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4.1 AVERAGE
4.1 AVERAGE
*3.5 stars*
EDIT - it’s been a little bit since I finished this and I can’t stop thinking about this book, and I only have fond memories of it. Hence, I’m raising my ~official~ rating to the full 4 stars.
This book....kind of leaves me at a loss? I’m on winter break from uni, and I just feel like I’ve been reading nothing but heavy and dense texts so I really needed something quick and light. I turned to this, thinking “oh perfect, a sweet and fluffy YA contemporary” — which is what I got — but also not.
These writers usually helm from new adult / adult romance land, and the writing shows that very much. It was incredibly easy to digest, no painstakingly beautiful phrases, and dialogue that felt very tongue in cheek. It was incredibly fast paced, I read it in two sittings, and the romance did leave me feeling warm and fuzzy, exactly what I had wanted and expected. It checked all my boxes of something to fill the desire now, of something fun but not something that would necessarily stick with me — except it took me by surprise in a way I wasn’t anticipating.
I knew this book was about a male relationship going in, but I didn’t realize that Tanner, the main character was bi, and this affected me more than I was expecting. I myself am bi (and so is one of the authors of this novel, so it’s OwnVoices rep, even better!!), and bi representation in media really isn’t great, so seeing myself in this novel shook me more than I was expecting. More than it affecting me at my current point, where i’m very much assured in my sexuality, it made me wish so much that I had this book when I was in late middle school / early high school, where I didn’t even know being bi was a possibility, and I only discovered the name of it because of being entrenched in fandom culture on tumblr where I was then exposed to it and thought “wow, that’s me”. I grew up in an incredibly conservative family and town, one that still does not think i’m anything but straight, so to have read this book when I was young and unsure, would have been so powerful. Not to mention I think the arc of Sebastian dealing with the intersection of himself and his faith was very compelling, and realistic. It may seem harsh to some, but Christina and Lauren put a lot of research into this aspect of the book, and as someone who used to be very involved in church, it seemed like it was handled well.
It just made me really appreciate the book more, and made it feel more personal to me, and have much more meaning than “just a fluffy read” — which is still is in many, many points — it’s funny, and cute, and certainly not melodramatic. It was also more than that, but not overly more than that. I think this book was exactly what it was trying to be, not overly complicated or glamorous, and I appreciate that, and I also appreciate how it spoke to me personally, hence why I just can’t let it sit rounded down to 3 stars.
EDIT - it’s been a little bit since I finished this and I can’t stop thinking about this book, and I only have fond memories of it. Hence, I’m raising my ~official~ rating to the full 4 stars.
This book....kind of leaves me at a loss? I’m on winter break from uni, and I just feel like I’ve been reading nothing but heavy and dense texts so I really needed something quick and light. I turned to this, thinking “oh perfect, a sweet and fluffy YA contemporary” — which is what I got — but also not.
These writers usually helm from new adult / adult romance land, and the writing shows that very much. It was incredibly easy to digest, no painstakingly beautiful phrases, and dialogue that felt very tongue in cheek. It was incredibly fast paced, I read it in two sittings, and the romance did leave me feeling warm and fuzzy, exactly what I had wanted and expected. It checked all my boxes of something to fill the desire now, of something fun but not something that would necessarily stick with me — except it took me by surprise in a way I wasn’t anticipating.
I knew this book was about a male relationship going in, but I didn’t realize that Tanner, the main character was bi, and this affected me more than I was expecting. I myself am bi (and so is one of the authors of this novel, so it’s OwnVoices rep, even better!!), and bi representation in media really isn’t great, so seeing myself in this novel shook me more than I was expecting. More than it affecting me at my current point, where i’m very much assured in my sexuality, it made me wish so much that I had this book when I was in late middle school / early high school, where I didn’t even know being bi was a possibility, and I only discovered the name of it because of being entrenched in fandom culture on tumblr where I was then exposed to it and thought “wow, that’s me”. I grew up in an incredibly conservative family and town, one that still does not think i’m anything but straight, so to have read this book when I was young and unsure, would have been so powerful. Not to mention I think the arc of Sebastian dealing with the intersection of himself and his faith was very compelling, and realistic. It may seem harsh to some, but Christina and Lauren put a lot of research into this aspect of the book, and as someone who used to be very involved in church, it seemed like it was handled well.
It just made me really appreciate the book more, and made it feel more personal to me, and have much more meaning than “just a fluffy read” — which is still is in many, many points — it’s funny, and cute, and certainly not melodramatic. It was also more than that, but not overly more than that. I think this book was exactly what it was trying to be, not overly complicated or glamorous, and I appreciate that, and I also appreciate how it spoke to me personally, hence why I just can’t let it sit rounded down to 3 stars.
Sometimes, after finishing a giant apocalyptic epic, you need a read-in-2-days book about boys kissing. Not just that — one of them is Mormon. Perfect. It’s just what I needed - young romance and religious angst. Good stuff.
“But something tells me that kissing Sebastian would be like a sparkler falling in the middle of a field of dry grass”
If this line does not give you all the feels I don’t know what will. Where to even start with this book? Well, I wish I had read it when I was 13 because what Tanner and Sebastian were going through was what I was going through at that time. Age 13 was when I realized that I was bisexual (I now identify as pansexual as I have branched out genderwise)...in a small, northern Wisconsin town of conservative and religious human beings. Unlike Tanner, I did not have an open minded family (that’s why to this day 99% of my family don’t know this about me, and I don’t feel like they ever will need to know), and that will forever be one of the hardest things for me.
Okay let’s get into this book! What I loved:
1. The amazing quotes I got out of this book and here are a few minus the one at the beginning: “Your mom is my sun. My world is only warm with her in it.”
“This is how we reveal ourselves: these tiny flashes of discomfort, the reactions we can’t hide.”
“His smile ruins me”,
“A God worthy of your eternal love wouldn’t judge you for who you love while you’re here.”
Each of these quotes resonates with me, and not only now but back when I was a budding teenager. First of all, I hope one day someone thinks of me as the sun and pure warmth, second I have felt that way about a smile...on too many occasions. And the last one hit me, and it hit me hard. I forgot to mention in my opener that my family (minus my dad) are quite religious, and that I grew up a devout Catholic...aka Church every Sunday, CCD every Wednesday starting in 1st grade and ending senior year (I don’t actually know what that stands for but they were like classes every week to help us get through the stages of Catholicism), and I even went on a mission trip. But my sexuality (along with many other conflicting “beliefs” I developed as a teen) is the BIGGEST reason why I strayed away from Catholicism and from the Church in general. How could I not? And I know there are people who still practice religion who are members of the LGBTQ family, but I don’t know how you do it. The problem I had was that I had so many inner conflicts and had nowhere to turn to get help. For me prayer wasn’t peaceful, as devout as I was I never heard “God” speak to me, or lead the way. All I heard was silence. I couldn’t go to my priest, because he would have told me that I was a sinner and needed to say 100 Hail Mary’s and I would be all better. Needless to say, this quote made me cry, like full out cry, tears streaming for a good half hour, because I had never thought of it like that.
2. The amount of religion that was discussed. Going into this book I had absolutely no idea what LDS stood for, I had to look it up (side note, I do kind of wish that would’ve been explained and I might have missed it). I thoroughly enjoyed the amount of detail that was put in about LDS and all the little things that go with it; I truly think it gave this book an edge...for me at least :)
3. Lastly, the way bisexuality was discussed. I could see how some people might not like the way this book presented and discussed bisexuality, I read a review how during the book Sebastian makes it seem like maybe he’s not so sure Tanner is actually into girls and guys...however for me personally, I think that was the best possible way an author could have tackled this topic, especially when the main character was in high school. This mindset is literally how some of the few people in my family do still think. Like “Well Alex we have only ever seen you with boys so you must only like boys”...um wrong. It is sad that this still happens but I can appreciate that this was included in the book; it makes the book feel more realistic and raw. Going back to the first quote mentioned on this review, I don’t know about my friends who are fully straight...but this quote embodies how I felt the first time I thought about kissing a girl; and I live for that in books. When I read a book I want to feel like I am the character, I want to be transported, and with this book it was extremely easy for me.
Overall, this is definitely in my top 5 standalone books...probably from my whole life of reading. I got through it in one day, I cheered, I laughed hysterically, and I cried. What more could you ask for? :)
If this line does not give you all the feels I don’t know what will. Where to even start with this book? Well, I wish I had read it when I was 13 because what Tanner and Sebastian were going through was what I was going through at that time. Age 13 was when I realized that I was bisexual (I now identify as pansexual as I have branched out genderwise)...in a small, northern Wisconsin town of conservative and religious human beings. Unlike Tanner, I did not have an open minded family (that’s why to this day 99% of my family don’t know this about me, and I don’t feel like they ever will need to know), and that will forever be one of the hardest things for me.
Okay let’s get into this book! What I loved:
1. The amazing quotes I got out of this book and here are a few minus the one at the beginning: “Your mom is my sun. My world is only warm with her in it.”
“This is how we reveal ourselves: these tiny flashes of discomfort, the reactions we can’t hide.”
“His smile ruins me”,
“A God worthy of your eternal love wouldn’t judge you for who you love while you’re here.”
Each of these quotes resonates with me, and not only now but back when I was a budding teenager. First of all, I hope one day someone thinks of me as the sun and pure warmth, second I have felt that way about a smile...on too many occasions. And the last one hit me, and it hit me hard. I forgot to mention in my opener that my family (minus my dad) are quite religious, and that I grew up a devout Catholic...aka Church every Sunday, CCD every Wednesday starting in 1st grade and ending senior year (I don’t actually know what that stands for but they were like classes every week to help us get through the stages of Catholicism), and I even went on a mission trip. But my sexuality (along with many other conflicting “beliefs” I developed as a teen) is the BIGGEST reason why I strayed away from Catholicism and from the Church in general. How could I not? And I know there are people who still practice religion who are members of the LGBTQ family, but I don’t know how you do it. The problem I had was that I had so many inner conflicts and had nowhere to turn to get help. For me prayer wasn’t peaceful, as devout as I was I never heard “God” speak to me, or lead the way. All I heard was silence. I couldn’t go to my priest, because he would have told me that I was a sinner and needed to say 100 Hail Mary’s and I would be all better. Needless to say, this quote made me cry, like full out cry, tears streaming for a good half hour, because I had never thought of it like that.
2. The amount of religion that was discussed. Going into this book I had absolutely no idea what LDS stood for, I had to look it up (side note, I do kind of wish that would’ve been explained and I might have missed it). I thoroughly enjoyed the amount of detail that was put in about LDS and all the little things that go with it; I truly think it gave this book an edge...for me at least :)
3. Lastly, the way bisexuality was discussed. I could see how some people might not like the way this book presented and discussed bisexuality, I read a review how during the book Sebastian makes it seem like maybe he’s not so sure Tanner is actually into girls and guys...however for me personally, I think that was the best possible way an author could have tackled this topic, especially when the main character was in high school. This mindset is literally how some of the few people in my family do still think. Like “Well Alex we have only ever seen you with boys so you must only like boys”...um wrong. It is sad that this still happens but I can appreciate that this was included in the book; it makes the book feel more realistic and raw. Going back to the first quote mentioned on this review, I don’t know about my friends who are fully straight...but this quote embodies how I felt the first time I thought about kissing a girl; and I live for that in books. When I read a book I want to feel like I am the character, I want to be transported, and with this book it was extremely easy for me.
Overall, this is definitely in my top 5 standalone books...probably from my whole life of reading. I got through it in one day, I cheered, I laughed hysterically, and I cried. What more could you ask for? :)
Do you cry from anger and frustration?
Yeah, me too.
Especially when I read books like this.
No one could talk to me until I finished this, because my emotions were out of control and I felt so suffocated and jumpy, that I just told "leave me alone" with my emotionless face to everyone who dared to even look at me. My eyes were red the whole time from the tears I held back.
Maybe the fact that I started to watch Dear Mr. Atheist not long before and consumed content about how and why people escaped the mormon church didn't help either. Hearing living people's experiences hit different.
Yeah, me too.
Especially when I read books like this.
No one could talk to me until I finished this, because my emotions were out of control and I felt so suffocated and jumpy, that I just told "leave me alone" with my emotionless face to everyone who dared to even look at me. My eyes were red the whole time from the tears I held back.
Maybe the fact that I started to watch Dear Mr. Atheist not long before and consumed content about how and why people escaped the mormon church didn't help either. Hearing living people's experiences hit different.
This book has swirled around my awareness ever since watching Heartstopper in 2022 and because I'm otherwise a Christina Lauren fan as well. The book didn't disappoint! It deftly handled the conflict between being who you are and the expectations of the only community you've ever known, albeit in a YA romance fashion, as appropriate.
This book was just as great, if not better, than it was when I read it for the first time as a teen, discovering queerness. It is forever one of my favorites.
hopeful
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Complicated
challenging
dark
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
emotional
informative
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes