Reviews with content warning for Mental illness - You Exist Too Much

This book was so good in certain ways (I loved the normalization of queer Palestinian-American life, the travel between the US, Jordan and Palestine, the exploration of culture clash and the corresponding deteriorating relationship between mother and daughter). In other ways the book fell really flat. It’s entirely a character driven novel (in that there is no plot) and yet the characters are largely underdeveloped and forgettable. Really the main character just goes from one toxic relationship to another, seemingly dating every person she encounters (and sometimes playing pretty strongly into the trope of the bisexual cheater). The ending was pretty unsatisfying and didn’t show much growth in terms of either the main character’s romantic attachment style or her quest for motherly approval. Also can’t forget the stellar line from one of her suitors ““I think of you as my girlfriend, but also as my daughter”

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lexkoi's review against another edition

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emotional reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

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gabriellejane's review against another edition

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reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

I usually can't listen to fiction on audio, but this one pulled me in and in the rare case probably kept me more engaged than if I read the physical print. It was a recommendation 2 years ago from one of my college friends and I finally got around to reading it. I thought it was almost too depressing at times, but may be more of a reflection of the times we're living in than the book. Dark and depressing are my top genres, but I find that my tastes are leaning differently right now. Would recommend but see the CWs.

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lizzierose147's review against another edition

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challenging emotional hopeful fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

This book grew on me the more I read. My first impression was that the prose was too simple and that it would not be a captivating read. However, as I read on, I quickly changed my mind. I think the sheer breadth and gravity of topics covered by Arafat through her protagonist almost necessitates a fast paced and simple prose to keep the reader in the flow and to reflect the simultaneous self awareness and impulsiveness of the main character. The effect is that despite covering therapy, oedipal love triangles, eating disorders, queer shame, cheating, Israeli occupation in Palestine, suicide, immigration, family trauma and disappointment and multiple heartbreaks, the book does not feel heavy or depressing. Instead, owing to the simple prose and rapid fire decision making of the protagonist we move through these topics speedily, almost too fast in fact, but I think that this is the point, reflecting the inner world of our protagonist who is loathe to settle, to stagnate and in fact seeks unattainable things, people, a self diagnosed love-addict. The narrative follows her rapid and often (consciously) Il-advised decisions, with both a hopeful and resigned attitude - especially pertinent as it is written in first person. Ultimately, I really liked this book, and especially the mother daughter relationship which ran as its core theme. There is something universal in daughters loving and desiring love from a mother figure, and, when finding the latter to be unattainable, seeking it or a similar absence of it elsewhere. The protagonist's simultaneous isolation and frustration at her mother, underlit with a constant desire for validation and approval, despite not extending the same to her mother until the final passages is poignant and relatable. The tides of their relationship and the deep love they ultimately share was conveyed really well throughout, especially through the lack of explanation between the fights and reparations between them. With every other character the protagonist fights with we need a reason for them to offer forgiveness, with her mother their apologies go unsaid, are inevitable and assumed eventually.
The book is also refreshingly sex positive, even in the several relationships that arent explicitly sexual that the main character describes. Her mothers balance of biphobia and homophobia is also fascinating, the terms and conditions along which she is clearly desperate to be disappointed and yet still make room in spite of her prejudices for love and acceptance of her daughter are a great example of queer family dynamics for the 21dt c.

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