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658 reviews for:
The State Of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity - a book for anyone who has ever loved
Esther Perel
4.26 AVERAGE
658 reviews for:
The State Of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity - a book for anyone who has ever loved
Esther Perel
4.26 AVERAGE
informative
fast-paced
Esther's audiobook was really captivating, I enjoyed how she pieces different perspectives and ideologies throughout the chapters. I did listen on 2 speed and i was still able to grasp everything.
It was interesting to dive deep into the different reasonings behind infidelity and she plays devil's advocate very well and it has helped expand on the conversation of why some relationships take this turn.
I would listen to another book by her!
Perel's book is a thoughtful examination about why people cheat and how to help couples heal from these infidelities (either separately or together). She remains non-judgmental and objective throughout her analysis, but it is clear she has a lot of compassion for the couples she works with. The book is a useful combination of case studies and research that makes a compelling case for a more holistic view of infidelity that allows for a greater variety of motivations and solutions than is commonly considered in American culture. If you don't want to read the book, her podcast is fantastic and features a lot of similar themes.
Didn't feel I was listening to anything remarkably new, also disagreed with some points. E.g. being a couple's therapist and their individual therapists, while also retaining each other's secrets. Don't see how this could feel safe or not cause ruptures.
Beautiful, thorough exploration of relationships in unprecedented times. When in the history of humankind have we been this connected and so entrenched in the culture developed over our short history? It would make sense that like everything in life, there are nuances and subtleties that are necessary to take into account when assessing marriages. Cheating is not so binary. Most things are not so binary. Even 1’s and 0’s, open or closed marriages, are loaded with detailed histories and meanings. Esther Perel has done an impressive amount of accounting of these many histories and presents an analysis that only one with her experience can offer.
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I picked this up from my local bookstore last month after being an admirer of Esther Perel and her podcast, Where Should We Begin? After my six-year relationship ended in January, I was looking for answers: why do relationships end, why can the end seem both sudden and a long time in the making, and how do we heal and move forward, separately or together?
This book answered those questions as best as I can answer them for myself in this moment. Yes, it focuses on infidelity, especially extramarital affairs. But it is about so, so much more and incredibly instructive even if infidelity isn't a part of the narrative.
I didn't realize how much I expected my relationship to deliver to me until I read this book. It helped me understand tensions I hadn't before been able to name: the simultaneous desire for security and freedom, comfort and excitement, reliability and independence. We expect our partners up to give us everything in our modern relationships; those extraordinary high expectations are ultimately driving us apart and leaving few satisfied.
No relationship is affair-proof, writes Esther, and even those who think theirs is may one day find that the allure of the forbidden and other comes knocking at the white picket fence gate...or urban loft door. The key is to be an explorer in one's own relationship, to discuss with some frequency your shared definition of monogamy and eros, and to view the relationship journey as fluid and open for revision while valuing the stability derived from trust, open communication, and vulnerability.
I saw so much of myself, my former partner, and my relationship in the vignettes in this book. That experience alone made me feel validated, reminded me how grateful I am to have experienced such a positively formative and loving relationship, and is helping me heal and better define my needs as I look to the future.
Rating: 5/5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Read if: you want to stretch your views on commitment and monogamy, communicate better with a partner, preserve or regenerate eros in your relationship, wonder why people cheat, question your own fidelity.
I picked this up from my local bookstore last month after being an admirer of Esther Perel and her podcast, Where Should We Begin? After my six-year relationship ended in January, I was looking for answers: why do relationships end, why can the end seem both sudden and a long time in the making, and how do we heal and move forward, separately or together?
This book answered those questions as best as I can answer them for myself in this moment. Yes, it focuses on infidelity, especially extramarital affairs. But it is about so, so much more and incredibly instructive even if infidelity isn't a part of the narrative.
I didn't realize how much I expected my relationship to deliver to me until I read this book. It helped me understand tensions I hadn't before been able to name: the simultaneous desire for security and freedom, comfort and excitement, reliability and independence. We expect our partners up to give us everything in our modern relationships; those extraordinary high expectations are ultimately driving us apart and leaving few satisfied.
No relationship is affair-proof, writes Esther, and even those who think theirs is may one day find that the allure of the forbidden and other comes knocking at the white picket fence gate...or urban loft door. The key is to be an explorer in one's own relationship, to discuss with some frequency your shared definition of monogamy and eros, and to view the relationship journey as fluid and open for revision while valuing the stability derived from trust, open communication, and vulnerability.
I saw so much of myself, my former partner, and my relationship in the vignettes in this book. That experience alone made me feel validated, reminded me how grateful I am to have experienced such a positively formative and loving relationship, and is helping me heal and better define my needs as I look to the future.
Rating: 5/5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Read if: you want to stretch your views on commitment and monogamy, communicate better with a partner, preserve or regenerate eros in your relationship, wonder why people cheat, question your own fidelity.
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
medium-paced
I have an irrational distaste towards people saying "he/she" instead of "they" in text. Other than that, Esther Perel is so compassionate towards everyone and their cultural background while still not letting them get away with bulshit. I'm in awe.
challenging
informative
reflective
medium-paced
challenging
hopeful
informative
fast-paced
challenging
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
I really appreciated the neutral stance the author explored in this book. She laid everything out and allowed readers to take and leave what resonated with them.