Reviews with content warning for Animal death - I'll Be Gone in the Dark: One Woman's Obsessive Search for the Golden State Killer

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I'll Be Gone in the Dark: One Woman's Obsessive Search for the Golden State Killer by Michelle McNamara

5 reviews

notlikethebeer's review

adventurous challenging dark reflective tense medium-paced

3.25

This is a really hard book to review. Part of that comes from the book being pieced together post-humously: there are several sections that were written based on McNamara's notes, rather than anything else. Given that it's complicated enough as it is - spanning decades, with a vast number of names to remember, and an ever-merging number of horrific crimes - the somewhat disjointed writing doesn't help! But equally, it is to be expected. I do think that there were better ways of arranging this, I felt very confused and the jumping between time and events didn't happen. As well, there were some threads that were begun and then just... lost.

Something I've heard about this book, and part of the reason I wanted to read it, is that it's meant to be very victim-centric, in a way that true crime often is not. There definitely was a lot of space given to the victims, including narratives of their life before they became victims. However, I don't know whether I'd describe the victims as being centered as such. McNamara was definitely eager to talk about gory details. And that has made me question, even more, whether victims CAN be centered within the true crime genre.

I think, as well, I would have liked some more reflexivity. McNamara was so caught up in this "mystery", and at times she talked a little about the desire to know, the urge to solve a puzzle. I also appreciated that she thought a little about her own experiences, and their relevance. However I never really understood why this "story" in particular, or why to such an intensity.

On that note, it's hard not to read IBGITD and wonder a little about McNamara's life, and the others in her life. I wonder what her daughter's autobiography might read like: whether she feels she even got to share her mother with this obsession. It IS an obsession, that clearly infiltrated every part of her life. Of course, I'm an outsider, but it does seem that it wasn't to a healthy degree. I'm struck by the knowledge that McNamara is believed to have died from an accidental overdose from various drugs. I wonder how much of her obsessive drive to solve a mystery she initially had no stake in lead to that. It's easy, in reading IBGITD, to wonder whether there is any harm in 'civilians' becoming involved in investigations, if they have the skills and can genuinely provide a benefit. Thinking about McNamara's lack of boundaries is just one example of the harms this can bring (note, just one!).

I will allow that we don't know whether this was the book McNamara wanted to write. We can hope, and trust, that it was. But we don't know. And that makes it difficult to critique. However, I came to this hoping for something that might humanize the true crime genre a little more: that might provide me with some of the understanding I seek in myself, as well as more broadly. I came away largely empty-handed.

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beltari's review

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challenging dark emotional informative mysterious sad tense medium-paced

4.25

Cristo santo. No me esperaba que fuese tan duro de leer. Es true crime bien hecho, sin romantizar al responsable, narrando siempre desde la perspectiva de la victima. Lo único que no me gustó, pero que no hay con qué darle, fue la falta de edición, totalmente entendible considerando que la autora falleció durante la investigación y esto no es algo que puede venir Brandon Sanderson a terminar. Es una historia real sobre un caso que todavía no se cerró. La puerta está abierta para que cualquier persona pueda acercarse e intentar ayudar a descifrar quién carajos fue este joputa.

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nodogsonthemoon's review against another edition

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dark informative mysterious medium-paced

4.25

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jlautry's review against another edition

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dark informative sad slow-paced

4.5

Although she died 2 years before the his capture, her work contributed to the capture of the Golden State Killer. Her ability to tell a captivating story with true events and facts is unlike anything I’ve ever seen in a non-fiction piece. The parts she completed and edited read like a fiction crime novel. Paul Haynes, Billy Jenson, and her husband, Patton Oswalt, pieced together completed chapters with her notes and recordings to put together this book. You can tell instantly which of her chapters were completed before she died, versus what they pieced together from drafts, notes, and recordings. As good of writers as I’m sure they are, they just could not match her storytelling ability. I am a big consumer of true-crime media, and the stories generally do not scare me. However, many parts of this book terrified me. I felt like I was in the room with the victims or watching him from a neighbor’s backyard. It takes a really special author to bring a narrative to life like this. Here’s an example:

“[The victims] weren't thinking of their neighbors, but he was. Part of the thrill of the game for him, I believe, was a kind of connect-the-dots puzzle he played with people. He stole two packs of Winston cigarettes from the first victim, for instance, and left them outside the fourth victim's house. Junk jewelry stolen from a neighbor two weeks earlier was left at the fifth victim's house. Victim twenty-one lived within shouting distance of a water treatment plant; a worker there who lived eight miles away became the next victim. Pills or bullets stolen from a victim would later be found in a neighbor's yard. Some victims shared surnames or jobs.

It was a power play, a signal of ubiquity. I am both nowhere and everywhere. You may not think you have something in common with your neighbor, but you do: me. I'm the barely spotted

presence, the dark haired, blond-haired, stocky, slight, seen from the back, glimpsed in half light thread that will continue to connect you even as you fail to look out for each other.”

You will not find a better researched, more thorough compilation of research done on the GSK than this book. She literally worked herself to death researching this case to try to find justice for his 183+ victims. Parts of this book were not as good as others. I think Paul and Billy had a fine line to walk between maintaining the originality of her work, and creating a publishable piece. There is a section consisting of a transcript of conversations between Michelle and Paul Holes. I skipped most of the 2nd half of that section because it got a little boring for me. But, I did see the docuseries that was released in 2020 that included most of these conversations.

My favorite part of the book is the epilogue Michelle wrote. It is a haunting letter written directly to the, then unknown, Joseph DeAngelo. Here’s how that letter ends:

“One day soon, you’ll hear a car pull up to your curb, an engine cut out. You'll hear footsteps coming up your front walk. Like they did for Edward Wayne Edwards, twenty-nine years after he

killed Timothy Hack and Kelly Drew in Sullivan, Wisconsin. Like they did for Kenneth Lee Hicks, thirty years after he killed Lori Billingsley in Aloha, Oregon.

The doorbell rings.

No side gates are left open. You're long past leaping over a fence. Take one of your hyper, gulping breaths. Clench your teeth. Inch timidly toward the insistent bell.

This is how it ends for you.

‘You'll be silent forever, and I'll be gone in the dark,’ you threatened a victim once.

Open the door. Show us your face.

Walk into the light.”

--MICHELLE MCNAMARA

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annabunce's review against another edition

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adventurous dark mysterious sad fast-paced

4.0

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