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A review by thelauramay
Lời từ chối hoàn hảo by William Ury
2.0
As I mentioned in one of my updates, this is a book that could really be a brochure--at least, if you're looking for substantive content. If you're interested in tales about Ury's experiences, then it could be of more value. Also, if you have already read 'Getting to Yes' and 'Getting to Yes with Yourself', there is little new here.
The premise of the book is that a 'positive no' includes three components:
1. Saying yes to yourself and your needs/interests
2. Saying no to the other person's proposal
3. Saying yes to the relationship.
E.g.
Y1: "My family time is important to me,
N: and so I am unable to do overtime this week.
Y2: Perhaps we could meet on Monday to work on streamlining the project timeline."
Y1: I am going to stick to my existing plans and not overstretch myself.
N: "I am afraid I already have plans for that time, but
Y2: thank you for thinking of me - and perhaps we can take a rain-check."
If the first part--prioritising your own needs/setting boundaries--is difficult for you, then practical books on developing boundaries and/or reducing co-dependency would likely be of significantly greater value to you than this book.
The one thing I highlighted from this book was the discursive strategy of using 'oh' and 'so' instead of saying 'no'. The example he gives:
Acquaintance: I've run out of money.
You: Oh?
Acquaintance: I'm really broke.
You: So?
Acquaintance: I really need money.
You: Oh?
Acquaintance: You've been a good friend.
You: So?
Hilarious, right?
I ended up listening at 1.6 speed - this is not one of those books where you're going to be hanging on every word.
1.5 stars.
The premise of the book is that a 'positive no' includes three components:
1. Saying yes to yourself and your needs/interests
2. Saying no to the other person's proposal
3. Saying yes to the relationship.
E.g.
Y1: "My family time is important to me,
N: and so I am unable to do overtime this week.
Y2: Perhaps we could meet on Monday to work on streamlining the project timeline."
Y1: I am going to stick to my existing plans and not overstretch myself.
N: "I am afraid I already have plans for that time, but
Y2: thank you for thinking of me - and perhaps we can take a rain-check."
If the first part--prioritising your own needs/setting boundaries--is difficult for you, then practical books on developing boundaries and/or reducing co-dependency would likely be of significantly greater value to you than this book.
The one thing I highlighted from this book was the discursive strategy of using 'oh' and 'so' instead of saying 'no'. The example he gives:
Acquaintance: I've run out of money.
You: Oh?
Acquaintance: I'm really broke.
You: So?
Acquaintance: I really need money.
You: Oh?
Acquaintance: You've been a good friend.
You: So?
Hilarious, right?
I ended up listening at 1.6 speed - this is not one of those books where you're going to be hanging on every word.
1.5 stars.