad
medium-paced
5.0
toph821's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
inspiring
sad
medium-paced
5.0
kearl100's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.0
On the the 25th anniversary of Columbine, I needed to read this. I love this book because it builds empathy. I cannot imagine anything worse than losing a child in a murder-suicide. It is interesting how so many people blamed Sue for her parenting, rather than see the much scarier truth. I believe that it is too unimaginable for most people to accept that a great mother might bear a depressed person or a psychopath. That ANYONE can have a kid who kills. The dynamic between Eric and Dylan was fascinating. Such a toxic friendship. I love that Sue turned her tragedy into social action and suicide prevention.