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This is a simple story which helps in illustrating some of the struggles transgender teens face. It's target audience is young adults which means you won't find too much on genderqueer (or however you call it) politics in it. It addresses some issues teenagers face, but very lightly and it doesn't explain the resolution of certain conflicts in a satisfactory way.
This is the story of J, who was born Jenifer, but who has always been a boy. As J moves through his senior year of high school, he becomes more and more convinced that he has to find a place to make a stand. He needs a way to reduce the dissonance between the guy he is, and the girl people see on the outside. Unfortunately, not only is it nearly impossible to tell the people around him how he feels, but they are also pretty certain not to accept what he's going through. This is J's story of coming out and starting to transition, F to M.
There are a lot of things I did like about this book. One of them was what felt like a very authentic description of how it feels to be F2M trans as a teenager. (At least, judging by what I hear from the young trans-guys I know.) The dissociation of mind and body, the sometimes violent dislike for body parts that shouldn't be there, the moments when J almost forgets he isn't "really" a guy, only to be brought crashing down by a casual word or comment or his birth name, the way a tiny word, like "she", can be a knife in the gut- all of that feels painfully plausible.
There is that sense of unreality, of being a mind in the wrong body. J describes how something which feels as natural and permanent and obvious as being a guy on the inside seems to be so universally and vigorously rejected by everyone else. He's told he's sick, he's wrong, he's just a butch dyke, and so on. And the knowledge that no matter how far he takes his transition, he will never have quite the body he believes he should live in, is a constant crushing reality.
I also appreciated the human, realistic teen that I felt J was. It's not common in YA for the main character to be allowed to be unsympathetic, to act like a jerk, to be self-centered and fixated on their own pain. And yet in the intense years of growing up, it's a rare teen who doesn't act that way to some degree. J is more self-centered in his stress and confusion and anxiety than most book characters are permitted to be.
The downside to that realism is that it is harder to connect with J as the hero of the story. When he speaks dismissively of gay kids, or puts his own pain over his best friend's, or uses a girl he likes more as a supporting piece of evidence than an actual person, he pushes the reader away as well. There will probably be readers who don't like the book because they fail to connect with J. But I thought his realism as a young human being trumped his less-than-sympathetic world view.
What lost the book a star for me, was the relative abruptness of the ending. The first 90% was drawn out stress, anxiety and pain, as J first figures out who he is and what he wants, and then takes tentative steps to move toward a goal, and to come out to family and friends. But then there is a sudden jumpy wrap up that moved too quickly for me. It felt like most of the book was spent describing the internal and external conflicts, and then the "it gets better" ending was slapped on fast. But opinions will obviously vary.
This is still worth a read, especially if you don't know any trans teens and wonder how that feels. There are some good secondary characters, a few small twists, and a positive ending.
There are a lot of things I did like about this book. One of them was what felt like a very authentic description of how it feels to be F2M trans as a teenager. (At least, judging by what I hear from the young trans-guys I know.) The dissociation of mind and body, the sometimes violent dislike for body parts that shouldn't be there, the moments when J almost forgets he isn't "really" a guy, only to be brought crashing down by a casual word or comment or his birth name, the way a tiny word, like "she", can be a knife in the gut- all of that feels painfully plausible.
There is that sense of unreality, of being a mind in the wrong body. J describes how something which feels as natural and permanent and obvious as being a guy on the inside seems to be so universally and vigorously rejected by everyone else. He's told he's sick, he's wrong, he's just a butch dyke, and so on. And the knowledge that no matter how far he takes his transition, he will never have quite the body he believes he should live in, is a constant crushing reality.
I also appreciated the human, realistic teen that I felt J was. It's not common in YA for the main character to be allowed to be unsympathetic, to act like a jerk, to be self-centered and fixated on their own pain. And yet in the intense years of growing up, it's a rare teen who doesn't act that way to some degree. J is more self-centered in his stress and confusion and anxiety than most book characters are permitted to be.
The downside to that realism is that it is harder to connect with J as the hero of the story. When he speaks dismissively of gay kids, or puts his own pain over his best friend's, or uses a girl he likes more as a supporting piece of evidence than an actual person, he pushes the reader away as well. There will probably be readers who don't like the book because they fail to connect with J. But I thought his realism as a young human being trumped his less-than-sympathetic world view.
What lost the book a star for me, was the relative abruptness of the ending. The first 90% was drawn out stress, anxiety and pain, as J first figures out who he is and what he wants, and then takes tentative steps to move toward a goal, and to come out to family and friends. But then there is a sudden jumpy wrap up that moved too quickly for me. It felt like most of the book was spent describing the internal and external conflicts, and then the "it gets better" ending was slapped on fast. But opinions will obviously vary.
This is still worth a read, especially if you don't know any trans teens and wonder how that feels. There are some good secondary characters, a few small twists, and a positive ending.
While I appreciate that this book provides some representation for trans masculine people. I personally really didn’t like this book.
Firstly, literally no character in this novel is likeable. The main character J is misogynistic and very homophobic. When someone at a party expresses concern about a younger freshman girl being taken advantage of J straight up just goes “I don’t care about some dumb-ass b***h.” He is also constantly going on about he doesn’t want to be mistaken for a lesbian (while using derogatory language towards lesbians) and refuses to be associated with the gay and lesbian students at his high school to the point of mentally distancing himself by viewing them as if they were subjects in a nature documentary. He also has boundary issues kissing his best friend while she was sleeping then acusing her of leading him on when she calls him out about it. The entire first part of the novel reads like a classic “dude whinges about being in the friendzone” as he whinges and complains about the “pretentious” guys she’s into all the while mocking her in his internal narration for being “boy crazy”.
The best friend isn’t much better either. She is incredibly obnoxious and demeaning to J. She also treats his coming out horribly literally stripping down to try and force J to show her his body and then a few chapters doing a weird flip to instead become one of those “you’re so inspirational for being trans” sorts of people and trying to use him as her muse.
All other characters in the book are really one dimensional. We get: J’s asshole dad, his tries to make everything perfect mother, Blue the quirky art girl he kind of dates but is also low key homophobic , Chanelle the trans woman who is smart but dumb when it comes to love who serves to talk about poetry and give sassy advice and Zac the hot trans guy who is also getting a doctorate. No one is fleshed out well and there is absolutely no reason to feel attached to or like any of them.
I also had some concerns surrounding the way transgender issues were handled in the novel. The first was the way the novel discussed J binding with ace bandages without any sort of criticism or disclaiming that this is actually a really harmful thing to do. J later on in the novel has like a throwaway comment about how he now has a binder but there is still nothing said about how harmful binding with ace bandages is. I worry that as this is a YA novel some impressionable young trans kids may get the idea to bind with ace bandages from this book. I also just really disliked the use of the T-slur both in the novel and in a review on the cover. I think this novel highlights the issues with trans masculine stories being written by non trans masculine people (the author is a woman (presumably cisgender but I couldn’t verify this for sure).
Overall I wouldn’t recommend this novel.
Firstly, literally no character in this novel is likeable. The main character J is misogynistic and very homophobic. When someone at a party expresses concern about a younger freshman girl being taken advantage of J straight up just goes “I don’t care about some dumb-ass b***h.” He is also constantly going on about he doesn’t want to be mistaken for a lesbian (while using derogatory language towards lesbians) and refuses to be associated with the gay and lesbian students at his high school to the point of mentally distancing himself by viewing them as if they were subjects in a nature documentary. He also has boundary issues kissing his best friend while she was sleeping then acusing her of leading him on when she calls him out about it. The entire first part of the novel reads like a classic “dude whinges about being in the friendzone” as he whinges and complains about the “pretentious” guys she’s into all the while mocking her in his internal narration for being “boy crazy”.
The best friend isn’t much better either. She is incredibly obnoxious and demeaning to J. She also treats his coming out horribly literally stripping down to try and force J to show her his body and then a few chapters doing a weird flip to instead become one of those “you’re so inspirational for being trans” sorts of people and trying to use him as her muse.
All other characters in the book are really one dimensional. We get: J’s asshole dad, his tries to make everything perfect mother, Blue the quirky art girl he kind of dates but is also low key homophobic , Chanelle the trans woman who is smart but dumb when it comes to love who serves to talk about poetry and give sassy advice and Zac the hot trans guy who is also getting a doctorate. No one is fleshed out well and there is absolutely no reason to feel attached to or like any of them.
I also had some concerns surrounding the way transgender issues were handled in the novel. The first was the way the novel discussed J binding with ace bandages without any sort of criticism or disclaiming that this is actually a really harmful thing to do. J later on in the novel has like a throwaway comment about how he now has a binder but there is still nothing said about how harmful binding with ace bandages is. I worry that as this is a YA novel some impressionable young trans kids may get the idea to bind with ace bandages from this book. I also just really disliked the use of the T-slur both in the novel and in a review on the cover. I think this novel highlights the issues with trans masculine stories being written by non trans masculine people (the author is a woman (presumably cisgender but I couldn’t verify this for sure).
Overall I wouldn’t recommend this novel.
Man, I am torn about this book. On the one hand, some of the passages were absolutely spot-on on what it's like to be a transman and on how it is to grow up being transgender in general. I loved that. That part was so well done.
But the writing was odd. It was stilted and the dialogue was painful in several places just from how stale it was. I thought that the whole LGBT school could have been cut completely out.
It's one I would have liked to have my husband read so he could learn about what it's like to be me, but it just wasn't compelling enough to actually recommend. Bummer. 2.5 stars.
But the writing was odd. It was stilted and the dialogue was painful in several places just from how stale it was. I thought that the whole LGBT school could have been cut completely out.
It's one I would have liked to have my husband read so he could learn about what it's like to be me, but it just wasn't compelling enough to actually recommend. Bummer. 2.5 stars.
dark
emotional
hopeful
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
No
Content Warnings
Moderate: Self harm
Minor: Deadnaming
Amazing book about a female-to-male transgender teenager named J. The reader follows J as he navigates rekationships, meets new people, and learns how to relate to people who stay with him through his journey. This is an important voice to listen to in teen literature, and I hope more writers will take on the subject of gender identity.
I thought this book was great in defining what a transgender teen goes through, but I thought the writing was choppy and the characters...especially the females....annoyed me. Hard for me to get through, but I'm glad it's out there for anyone going through this that might otherwise feel alone.
The beginning of the book was very bleak but as J's story progressed and he learned to accept himself and live his own life it got a lot better. Everyone in the book made mistakes, but learned from them in the end.
3.5 stars. Also reviewed on my Youtube channel.
Wow. I don't think I've ever come across a book with a transgender narrator before. It's definitely not easy reading. J is full of self-loathing over his body, the way the world sees him, the fact that he can't change the way he looks. It almost comes across as misogyny at times, but it's never directed at women as a whole. It's directed at himself.
J's never mentioned being transgender before, and his parents just assume that his attempts at making himself look masculine are because he's a lesbian. His friends assume the same thing. When he DOES finally come out and says that he wants to transition, there's a lot of confusion from his friends. Many of them seem to think that J is intersex, and misunderstanding results. His parents don't handle the news of his transition particularly well, and that was kind of painful to read.
In the end, it's a book that's full of diversity and the hope that J feels for the future when he has his first testosterone shot is beautiful. It's hard to read, and J can be a pretty abrasive character a lot of the time. But while it's not always an easy read? It IS an important read.
Wow. I don't think I've ever come across a book with a transgender narrator before. It's definitely not easy reading. J is full of self-loathing over his body, the way the world sees him, the fact that he can't change the way he looks. It almost comes across as misogyny at times, but it's never directed at women as a whole. It's directed at himself.
J's never mentioned being transgender before, and his parents just assume that his attempts at making himself look masculine are because he's a lesbian. His friends assume the same thing. When he DOES finally come out and says that he wants to transition, there's a lot of confusion from his friends. Many of them seem to think that J is intersex, and misunderstanding results. His parents don't handle the news of his transition particularly well, and that was kind of painful to read.
In the end, it's a book that's full of diversity and the hope that J feels for the future when he has his first testosterone shot is beautiful. It's hard to read, and J can be a pretty abrasive character a lot of the time. But while it's not always an easy read? It IS an important read.