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3.45k reviews for:
Уборщица. История матери-одиночки, вырвавшейся из нищеты
Stephanie Land, Стефани Лэнд
3.82 AVERAGE
3.45k reviews for:
Уборщица. История матери-одиночки, вырвавшейся из нищеты
Stephanie Land, Стефани Лэнд
3.82 AVERAGE
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
medium-paced
emotional
hopeful
reflective
sad
medium-paced
fast-paced
A goal of mine is to dive into books this year learning empathy and reflecting on the reality of others, a challenge put forth by @read_by_rodkelly.
Stephanie’s book opened my eyes to the experiences and poverty that single mothers can be subjected to.
She shared stories on her relationships, that garnered criticism, spending, that also garnered criticism, and thoughts on the homes she cleaned and people that lived in them. My real takeaway, outside the stories of the houses she cleaned, was that single mothers, who work hard to provide a safe and loving environment for their kids, are a fiercely resilient breed.
While I will never criticize her choices as a mother, especially since I am not one myself, I found her view on others to be quite judge mental at times. Money isn’t the root of all problems and just because a family has it shouldn’t mean they are devoid of them. This is a good read to broaden perspective, particularly if you aren’t familiar with poverty or single parent homes.
Stephanie’s book opened my eyes to the experiences and poverty that single mothers can be subjected to.
She shared stories on her relationships, that garnered criticism, spending, that also garnered criticism, and thoughts on the homes she cleaned and people that lived in them. My real takeaway, outside the stories of the houses she cleaned, was that single mothers, who work hard to provide a safe and loving environment for their kids, are a fiercely resilient breed.
While I will never criticize her choices as a mother, especially since I am not one myself, I found her view on others to be quite judge mental at times. Money isn’t the root of all problems and just because a family has it shouldn’t mean they are devoid of them. This is a good read to broaden perspective, particularly if you aren’t familiar with poverty or single parent homes.
emotional
inspiring
medium-paced
I really appreciate Stephanie Land sharing her story. Poverty is a difficult and deeply personal topic, and this memoir shows just how complex that experience can be. There are some excellent books that take a more researched or academic approach to poverty in America, like Evicted: Poverty and Profit in the American City. This isn't that. This is a memoir. It's her lived experience, whether you agree with her choices or not.
I’ve read some of the other reviews, and maybe we need to return to the idea that we listen and we don’t judge. I’ll admit, I also wondered why she kept cleaning houses instead of trying something different. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. That kind of work is flexible, and childcare is incredibly expensive, even with a voucher. If she earned even a little more money, she could lose some of the benefits that were helping her stay afloat. And that extra income would likely just go toward covering the higher costs. It can be incredibly hard to break out of poverty, and being poor is expensive.
I really enjoyed the small glimpses into her clients’ lives. Those moments felt relatable and so human. I think I’d wonder the same things—who are these people, and what can I tell about them just from their stuff? It was sometimes gross, always interesting.
This was an easy listen during my commute. I did get a little confused about the timeline at points, but that could have just been me not following closely enough.
I’ve read some of the other reviews, and maybe we need to return to the idea that we listen and we don’t judge. I’ll admit, I also wondered why she kept cleaning houses instead of trying something different. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. That kind of work is flexible, and childcare is incredibly expensive, even with a voucher. If she earned even a little more money, she could lose some of the benefits that were helping her stay afloat. And that extra income would likely just go toward covering the higher costs. It can be incredibly hard to break out of poverty, and being poor is expensive.
I really enjoyed the small glimpses into her clients’ lives. Those moments felt relatable and so human. I think I’d wonder the same things—who are these people, and what can I tell about them just from their stuff? It was sometimes gross, always interesting.
This was an easy listen during my commute. I did get a little confused about the timeline at points, but that could have just been me not following closely enough.
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
tense
slow-paced
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
medium-paced
slow-paced
In a nutshell: A single mother desperately tries to make it work through working as a maid and brings government programs to light.
Recommendation: I am at a toss-up, I think it is necessary that people read this book to understand government assistance and people's perceptions of others, but at the same time, the author's decision-making at times seems questionable.
I heard about this book a while before it was published and I was intrigued. And while I read it quickly and it was an interesting book, I am conflicted with both feelings of empathy for the author while at the same time anger and confusion at her decisions as well as thought pattern. I grew up with a single mother, and while our circumstances were different in the sense that I had a lot of family to look after me while my mom tried to give us a better life, she never blamed anyone else for her situation and she worked hard without complaint, even when it meant working 3 jobs while attending school.
“Being poor, living in poverty, seemed a lot like probation - the crime being a lack of means to survive.”
Stephanie Land, to put it simply, was dealt a difficult hand. Her parents are estranged and in many ways abandonned her, leaving her to make a series of bad decisions, one of which leaves her pregnant with her emotionally abusive boyfriend's baby. Left with no family to take her and her daughter in, Stephanie lives in a homeless shelter and then moves to an assisted-living apartment. She works as a maid to make ends meet, but her meager wages don't allow it and she is forced to rely on the system with food stamps, WIC, and many other government systems in place to help those who need them. Stephanie quickly realizes that many people are quick to judge her sitation, with even stranger's telling her "You're welcome" in grocery stores when she pays for her groceries with food stamps. Yet, she continues to work hard as a maid, cleaning up other people's messes while she has trouble cleaning her own, in a studio apartment filled with black mold that leaves her and her daughter constantly ill and with seemingly no means to take charge and change the situation. This book raises undeniable concerns about government assistance that leaves those that use it judged and still in the cold, as well as concerns about humanity and how people can be quick to judge.
So I do want to say that one tip I want to take from this book is Stephanie's mantra that she repeats to herself in times of trouble. She tells herself "I love you. I'm here for you," because no one else is there to tell her that. I am now going to come up with my own mantra to tell myself when I need it. I alos like that she took the time to write 10 minutes a day with whatever she was feeling. So I'd like to do that.
I do think that people are quick to judge others in situations,and it broke my heart what Stephanie endured, having others say "YOU'RE WELCOME" when she uses food stamps to purchase groceries and I cringed when she struggled to fit in. I think this book is necessary in the sense that people believe that people that use government assistance programs are abusing the system. And when they try to make enough to be able to save for a rainy day or make better of their situations, that assistance is cut lower and the people in these situations are pretty much unable to get out, or it just becomes even more difficult. So I think this is a necessary book in the sense that something needs to be done for those that are trying to get themselves out of poverty. And there are many useful programs. Stephanie notes many times that foodstamps and other government assistance made living possible, but it kept her living in squalor because it was cut down the second she made even 20 extra dollars, so she felt unable to get ahead. any illness or car troubles threatened to leave her and her daughter living on the streets. and yes, that's a problem.
I do, however, believe a lot of this book was blaming other people and in many ways, was even hypocritical. Stephanie said others judged her for using food stamps yet she was quick to judge the people's houses she cleaned. She said this one woman must be "sad" because she kept her appearance up yet hid ashtrays full of used cigarettes. She judged other's messes and contemplated what kind of lives they led, meanwhile she is doing a lot of things maids SHOULDN'T do, like try on her clients' cashmere sweaters that she'd never be able to afford and cry almost daily in their bathtubs. And while I understand how a panic attack can really take over your whole day, it is inappropriate to do that in your clients' bathtub and then say you don't have enough time to clean their houses in the allotted time.
Not only that, she does make questionable decisions... I believe we all can and make our own set of bad decisions, but these are quite large decisions that have consequences, and she blames others. And complains A LOT in the process. Getting pregnant from an emotionally abusive boyfriend while, it can be seen as a bad decision, is quite common. And many people fall into this. My own mother was a single mother, but she did EVERYTHING to make it work and she took responsibility. It's the decisions after that made me shake my head. Eventually, Stephanie meets someone else and moves in with him shortly after meeting. She complains that she has to help out even though she doesn't work or have a job. This man took her AND her child in, rent free, he just asks for help on the farm. Then she goes to work as a maid and doesn't seem to particularly like her boyfriend and they barely even speak it seems, and then she is reeling when he breaks up with her when the sense you get in the book is that she didn't like him that much to begin with. And then after they break up he still helps her a lot but she doesn't seem particularly grateful. Her daughter plays with a doll in the car and it flies out the window on the freeway and she has a temper tantrum and Stephanie, clearly exhausted, decides to go back and pull over ON A FREEWAY to retrieve the doll. While she is pulled over, someone crashes into her car with her daughter inside and instead of looking back at it as HER MISTAKE, which it is, she blames the other driver, yells at him for hitting her car, views the car as a "death" when she could have lost her daughter, and ultimately guilt trips the insurance company to give her more money. She even goes so far as to call an attorney and cry and ask how to get more money. Not only that, she forgoes an ambulance for her daughter because she's worried about the cost. Thank goodness that her daughter was okay, but she should have at least gotten her checked out. she then borrows the car of a guy she's been seeing, again seems ungrateful, and gets a new car. Meanwhile, she is living in a studio apartment that makes her daughter CONSTANTLY sick due to black mold. Literally, her daughter is sick all the time. Like her own living conditions are one thing but when your daughter constantly has ear infections and her lungs are suffering, you need to bust your ass and get her out of there. And then.... I've seen a lot of people complain about this actually, she gets a $4,000 tax return. She spends it on a ton of small luxuries, one of which is a DIAMOND RING for herself, and leaves a small chunk for a rainy day...instead of finding a better home to protect her and her daughter's health. I am not going to complain about her taking a trip by herself and leaving her daughter, because I believe she took the trip to see if it's where she'd want to build a future for them, which is what she decided. I am one person who historically has made bad decisions with money, but when you have a little person relying on you... don't go buy a diamond ring for yourself. Especially when you have doctors literally telling you "you need to get your daughter out of that apartment." And yes, Stephanie felt judged for being a mom and yes it's awful, but your daughter is suffering every single day. Also why would you leave your daughter with her father on a SAILBOAT and you complain that most of the time he's not there to watch her and leaves her with a bunch of random other males. It seems irresponsible.
But nonetheless, I am happy Stephanie gave up her job to go back to school. I myself made a similar decision not too long ago when I was unhappy with my career prospects and while it was a financial hit, ultimately I know it made everything better and I don't know what would have happened if I didn't!
Recommendation: I am at a toss-up, I think it is necessary that people read this book to understand government assistance and people's perceptions of others, but at the same time, the author's decision-making at times seems questionable.
I heard about this book a while before it was published and I was intrigued. And while I read it quickly and it was an interesting book, I am conflicted with both feelings of empathy for the author while at the same time anger and confusion at her decisions as well as thought pattern. I grew up with a single mother, and while our circumstances were different in the sense that I had a lot of family to look after me while my mom tried to give us a better life, she never blamed anyone else for her situation and she worked hard without complaint, even when it meant working 3 jobs while attending school.
“Being poor, living in poverty, seemed a lot like probation - the crime being a lack of means to survive.”
Stephanie Land, to put it simply, was dealt a difficult hand. Her parents are estranged and in many ways abandonned her, leaving her to make a series of bad decisions, one of which leaves her pregnant with her emotionally abusive boyfriend's baby. Left with no family to take her and her daughter in, Stephanie lives in a homeless shelter and then moves to an assisted-living apartment. She works as a maid to make ends meet, but her meager wages don't allow it and she is forced to rely on the system with food stamps, WIC, and many other government systems in place to help those who need them. Stephanie quickly realizes that many people are quick to judge her sitation, with even stranger's telling her "You're welcome" in grocery stores when she pays for her groceries with food stamps. Yet, she continues to work hard as a maid, cleaning up other people's messes while she has trouble cleaning her own, in a studio apartment filled with black mold that leaves her and her daughter constantly ill and with seemingly no means to take charge and change the situation. This book raises undeniable concerns about government assistance that leaves those that use it judged and still in the cold, as well as concerns about humanity and how people can be quick to judge.
So I do want to say that one tip I want to take from this book is Stephanie's mantra that she repeats to herself in times of trouble. She tells herself "I love you. I'm here for you," because no one else is there to tell her that. I am now going to come up with my own mantra to tell myself when I need it. I alos like that she took the time to write 10 minutes a day with whatever she was feeling. So I'd like to do that.
I do think that people are quick to judge others in situations,and it broke my heart what Stephanie endured, having others say "YOU'RE WELCOME" when she uses food stamps to purchase groceries and I cringed when she struggled to fit in. I think this book is necessary in the sense that people believe that people that use government assistance programs are abusing the system. And when they try to make enough to be able to save for a rainy day or make better of their situations, that assistance is cut lower and the people in these situations are pretty much unable to get out, or it just becomes even more difficult. So I think this is a necessary book in the sense that something needs to be done for those that are trying to get themselves out of poverty. And there are many useful programs. Stephanie notes many times that foodstamps and other government assistance made living possible, but it kept her living in squalor because it was cut down the second she made even 20 extra dollars, so she felt unable to get ahead. any illness or car troubles threatened to leave her and her daughter living on the streets. and yes, that's a problem.
I do, however, believe a lot of this book was blaming other people and in many ways, was even hypocritical. Stephanie said others judged her for using food stamps yet she was quick to judge the people's houses she cleaned. She said this one woman must be "sad" because she kept her appearance up yet hid ashtrays full of used cigarettes. She judged other's messes and contemplated what kind of lives they led, meanwhile she is doing a lot of things maids SHOULDN'T do, like try on her clients' cashmere sweaters that she'd never be able to afford and cry almost daily in their bathtubs. And while I understand how a panic attack can really take over your whole day, it is inappropriate to do that in your clients' bathtub and then say you don't have enough time to clean their houses in the allotted time.
Not only that, she does make questionable decisions... I believe we all can and make our own set of bad decisions, but these are quite large decisions that have consequences, and she blames others. And complains A LOT in the process. Getting pregnant from an emotionally abusive boyfriend while, it can be seen as a bad decision, is quite common. And many people fall into this. My own mother was a single mother, but she did EVERYTHING to make it work and she took responsibility. It's the decisions after that made me shake my head. Eventually, Stephanie meets someone else and moves in with him shortly after meeting. She complains that she has to help out even though she doesn't work or have a job. This man took her AND her child in, rent free, he just asks for help on the farm. Then she goes to work as a maid and doesn't seem to particularly like her boyfriend and they barely even speak it seems, and then she is reeling when he breaks up with her when the sense you get in the book is that she didn't like him that much to begin with. And then after they break up he still helps her a lot but she doesn't seem particularly grateful. Her daughter plays with a doll in the car and it flies out the window on the freeway and she has a temper tantrum and Stephanie, clearly exhausted, decides to go back and pull over ON A FREEWAY to retrieve the doll. While she is pulled over, someone crashes into her car with her daughter inside and instead of looking back at it as HER MISTAKE, which it is, she blames the other driver, yells at him for hitting her car, views the car as a "death" when she could have lost her daughter, and ultimately guilt trips the insurance company to give her more money. She even goes so far as to call an attorney and cry and ask how to get more money. Not only that, she forgoes an ambulance for her daughter because she's worried about the cost. Thank goodness that her daughter was okay, but she should have at least gotten her checked out. she then borrows the car of a guy she's been seeing, again seems ungrateful, and gets a new car. Meanwhile, she is living in a studio apartment that makes her daughter CONSTANTLY sick due to black mold. Literally, her daughter is sick all the time. Like her own living conditions are one thing but when your daughter constantly has ear infections and her lungs are suffering, you need to bust your ass and get her out of there. And then.... I've seen a lot of people complain about this actually, she gets a $4,000 tax return. She spends it on a ton of small luxuries, one of which is a DIAMOND RING for herself, and leaves a small chunk for a rainy day...instead of finding a better home to protect her and her daughter's health. I am not going to complain about her taking a trip by herself and leaving her daughter, because I believe she took the trip to see if it's where she'd want to build a future for them, which is what she decided. I am one person who historically has made bad decisions with money, but when you have a little person relying on you... don't go buy a diamond ring for yourself. Especially when you have doctors literally telling you "you need to get your daughter out of that apartment." And yes, Stephanie felt judged for being a mom and yes it's awful, but your daughter is suffering every single day. Also why would you leave your daughter with her father on a SAILBOAT and you complain that most of the time he's not there to watch her and leaves her with a bunch of random other males. It seems irresponsible.
But nonetheless, I am happy Stephanie gave up her job to go back to school. I myself made a similar decision not too long ago when I was unhappy with my career prospects and while it was a financial hit, ultimately I know it made everything better and I don't know what would have happened if I didn't!
MAID is a memoir about poverty and single motherhood, and getting by in a world where the daily lives of poor people are essentially invisible. Land leaves the homes she cleans spotless in her wake, with no trace of herself--her custody issues, the mold coming up through the vents in her own rented apartment, the fact that one car accident can derail not only the month's bills, but any plans for future solvency. I loved the passages where she was cleaning, wondering about her clients' lives--how would someone see my life, if they had to strip my sheets and clean my toilet?
It's a memoir, sure, but it should be a thought-provoking window into poverty and a tentative climb out of it. For what it's worth, I would recommend this over Hillbilly Elegy any day.
It's a memoir, sure, but it should be a thought-provoking window into poverty and a tentative climb out of it. For what it's worth, I would recommend this over Hillbilly Elegy any day.