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A review by jcstokes95
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff
hopeful
informative
relaxing
slow-paced
2.5
I get the feeling when people talk down about self-help as a genre, this is the type of book they may be thinking of. I had a really hard time reading and rating with this one. While Neff's ideas are important and the book is not without it's useful tidbits and information, I found Neff's writing to be incredibly grating. I wish I had picked up a book about this topic by someone else. I know Neff has really been the originator of a lot of the discussions on self-compassion, but I can't abide a book with a sentence that starts "Jesus famously said..."
I know for some this review already is mean and reeks of bitterness. And believe me, the irony is not lost on me. But the amount Neff uses her own life as proof of concept means it's fair game for a review. Certainly, her use of personal circumstance weakens her points and makes her feel...a little insufferable. From excusing her cheating on her husband, to wanting her autistic child to be "normal" to then monetizing said child in her husband's book deal, a lot of her actions work against her point that self-compassion is not selfish. Logically, I know self-compassion is not, but as a reader, it makes it hard to buy what she is selling. (There is also a level of privilege here that makes these stories very hard to relate to. To be fair, one of self-helps weaknesses as a genre is a hesitancy to mention the systems that work against readers.)
The content that is not personal stories, often feels a little schlocky. This is made better by the inclusion of concrete exercises. I think most of these are well-designed exercises, even if many exist in the realm of CBT or meditation practices. I feel a workbook of just these would be worth having. I appreciate her mentioning that many of her practices/exercises are tied to certain Eastern religious practices.
I'd also like to flag that I am annoyed with the general conversations around self-esteem. Self-esteem is incomplete but I've yet to see a true nuanced take on it. I could just still be bitter about my last read, The Confidence Code, which took a similar approach. Neff is a bit better here by saying that there are both destructive and positive versions of self-esteem. I wish she’d gone a little bit further in breaking down the why.
What is of value in this book is the level of practicality in some of her advice. I wish it wasn’t as surrounded by fluff. But Neff is giving you exactly what to say to yourself and how to queue up more positive thought. Many self-help can be theoretical and ethereal. I like that she is giving you something to hold onto, even if I will not be calling myself “darling”. The Rosenburg question set is a particularly great guide to how to deal with time where you are likely to self-criticize. I do not have a child or a partner so cannot speak to the effectiveness there, but the parenting section did seem to give some actionable advice.
Unfortunately, even with all that the experience of reading this fell flat for me, and eventually, I had to switch to the audiobook and put it on 2.5 speed to make it through this. I think many people who need a primer on this material or action goals would find it more rewarding.
I know for some this review already is mean and reeks of bitterness. And believe me, the irony is not lost on me. But the amount Neff uses her own life as proof of concept means it's fair game for a review. Certainly, her use of personal circumstance weakens her points and makes her feel...a little insufferable. From excusing her cheating on her husband, to wanting her autistic child to be "normal" to then monetizing said child in her husband's book deal, a lot of her actions work against her point that self-compassion is not selfish. Logically, I know self-compassion is not, but as a reader, it makes it hard to buy what she is selling. (There is also a level of privilege here that makes these stories very hard to relate to. To be fair, one of self-helps weaknesses as a genre is a hesitancy to mention the systems that work against readers.)
The content that is not personal stories, often feels a little schlocky. This is made better by the inclusion of concrete exercises. I think most of these are well-designed exercises, even if many exist in the realm of CBT or meditation practices. I feel a workbook of just these would be worth having. I appreciate her mentioning that many of her practices/exercises are tied to certain Eastern religious practices.
I'd also like to flag that I am annoyed with the general conversations around self-esteem. Self-esteem is incomplete but I've yet to see a true nuanced take on it. I could just still be bitter about my last read, The Confidence Code, which took a similar approach. Neff is a bit better here by saying that there are both destructive and positive versions of self-esteem. I wish she’d gone a little bit further in breaking down the why.
What is of value in this book is the level of practicality in some of her advice. I wish it wasn’t as surrounded by fluff. But Neff is giving you exactly what to say to yourself and how to queue up more positive thought. Many self-help can be theoretical and ethereal. I like that she is giving you something to hold onto, even if I will not be calling myself “darling”. The Rosenburg question set is a particularly great guide to how to deal with time where you are likely to self-criticize. I do not have a child or a partner so cannot speak to the effectiveness there, but the parenting section did seem to give some actionable advice.
Unfortunately, even with all that the experience of reading this fell flat for me, and eventually, I had to switch to the audiobook and put it on 2.5 speed to make it through this. I think many people who need a primer on this material or action goals would find it more rewarding.
Content Warnings
Minor: Ableism