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Heartbreaking, hilarious, and healing. If you have ever been a fat woman in this world, read it. I sobbed more times than I could say, and it was the first time in my life that I’ve actually felt seen completely by a book.
emotional
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
I couldn't love this book more if I tried. It's a statement, it's an eye opener, it's charming and brilliant and funny and heartbreaking. It helped me see privileges I didn't know I had and it reinforced so many of the strong feminist values I believe and fight for.
Oh heavens... I wanted to like this, I really did. And there are certain things I DID like in it. Lindy West has some great points about the use of rape jokes in stand-up, points which I am likely to use should the need arise. I also enjoyed her essay about fat female role models. She really does have good insights and examples sprinkled throughout the book, but that doesn't make up for the flaws in the overall tone.
I mean I get it, you want to write what you know, what you are passionate about. But when it takes up the majority of the book with some glaring biases, it's hard to get behind. When I got it, I was expecting a funny examination of being a woman who is "shrill" in a world that does not always welcome such people. I was expecting an exploration of womanhood through the eyes of such a woman. And that's simply not what I got. So much of the book examines not womanhood, but what it is like to be larger than others in the world around you. That would be fine if that was how the book was marketed and presented, but it's not. The book is titled, described and marketed as a feminist work. This is not a feminist issue, it is a personal struggle that deserves its own volume, much like "Hunger" by Roxane Gay. For someone who claims that their body size does not define them, so much of West's life and book is centered around her weight and what she thinks other people are saying about it. And I say "thinks" because in some cases, it does seem as though she is reading an insult about her size into a situation where none is readily apparent. Now to be clear, I am NOT okay with body-shaming in any form, but I do take issue with people having a victim mentality, regardless of background. Much of this book reads more like the memoir of someone who believes themselves to be the victim of society than someone who is "shrill", i.e. strong and loud and unwavering. Case in point, the conclusion of her argument about rape jokes in stand-up. As a woman I FULLY agree that rape jokes are not okay and do sexualize women in unfair ways. However, just because Daniel Tosh and others of his ilk have used the violation of women as fodder for a set, that doesn't mean that I can't enjoy other comics. The world of stand-up is in no way closed to me, nor has it betrayed me. The same goes for Lindy. I get her disappointment, but to let such things rob her of finding joy in something she once loved is letting those bad apples win. The landscape is not as bleak as she seems to think.
What it comes down to is this; I can't fully enjoy this book because the author spends more time recounting the ways in which she feels ill-used by the world than she does talking about what she has done to fight back. She also contradicts herself on a few occasions to service a point, and (petty though this may sound) it's simply not funny. This book just doesn't offer much hope for the future of women or body acceptance, something we need in today's world. I am going to try reading some of her previous articles to see if I find what I am looking for, but this book was sadly not it.
I mean I get it, you want to write what you know, what you are passionate about. But when it takes up the majority of the book with some glaring biases, it's hard to get behind. When I got it, I was expecting a funny examination of being a woman who is "shrill" in a world that does not always welcome such people. I was expecting an exploration of womanhood through the eyes of such a woman. And that's simply not what I got. So much of the book examines not womanhood, but what it is like to be larger than others in the world around you. That would be fine if that was how the book was marketed and presented, but it's not. The book is titled, described and marketed as a feminist work. This is not a feminist issue, it is a personal struggle that deserves its own volume, much like "Hunger" by Roxane Gay. For someone who claims that their body size does not define them, so much of West's life and book is centered around her weight and what she thinks other people are saying about it. And I say "thinks" because in some cases, it does seem as though she is reading an insult about her size into a situation where none is readily apparent. Now to be clear, I am NOT okay with body-shaming in any form, but I do take issue with people having a victim mentality, regardless of background. Much of this book reads more like the memoir of someone who believes themselves to be the victim of society than someone who is "shrill", i.e. strong and loud and unwavering. Case in point, the conclusion of her argument about rape jokes in stand-up. As a woman I FULLY agree that rape jokes are not okay and do sexualize women in unfair ways. However, just because Daniel Tosh and others of his ilk have used the violation of women as fodder for a set, that doesn't mean that I can't enjoy other comics. The world of stand-up is in no way closed to me, nor has it betrayed me. The same goes for Lindy. I get her disappointment, but to let such things rob her of finding joy in something she once loved is letting those bad apples win. The landscape is not as bleak as she seems to think.
What it comes down to is this; I can't fully enjoy this book because the author spends more time recounting the ways in which she feels ill-used by the world than she does talking about what she has done to fight back. She also contradicts herself on a few occasions to service a point, and (petty though this may sound) it's simply not funny. This book just doesn't offer much hope for the future of women or body acceptance, something we need in today's world. I am going to try reading some of her previous articles to see if I find what I am looking for, but this book was sadly not it.
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
mysterious
relaxing
fast-paced
emotional
funny
hopeful
sad
fast-paced
Honestly everyone should read this book. If you’re enby/female/fat/really any marginalized group, it will feel like the warm, snarky hug you’ve been waiting your whole life to be folded into. If you’re a cis man, it will inform you on how deeply difficult it is to exist in this world in literally any body but yours.
This is a 4.5 star reading experience, but I'm rounding it up to five because the audiobook increased my appreciation for Lindy as a writer and overall human person.
The essays in this relatively short (but not too short) book cover a range of topics, from living with a female body, period shame, abortion, a multitude of essays covering her experiences across all parts of her life as a fat person, dealing with online trolls, sexism, rape jokes in comedy, the death of a parent, and learning how to be in an adult relationship. But she approaches all of these topics from a standpoint of personal experience, not from some theoretical pulpit on high. She is funny and relatable, even compassionate, when she's not being skewering (sometimes she is both at the same time).
There were only a couple of essays in the book that didn't work completely for me, and one was simply because it nearly gave me an anxiety attack, and had nothing to do with her writing ability. While I was listening, I wanted to quote the whole thing. Every once in a while I would just stop the audiobook and go, YES. And then hit play again immediately. (I need a hard copy so I can have the words physically in front of my face.) I would definitely listen to it again, probably even soon.
There were a couple of standout essays in here, and I'd heard versions of a couple of them before on episodes of This American Life, specifically "Hello, I am Fat" and the one where she talks to one of her meanest trolls. But her essay on rape jokes in comedy was probably my favorite because it packed the biggest punch. But really, the whole book is worthwhile.
Here are some quotes (mostly) out of context that I bookmarked on Audible.
Talking about getting her period for the first time:
"If Google had existed when I was eleven, my search history would have looked something like this:
How much comes out?
How many cups come out?
How to stop period
Cancel your period
People with no period
Spells to delay period
Magic to stop period
Blood magic
Witchcraft
Witches
The Witches
Roald Dahl
New Roald Dahl books
Free Roald Dahl books for kids
Priorities."
"The most significant source of my adolescent period anxiety was the fact that in America in 2016, and far more so in 1993, acknowledging the completely normal and mundane function of most uteruses is still taboo."
Talking about how useless and harmful it is to shame fat people into being skinny:
"If anti-fat crusaders really want what they claim to want--for fat people to be healthy--they should be on the front lines of size acceptance and fat empowerment. There's hard science to back this up. Shame contributes measurably to weight gain, not weight loss. Loving yourself is not antithetical to health; it is intrinsic to health. You can't take good care of a thing you hate."
On the time a troll registered an account under the name "LindyWestLicksMyAsshole", and her workplace refused to take it down because it didn't violate their terms of service by being "gendered":
"It is gendered, though. Of course it's gendered. It's sexualizing me for the purpose of making me uncomfortable, of reminding my audience and colleagues and detractors that I'm a sex thing first and a human being second. That my ideas are secondary to my body. Sure, if you strip away cultural context entirely, you could construe 'LindyWestLicksMyAsshole' as having nothing to do with gender, but that's willful dishonesty."
On flying as a fat person, and what she knows people think of her:
"This is the subtext of my life: You're bigger than I'd like you to be. I dread being near you. Your body itself is a breach of etiquette. You are clearly a fucking fool who thinks that cheesecake is a vegetable. I know that you will fart on me. Nobody wants to sit next to a fat person on a plane. Don't think we don't know."
When an acquaintance brought his troll-like behavior into the real world, concerning a disagreement over rape jokes in comedy. This one works much better in full context, but I'm including it anyway, mostly as a note to myself:
"Dave brought a knife and a gun to a comedy show. Because of a disagreement about whether or not comedy clubs are safe for women. Because the way people talk on stage has no bearing on how they behave in real life."
On her troll, and trolls in general:
"If what he said is true, that he just needed to find some meaning in his life, then what a heartbreaking diagnosis for all of the people who are still at it. I can't give purpose and fulfillment to millions of anonymous strangers, but I can remember not to lose sight of their humanity the way that they lost sight of mine. Humans can be reached."
And just because I thought it was funny:
"Whale is the weakest insult ever, by the way. 'Oh, I have a giant brain and rule the sea with my majesty? What have you accomplished lately, Steve?'"
The essays in this relatively short (but not too short) book cover a range of topics, from living with a female body, period shame, abortion, a multitude of essays covering her experiences across all parts of her life as a fat person, dealing with online trolls, sexism, rape jokes in comedy, the death of a parent, and learning how to be in an adult relationship. But she approaches all of these topics from a standpoint of personal experience, not from some theoretical pulpit on high. She is funny and relatable, even compassionate, when she's not being skewering (sometimes she is both at the same time).
There were only a couple of essays in the book that didn't work completely for me, and one was simply because it nearly gave me an anxiety attack, and had nothing to do with her writing ability. While I was listening, I wanted to quote the whole thing. Every once in a while I would just stop the audiobook and go, YES. And then hit play again immediately. (I need a hard copy so I can have the words physically in front of my face.) I would definitely listen to it again, probably even soon.
There were a couple of standout essays in here, and I'd heard versions of a couple of them before on episodes of This American Life, specifically "Hello, I am Fat" and the one where she talks to one of her meanest trolls. But her essay on rape jokes in comedy was probably my favorite because it packed the biggest punch. But really, the whole book is worthwhile.
Here are some quotes (mostly) out of context that I bookmarked on Audible.
Talking about getting her period for the first time:
"If Google had existed when I was eleven, my search history would have looked something like this:
How much comes out?
How many cups come out?
How to stop period
Cancel your period
People with no period
Spells to delay period
Magic to stop period
Blood magic
Witchcraft
Witches
The Witches
Roald Dahl
New Roald Dahl books
Free Roald Dahl books for kids
Priorities."
"The most significant source of my adolescent period anxiety was the fact that in America in 2016, and far more so in 1993, acknowledging the completely normal and mundane function of most uteruses is still taboo."
Talking about how useless and harmful it is to shame fat people into being skinny:
"If anti-fat crusaders really want what they claim to want--for fat people to be healthy--they should be on the front lines of size acceptance and fat empowerment. There's hard science to back this up. Shame contributes measurably to weight gain, not weight loss. Loving yourself is not antithetical to health; it is intrinsic to health. You can't take good care of a thing you hate."
On the time a troll registered an account under the name "LindyWestLicksMyAsshole", and her workplace refused to take it down because it didn't violate their terms of service by being "gendered":
"It is gendered, though. Of course it's gendered. It's sexualizing me for the purpose of making me uncomfortable, of reminding my audience and colleagues and detractors that I'm a sex thing first and a human being second. That my ideas are secondary to my body. Sure, if you strip away cultural context entirely, you could construe 'LindyWestLicksMyAsshole' as having nothing to do with gender, but that's willful dishonesty."
On flying as a fat person, and what she knows people think of her:
"This is the subtext of my life: You're bigger than I'd like you to be. I dread being near you. Your body itself is a breach of etiquette. You are clearly a fucking fool who thinks that cheesecake is a vegetable. I know that you will fart on me. Nobody wants to sit next to a fat person on a plane. Don't think we don't know."
When an acquaintance brought his troll-like behavior into the real world, concerning a disagreement over rape jokes in comedy. This one works much better in full context, but I'm including it anyway, mostly as a note to myself:
"Dave brought a knife and a gun to a comedy show. Because of a disagreement about whether or not comedy clubs are safe for women. Because the way people talk on stage has no bearing on how they behave in real life."
On her troll, and trolls in general:
"If what he said is true, that he just needed to find some meaning in his life, then what a heartbreaking diagnosis for all of the people who are still at it. I can't give purpose and fulfillment to millions of anonymous strangers, but I can remember not to lose sight of their humanity the way that they lost sight of mine. Humans can be reached."
And just because I thought it was funny:
"Whale is the weakest insult ever, by the way. 'Oh, I have a giant brain and rule the sea with my majesty? What have you accomplished lately, Steve?'"
emotional
funny
informative
inspiring
lighthearted
reflective
fast-paced
emotional
funny
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
I wished it was more memoir and less summing things up. A lot of it felt like she was trying to convince her detractors/trolls of her world view, but as someone who is already Team Lindy's pov it felt dumbed down and over explain-y. I feel like most readers of this book would already be a fan and could have done without so many summations and more substance.