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Asking for It: The Alarming Rise of Rape Culture--And What We Can Do about It by Kate Harding
jessrock's review against another edition
5.0
Asking for It is a really well researched and well written book about rape culture - our contemporary culture, where men can generally feel safer than women, where men's words are given more credibility than women's, where jokes about raping people are still told and still sometimes get laughs in response.
I waffled on giving this four or five stars, because I'm very glad I read it but there's not really a lot of new information here; I don't feel like I learned a lot or had my eyes opened to things I hadn't already thought about. I settled on five because I'm really glad this book exists, and I can see it being incredibly powerful for a younger reader who's figuring things out for the first time, or for men who are willing to take some time to examine their privilege. I think for most adult female readers, Asking for It will be compelling and get the blood boiling a bit about this world we live in, but it isn't saying much we don't already know.
Harding does a fabulous job of striking a balance between being academic and humorous in her writing. She backs up everything she says with research; she examines how rape affects people across gender, race, class, and sexual orientation; and she knows the power of laughter in letting off some steam. I appreciated her moments of levity and thought her personality in the writing really helps keep this book from going too far into dry academic-writing territory.
Definitely recommended, especially for high school and college age readers, but it's a pretty compelling read even if you're already fully on board with everything Harding has to say.
I waffled on giving this four or five stars, because I'm very glad I read it but there's not really a lot of new information here; I don't feel like I learned a lot or had my eyes opened to things I hadn't already thought about. I settled on five because I'm really glad this book exists, and I can see it being incredibly powerful for a younger reader who's figuring things out for the first time, or for men who are willing to take some time to examine their privilege. I think for most adult female readers, Asking for It will be compelling and get the blood boiling a bit about this world we live in, but it isn't saying much we don't already know.
Harding does a fabulous job of striking a balance between being academic and humorous in her writing. She backs up everything she says with research; she examines how rape affects people across gender, race, class, and sexual orientation; and she knows the power of laughter in letting off some steam. I appreciated her moments of levity and thought her personality in the writing really helps keep this book from going too far into dry academic-writing territory.
Definitely recommended, especially for high school and college age readers, but it's a pretty compelling read even if you're already fully on board with everything Harding has to say.
feeona's review against another edition
3.0
A sarcastic and offensively written book about rape culture and sexism. I really enjoyed reading it even though some of the examples really made me angry, but the sarcastic writing made it easier to read about such stupidity and ignorance.
politicalwednesday's review against another edition
emotional
funny
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
sydneystein's review against another edition
4.0
A stellar explanation of rape culture and the many facets contributing to it.
hannah_bierbaum's review against another edition
5.0
I knew this book would be powerful, but it surpassed my expectations. This is an important and relevant read. Harding is definitely straightforward in how she addresses rape, so a trigger warning is warranted, but if you're picking up this book it seems like you know what you're getting into.
natenink's review against another edition
5.0
I was intrigued by the title and cover art. But the content of the book made me love it even more. Harding does a wonderful job explaining and dissecting real-life stories involving rape, sexual abuse, and assault. For those who still don't know what "rape culture" actually means or believes it doesn't exist. This book will challenge you. It would make you wonder whether you unknowingly participated in rape culture. I also love how Harding recognizes intersections black women face in our patriarchal society.
emeelee's review against another edition
5.0
[H]ow many rapes have been prevented, do you suppose, by young women looking out for each other? We only hear about it when the system breaks down, but young women all over this country, every damned night, are looking out for each other[...] They may not accept finger-wagging Puritanical bullshit about abstaining from alcohol and sex to protect themselves from violent crime, but young women are trying.
It would be great if they could get a little more help from men.
Kate Harding does not pull her punches: she names names and doesn't shy away from presenting the facts. This book was tough to read at times because it details sex crimes and the aftermath of those crimes very specifically. However, this isn’t done gratuitously; it’s to show exactly how rape myths contribute to miscarriage of justice and the emotional fallout that happens as a result. Some of the quotes Harding includes from law enforcement, judges, celebrities, news anchors, and online commenters are enough to turn your stomach and make you question humanity.
Most men, like most human beings in general, can easily distinguish between an abstract desire for sexual contact and an immediate, urgent desire to possess another person’s body without their consent[…] Rape is not a failure of “normal restraint” but of humanity. It’s not a “mistake” but a deliberate decision to treat another person like a soulless object.
Asking for It addresses the different pieces of American society and how they contribute to rape culture. The book is very well organized and well-written—Harding has a snappy tone and clear way of explaining complicated ideas. I was utterly hooked by her blunt way of presenting this emotion-laden topic. Harding addresses counter-arguments to some of her statements, and provides disclaimers for overly reductive statements (for example: recognizing that men can be victims and women perpetrators; that race and class can complicate this issue; that there are a small number of cases where people file false reports; etc).
[A] detective is meant to investigate the reported crime, not the person who brings it to their attention. If that investigation supports the conclusion that there was no crime, then sure, police should close the case and maybe even charge the “victim” with false reporting—just as they would if someone lied about being mugged or beaten or burgled. There are systems in place to handle the minority of people who waste police resources for their own inexplicable reasons. Nobody needs to reinvent the wheel for fabricated allegations of sex crimes.
Overall, this book is about how we as a society need to BELIEVE VICTIMS (which in this case usually means believing women). It’s about recognizing that our legal system fails when it comes to sex crimes and that there are steps that we can take to fix it. It’s about teaching people to respect consent and bodily autonomy as a necessary part of being a decent human being, and recognizing violations of consent and autonomy as a crime every time.
Practicing affirmative consent means being cognizant of how your partner’s responding to everything that happens, doing everything you can to make sure you’re both happy, and respecting the other person’s boundaries even when they conflict with your immediate desires.
In other words, it’s what decent people already do, without being told.
[…]Who would want a partner who’s not clearly expressing enthusiasm throughout the encounter? Someone who’s looking for a victim, not a partner, that’s who.