You need to sign in or sign up before continuing.
Take a photo of a barcode or cover
4.1 AVERAGE
4.1 AVERAGE
emotional
informative
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Alright so want to start of by saying I was not raised Mormon but rather I was raised Baptist so that could have effect of my over all review of this book.
I have spent a long time looking for a queer book that also deals with religion and how those two things go together and I thought I found that is this book. I was sadly wrong in that regard. I felt like while the book did have a lot of strong aspects what it lacked was a realistic view of how the church sees sexuality. I felt like the characters sexualities weren't accurate. One of the characters was meant to be the gold boy of the mormon church but we don’t really see any real signs of that in the book. As a whole I just felt like the book wasn’t all that accurate.
I have spent a long time looking for a queer book that also deals with religion and how those two things go together and I thought I found that is this book. I was sadly wrong in that regard. I felt like while the book did have a lot of strong aspects what it lacked was a realistic view of how the church sees sexuality. I felt like the characters sexualities weren't accurate. One of the characters was meant to be the gold boy of the mormon church but we don’t really see any real signs of that in the book. As a whole I just felt like the book wasn’t all that accurate.
My Recommendation: YES. YES. YES. This is a horrible review because I binged this and had so many thoughts. I feel like I will need to re-read this in the future to really process it. If I had to recommend a this or Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, I would pick this one. I mean don't get me wrong the squeaky clean coming out of Simon is what made it an attractive LGBT book to be adapted and released by a major motion picture studio, but this book had more heart and more feelings.
My Response: I can't believe I binged this. I started it around 4 PM on my way home from work and was done by midnight. I wasn't expecting to love this as much as I did, but it just hit all the right notes for me.
Books like this and Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda make me sad that these weren't around when I was a teenager, but also incredibly happy at how far we've (allegedly) come as a society and for the future LGBTQ+ teens out there. I have two more Freak Show and Geography Club that I picked up a few months ago and am excited to read in the next few weeks. Books like these and the more recent comics I read in No Straight Lines make me feel like those old LGBTQ+ individuals on YouTube who are in awe of the freedom we have today.
Continue reading on my book blog at geoffwhaley.com.
My Response: I can't believe I binged this. I started it around 4 PM on my way home from work and was done by midnight. I wasn't expecting to love this as much as I did, but it just hit all the right notes for me.
Books like this and Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda make me sad that these weren't around when I was a teenager, but also incredibly happy at how far we've (allegedly) come as a society and for the future LGBTQ+ teens out there. I have two more Freak Show and Geography Club that I picked up a few months ago and am excited to read in the next few weeks. Books like these and the more recent comics I read in No Straight Lines make me feel like those old LGBTQ+ individuals on YouTube who are in awe of the freedom we have today.
Continue reading on my book blog at geoffwhaley.com.
I ended up with a lot of questions-in a good way. I really hope that we get to see these characters down the road, I want to know where life takes them.
Confession: I picked this up at a thrift store because the cover was pretty and I like Christina Lauren’s adult novels. I didn’t expect the punch in the chest.
As a parent, this was really hard to read at times. Not accepting or supporting my child because of who they love is unfathomable to me- but while this book gently broke my heart, it also lovingly put it back together.
It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me think. Definitely one of my favourite reads of 2021.
As a parent, this was really hard to read at times. Not accepting or supporting my child because of who they love is unfathomable to me- but while this book gently broke my heart, it also lovingly put it back together.
It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me think. Definitely one of my favourite reads of 2021.
The beginning of the book was kind of difficult to get into, which a couple of cringy moments that weren't yet fully explained. But pretty fast I started falling in live with Tanner and his crush on Sebastian. I also loved how he came out to this best friend and his other friends.
The main thing that bothered me a lot was the end of the story or the main plot if you want. How they both broke up with each other in a very dramatic way and Tanner then has a emotional moment where he takes his best friend's virginity. And even though they have a big talk after breaking up there relationship still seemed unclear. That really bothered me of an otherwise pretty much perfect book.
The main thing that bothered me a lot was the end of the story or the main plot if you want. How they both broke up with each other in a very dramatic way and Tanner then has a emotional moment where he takes his best friend's virginity. And even though they have a big talk after breaking up there relationship still seemed unclear. That really bothered me of an otherwise pretty much perfect book.
Okay. I want to start out by saying that I know this book has been veryyyy important for a lot of people, and that's rad. But I had a lot of problems with it and it wasn't for me. If this resonated with ya or anything, maybe just don't read this review? It's not going to make you happy my friend I promise ya that.
So now that we have that out of the way. (I say as if there's any way on god's great green earth I'm not going to still get someone coming at me for this.)
I want to say that I strongly dislike this book in a harmless sort of way. It didn't offend me or anything. I don't feel the desire to roast it like I'm a kiln and it's a sh*tty mug some first grader made but the clay is too lumpy and thick so it explodes and takes out like 8 other garbage pieces of ceramic with it.
I just didn't like it. At all. And das okay.So if you're still considering yelling at me maybe don't?
Anyway. I'll give you actual reasons now instead of just stating my feelings over and over.
The main character of this book is bisexual, which is Extremely Great. This book follows the (allegedly budding but actually more like was-born-fully-formed. Benjamin Button style, except instead of aging in reverse this relationship just crescendoes in sheer gross emotional drama) relationship between a bisexual guy and a closeted gay guy. That fact alone is très cool.
But here is Something that I might get shit for saying: I don't think the bisexual rep in this book is all that great. Wait wait wait, before you yell at me (I am especially frightened today of the constantly-present hypothetical of me getting yelled at), a clarification. Bisexual rep in general, as a concept = super super great. The specific bisexual rep in this book = kind of garbage.
Further explanation, through bullet points.
- Sebastian, Tanner's boyf, is repeatedly unable to believe that Tanner is bi and pretty much assumes he's only into guys in spite of Tanner's stating otherwise. This is, shocker, never really resolved.
- I am going to say this next one caaaaaarefully, because I don't want to seem like I'm one of those people who's all, "You're not really bi because you're with a guy." But this book doesn't do a lot of showing, rather than telling, that Tanner is bi and not gay. It's said a lot, but I'm not convinced it's really an accurate portrayal of the feelings or experience. (To clarify, it's a damaging stereotype that bi people have to "prove" their sexuality in any way, or the concept that if a bi person is in a relationship with someone of the same sex they are then "actually gay," or vice versa. But it's also damaging to think that when a bi person is in a relationship with someone of the same sex, for example, they are only at that moment attracted to people of their same sex. They're still bi. But the latter situation is something I see in this book.)
- This book tries to confront a lot of the stereotypes bi people face (cool!) but in doing this has the people around Tanner be the bearers of these stereotypes (potentially cool), and they're never really corrected (definitively not cool).
But I am not extremely mad about this, or anything. People have different experiences and it's possible that some of this stuff could be accurate to someone's. It just didn't feel like good rep for me, which is distracting and really takes away from the book tbhhhh.
I hate that I just said tbhhhh. (You could just delete it then, Emma, and none of us would be the wiser, I assume you are saying. This is true, and yet I can say with 97% certainty that that sentence and this series of explanatory sentences will be included in the final version of this review. I live life on the edge, guys. You should know this by now.)
Let's talk about a small annoying thing before we talk about more large annoying things. All of the names in this book are WEIRD and BAD and I hate them. Tanner. Sebastian. Autumn (nickname Auddy?????? F*ck off?????????). Clive. Levi. Deacon. Asher. BRECKIN.
Even the """"normal""" names sound like aliens posing as high school students, and/or a Disney Channel TV show from the 90s that got canceled after one season. Manny. Eric. Hailey. McKenna. Dustin.
But these stupid names are just the façade on an even stupider thing: this book has maximum five characters. There are genuinely one million names in it, but do not be fooled because none of them have even a single line of dialogue. Because not only is there instalove in this book, there is some claustrophobic-ass instalove my dear boy. THIS ENTIRE BOOK FOLLOWS EXCLUSIVELY TANNER AS HE THINKS EXCLUSIVELY ABOUT SEBASTIAN AND OCCASIONALLY WE ARE FREED FROM OUR EMOTIONALLY TUMULTUOUS PRISON ONLY TO BE TOSSED INTO THE FRESH HELL THAT IS THE EMOTIONAL TURMOIL BETWEEN AUTUMN AND TANNER.
It is...a lot.
This book also features a really annoying thing wherein it just states that characters are friends without actually showing it. "Don't lose your friendships with Manny and Eric," says Sebastian's dad. Um. Manny is a warm acquaintance at best and I am pretty sure we hear exactly zero (0) lines of present-day actual speaking from Eric.
But yeah sure cool whatever. Because it's not like the actual """developed""" (read: the characters make eye contact at any point in the story) relationships are any better. In fact they are worse, because we have to spend time reading them. If Sebastian and Tanner's relationship was like any of Tanner's non-Autumn friendships (based on just the single sentence "Sebastian is my boyfriend" one time) my life would be significantly improved.
Let's go through one by one and talk about why these relationships are trash shanties on goddamn garbage island.
1. Tanner and his parents
We are supposed to like Tanner's parents, because Tanner does. They are Cool, he says. They are Supportive. They are Loving. Tanner's mom buys LGBT+ supporting bumper stickers!!! And aprons!!!!!! What a proponent of social justice!
Maybe it's just goddamn me, sentenced to live out my remaining days on a desert island-opinion of my own creation, but "Hey Tanner our bisexual son who just came out and is happy with his life here in California, we are going to move to Mormon City USA and force you back in the closet because we're sooooo worriedddd and why are we going? Yeah for my career thanks sm also I was a Mormon and I hated it and I'm not going to let you be close to any Mormons even though we live in a town where there are more Mormons than oxygen molecules and also I will not tell you anything ever about Mormonism for my whole life long except: it's garbage central stay away. And make sure you're comfortable with the pain and turmoil of hiding your identity from everyone you know once again pal!"
Mr. and Mrs. Scott are not exactly getting my vote for parents of the goddamn year but what the hell do I know!!!!!
2. Tanner and Hailey
This isn't like. Problematic or anything. I just don't think the we're-siblings-and-we-hate-each-other approach is as cute and endearing as it seems like it's supposed to be here. But again. What the ever-living f*ck do I know, y'know?
3. Tanner and Sebastian
Um. Sebastian says some pretty messed up sh*t to Tanner under the pretense of "hey this is really hard." Which, yes. It's really hard to be Mormon and be gay. Obviously. I am not trying to diminish that. But also, hey, isn't it prettyyyyy difficult to have a boyfriend who won't say he loves you and won't publicly show affection and you're actually not quite sure is even your boyfriend and, in fact, may not only abandon you but abandon the entire perception of your relationship as true and real at all?
Anyway. In what is a recurring theme for this book, that sh*t does not get resolved at all. Sebastian shows up in a different state. Sebastian and Tanner make out. Fin.
Compelling, no?
4. Tanner and Autumn
Even though this relationship is not the focus of the book, it is totally the detritus on the sh*t sandwich that is the narrative as a whole.
Tanner and Autumn are best friends. Autumn is in love with Tanner. Tanner knows that Autumn is in love with him. Tanner and Autumn made out once upon a blue moon, but despite the tacit acknowledgment that that moment was hardcore a Big F*ckin' Deal for old Auddy, Tanner never talks about it with her. Autumn does not know Tanner is bi until probably halfway into the book. She doesn't know he's dating Sebastian until well after that. Tanner is incredibly physically affectionate and banter-y and flirty with Autumn despite a) it meaning nothing to him, at least romantically and b) it meaning a whole hell of a lot to her and causing her feelings for him to, like, fester or whatever.
But This Is Not The Worst Part My Friends.
The worst part is a spoiler but I'm not marking it because it sucks.
When Sebastian breaks up with Tanner (one time, out of several) in yet another act of pointless stupid drama I don't care about, Tanner heads on over to old Autumn's house despite, like, completely ignoring her so he could bone (except not really, because Mormonism) Sebastian. He cries or whatever.
And then
he
kisses her.
AND AS IF THAT WERE NOT ENOUGH.
He takes her f*cking virginity.
There aren't enough U's in the world to complete the "Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude..." I need to type right now.
FURTHERMORE.
Sebastian kind of sort of begins apologizing, only for Autumn to interrupt him, say it was her fault, and say that she took advantage of him.
What. The. Everliving f*ck.
TANNER DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER SHE WAS A VIRGIN. HE WASN'T EVEN ESPECIALLY CAREFUL OR ROMANTIC OR SAFE. WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLLLLLL.
And when Sebastian hears about this, he's all, "ya ok i don't have the right to be upset you are always right Tanner we are some sh*tty ass constellations in the universe that is your stunning personality and charm."
God, you guys. This freaking book!!!!
PLOT (or lack thereof)
The """plot""" of this is actually just instalove. Oh, also another plot where it's just Sebastian writing a book that is literally just the actual events that are taking place. Again I will sarcastically use the word "compelling."
This book is just...really hard to get through. It's severely plotless, as mentioned, and sooooo emotional and dramatic and hand-wringing all the time. No comic relief. No likable characters to lighten the mood. Just four hundred pages of nonstop angst.
And as if the drama didn't feel pointless enough just because of how gratuitous it is, That Is Not All. Drama is either neatly sewn up in one exchange of dialogue or literally just abandoned. Examples:
-two girls from the class Sebastian and Tanner met in (even tho Sebby boi is 19 and Tanny delite is 17, Seb's a voluntary TA for a goddamn high school) overhear maybe Tanner talking about his relationship. Tanner tortures us by talking about this nonstop for 20 pages, and then it just...disappears. Boom. Bye. No resolution on that sh*t I guess.
- the Autumn's-virginity thing??? She ignored Tanner's texts and calls for a weekend, stayed home from school, blasted angry music...generally gave all the signs of Intense Fury, and then Tanner comes in and she's all, "no actually it was my fault, let's move on, this book's already way too long and my drama is taking up way too much potential Mormon drama space."
- after being super in love with Tanner for years, with us having to suffer through reminders every other page, Autumn Just Stops Being In Love With Him. Immediately after f*cking him. Which, whaaaaat? It's just suddenly, "Autumn has a boyfriend now btw. Happily ever after? Oh whatever don't pretend you actually gave a sh*t about her as a character anyway." (Which, fair, I didn't. But that's no different from my feelings on literally every other character.)
- AUTUMN WAS SEEING SOMEONE AND IT'S JUST NEVER MENTIONED AFTER A CERTAIN POINT. Was she seeing him when she boned Tanner??? When did they break up????? What the hell happened????????
- prom is, like, a huge topic of discussion because this is a sh*tty contemporary set in a high school, so of course. There is even this huge dramatic moment when Tanner thinks Autumn is catching onto the Sebby-dear thing, and he goes, "I'MGONNAASKSASHATOPROM." Then literally two pages later he's like "actually nvm" and that's IT. But also prom is never mentioned after a certain point. Because this book suuuuuuuucks! For real.
And then, like everything else, the ending just happens with no leadup. No explanation. No real sense of narrative structure or appropriate use of tension or whatever. Because life is suffering and death will come for us all anyway.
OTHER STUFF
This whole book is from Tanner's perspective and then it changes to Sebastian's literally once at the end. Okay. Cool. I do not care anymore. WHO CARES ABOUT CONSISTENCY NOT ME I DON'T HAVE THE CAPACITY TO GIVE A SINGULAR SH*T AT THIS TIME.
There's a weird scene where Autumn is trying on ~revealing~ prom dresses to try to seduce Tanner or whatever and he's, like, criticizing her for showing skin. BUT WHATEVER FOREVER AM I RIGHT. TOTALLY TRY TO SAY WHAT GIRLS CAN AND CAN'T WEAR, YOU WILL NOT GET ANY RESISTANCE FROM ME BECAUSE FROM HERE ON OUT I AM FLOATING THROUGH LIFE BABY.
I do not want to talk about this anymore.
Bottom line: extra half star for complex discussion of Mormonism. Everything else is bad and I am again unsure of whether I read the same book as everyone else???
So now that we have that out of the way. (I say as if there's any way on god's great green earth I'm not going to still get someone coming at me for this.)
I want to say that I strongly dislike this book in a harmless sort of way. It didn't offend me or anything. I don't feel the desire to roast it like I'm a kiln and it's a sh*tty mug some first grader made but the clay is too lumpy and thick so it explodes and takes out like 8 other garbage pieces of ceramic with it.
I just didn't like it. At all. And das okay.
Anyway. I'll give you actual reasons now instead of just stating my feelings over and over.
The main character of this book is bisexual, which is Extremely Great. This book follows the (allegedly budding but actually more like was-born-fully-formed. Benjamin Button style, except instead of aging in reverse this relationship just crescendoes in sheer gross emotional drama) relationship between a bisexual guy and a closeted gay guy. That fact alone is très cool.
But here is Something that I might get shit for saying: I don't think the bisexual rep in this book is all that great. Wait wait wait, before you yell at me (I am especially frightened today of the constantly-present hypothetical of me getting yelled at), a clarification. Bisexual rep in general, as a concept = super super great. The specific bisexual rep in this book = kind of garbage.
Further explanation, through bullet points.
- Sebastian, Tanner's boyf, is repeatedly unable to believe that Tanner is bi and pretty much assumes he's only into guys in spite of Tanner's stating otherwise. This is, shocker, never really resolved.
- I am going to say this next one caaaaaarefully, because I don't want to seem like I'm one of those people who's all, "You're not really bi because you're with a guy." But this book doesn't do a lot of showing, rather than telling, that Tanner is bi and not gay. It's said a lot, but I'm not convinced it's really an accurate portrayal of the feelings or experience. (To clarify, it's a damaging stereotype that bi people have to "prove" their sexuality in any way, or the concept that if a bi person is in a relationship with someone of the same sex they are then "actually gay," or vice versa. But it's also damaging to think that when a bi person is in a relationship with someone of the same sex, for example, they are only at that moment attracted to people of their same sex. They're still bi. But the latter situation is something I see in this book.)
- This book tries to confront a lot of the stereotypes bi people face (cool!) but in doing this has the people around Tanner be the bearers of these stereotypes (potentially cool), and they're never really corrected (definitively not cool).
But I am not extremely mad about this, or anything. People have different experiences and it's possible that some of this stuff could be accurate to someone's. It just didn't feel like good rep for me, which is distracting and really takes away from the book tbhhhh.
I hate that I just said tbhhhh. (You could just delete it then, Emma, and none of us would be the wiser, I assume you are saying. This is true, and yet I can say with 97% certainty that that sentence and this series of explanatory sentences will be included in the final version of this review. I live life on the edge, guys. You should know this by now.)
Let's talk about a small annoying thing before we talk about more large annoying things. All of the names in this book are WEIRD and BAD and I hate them. Tanner. Sebastian. Autumn (nickname Auddy?????? F*ck off?????????). Clive. Levi. Deacon. Asher. BRECKIN.
Even the """"normal""" names sound like aliens posing as high school students, and/or a Disney Channel TV show from the 90s that got canceled after one season. Manny. Eric. Hailey. McKenna. Dustin.
But these stupid names are just the façade on an even stupider thing: this book has maximum five characters. There are genuinely one million names in it, but do not be fooled because none of them have even a single line of dialogue. Because not only is there instalove in this book, there is some claustrophobic-ass instalove my dear boy. THIS ENTIRE BOOK FOLLOWS EXCLUSIVELY TANNER AS HE THINKS EXCLUSIVELY ABOUT SEBASTIAN AND OCCASIONALLY WE ARE FREED FROM OUR EMOTIONALLY TUMULTUOUS PRISON ONLY TO BE TOSSED INTO THE FRESH HELL THAT IS THE EMOTIONAL TURMOIL BETWEEN AUTUMN AND TANNER.
It is...a lot.
This book also features a really annoying thing wherein it just states that characters are friends without actually showing it. "Don't lose your friendships with Manny and Eric," says Sebastian's dad. Um. Manny is a warm acquaintance at best and I am pretty sure we hear exactly zero (0) lines of present-day actual speaking from Eric.
But yeah sure cool whatever. Because it's not like the actual """developed""" (read: the characters make eye contact at any point in the story) relationships are any better. In fact they are worse, because we have to spend time reading them. If Sebastian and Tanner's relationship was like any of Tanner's non-Autumn friendships (based on just the single sentence "Sebastian is my boyfriend" one time) my life would be significantly improved.
Let's go through one by one and talk about why these relationships are trash shanties on goddamn garbage island.
1. Tanner and his parents
We are supposed to like Tanner's parents, because Tanner does. They are Cool, he says. They are Supportive. They are Loving. Tanner's mom buys LGBT+ supporting bumper stickers!!! And aprons!!!!!! What a proponent of social justice!
Maybe it's just goddamn me, sentenced to live out my remaining days on a desert island-opinion of my own creation, but "Hey Tanner our bisexual son who just came out and is happy with his life here in California, we are going to move to Mormon City USA and force you back in the closet because we're sooooo worriedddd and why are we going? Yeah for my career thanks sm also I was a Mormon and I hated it and I'm not going to let you be close to any Mormons even though we live in a town where there are more Mormons than oxygen molecules and also I will not tell you anything ever about Mormonism for my whole life long except: it's garbage central stay away. And make sure you're comfortable with the pain and turmoil of hiding your identity from everyone you know once again pal!"
Mr. and Mrs. Scott are not exactly getting my vote for parents of the goddamn year but what the hell do I know!!!!!
2. Tanner and Hailey
This isn't like. Problematic or anything. I just don't think the we're-siblings-and-we-hate-each-other approach is as cute and endearing as it seems like it's supposed to be here. But again. What the ever-living f*ck do I know, y'know?
3. Tanner and Sebastian
Um. Sebastian says some pretty messed up sh*t to Tanner under the pretense of "hey this is really hard." Which, yes. It's really hard to be Mormon and be gay. Obviously. I am not trying to diminish that. But also, hey, isn't it prettyyyyy difficult to have a boyfriend who won't say he loves you and won't publicly show affection and you're actually not quite sure is even your boyfriend and, in fact, may not only abandon you but abandon the entire perception of your relationship as true and real at all?
Anyway. In what is a recurring theme for this book, that sh*t does not get resolved at all. Sebastian shows up in a different state. Sebastian and Tanner make out. Fin.
Compelling, no?
4. Tanner and Autumn
Even though this relationship is not the focus of the book, it is totally the detritus on the sh*t sandwich that is the narrative as a whole.
Tanner and Autumn are best friends. Autumn is in love with Tanner. Tanner knows that Autumn is in love with him. Tanner and Autumn made out once upon a blue moon, but despite the tacit acknowledgment that that moment was hardcore a Big F*ckin' Deal for old Auddy, Tanner never talks about it with her. Autumn does not know Tanner is bi until probably halfway into the book. She doesn't know he's dating Sebastian until well after that. Tanner is incredibly physically affectionate and banter-y and flirty with Autumn despite a) it meaning nothing to him, at least romantically and b) it meaning a whole hell of a lot to her and causing her feelings for him to, like, fester or whatever.
But This Is Not The Worst Part My Friends.
The worst part is a spoiler but I'm not marking it because it sucks.
When Sebastian breaks up with Tanner (one time, out of several) in yet another act of pointless stupid drama I don't care about, Tanner heads on over to old Autumn's house despite, like, completely ignoring her so he could bone (except not really, because Mormonism) Sebastian. He cries or whatever.
And then
he
kisses her.
AND AS IF THAT WERE NOT ENOUGH.
He takes her f*cking virginity.
There aren't enough U's in the world to complete the "Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude..." I need to type right now.
FURTHERMORE.
Sebastian kind of sort of begins apologizing, only for Autumn to interrupt him, say it was her fault, and say that she took advantage of him.
What. The. Everliving f*ck.
TANNER DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER SHE WAS A VIRGIN. HE WASN'T EVEN ESPECIALLY CAREFUL OR ROMANTIC OR SAFE. WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLLLLLL.
And when Sebastian hears about this, he's all, "ya ok i don't have the right to be upset you are always right Tanner we are some sh*tty ass constellations in the universe that is your stunning personality and charm."
God, you guys. This freaking book!!!!
PLOT (or lack thereof)
The """plot""" of this is actually just instalove. Oh, also another plot where it's just Sebastian writing a book that is literally just the actual events that are taking place. Again I will sarcastically use the word "compelling."
This book is just...really hard to get through. It's severely plotless, as mentioned, and sooooo emotional and dramatic and hand-wringing all the time. No comic relief. No likable characters to lighten the mood. Just four hundred pages of nonstop angst.
And as if the drama didn't feel pointless enough just because of how gratuitous it is, That Is Not All. Drama is either neatly sewn up in one exchange of dialogue or literally just abandoned. Examples:
-two girls from the class Sebastian and Tanner met in (even tho Sebby boi is 19 and Tanny delite is 17, Seb's a voluntary TA for a goddamn high school) overhear maybe Tanner talking about his relationship. Tanner tortures us by talking about this nonstop for 20 pages, and then it just...disappears. Boom. Bye. No resolution on that sh*t I guess.
- the Autumn's-virginity thing??? She ignored Tanner's texts and calls for a weekend, stayed home from school, blasted angry music...generally gave all the signs of Intense Fury, and then Tanner comes in and she's all, "no actually it was my fault, let's move on, this book's already way too long and my drama is taking up way too much potential Mormon drama space."
- after being super in love with Tanner for years, with us having to suffer through reminders every other page, Autumn Just Stops Being In Love With Him. Immediately after f*cking him. Which, whaaaaat? It's just suddenly, "Autumn has a boyfriend now btw. Happily ever after? Oh whatever don't pretend you actually gave a sh*t about her as a character anyway." (Which, fair, I didn't. But that's no different from my feelings on literally every other character.)
- AUTUMN WAS SEEING SOMEONE AND IT'S JUST NEVER MENTIONED AFTER A CERTAIN POINT. Was she seeing him when she boned Tanner??? When did they break up????? What the hell happened????????
- prom is, like, a huge topic of discussion because this is a sh*tty contemporary set in a high school, so of course. There is even this huge dramatic moment when Tanner thinks Autumn is catching onto the Sebby-dear thing, and he goes, "I'MGONNAASKSASHATOPROM." Then literally two pages later he's like "actually nvm" and that's IT. But also prom is never mentioned after a certain point. Because this book suuuuuuuucks! For real.
And then, like everything else, the ending just happens with no leadup. No explanation. No real sense of narrative structure or appropriate use of tension or whatever. Because life is suffering and death will come for us all anyway.
OTHER STUFF
This whole book is from Tanner's perspective and then it changes to Sebastian's literally once at the end. Okay. Cool. I do not care anymore. WHO CARES ABOUT CONSISTENCY NOT ME I DON'T HAVE THE CAPACITY TO GIVE A SINGULAR SH*T AT THIS TIME.
There's a weird scene where Autumn is trying on ~revealing~ prom dresses to try to seduce Tanner or whatever and he's, like, criticizing her for showing skin. BUT WHATEVER FOREVER AM I RIGHT. TOTALLY TRY TO SAY WHAT GIRLS CAN AND CAN'T WEAR, YOU WILL NOT GET ANY RESISTANCE FROM ME BECAUSE FROM HERE ON OUT I AM FLOATING THROUGH LIFE BABY.
I do not want to talk about this anymore.
Bottom line: extra half star for complex discussion of Mormonism. Everything else is bad and I am again unsure of whether I read the same book as everyone else???
Well then. I have some very strong thoughts on this book, so if you are one of the people who loved it, I wish I could join you, but this review is most definitely not for you.
I think for me, the major points that really didn't work for me was the ridiculous instalove at the beginning that was just so over the top and annoying, and the amount of religion. I don't think I was expecting to be so steeped in the Mormon lifestyle when I picked this book up, so that definitely threw me, and there was a lot of it, which is fine for most people, but I've had enough studying about religion after I finished my art history major. This will probably be fine for most people, but it was just a bit too much for me. I did appreciate how this book addressed LGBTQ+ issues, especially within the problematic niche of religion, and didn't constantly make organized religion out to be only "The Big Bad" though, and did manage to show some other facets to being in the community. That was handled in a delicate manner that was refreshing.
I think for me, I just did not like the characters on a fundamental level and that is what spoiled this book the most for me. Tanner is impulsive, self-absorbed, and manipulative even if he won't admit it and tries to make himself out to be a good person. Some of his interactions with Sebastian made me rather uncomfortable because at times it really did feel like he was on the borderline of forcing himself on Sebastian. And Sebastian isn't much better, where he uses Tanner too and had a complete lack of respect for this other person in their relationship. One of the things that happened towards the end of the novel also made me really angry. Spoiler but also profanity warning. The ending is also tied up with a little bow for us, but given all the adversity that these characters went through in the book and how much remained unresolved, sweeping it under the rug for that ending was completely unfounded and honestly, cheap.
So suffice to say, this book was really not for me. A lot of people have loved it though, so I hope that if you're looking to read this book, you do too.
I think for me, the major points that really didn't work for me was the ridiculous instalove at the beginning that was just so over the top and annoying, and the amount of religion. I don't think I was expecting to be so steeped in the Mormon lifestyle when I picked this book up, so that definitely threw me, and there was a lot of it, which is fine for most people, but I've had enough studying about religion after I finished my art history major. This will probably be fine for most people, but it was just a bit too much for me. I did appreciate how this book addressed LGBTQ+ issues, especially within the problematic niche of religion, and didn't constantly make organized religion out to be only "The Big Bad" though, and did manage to show some other facets to being in the community. That was handled in a delicate manner that was refreshing.
I think for me, I just did not like the characters on a fundamental level and that is what spoiled this book the most for me. Tanner is impulsive, self-absorbed, and manipulative even if he won't admit it and tries to make himself out to be a good person. Some of his interactions with Sebastian made me rather uncomfortable because at times it really did feel like he was on the borderline of forcing himself on Sebastian. And Sebastian isn't much better, where he uses Tanner too and had a complete lack of respect for this other person in their relationship. One of the things that happened towards the end of the novel also made me really angry. Spoiler but also profanity warning.
Spoiler
Tanner having sex with Autumn was literally one of the shittiest things I have ever heard of a "best friend" doing. Yes, she also manipulated him into doing it, but it was also such a self-absorbed thing to do, to take advantage of the feelings she knows she has. And then he is basically let off the hook for it, that her losing her virginity to him "makes sense" and was "bound to happen," and then the two of them "just fine" afterwards. Like, are you fucking kidding me? This part made me unbelievably angry, and no one who does this should be a friend, let alone your best friend.So suffice to say, this book was really not for me. A lot of people have loved it though, so I hope that if you're looking to read this book, you do too.
Reading this book is like having a bad day only to crawl into the arms of your loved ones waiting by with a kiss and a cookie. Aside from some minor complaints that the writing a book portion of the plot is put on the back burner, finishing this book has left me feeling warm and gooey in all rights ways.
I loved Tanner so much! I also loved Sebastian and it broke my heart how he was treated and couldn’t be his true self for so long. I was so happy that he finally did at the end! I liked the friendships/relationships between people in general in the book. I loved how supportive Tanners parents, sister and best friend were. Also, how supportive the teacher was! If there was any characters I hated, it would definitely be Sebastians parents. I just felt like this was a very good, mostly realistic, book!