Reviews - The State Of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity - a book for anyone who has ever loved

658 reviews for:

The State Of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity - a book for anyone who has ever loved

This was a really interesting immersive delve into a topic we all think we know about until it affects the people closest to us, then we realise just how complex it actually is. I really appreciated the depth of research and the real-life testimonials from people on each side of these crisis points. Most helpful was the exploration of the psychological roots of relationships, and how attraction and connectedness reveals so much about our unfulfilled needs. It was also fascinating to hear more about how different cultures view marriage, its purpose and the expectations of each person within the marriage: the difference between a mindset inspired by Hollywood’s expectation of soul mates, and the traditional view of a contractual partnership between families is so intriguing!

I think this would be a very helpful resource for anyone experiencing the desires or the fallout of extramarital relationships because it asks some ruthless questions about why people are motivated to react the way they do. I did find some of her conclusions unhelpful though, especially her viewpoint of monogamy, so while I wouldn’t endorse the deductions of her analysis, I do think the research itself is extremely helpful from a sociological point of view.

ampersandinc's review against another edition

4.0

I’ve been a fan of Perel for a while, but I had only listened to her on podcasts or seen her videos. Her book was fantastic and really got to the heart of the issues that lead to infidelity, plus what happens after its discovery. She was never prescriptive and acknowledged that every relationship was unique, highlighting this with actual couples from her practice. I think that nearly everyone could stand to learn something from this book, regardless of whether there is or will ever be an issue of unfaithfulness in their relationship.

_camchamomile's review against another edition

2.0

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings on infidelity and this book definitely helped me rethink them hahaha. Overall, this book wasn’t necessarily my jam, however, it brought forward good and different perspectives on how to approach this topic in my work.

lesgo88's review against another edition

4.75

emotional informative reflective medium-paced

scottie_mchottie's review against another edition

4.5

challenging informative reflective medium-paced

I would recommend this book to anyone in or even considering a long-term relationship or marriage, whether they have experienced infidelity or not. This is not a research-based piece per se, as Perel relies more on her collection of anecdotes and observations gleaned from her years of professional experience than on scientific study. This book will not fill your head with quotable facts and figures, and it certainly will not prescribe you a regimen for affair-proofing your relationships, but it will prompt you to ask yourself (and maybe your partners) insightful and worthwhile questions about your philosophy on monogamy and similar topics frequently taken for granted.

astridgiblin's review against another edition

2.0

tbh why did i read this. and have the audacity to be surprised when perel fully attacked monogamy by the end. it was somewhat interesting but concerning with transparency life details—what y’all know ab HIPAA? not much apparently. meh meh meh meh this book