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3.91 AVERAGE
3.91 AVERAGE
Dated but decent. I was interested in reflecting on my dating history.
informative
reflective
informative
medium-paced
dark
informative
sad
tense
medium-paced
Not what I thought it was going to be going into it. I thought it was going to be more like red flags to for people dating to look out for. There's a bit of that but it's more directed for women who have a history of dating dangerous men.
The language and approach is a bit harsher and seems a bit dated than contemporary approaches but it might be helpful for some women. A bit repetitive and some of the stuff on mental health seemed a bit outdated.
The language and approach is a bit harsher and seems a bit dated than contemporary approaches but it might be helpful for some women. A bit repetitive and some of the stuff on mental health seemed a bit outdated.
informative
reflective
medium-paced
On one hand, this is very clear and has important information. It may be a good resource as a wakeup call for a woman in a dangerous situation.
On the other hand, the information about the types of dangerous men is essentially a rehash of [b:Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men|224552|Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men|Lundy Bancroft|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1479651155l/224552._SX50_.jpg|217475] with language that is harsher and comes off as victim-blaming. Compassionate approaches go further with many people.
On the other hand, the information about the types of dangerous men is essentially a rehash of [b:Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men|224552|Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men|Lundy Bancroft|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1479651155l/224552._SX50_.jpg|217475] with language that is harsher and comes off as victim-blaming. Compassionate approaches go further with many people.
dark
informative
fast-paced
challenging
dark
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
This book is a systematic description of a variety of dangerous men and the red flags that can help you figure out who they are. The author uses a broad definition of “dangerous:” anyone who hurts you emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc. Replete with numerous anecdotes from her clients, Brown urges women to analyze their past and future relationships with men carefully to be sure they do not engage in an unsafe relationship. She points out that women who do not take the time to look back at their previous relationships with dangerous men and analyze what red flags they overlooked (because of societal expectations, personal experiences growing up, or a thousand other reasons), are in serious jeopardy of making a similar choice in the future. The author also repeats that you cannot change people; their behavior now is indicative of their behavior in the future. This is an important book to read, if painful.
An important caveat: This book can feel a bit like victim-blaming. The author acknowledges this in the beginning and tries to explain how that is not her intent. However, the fact remains that it can still feel that way. So I would only suggest reading it if you feel that you are able to hold on to two truths simultaneously: what your cheater did to you is absolutely not your fault at all AND it is possible that you overlooked red flags in your relationship, which you can learn from by looking back at it with a critical eye, so that you do not repeat the same thing in the future with a different man.
An important caveat: This book can feel a bit like victim-blaming. The author acknowledges this in the beginning and tries to explain how that is not her intent. However, the fact remains that it can still feel that way. So I would only suggest reading it if you feel that you are able to hold on to two truths simultaneously: what your cheater did to you is absolutely not your fault at all AND it is possible that you overlooked red flags in your relationship, which you can learn from by looking back at it with a critical eye, so that you do not repeat the same thing in the future with a different man.
Content warnings: Because this book is about dangerous men, it does include mentions of sexual assault and abuse of various kinds (though no details; just mentions). This book is also clearly dated in the way it treats a variety of topics.There is at least one instance of the use of the R word. There is a mention of someone being transgender, stated negatively. Some mental health problems, like depression, bipolar disorder, and others, are painted in an exclusively negative light.
Trigger warning specifically for us infidelity survivors: In the chapter about emotionally unavailable men (and possibly others), the author describes affair partners as having “fallen in with married men,” as if it wasn’t somehow their fault. In the examples in this particular section, the reader is supposed to side with/take the perspective of the affair partners. Ew, no thank you. This section is still worth reading if you can overlook that to see the bigger point about choosing this particular variety of dangerous man. Even when the woman is in the wrong, the man can still be dangerous (since he is cheating, clearly).
Content Warnings
Minor: Addiction, Alcoholism, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Infidelity, Rape, Self harm, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Transphobia, Grief, Stalking, Gaslighting, Abandonment, Alcohol, Sexual harassment
dark
informative
reflective
medium-paced
Content Warnings
Moderate: Addiction, Alcoholism, Child abuse, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Emotional abuse, Infidelity, Mental illness, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicide, Suicide attempt, Murder, Alcohol, Sexual harassment
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced