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Thought there were some good nuggets of knowledge in here that could be applicable to any couple, regardless of the relationships climate.
2.5 stars. I thought it might be useful to read about how to keep a marriage strong, since I’ll be getting married soon. A lot of the recommended marriage prep books on Goodreads seem to have a distinctly Christian bent (which is not for us), so I picked this book up because reviewers seemed to tout it as the must-read marriage book that was religion-neutral with advice that was actually grounded in statistics and science.
The author felt the need to remark how “blessed” he was at least twice in his introduction, which gave me a little pause. The first chapters smacked a little too much of ‘only I can help you, believe me’, with a lot of telling rather than showing. Also, it’s possible that in the 1990s, one could write a successful pop-psychology book and not cite one’s (published, peer-reviewed) sources, but I don’t know if that flies today. So, there’s also no bibliography, and there’s no “recommended further reading” section (though there were a few book recommendations within the text), but there sure were a lot of claims made. Granted, some of the claims made sense and some of the exercises were useful to consider. There are lists of discussions to have and questions to ask each other. I was a little let down, but it’s possible that others may find this book helpful. 2.5 stars.
The author felt the need to remark how “blessed” he was at least twice in his introduction, which gave me a little pause. The first chapters smacked a little too much of ‘only I can help you, believe me’, with a lot of telling rather than showing. Also, it’s possible that in the 1990s, one could write a successful pop-psychology book and not cite one’s (published, peer-reviewed) sources, but I don’t know if that flies today. So, there’s also no bibliography, and there’s no “recommended further reading” section (though there were a few book recommendations within the text), but there sure were a lot of claims made. Granted, some of the claims made sense and some of the exercises were useful to consider. There are lists of discussions to have and questions to ask each other. I was a little let down, but it’s possible that others may find this book helpful. 2.5 stars.
challenging
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
challenging
informative
inspiring
This book rocks highly recommend to anyone w human relationships
You may have seen Gottman on various news shows - he's the guy who can predict if a couple will eventually divorce or not with 95% accuracy after watching them interact for only 5 minutes.
A pretty good read; lots of basic advice (ie work on your friendship with your spouse). Gottman has included boatloads of quizzes and conversation starters to help the reader act on his advice.
A pretty good read; lots of basic advice (ie work on your friendship with your spouse). Gottman has included boatloads of quizzes and conversation starters to help the reader act on his advice.
I found this book reassuring more than informative, so after a while I kind of skimmed through it. I downloaded the pdf of the exercises and did a few with my fiance, but they kind of just confirmed that our relationship didn't have any current problems (all the quizzes said that each topic was an 'area of strength in our relationship') and didn't really teach us anything new. I guess that's a win lol.
Honestly, 90% of the issues in the book seem to be the direct result of partners not treating each other with respect. A lot of the examples of how to talk vs how not to talk are... interesting. The way that some of the example couples spoke to each other was quite frankly, horrifying. According to my friend who is a therapist, some couples are do talk like this and are openly hostile to each other during arguments, so clearly there are people who could benefit from reading this.
I also found the chapter about "partners who don't listen to the other partner" to be particularly gratifying because that was a point of contention in my last relationship that is blissfully absent in my current one. Turns out men who don't consider the opinions of their wives lead less happy marriages, WHO KNEW lol
Anyway 3.5 stars I guess? I was disappointed I wasn't able to learn more, but I think some people might get more out of this book than I did.
Honestly, 90% of the issues in the book seem to be the direct result of partners not treating each other with respect. A lot of the examples of how to talk vs how not to talk are... interesting. The way that some of the example couples spoke to each other was quite frankly, horrifying. According to my friend who is a therapist, some couples are do talk like this and are openly hostile to each other during arguments, so clearly there are people who could benefit from reading this.
I also found the chapter about "partners who don't listen to the other partner" to be particularly gratifying because that was a point of contention in my last relationship that is blissfully absent in my current one. Turns out men who don't consider the opinions of their wives lead less happy marriages, WHO KNEW lol
Anyway 3.5 stars I guess? I was disappointed I wasn't able to learn more, but I think some people might get more out of this book than I did.
Eh, not great, heteronormative with emphasis on typical gender roles (even if he encourages they be softened) and impact of child rearing on marriage. Yes, guys shouldn’t be afraid of emotions, and should ask their spouse about their day and friends and listen. Feels really outdated, sharing marital power feels expected now.
The author is insufferable so it pisses me off that he makes a lot of good points. Will likely re-read.
funny
informative
reflective
slow-paced
Review to inform client recs: it's got some good points, and describes options for the horsemen. It's very hetero and fits a more old school idea of Marriage. It's a (anecdotal) 50/50 shot to whether it will piss the guy in the relationship off and whether that will be fuel for change