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_darbi_'s reviews
296 reviews
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.75
fabulous introduction to attachment theory and how it affects relationships with ourselves and others, later applications specific to polyamory. (i will say, i have heard from others that this book can feel a bit more geared towards newbies and definitions of attachment styles — so for me, it was a perfect foundation!)
non-fiction books grounded in psychology always take me a bit to chew on and prioritize. however, every time i picked up this book over a period of a couple months, the material felt immediately relevant with accessible questions for introspection. i think that all people and relationships could benefit from the HEARTS framework.
i have so many pages tabbed and passages underlined, this book is definitely staying in my toolkit as i continue to create attachment-based relationships and practice self-compassion <3
I Who Have Never Known Men by Jacqueline Harpman
dark
mysterious
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
3.75
i who have never known men is a quiet dystopic novel set in a bleak land, amidst lonely relationships and questions that remain forever unanswered.
it's a book that captivated me despite its sparse language and plainness — the type of speculative fiction that seems almost ordinary. i shiver to think about growing up in a world without music, without culture, without family, without books, without a name... without nurturing. and yet, hope still peeks through these pages. love is uncovered — the simplest things can still cause delight. i turned page after page with hope.
(discovering free will releases all inhibitions! selfhood is powerful! curiosity above all! we create new worlds!)
the last line will live with me forever: "it is strange that i am dying from a diseased womb, i who have never had periods and who have never known men."
other special lines:
"i saw that she wasn't thinking about my question, she was shocked that i could have asked it. she'd inherited a tradition to which i did not belong..." (14)
"the old women cursed furiously, complaining about the indignity of being reduced to the status of animals. if the only thing that differentiates us from animals is the fact that we hide to defecate, then being human rests on very little, i thought" (17).
"'I don't know what all this may lead to,' I told her, 'but that's what's so exciting: in our absurd exsistence, i've invented something unexpected'" (36)/
it's a book that captivated me despite its sparse language and plainness — the type of speculative fiction that seems almost ordinary. i shiver to think about growing up in a world without music, without culture, without family, without books, without a name... without nurturing. and yet, hope still peeks through these pages. love is uncovered — the simplest things can still cause delight. i turned page after page with hope.
(discovering free will releases all inhibitions! selfhood is powerful! curiosity above all! we create new worlds!)
the last line will live with me forever:
other special lines:
"the old women cursed furiously, complaining about the indignity of being reduced to the status of animals. if the only thing that differentiates us from animals is the fact that we hide to defecate, then being human rests on very little, i thought" (17).
"'I don't know what all this may lead to,' I told her, 'but that's what's so exciting: in our absurd exsistence, i've invented something unexpected'" (36)/
Annie Bot by Sierra Greer
hopeful
reflective
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
i think this book just got me out of my four month book slump!
what does it mean to be a person? what IS personal autonomy? what is autonomy relationally? how do we carve out rich lives for ourselves within a misogynistic and capitalist society that prioritizes everything but us?
we are nothing if not change itself — eternally caught in the balance of pleasing others and ourselves… or at least mitigating the harm of choice.
annie is free! annie bot no more <3 and doug? i hope he lives in perpetual devastation and horror of who he is.
what does it mean to be a person? what IS personal autonomy? what is autonomy relationally? how do we carve out rich lives for ourselves within a misogynistic and capitalist society that prioritizes everything but us?
we are nothing if not change itself — eternally caught in the balance of pleasing others and ourselves… or at least mitigating the harm of choice.
annie is free! annie bot no more <3 and doug? i hope he lives in perpetual devastation and horror of who he is.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, and Gaslighting
Moderate: Body shaming
Minor: Racism
Gay Girl Prayers by Emily Austin
funny
lighthearted
reflective
fast-paced
3.0
for all strange women!
some poems felt like unnecessary filler using humor that didn't resonate, perhaps expecting to be well-received on the merits of being queer and quirky alone
some poems felt like unnecessary filler using humor that didn't resonate, perhaps expecting to be well-received on the merits of being queer and quirky alone
There There by Tommy Orange
dark
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.25
The God of the Woods by Liz Moore
mysterious
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.75
the god of the woods was our book club's october selection :)
it's been a hot minute since i've read a mystery/thriller, so i was eager to know if i could slip back into the genre. the rich characterizations, spanning timelines, and social commentary on class, gender, and privilege were core strengths of the novel — creating intimate character connections and vibrant mental maps.(i don't think there was a single point while reading where i didn't turn on a character i had previously believed. the red herrings were enticingly convincing!)
my heart is with alice and i hold delphine and peter in deep contempt. barbara hewitt has a nice ring to it ;)
it's been a hot minute since i've read a mystery/thriller, so i was eager to know if i could slip back into the genre. the rich characterizations, spanning timelines, and social commentary on class, gender, and privilege were core strengths of the novel — creating intimate character connections and vibrant mental maps.(i don't think there was a single point while reading where i didn't turn on a character i had previously believed. the red herrings were enticingly convincing!)
Motherhood by Sheila Heti
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.75
motherhood by sheila heti reads like autofiction. in fact, i picked it up thinking it was a nonfiction reckoning on mothering (the photographic inclusions further perpetuated this belief. see knife placement coin questioning. i was about halfway through when i saw the “fiction” tag above the barcode.)
there are some really beautiful reflections in this book about ancestry, what it means to mother, and what role morality plays in the choice. standing alone, this would make the book an easy 4/5 star! however, i had an issue with the sporadic pacing of the book. the structure reminded me of a journal, jumping from memory to introspection to dream to action. this governing disconnection made it hard for me to stay emotionally invested.
that being said, if you can lock in, i think this is a great introductory primer for anyone questioning what role motherhood plays in their own life, but not as groundbreaking as i expected.
selected highlights:
besides, there are so many kinds of life to give birth to in this world… and there are children everywhere, and parents needing help everywhere, and so much work to be done, and lives to be affirmed that are not necessarily the lives we would have chosen, had we started again. the whole world needs to be mothered. i don’t need to invent brand new life to give the warming effect to my life i imagine mothering will bring. there are lives and duties everywhere just crying out for a mother (168).
what’s the difference between being a good mother and being a good daughter? practically a lot, but symbolically nothing at all (200).
since my girlhood, i had been cautious about allowing myself to imagine the beauty of being a woman alone in a house by the sea. yet now i saw the beauty my life could become (256).
i love the people who exist already, and there are so many books to read, and so much silence to inhabit. i don’t have to live every possible life, or to experience that particular love (268).
there are some really beautiful reflections in this book about ancestry, what it means to mother, and what role morality plays in the choice. standing alone, this would make the book an easy 4/5 star! however, i had an issue with the sporadic pacing of the book. the structure reminded me of a journal, jumping from memory to introspection to dream to action. this governing disconnection made it hard for me to stay emotionally invested.
that being said, if you can lock in, i think this is a great introductory primer for anyone questioning what role motherhood plays in their own life, but not as groundbreaking as i expected.
selected highlights:
besides, there are so many kinds of life to give birth to in this world… and there are children everywhere, and parents needing help everywhere, and so much work to be done, and lives to be affirmed that are not necessarily the lives we would have chosen, had we started again. the whole world needs to be mothered. i don’t need to invent brand new life to give the warming effect to my life i imagine mothering will bring. there are lives and duties everywhere just crying out for a mother (168).
what’s the difference between being a good mother and being a good daughter? practically a lot, but symbolically nothing at all (200).
since my girlhood, i had been cautious about allowing myself to imagine the beauty of being a woman alone in a house by the sea. yet now i saw the beauty my life could become (256).
i love the people who exist already, and there are so many books to read, and so much silence to inhabit. i don’t have to live every possible life, or to experience that particular love (268).
Big Swiss by Jen Beagin
dark
funny
reflective
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
big swiss is addictive and irreverently funny! this book is rife with ridiculous and vulnerable relationships born of intrigue, desire, and being “unhealed.” reading this novel felt a bit like an improv show in that our characters don’t miss a beat in saying “yes, and…”
beagin’s witty dialogue, use of transcriptions, and rich descriptions of the natural world and built environment were both a delight and affront to the senses. (there’s a comparison to be drawn to the writing style of otessa moshfegh here.) i felt fully immersed in the town and country of hudson — probably even more so due to our access to the intimate behaviors of om’s clients through greta’s transcriptions. i love a small town drama!
special shoutout to the endearing 1700’s dutch farmhouse! reflective of the personalities and unbothered nature of its tenants, it’s complete with: a large beehive, nine generations of red squirrels, no running water, stinkbugs sheathed in heavy drapery, and layers of lead paint flaking onto the bed. this is a living house, a character itself <3
with piñon, sabine, and the mini donks’ asmr at her side, may greta finally heal!
Content Warnings
Graphic: Physical abuse and Suicide
Moderate: Suicidal thoughts
If Beale Street Could Talk by James Baldwin
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.5
my second james baldwin novel!
romantic, familial, and communal love is the heart of if beale street could talk. sharon, ernestine, johnny, and frank overwhelmed me with their care and devotion to one another — and to tish and fonny. they suffer and rejoice in unity.
because giovanni’s room was my first read by baldwin, i was intrigued to read his writing from the perspective of a woman. outside of her devotion to fonny and the baby, i felt like the character of tish was not fully formed. just as i enjoyed learning about fonny’s intimacy to sculpture or upbringing with mrs. hunt, i would have enjoyed to read more about tish, especially as our primary narrator (and less misogynist comments!)
i’m heartbroken that fonny’s story isn’t fictional but realistically representative of so many who have been affected by racial prejudice, corrupt policing systems, and the perpetuation of the new jim crow.
(mouth was agape the entire time ernestine was insulting the hunts — carving out adam’s apples like stone fruit)
romantic, familial, and communal love is the heart of if beale street could talk. sharon, ernestine, johnny, and frank overwhelmed me with their care and devotion to one another — and to tish and fonny. they suffer and rejoice in unity.
because giovanni’s room was my first read by baldwin, i was intrigued to read his writing from the perspective of a woman. outside of her devotion to fonny and the baby, i felt like the character of tish was not fully formed. just as i enjoyed learning about fonny’s intimacy to sculpture or upbringing with mrs. hunt, i would have enjoyed to read more about tish, especially as our primary narrator (and less misogynist comments!)
i’m heartbroken that fonny’s story isn’t fictional but realistically representative of so many who have been affected by racial prejudice, corrupt policing systems, and the perpetuation of the new jim crow.
(mouth was agape the entire time ernestine was insulting the hunts — carving out adam’s apples like stone fruit)