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morgan_blackledge 's review for:
The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It
by Kelly McGonigal
If you don't want to read this epic review. I will give you the condensed version.
Stress isn't bad for you. It's good for you. But only if you get your head out of your keister. Get this book to learn how to do that.
Now for that epic review I promised you.
The Upside of Stress:
The other day I bumped into my neighbor and he was covered in mud and all scraped up. I said "what in the hell happened to you"?
He replied that he had just run an extreme obstacle course race replete with electric fences over mud pits that he had to crawl through on his stomach in order to avoid getting electrocuted.
After he finished describing what to me sounded like a condensed Baton death march, he told me that he had already signed up to do it again next year and that he "couldn't wait".
Can you imagine signing up for an obstacle race and then complaining bitterly about the obstacles you encounter?
I guess its feasible, but it's more likely that you would come upon the obstacles, for instance the electric mud pit, jump right in and scramble through it quick as you could.
You'd be stoked, and you'd relate to it as just one of many cool, fun challenges.
All an integral part of the deal of being in an extreme obstacle course event.
If you were expecting a regular race, and you came upon the electric mud pit, then I could see a very different kind of reaction.
It would seem unfair. It would seem irresponsible of the organizers to arrange for such a ridiculously dangerous rout to have the race on. It would be an outrage.
Many of us expect life to be a casual Sunday 5k, when in fact it's more like a balls out extreme obstacle race.
We resist life's little inconveniences and challenges instead of diving in and hard charging to the next one.
People have a similar response to their own feelings of stress. We often resist feelings of stress and relate to them as a problem or a liability.
We drink booze, take drugs and do all manner of other things in an attempt to avoid stress feelings altogether.
This eliminates or reduces the stress feelings (for a little bit), but it doesn't solve the initial problems and often leads to even bigger problems in the long term.
What if we could change our relationship to the stress feelings?
What if we could intentionally approach our stress feelings instead of habitually avoiding them.
What if we could relate to our stress feelings as helpful?
What if we could relate to our stress feelings as our body making energy that we can use to accomplish whatever we need to do?
Dr. McGonigal's message in The Upside Of Stress is; we can (and should) do exactly that. Particularly if we value our health, relationships and productivity.
The Downside of Stress:
For decades we have been given the message that stress is bad for you and that we should avoid it.
This message, however well attended, may actually be the harmful part of the equation.
How so?
Let me explain with another quick metaphor:
The Polygraph Suicide Machine:
Imagine you're strapped into a very sensitive polygraph machine. Connected to the polygraph machine was a gun pointed at your head. The mad scientist, super villain or installation artist (which ever you prefer) who created the machine tells you that if your stress goes above a certain level, the gun will go off and kill you.
What happens when you start to feel a little bit of stress?
Most people would become very distressed.
They would feel stress about feeling stressed.
This may even engender a self-perpetuating negative upward spiral.
For many of us, the gun would go off before even had a chance to do our yoga breathing or pop a Xanax.
This metaphor is an amplification of what happens within many of us when we relate to stress as if it were a problem or a threat to our health and functioning.
If we relate to our stress feelings as a problem or even as toxic, it is natural to try to escape from them or otherwise resist them.
The problem is that when it comes to thoughts and feelings, resisting them often engenders an ironic rebound effect.
In other words, it makes it worse.
As an experiment, try not to think about a white bear for the next 60 seconds.
Ready, set, go.....,.
How'd you do?
Most people report automatically thinking about a white bear.
Essentially, the rule of thumb is, when it comes to thoughts and feelings, if you're unwilling to have them, you will.
That which you resist, persists.
This applies to stress feelings too.
The more you resist feeling stress, the more you feel stress.
So what can we do about this interesting predicament?
For starters, you could read the book.
But read on if you want the (cheater-pants) executive summery.
The Three Stress Responses:
People think there is only one kind of stress. Many people think all stress is bad. Lots of people think all stress is physically bad for you. But Dr. McGonigal's research is finding that this is far from the truth. In fact, the belief that stress is harmful may actually be killing you.
Dr. McGonigal asserts that there are in fact three types of stress response:
The Threat Response:
• when the situation is dangerous and you need to escape or fight
The Challenge Response:
• when the situation is demanding and you need to rise to the occasion
The Tend and Befriend Response:
• when the situation is dangerous and or demanding and you need to (a) seek assistance or (b) assist another
All of these are adaptive, normal stress responses.
Quiz:
Put yourself in the following scenarios and name the stress responses (the answers are included, so it's kind of a shitty quiz, but what ever).
Gazelle:
Imagine you're a gazelle eating grass on an African savanna. You hear a very faint rustling in the bushes, and out of the corner of your eye you catch a glimpse of a tiger charging in your direction.
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
There is a clear is escape rout.
• What do you do?
(You Run)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Threat Response)
Mama Tiger:
Imagine you're a mama tiger. You're hungry. Your babies are hungry. You go out hunting. You come upon a savanna where a delicious looking gazelle is munching on grass. You slowly creep up on him. He hears you. You know it's now or never.
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
The gazelle is within striking distance.
• What do you do?
(You go for it)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Challenge Response)
Baby Tiger:
Imagine you're a baby tiger. You wander away from mom for a minute. You see a hungry looking predator hyena headed for you.
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
You know mom is right around the corner.
• What do you do?
(You let out a distress cry)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Tend and Befriend Response)
Mama Tiger:
Imagine you're a mama tiger. You notice your baby has wandered away. You hear his distress cry. You investigate. You see baby tiger, he's shaking and very distressed. The predator hyena is long gone but baby is still upset.
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
You know baby is distressed.
• What do you do?
(You comfort baby)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Tend and Befriend Response)
The point being. The feelings of arousal (what we call stress) the animals are having is all essentially the same. It's all the feeling of the body making energy to take action.
The animals reaction is based on their evolutionarily conditioned instincts (motivational feelings) and is largely dictated by stimulus in the environment.
Corporate Accountant:
Imagine your an accountant at a large corperation. Your boss drops by your cubicle and drops a huge pile of work on your desk and says "we need this done by tomorrow and we need you to present the results to the CEO at the board meeting".
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
A: you've heard that stress is bad for you and you've have a history of panic attacks.
• What do you do?
(Shit your pants, freak out, panic)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Threat Response, you're relating to your own stress feelings as a threat)
B: you know you're capable of doing the work, you know that it's absolutely normal to feel aroused in this kind of situation, and you know the arousal you are feeling is simply your body making energy for you to take action.
• What do you do?
(You go for it)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Challenge Response, you're relating to the stress arousal as fuel in your tank to accomplish the task at hand)
C: you have a trusted coworker who you have helped in the past, and who is always willing to help you.
• What do you do?
(You reach out for help)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Tend and Befriend Response, you're utilize your stress arousal to mobilize you to reach out when you need it).
People and Stress:
The main difference between people and other animals is language. Language is obviously helpful, but it can lead to certain problems. Specifically, distorted or unhelpful (maladaptive) beliefs.
With people, their beliefs about stress and their relationship to stress largely determines their response to stress.
A belief that stress is harmful can transform an otherwise adaptive bodily function (arousal) into a tremendously maladaptive anxiety or panic condition.
What Can We Do?
Convert the Threat Response to a Challenge Response and/or a Tend and Befriend Response.
How Do We Do That?
The following are just a few of the most effective psychological skills and tools for flipping pants shitting panic into gnar stoking energy and prosocial behavior.
Mindfulness:
• practice mindful awareness of feelings (as body sensations) on a regular basis.
This generally increases emotional awareness and gets us out of our (crazy) heads and into the direct, felt experience of the emotion, in the here and now (and out of the highly dramatic "can you believe what that asshole just said" there and then).
Acceptance and Change:
• accept the things that can't be changed.
• change the things that can be changed.
Hint:
• Automatic thoughts and feelings are in the "can't be changed" category.
• Behaviors are in the "can be changed" category.
In other words, accept your automatic thoughts and feelings, and change your behavior.
This gets us in the habit of allowing the feelings to be there for us to use as fuel to take action.
Stay Solution Focused and Take Action:
• focus on strengths and resources
• break the issue into smaller, actionable steps
• take a step
• take another one
This reduces overwhelm and gets our hands and feet moving (hopefully in a positive, constructive direction).
The Simple Catchphrase:
• this is what this is like (mindful acceptance)
• now what needs to be done (adaptive action)
- take a step
- reach out
Also.......
Reach Out:
• develop a reliable support network
• be of service when ever possible
• reach out for support when ever we need it
You always knew you were supposed to be nice. Now you know why. You might need help someday. Oh well. Never too late to start right :-)
Stress Mindset:
According to Dr. McGonagle, A person's "Stress Mindset" is the primary determinant of which stress response we will have in a given situation.
According to Dr. McGonigal's research, the reason the various Stress Mindsets have such a profound effect on our wellbeing is because they inform ongoing behavior.
In other words, they change the way you act.
Threat Responses elicit elusive, defensive and aggressive behavior. This tends to be maladaptive in the long term in just about any social milieu. Think about bullies like Hitler. Maybe they gain in the short term, but people hate it when these guys win, and they tend to ban together and take them down after a while.
Challenge Responses elicit determined, innovative creatively engaged behavior. This tends to be adaptive in the longterm. Think about innovators like Steve Jobs or Henry Ford who was famous for saying "weather you think you can or you think you can't, you're right".
Tend and Befriend Responses elicit empathetic, cooperative behavior. This tends (no pun intended - ouch) to be very adaptive in the long term, think about social alchemists like Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King and Gandhi. Maybe they eat dirt at first, but people love it when these special people win, and they tend to ban together and rally behind them and their causes.
What do Hitler, Steve Jobs, Henry Ford, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King and Gandhi have in common?
They are all horrendously tired and overused examples of good and bad behavior.
But that's beside the point.
And furthermore, Bernie Madoff and Elon Musk just don't have the same impact.
Anyway.....
The Nerdy Stuff:
The neurological and neurochemical substrates of the Threat Response, the Challenge Response and the Tend and Befriend Response are all essentially the same, but with a few important differences.
All three of the stress responses feature increased blood serum levels of stress hormones:
• Adrenaline, which causes an elevated cardiovascular rate (increased heart rate and breathing and all that).
• Cortisol, which enables your body to convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
However:
The Challenge Response features additional increased blood serum levels of other resilience boosting hormones:
• Dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), an important endogenous steroidal hormone.
• Brain Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF), an important neurochemical that promotes brain growth and protects against age related cognitive decline.
The Tend and Befriend Response features increased blood serum levels of hormones associated with reduced stress related cardiovascular disease and increased prosocial behavior:
• Oxytocin, an important hormone that promotes social bonding and vasodilation (opening of the veins and arteries) which protects against the damaging cardiovascular effects of stress.
In conclusion. Your Stress Mindset largely determines your stress response. An appropriate stress response largely determines how adaptive your behavior is and weather or not stress kills you, or makes you stronger.....
Drop The Mic.
If You Have Made It This Far:
Just go ahead and buy the fuckin' book.
You're going to love it.
Five Stars!!!!!!!!!
Stress isn't bad for you. It's good for you. But only if you get your head out of your keister. Get this book to learn how to do that.
Now for that epic review I promised you.
The Upside of Stress:
The other day I bumped into my neighbor and he was covered in mud and all scraped up. I said "what in the hell happened to you"?
He replied that he had just run an extreme obstacle course race replete with electric fences over mud pits that he had to crawl through on his stomach in order to avoid getting electrocuted.
After he finished describing what to me sounded like a condensed Baton death march, he told me that he had already signed up to do it again next year and that he "couldn't wait".
Can you imagine signing up for an obstacle race and then complaining bitterly about the obstacles you encounter?
I guess its feasible, but it's more likely that you would come upon the obstacles, for instance the electric mud pit, jump right in and scramble through it quick as you could.
You'd be stoked, and you'd relate to it as just one of many cool, fun challenges.
All an integral part of the deal of being in an extreme obstacle course event.
If you were expecting a regular race, and you came upon the electric mud pit, then I could see a very different kind of reaction.
It would seem unfair. It would seem irresponsible of the organizers to arrange for such a ridiculously dangerous rout to have the race on. It would be an outrage.
Many of us expect life to be a casual Sunday 5k, when in fact it's more like a balls out extreme obstacle race.
We resist life's little inconveniences and challenges instead of diving in and hard charging to the next one.
People have a similar response to their own feelings of stress. We often resist feelings of stress and relate to them as a problem or a liability.
We drink booze, take drugs and do all manner of other things in an attempt to avoid stress feelings altogether.
This eliminates or reduces the stress feelings (for a little bit), but it doesn't solve the initial problems and often leads to even bigger problems in the long term.
What if we could change our relationship to the stress feelings?
What if we could intentionally approach our stress feelings instead of habitually avoiding them.
What if we could relate to our stress feelings as helpful?
What if we could relate to our stress feelings as our body making energy that we can use to accomplish whatever we need to do?
Dr. McGonigal's message in The Upside Of Stress is; we can (and should) do exactly that. Particularly if we value our health, relationships and productivity.
The Downside of Stress:
For decades we have been given the message that stress is bad for you and that we should avoid it.
This message, however well attended, may actually be the harmful part of the equation.
How so?
Let me explain with another quick metaphor:
The Polygraph Suicide Machine:
Imagine you're strapped into a very sensitive polygraph machine. Connected to the polygraph machine was a gun pointed at your head. The mad scientist, super villain or installation artist (which ever you prefer) who created the machine tells you that if your stress goes above a certain level, the gun will go off and kill you.
What happens when you start to feel a little bit of stress?
Most people would become very distressed.
They would feel stress about feeling stressed.
This may even engender a self-perpetuating negative upward spiral.
For many of us, the gun would go off before even had a chance to do our yoga breathing or pop a Xanax.
This metaphor is an amplification of what happens within many of us when we relate to stress as if it were a problem or a threat to our health and functioning.
If we relate to our stress feelings as a problem or even as toxic, it is natural to try to escape from them or otherwise resist them.
The problem is that when it comes to thoughts and feelings, resisting them often engenders an ironic rebound effect.
In other words, it makes it worse.
As an experiment, try not to think about a white bear for the next 60 seconds.
Ready, set, go.....,.
How'd you do?
Most people report automatically thinking about a white bear.
Essentially, the rule of thumb is, when it comes to thoughts and feelings, if you're unwilling to have them, you will.
That which you resist, persists.
This applies to stress feelings too.
The more you resist feeling stress, the more you feel stress.
So what can we do about this interesting predicament?
For starters, you could read the book.
But read on if you want the (cheater-pants) executive summery.
The Three Stress Responses:
People think there is only one kind of stress. Many people think all stress is bad. Lots of people think all stress is physically bad for you. But Dr. McGonigal's research is finding that this is far from the truth. In fact, the belief that stress is harmful may actually be killing you.
Dr. McGonigal asserts that there are in fact three types of stress response:
The Threat Response:
• when the situation is dangerous and you need to escape or fight
The Challenge Response:
• when the situation is demanding and you need to rise to the occasion
The Tend and Befriend Response:
• when the situation is dangerous and or demanding and you need to (a) seek assistance or (b) assist another
All of these are adaptive, normal stress responses.
Quiz:
Put yourself in the following scenarios and name the stress responses (the answers are included, so it's kind of a shitty quiz, but what ever).
Gazelle:
Imagine you're a gazelle eating grass on an African savanna. You hear a very faint rustling in the bushes, and out of the corner of your eye you catch a glimpse of a tiger charging in your direction.
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
There is a clear is escape rout.
• What do you do?
(You Run)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Threat Response)
Mama Tiger:
Imagine you're a mama tiger. You're hungry. Your babies are hungry. You go out hunting. You come upon a savanna where a delicious looking gazelle is munching on grass. You slowly creep up on him. He hears you. You know it's now or never.
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
The gazelle is within striking distance.
• What do you do?
(You go for it)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Challenge Response)
Baby Tiger:
Imagine you're a baby tiger. You wander away from mom for a minute. You see a hungry looking predator hyena headed for you.
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
You know mom is right around the corner.
• What do you do?
(You let out a distress cry)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Tend and Befriend Response)
Mama Tiger:
Imagine you're a mama tiger. You notice your baby has wandered away. You hear his distress cry. You investigate. You see baby tiger, he's shaking and very distressed. The predator hyena is long gone but baby is still upset.
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
You know baby is distressed.
• What do you do?
(You comfort baby)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Tend and Befriend Response)
The point being. The feelings of arousal (what we call stress) the animals are having is all essentially the same. It's all the feeling of the body making energy to take action.
The animals reaction is based on their evolutionarily conditioned instincts (motivational feelings) and is largely dictated by stimulus in the environment.
Corporate Accountant:
Imagine your an accountant at a large corperation. Your boss drops by your cubicle and drops a huge pile of work on your desk and says "we need this done by tomorrow and we need you to present the results to the CEO at the board meeting".
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
A: you've heard that stress is bad for you and you've have a history of panic attacks.
• What do you do?
(Shit your pants, freak out, panic)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Threat Response, you're relating to your own stress feelings as a threat)
B: you know you're capable of doing the work, you know that it's absolutely normal to feel aroused in this kind of situation, and you know the arousal you are feeling is simply your body making energy for you to take action.
• What do you do?
(You go for it)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Challenge Response, you're relating to the stress arousal as fuel in your tank to accomplish the task at hand)
C: you have a trusted coworker who you have helped in the past, and who is always willing to help you.
• What do you do?
(You reach out for help)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Tend and Befriend Response, you're utilize your stress arousal to mobilize you to reach out when you need it).
People and Stress:
The main difference between people and other animals is language. Language is obviously helpful, but it can lead to certain problems. Specifically, distorted or unhelpful (maladaptive) beliefs.
With people, their beliefs about stress and their relationship to stress largely determines their response to stress.
A belief that stress is harmful can transform an otherwise adaptive bodily function (arousal) into a tremendously maladaptive anxiety or panic condition.
What Can We Do?
Convert the Threat Response to a Challenge Response and/or a Tend and Befriend Response.
How Do We Do That?
The following are just a few of the most effective psychological skills and tools for flipping pants shitting panic into gnar stoking energy and prosocial behavior.
Mindfulness:
• practice mindful awareness of feelings (as body sensations) on a regular basis.
This generally increases emotional awareness and gets us out of our (crazy) heads and into the direct, felt experience of the emotion, in the here and now (and out of the highly dramatic "can you believe what that asshole just said" there and then).
Acceptance and Change:
• accept the things that can't be changed.
• change the things that can be changed.
Hint:
• Automatic thoughts and feelings are in the "can't be changed" category.
• Behaviors are in the "can be changed" category.
In other words, accept your automatic thoughts and feelings, and change your behavior.
This gets us in the habit of allowing the feelings to be there for us to use as fuel to take action.
Stay Solution Focused and Take Action:
• focus on strengths and resources
• break the issue into smaller, actionable steps
• take a step
• take another one
This reduces overwhelm and gets our hands and feet moving (hopefully in a positive, constructive direction).
The Simple Catchphrase:
• this is what this is like (mindful acceptance)
• now what needs to be done (adaptive action)
- take a step
- reach out
Also.......
Reach Out:
• develop a reliable support network
• be of service when ever possible
• reach out for support when ever we need it
You always knew you were supposed to be nice. Now you know why. You might need help someday. Oh well. Never too late to start right :-)
Stress Mindset:
According to Dr. McGonagle, A person's "Stress Mindset" is the primary determinant of which stress response we will have in a given situation.
According to Dr. McGonigal's research, the reason the various Stress Mindsets have such a profound effect on our wellbeing is because they inform ongoing behavior.
In other words, they change the way you act.
Threat Responses elicit elusive, defensive and aggressive behavior. This tends to be maladaptive in the long term in just about any social milieu. Think about bullies like Hitler. Maybe they gain in the short term, but people hate it when these guys win, and they tend to ban together and take them down after a while.
Challenge Responses elicit determined, innovative creatively engaged behavior. This tends to be adaptive in the longterm. Think about innovators like Steve Jobs or Henry Ford who was famous for saying "weather you think you can or you think you can't, you're right".
Tend and Befriend Responses elicit empathetic, cooperative behavior. This tends (no pun intended - ouch) to be very adaptive in the long term, think about social alchemists like Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King and Gandhi. Maybe they eat dirt at first, but people love it when these special people win, and they tend to ban together and rally behind them and their causes.
What do Hitler, Steve Jobs, Henry Ford, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King and Gandhi have in common?
They are all horrendously tired and overused examples of good and bad behavior.
But that's beside the point.
And furthermore, Bernie Madoff and Elon Musk just don't have the same impact.
Anyway.....
The Nerdy Stuff:
The neurological and neurochemical substrates of the Threat Response, the Challenge Response and the Tend and Befriend Response are all essentially the same, but with a few important differences.
All three of the stress responses feature increased blood serum levels of stress hormones:
• Adrenaline, which causes an elevated cardiovascular rate (increased heart rate and breathing and all that).
• Cortisol, which enables your body to convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
However:
The Challenge Response features additional increased blood serum levels of other resilience boosting hormones:
• Dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), an important endogenous steroidal hormone.
• Brain Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF), an important neurochemical that promotes brain growth and protects against age related cognitive decline.
The Tend and Befriend Response features increased blood serum levels of hormones associated with reduced stress related cardiovascular disease and increased prosocial behavior:
• Oxytocin, an important hormone that promotes social bonding and vasodilation (opening of the veins and arteries) which protects against the damaging cardiovascular effects of stress.
In conclusion. Your Stress Mindset largely determines your stress response. An appropriate stress response largely determines how adaptive your behavior is and weather or not stress kills you, or makes you stronger.....
Drop The Mic.
If You Have Made It This Far:
Just go ahead and buy the fuckin' book.
You're going to love it.
Five Stars!!!!!!!!!