just_one_more_paige's reviews
1417 reviews

Fleishman Is in Trouble by Taffy Brodesser-Akner

funny reflective slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.0

I've had this one on my TBR list and bookshelf for years now. I had heard a lot of great things about it, but was struggling to find the right reading mood for it (based on the blurb). High "literary" fiction is something I am always interested in reading in theory, but really struggle to sit down with and really focus on. I appreciate that level of writing, but I know myself well enough to know I wander (mentally) through it. But, I finally worked up enough curiosity and got my hands on a copy of the audiobook from the library. So, boom!

A blurb, per Goodreads: Recently separated Toby Fleishman is suddenly, somehow--and at age forty-one, short as ever--surrounded by women who want him: women who are self-actualized, women who are smart and interesting, women who don't mind his height, women who are eager to take him for a test drive with just the swipe of an app. Toby doesn't mind being used in this way; it's a welcome change from the thirteen years he spent as a married man, the thirteen years of emotional neglect and contempt he's just endured. Anthropologically speaking, it's like nothing he ever experienced before, particularly back in the 1990s, when he first began dating and became used to swimming in the murky waters of rejection. But Toby's new life--liver specialist by day, kids every other weekend, rabid somewhat anonymous sex at night--is interrupted when his ex-wife suddenly disappears. Either on a vision quest or a nervous breakdown, Toby doesn't know--she won't answer his texts or calls. Is Toby's ex just angry, like always? Is she punishing him, yet again, for not being the breadwinner she was? As he desperately searches for her while juggling his job and parenting their two unraveling children, Toby is forced to reckon with the real reasons his marriage fell apart, and to ask if the story he has been telling himself all this time is true.

This novel exceeded my expectations in being exactly what I expected/as advertised. First, this is an extremely smartly written novel. The writing is immaculate and has a literary snark that is both subtle (in how polished it reads) and very, very palpable. It is observational in a voyeuristic way that was fascinating in how it combined vulgarity and that "can't look away" trainwreck vibe with high-brow writing. Honestly, most of this story isn't really very pretty. And in fact, many aspects are downright ugly. But the thing is, that's just the reality of being human. And even though you kind of hate it, you also can't help but see yourself in parts of it, even if the exact details of your individual "ugly" may be different. It's hard to face that kind of insight, though it does make the story hit harder. And Brodesser-Akner delivers it wrapped in a dark humor that isn't *quite* healthy, but makes it easier to look at. Like, Toby and Rachel's stories - both the way they develop together and separately - and the story of the person narrating (Toby's friend Libby), and Toby's friend Seth (and really all the adults featured in this novel), are truly just sad. Reading them is depressing. It's all the things about adulthood and parenthood and getting older and living life that suck, that drag a person down, that you hope you never end up experiencing/being. But also in a strange way, reading it is like a relief, in the way that other people’s problems can be an escape valve. I don't know. It's not upbeat or anything, not by a long shot. But I also never lost sleep over how disheartening these dismal outlooks on life/relationships are. Like I said, voyeuristic.

Let me share some other scattered thoughts I jotted down while reading. I was completely here for the reclamation of sexual activity at an “older” age. I mean, it wasn't portrayed in a particularly healthy way, within the confines of the story/themes, but all types of sexuality should be represented in literature, and it wasn't unsafe, so, great. This was long. And since it was also very much a meanderingly narrated (like the way your more distractible friend tells a story) work, and more character study than plot (by a long shot), it seemed even longer. I was impressed by the writing and how nuanced these characters were, but I still wonder if the same thing could have been achieved in a slightly more succinct way. Thank goodness for the audio. I wasn't sure about the narrative choice for a while. It was unique - mostly third person omniscient, but also occasionally first person. And I was questioning how they knew so much; how Brodesser-Akner would explain that (or if she would). Well, in the end, I felt like it was explained/concluded well enough that I wasn't upset about it. But I am still not sure where I land on liking it outright. I did, however, like that by the end, we got the opposite (Rachel's) perspective of the same events we'd spent all the book hearing about from Toby. That dual POV of the same time/experiences/events, and seeing how different they are, is always a favorite literary style/trope of mine. There is *a lot* of privilege in this book. Not a criticism necessarily, as it’s telling a story of a specific situation and that fits, but it’s very much not recognized by the characters/narrator (as it likely wouldn’t be, IRL), but still just be aware.

Topically, Brodesser-Akner hits on some major themes. Primarily, of course, this is a meditation on longing and desire and relationships and “settling” and the ways they all interact. I love how many of these feelings/interactions made little to no sense, because, at the end of the day, who can help their feelings? They're all very common human emotions and reactions, but still impossible to explain when one wants a reason and so often there isn’t one. Also, the way that one is never all one thing or all another thing or all everything. People and emotions and choices are complicated and seeing all that reflected (accurately) is something I appreciated a lot in this novel. Finally, there are so many astute observations about being a man vs woman, wife vs husband, mother vs father. And, as always, the impossibility of expectations on women (that men cannot understand, even when they too feel like what's expected of them is too much/not what they want, it's still not the same, never the same) is central; the culprit, if you will.

So fascinating character study and of nuanced characters with darkly humorous and incredibly intelligent writing, I'm very glad I finally read this. But I recommend it only under certain moods/circumstances because it won't be for everyone and it certainly isn't particularly easy/light. But like, there’s a lot to unpack and/or discuss. If you’re interested.

“Go with what you want, instead of what you are supposed to want.”

“…when she was working as hard as he was to make their misery seem normal.”

"...what these divorces were all about was a lack of forgiveness: She would not forgive him for not being more impressed by her achievements than inhibited by his own sensitivities; he would not forgive her for being a star that shone so brightly that he couldn't see his own reflection in the mirror anymore. But also, divorce is about forgetfulness - a decision to stop remembering the moment before all the chaos - the moment they fell in love, the moment they knew they were more special together than apart. Marriages live in service to the memory of those moments. Their marriage would not forgive them for getting older, and they would not forgive their marriage for witnessing it."

Content Warnings

Ander and Santi Were Here by Jonny Garza Villa

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emotional hopeful reflective tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

5.0

This one ended up on my TBR thanks to a review post on IG that I saw, but I didn't note who posted that review, so I can't give credit where it's due. Anyways, after just recently finishing, and loving/being totally impressed by, We Deserve Monuments, I was in the mood for another emotionally hard-hitting and salient YA novel. And this seemed like the perfect fit.

Ander Martínez has lived in San Antonio, Texas, for their whole life. They even delayed leaving for art school in favor of sticking around for a year to work on local murals and, of course, at their family's taquería. When he and a (super hot) new waiter, Santiago López Alvarado, fall for each other over the summer, everything changes. With Santi's help, Ander starts to understand who they want to be as an artist, while Ander helps Santi start to really make San Antonio feel like home. But the world is not that easy to live in - though why shouldn't it be?! - and when ICE agents come for Santi, Ander realizes how fragile everything they've built together actually is. How can they hold on to love when the country they live in tears them apart? And what options are there for the two that allow for them to follow their dreams *and* make a future together, while not sacrificing the safety/stability they deserve to have?

Oh this novel was beautiful and tragic and *just barely* on the happier side of hopeful. Let me start with some of the lighter things that I loved. First, the narrative voice was fire. It's told from Ander's perspective, and their voice is seriously spot-on, tone-wise, for a smart and snarky adolescent. The way they spoke with everyone around them, from coworkers to family (especially their mom; I was such a fan of her character and voice as well) to, of course, Santi was spectacular. And you know I'm a sucker for great dialogue. And it went past that into incredibly genuine relationships as well. The casual acceptance from parents/family for Ander’s gender (here's to more novels where that is not the primary conflict) was so great. I loved seeing the gender neutral Spanish. The tension/pull between Ander and Santi is top notch, both leading up to and after they get together. Now, I will say, Ander was so much bigger than Santi on the page. And so, partly, I feel like they were much more developed, character-wise, than Santi, who then ended up as more of a support/secondary role, instead of an equal. Now, Ander had a bigger personality IRL, which played into that. And the fact that it was told from Ander's POV probably also increased that impression. But I did want to mention it. Finally, OMG that cover. *star eyes*

As far as the heavier topics, Villa doesn't shy away from addressing them head on. Which: yes to that. The rage and terror of being undocumented, or caring for someone who is undocumented, is portrayed without any softening. As it should be. There is no circumstance where a person should be considered illegal simply by trying to live and remain safe and try for a better future for themselves/loved ones...and we see myriad ways where that is not only the baseline assumption of our country's immigration law/policy, but how unjust and horrific it is in general and in a very individual, very human, way. Ander and Santi are just two young people in love, already a very real challenge for many, and they cannot simply enjoy or experience it without the threat of separation and legal ramification over their heads (we see this mostly in regards to Santi's citizenship, but also, knowing they are in Texas, there's a very real threat due to their queerness as well - that intersectionality that leads to, potentially, no safe spaces is deeply tragic). So yea, that aspect was full of love and hope and tender youthful optimism, but mixed with upsetting and disrupting and horrific realities that this kind of young love (or just, young…or just, people, any people) shouldn’t have to list as part of their struggles/worries. By the end, this part of the story had me bawling my eyes out in all the good and bad ways.

There was also a phenomenal interrogation of art throughout the novel. Ander is struggling with what one is “allowed” to do, to want to do, to idolize and emulate, to represent. As Ander is finding their identity as an artist in general, and a queer Mexican-American artist specifically, and learning to own what they care about because they care about it, for not other reason(s) and regardless of whether they should or not, it's hard, but it's handled with care and nuance. The way Santi helps them with it is beautiful. And what it provides for Santi in turn is equally touching.

If I could say one thing about this novel, it would be this: it is so vibrant and full of freaking LIFE. It presents an important and necessary POV in a style that is the epitome of YA: funny and hopeful and messy/inappropriate (in the most wonderfully inclusive way), even under the shadow of very real threat/danger. This is why youth are the future, you can’t quash that instinctive belief that things will get better. Heartbreaking and spectacular. I saw fireworks while reading this.

“It’s a weird space to be in mentally, aware that I'm really good at something but still so afraid of the future.”

“I hate that sometimes liking that art I do seems like I'm settling for what people expect me to be doing. That they get in my head and make me overanalyze every idea I have and make me ask myself, Is it because I want to paint this, or is it because I'm supposed to only want to paint this?”

“There’s only us, here together in a moment that is both beautiful and frightening, for however long the world wants to give us. And we're going to make the most of it.”

“There are these moments where I can't tell the difference between authenticity and trying to make a point.”

“And with every touch, I am reminded that we are powerful. That our existence is powerful. That we can be both protector and protected. [...] ...we exist. Together. Right here and right now, with each other. ANd no man or government or racist ideology can ruin this. At least, not right now.” (my god it’s so unbelievably tender and, as I believe is the point but is also universal and should never be as easy to ignore as it seems to be, *human*)

“Fuck borders. Fuck some arbitrary lines that colonizers made up on land that doesn't even belong to them. And fuck how those lines have become a way to make people hate each other and fear each other and want to keep each other out and have no guilt about any of it.”

“Because time continues to exist whether we acknowledge it or not.”

“I wish that this wasn’t the world we’re forced to live in.”

Content Warnings

The Score by Elle Kennedy

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emotional lighthearted fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

Ugh. Yes. This had all the questionable tropes I love, but very especially that overprotective shit that happens before they realize they're in love. I can't help it, I'm gonna swoon a bit for an intense "where is she?!" after being called in as a comfort person. Ooof. Plus, there was a lot of sex in this one, and I was here for all of it. This series (and I'm stopping here cause the next trope is a pregnancy one and that just *does not* do it for me: babies are not swoon-y, fight me) has hit all the points I needed and hoped for. I give it a ringing endorsement, if this is what you are looking for. It's exactly what it is.

Content Warnings

The Mistake by Elle Kennedy

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emotional lighthearted fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

And so my emotional distress, escapist, mood reading problematic steam romance binge continues. I'm reading these books in like, a single day/sitting, and they're scratching exactly the questionable itch I want them to.

Content Warnings

The Deal by Elle Kennedy

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emotional lighthearted fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

Look, this is not getting anything remotely resembling a "full" review. I was in a weird emotional place, which always translates over to my reading (*big* mood reader here), and when that happens, I turn to steamy, problematic (I could list the issues, but really, you know they're there going in; I'm not defending it, at all, but just...read something else if that's not what you want) romances. It happens. Pretty periodically. (I'm an emotional person.) They're quick and easy reads, page-turners, and I love the drama, the sex, the questionable "big dude/protectiveness" and "I won't give up til I win you over you" vibes, and knowing there's going to be an HEA. It always hits the spot and helps get me through the moods. Thanks for your service this time, Elle Kennedy. #sorrynotsorry

Content Warnings

Beautyland by Marie-Helene Bertino

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emotional funny reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

4.0

This was a recent ALC option from Libro.fm that caught my eye first because of the cover (I mean, tell me it doesn't pull your attention). The sci-fi ish sound of the blurb made me feel like it would be worth trying. And then I picked it up much sooner than I normally get around to "newly added to the TBR" books due to a shining review from @bibliomanicured (whose recent joining of bookstagram has shown that our reading vibes are very similar).

Adina is born, in a childbirth experience that almost kills her mother, at the exact moment in 1977 when Voyager 1 was launched into space. Growing up in Philadelphia with her single mother, Adina is an unusually perceptive and, in the parlance of the uncreative, weird, child. The reasons for this become very clear to her, one day, as she starts communicating - by fax - with her extraterrestrial relatives (the ones that sent her to Earth to investigate and decide if it is a viable option for them to live, as their planet is dying). Over the years, as she grows up and makes a life for herself on Earth, she steadily faxes observations about humanity to her "superiors," everything from the griefs to the joys to the this-aspect-of-human-life-makes-absolutely-no-sense moments. When Adina's close friend (one of her only friends), convinces her to compile and share these "dispatches" in the form of a book, Adina finds herself agreeing, and in doing so, opens herself up to finding out, for real, if she is truly as alone as she always thought.

Ok so after the first couple pages, I won't lie, I was skeptical. The writing has a rhythmic poetry style that kind of felt like it was trying hard too hard to be different/avant garde situation. I actually even noted "we’ll see if it finds a naturalness with the story or if it settles into feeling forced throughout." Very quickly, I decided that it settled quite nicely. I got into the flow and found the narrative voice to be the *perfect* fit for Adina's personality and development.

As some very recent comps, I thought this read sort of like a mix of Rouge and Chemistry. The writing was similar in style to Chemistry, a sort of smooth/controlled stream of consciousness of thoughts and observations that are seemingly random (though in this case, primarily astronomically-related), but then come around connected to each other and used to provide unique insight into humanity. With shades of Rouge, there is commentary on the ridiculousness/arbitrariness of beauty and fitting in standards, as well as an ever-present questioning of whether what you are reading is really happening, is metaphorical, and/or is in the narrator's head. In this case, the question is: Is Adina really an alien and communicating with her "superiors" on another planet OR is she neurodiverse in some way OR is Bertino just going for something weird/different for interest? I honestly couldn't say, upon finishing, and I sort of love that.

I liked the way this slightly “outside the norm" perspective really shone a light on so many of the things about humanity that are contradictory, unexplainable, and absurd. Adina's reason for spending her time making and recording these observations, passing them on to her superiors, was a great framework to allow that style of exploration and "research." There is a subtle glorification of the mundanities - anguish, delight, loneliness, anticipation, coming of age (and more) - of everyday life that can only be seen for what they are by a “normal” (unimpressive, will-be-forgotten-by-history) human, and by sending her to Earth as one of those, Adina's superiors made her a character that, for all her extraterrestrial-ness (or, if, in fact, that aspect of the story is not real, her idiosyncrasies), is actually profoundly recognizable and relatable.

I also want to quickly shout out the really cool ace rep! I haven't seen many ace characters represented in legit literary fiction (mostly YA and fantasy novels, like Elatsoe and Kaikeyi). And yes, technically this is sci-fi, but also...to be real, it's literary fiction. Like if you come in expecting traditional sci-fi, I think you'll be at least misled and at most disappointed. Anyhoo, the point I was making is that I was so excited to see Bertino show how much love there is, even without the traditional romantic/sexual love that people think of. Big appreciation for that.

So, to sum up, Beautyland is the “observe and describe all the unique weirdness of humanity by/to aliens” trope, but make it literary. Bertino captures both the softness and the resiliency of humans, and that hard-to-pin-down feeling of being separate even somewhere that you are supposed to (or are trying so hard to) belong. Emotionally evocative through a lens of removal/distance that creates a lovely literary juxtaposition and quite a compelling narrator.

“Sometimes people don’t like when other people seem happy.”

“Pollution is human pressure weighing upon the earth.”

“She doesn’t understand why she always has to be removed in order for her mother to breathe.”

“If she believed the boardwalk t-shirts, a woman was a ball or chain, someone stupid you’re with, someone to lie to so a man can drink beer. If she believed television fathers, women were a constant pain, wanting red roses or a nice dinner out. If she learned how to be a girl from songs, it was worse. If she learned from other girls, worse still.”

“…being physically present in one place while your mind is in another is loneliness.”

“It must be the opposite of homesickness, to return home to find it more beautiful, to return and still feel distance.”

“Her past passions sound tinny when clinking against the jar of time. But they add up to a stack next to her elbow, a growing collection of desire and insight that that might acquire significance if she trusts that it will.”

“…Adina realizes friendships are reincarnations. Everyone reminds her of someone she knew.”

“She and humans share a profound desire: To find other extraterrestrials and feel less alone. Is she alone? Are there others? Where are they? Where are they?”

“The more we live, the more we lose, the more we believe we are lost.”

“Good news at bad times brings no joy.”

“Perhaps she’s never been anything other than lonely. Loneliness is a composite feeling: ironically unable to exist alone. I can contain anger, hunger, fear, jealously. Adina had misidentified it for homesickness for her planet but it also meant restlessness when one is not in the place they long for.”

“Language is pitiable when weighed against experience. My deepest loves and sadnesses fell outside the realm of articulation and never reached the fax machine.”

Content Warnings

The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store by James McBride

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challenging emotional reflective slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Plot
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

This has made like, every single list of "best books" recently. But most importantly, for me, it was on the Aspen Words longlist for 2024. And while I am not necessarily trying to full-read the whole list this year, I am still using it as a guide for books that I'm thinking about trying. And so, onto the extremely long waitlist I went.

Here's what Goodreads has to say, blurb-wise: "In 1972, when workers in Pottstown, Pennsylvania, were digging the foundations for a new development, the last thing they expected to find was a skeleton at the bottom of a well. Who the skeleton was and how it got there were two of the long-held secrets kept by the residents of Chicken Hill, the dilapidated neighbourhood where, decades prior, immigrant Jews and African Americans lived side by side and shared ambitions and sorrows."

This is my first novel by McBride. And let me just start by saying, before I get into anything else, what a master of bringing people and places to life he is! The setting - time period, location, population - is brought to *life* in these pages. And these characters are all so individual, so *real* in that uniqueness. That was an unexpected highlight in a couple ways. First, because it was just so good. And the audiobook narrator did an equally phenomenal job bringing it all even further to life with his narration. And second, because, if I am being honest, the blurb makes this seem very much like a tense, covering up secrets, murder mystery style novel. And yes, there is a murder and there are secrets and there is definitely tension. But all of it is very much not presented in a typical mystery-thriller way. It's like the murder and the corpse in the well are merely a convenient excuse to introduce us, the readers, to Chicken Hill and the characters that live there. It was almost incidental to the entire novel. I mean, you do find out who the corpse is, and how it got there, and all the details around it are cleared up. And yet, those details were like a sidebar to the main event - again, the place and people - and I found I honestly wouldn't have cared if it wasn't cleared up. This is both a positive and a negative, in my opinion. I mean I was so invested in the characters that learning about their inner thoughts and daily lives and interactions was enough: great writing. But then the plot itself never took off enough to hold up or hold my interest: less ideal.

To continue to focus on the positives... The meandering sense of storytelling is, stylistically, like if someone you knew was talking to you and telling a tale. It's so easy to listen to, and you get caught up in side stories and extra bonus character descriptions and all the other added color along the way. This also allowed for some gorgeous highlighting of so many hidden/less-explored communities of history explored: the breadth of Jewish immigrant culture, northern Black America, state run mental “hospitals,” historical treatment of/for people with a variety of disabilities, and more. The intra-cultural nuances are particularly great. Groups that normally get flattened out by media and “outsiders” - Black people, Jewish people, people with disabilities, intersections/overlap therein - are given full range and depth to be individual within their greater descriptors/communities. And the feelings and alliances of these smaller intra-groups for/amongst each other is fascinating. Just, the vibrancy McBride presents is stunning.

Thematically, other than all the cultural aspects already touched on, and, of course, the murder (side) storyline, the major representations are of the racism inherent to this country. And really it's upsetting to see how little rhetoric has changed in the years between the early/mid 1900s and now. Seriously. The rhetoric of America “going downhill,” with its best days behind it, was as alive then as it is now. Just, call a spade a spade...you're racist. Pure and simple. And in many instances in this novel, as well present day, misogynist and ableist. Then there's the hypocrisy of those bragging about being Mayflower descendants (so, bragging about being an immigrant) complaining about new arrivals (also immigrants) taking their land/jobs/money and being uncultured. Like, it boggles. And then, it doesn't, because it's so damn familiar. The greater resignation to that being the landscape of the nation is rendered so well. As is the life-giving support of the connection and community amongst those who are on the outside of the white power structure. It's a lot of process in the way that the nuances and complexities of everyday life always are. To finish, let me just tip my hat to the hope that lives in the ending. I do love poetic justice. It's so damn satisfying, even if, of course, it doesn't happen as often IRL as one might want. Here's to fiction, for granting us that satisfaction.

So, yea, there is a murder here. But this is mostly just a story of people and the importance of community as family, in the way it sustains us all, our lives and our spirits. It wasn't what I expected, so that may affect some of my (or other reader's) reactions. But even still, the life in these pages was palpable and I can do nothing but respect that.

Content Warnings

Forget Me Not by Julie Soto

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emotional lighthearted medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

I borrowed this as an ebook from the library during a recent trip (I do love a romance read for a plane ride - they're light and quick and easy, which is exactly what I want under those circumstances), but didn't have a chance to get to it. I always overestimate how much reading I'll get done during a trip! Anyhoo, I kinda forgot about it, but when it auto-renewed, and I got the email letting me know, I was like "it's a sign!" and decided to start it right then.

Ama Torres is a wedding planner who loves weddings, but isn't so sure about marriage (seeing her mother married voter a dozen times will do that to a person). She's great at her job though, taking pride in creating the perfect fit weddings for her couples. Elliot is a florist who never really wanted that, but inherited the shop from his father and is making it his own. When a celebrity couple hires Ama to plan their wedding, the exposure is exactly what she needs to bring her small business to the next level. But there's a (not so) small problem: they're also set on using Elliot's business for flowers. And they don't know that Ama and Elloit have a history. One that they're both trying to recover from, but can't manage to stop thinking about. Between that, a film crew following them around, Ama's condescending ex-boss, and the grand scale of the wedding in question, the two are dealing with some very real personal and professional challenges.

Alright look, I, too, love weddings. I’m a sucker for the unbridled love and fun and dancing, so I’m here for this framework. And honestly, it delivered on the fun and love, though with a side of drama, instead of dancing. I am also a sucker for a good grumpy-sunshine match and Ama and Elliot deliver that bigtime. Elliot was all gruff and mumbly and tattoo-ed (a point Ama and I definitely agree on as attractive; and in this case especially so because the theme - extinct flowers - was so perfect!). And Ama was a short ball of energy and enthusiasm that threw Elliot off adorably. Loved them. And, with the dual POV, I loved experiencing them through both their own eyes and each other's eyes; the differences were heartwarming. Speaking of the dual POV: I loved the way Soto used it. The dual timeline approach, with Elliot telling about their first meeting and falling for each other, while Ama tells her story in the present tense, allowed the classic "third act breakup" trope to be present, but in a unique way. That really worked for me because I am, quite honestly, very over the fabricated reasons for that breakup. This way, we got to see both characters through their genuine "falling for the other person" and "realizing it's forever" moments, even though they happened on different timelines. Hats off to Soto for that.

Now, I will say... I get Ama's relationship issues (a hesitation about marriage with a mom who has gone through it so many times is obvious baggage). But, Elliot? Like, why his internal monologue was “I'm terrible at this” or “I'm not cool enough” never made sense to me. I kept waiting for a reveal that would explain it and never got one. Maybe just general low-confidence, and that's fine as a reason, really, but it was just never clear enough for me. However, in the end, I loved the actual finale for Ama and Elliot's relationships. They each made an emotional compromise for the other to put them, together, as a first priority. It allowed for a not-too-perfect-to-be-real ending, and was such a sweet way for them to actually change the "side" they were on, as far as providing this thing was forever/how important that was to them.

As for the rest of the plot, it was solid. There was tons of wedding planning drama that kept things interesting. There were a lot of moving parts and, while they maybe weren't all necessary to include (I don't think), I was definitely entertained. The wrap-up of a couple of those pieces coming together - Ama's toxic ex-boss and the filming of the reality show for the famous wedding - was so good. I love an appropriate comeuppance, especially for a bitchy fancy lady who is fake AF, and Soto's conclusion there was incredibly satisfying and tidy. Sort of related, I am so here for the message that you can be “unprofessional” by arbitrary/old-school standards and still be a fantastic success. I feel super strongly about that IRL. If you're good at your job, and you're personally comfortable with your boundaries, then who the hell cares what you look/dress/act like? And if it doesn't involve someone directly, then what right do they have to comment? Ugh. Anyways, it was great to see it claimed here by Ama in general and as a final “middle finger.” A last comment: I'd like to voice full-throated approval for the Ama's cat's name: Lady Cat-ryn de Purrgh. Combining puns and Jane Austen? Yes, please.

This was a solid, if not standout, contemporary romance. I enjoyed it.

"I want to love what you love, even if it’s extinct.”

"Everything is starlight for millennia."

"There’s a flower in my chest, just now starting to meet sunlight, finally blossoming."

“There’s no perfect someone for everyone. There’s just promises and weddings. One can be broken. The other—” “Is just a party,”

"You were my first relationship, and I’ve grown up knowing that you don’t only get one. But…I only want one.”

Content Warnings

The Storm We Made by Vanessa Chan

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dark emotional sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

I won an ARC of this through a Goodreads giveaway, which is honestly a surprise to me because that never happens - there are so many entries for those! But yea, that was cool. Though then I waited to be able to combine reading it with listening to the audiobook, because having both is fast turning into my whole personality as a reader.

Cecily Alcantara is living in British-occupied Malaya with her mid-level bureaucrat husband and their young children, when she is approached by an undercover Japanese agent, General Fujiwara, and is pulled into helping him under the promise and dream of an "Asia for Asians," without western colonization and oversight. Who wouldn't want that? But when her assistance is successful, the Japanese occupation that follows is nothing like Cecily was promised. A decade later, Malaya is now under the foot of a new, even more brutal occupier situation. And Cecily watches as her oldest daughter Jujube, who works at a tea house visited mostly by Japanese soldiers, becomes more and more upset, as her son Abel is disappeared, with no indication of where he's gone if if he even lives, and as her youngest daughter Jasmin is confined to the basement of their home every day for her own safety/protection from the Japanese soldiers who would press her into service at a "comfort station." Through all of this, Cecily herself becomes more and more wracked with guilt, as she contemplates her own role in history and does everything in her power to protect her family.

I was originally pulled to this book after reading the blurb because of what seemed like a really unique perspective. That Cecily was trying to help make her country strong and independent, in a way I assume everyone hopes for for their nation/population, and ended up helping usher in yet another occupier, is a perspective I don't think I've ever read. And what an intriguing, and deeply heartbreaking, one it turned out to be. Let me start with that, just to be clear from the get go. There are content warnings for all sorts of violence, physical and sexual and psychological/emotional, that is very explicitly written. There were many parts of this that were difficult to read/listen to and I definitely caution readers to be careful, and know that, before picking up this book. That being said, I felt like Chan did everything she could to make it an authentic portrayal of British and Japanese-occupied Malaya, being true to history, while not indulging in anything just for easy shock value or other cheapened reasons.

The story itself was told from multiple perspectives: Cecily herself (during the period of British occupation) and all three of her children - Jujube, Abel, Jasmin - and their experiences of living under the Japanese occupation. I thought the multiple-POV style worked well for this novel, allowing the reader to learn about and get exposure to a number of different experiences of Malayan life, depending on who you were/the role you had, during these time periods. Plus, since these narratives happened in different years and/or locations from each other, this was a simple way to tell the story without forcing anything into a different kind of structure. There is also an extra bit of connection that the reader can form with characters when they are telling their own story in this way. Getting to hear from all four narrators really brought extra life to each of their perspectives, and I felt very bound to each of them, as a result.

Topically, I've already touched, a bit, on the intensity of the story. But I'd like to go a bit more in depth with my reactions to some of the themes. The biggest, most overwhelming, reactions I had were related to Cecily's POV, and the extremity of the letdown she experienced, after the promise of the future that Fujiwara sold to her. All the abuses at the hands of the Japanese, after all the hope that their overthrow of the colonial British powers brought...it’s that much worse because it came with such potential for better, for more, than what had been. And for Cecily individually, the guilt she holds cuts through everything, it ravages her, as she watches the way (in her eyes) her choices (made with the best intentions) "created" the situation (of devastating consequences) in which her children and community are suffering so much. It also just hurt so much to read, on top of everything else, how one's passions and physical attraction can harm so many beyond oneself; it felt so unfair, because it's out of your hands that you feel that way, but you have to then control that nature for the greater good/benefit/fairness of everyone around you. I felt deeply for Cecily. And yet, she also did make some choices that, really, did nothing to grow my sympathy towards her (to put it nicely). And isn't that just what being human is? So, then, obviously, as a reader, we know that, while she had a part, the roll of history would happen with or without her, and, as the victim(s), none of these abuses are her fault in any way. But as a human, we know that not how the brain or emotions actually work. We also see a cataclysmic portrayal of the myriad collateral damages of war, the choices it forces, and the “ambiguity of right and wrong when survival is at stake.” And, oh, the way that innocence, both metaphorically and literally, is the most universal, and most tragic, loss that comes from war is shown in depth and with nuance. This is wrapped up with a fine literary bow through that unspeakably tragic ending.

There was a lot of history that I haven't really been much exposed to in these pages. I am more likely than not to argue that WWII is overdone in literature these days. But, as always, and as is shown with potency here, only from a certain (white/western) perspective. This is decidedly not that perspective, and, therefore, was such a valuable read. On top of the fact that, just objectively, this is a really well-written and developed novel.

“Yet perhaps this was what a woman’s idealism is: not the reach for a utopia - everyone had lived long enough to know that perfection was beyond reach - but the need to transform one thing into something better.”

“Perhaps this is what growing up was [...] To give up one's ideals in exchange for comforts, to understand that one of these cannot exist in tandem with the other.”

“Perhaps this is what love is, she thought - a relationship that didn't require constant vigilance.”

“Or perhaps, Jujube thought, there was recognition that the first time something like this happened would be the hardest, but subsequent tragedies were supposed to get easier - like a scabbed-over wound that split open - you were already supposed to know how to feel; you did not need the salve of extended sympathy.”

“Every animal, no matter how fierce, how feral, can become a cowering shadow of itself if stoned sufficiently.”

“…she was fortunate enough to have space in her heart for empathy.”

Content Warnings

The Frozen River by Ariel Lawhon

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mysterious reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

4.0

So, I got an ALC of this novel from Libro.fm, but I may not have picked it up as quickly without the recommendation/push from a library coworker. And color me glad for that, because I really liked this one! (Also, this maybe means it's time for me to finally pick up the book by Lawhon that's been on my shelf unread for years, I Was Anastasia, soon too; I have always had a soft spot for that story, thanks to the animated 1997 movie.)

It's winter 1789 in Maine when a body is found in the frozen Kennebec River and the local midwife, Martha Balalrd, is called in to examine the body. And so begins a months-long saga including a murder investigation and trial (ish) for two prominent men accused of raping a woman (one of whom is the body that was found in the river). Because Martha's role as a midwife puts her in close contact with so many in the town, and as a safe space for many major confidences, she finds that the records of it all that she keeps in her daily journal are pivotal to the search for truth (and her own efforts towards finding justice). Weaving this larger murder mystery and legal story into a thrilling narrative of small town secrets, relationship drama, Martha's own family and history, plots to grab power and land, and the prejudices that have been woven into this nation since it's very beginning, Lawhon brings to life a real page-turner of a story built around a strong, but previously under-recognized, female figure in American history.

Like I said, this was a page-turner. The narrative voice and story-telling style were so relatable and personable. I found it to be a really compelling read (or listen, as it were). This was enhanced by how steadily paced it was, with Lawhon fantastically balancing the unfolding of the dramatics of the story with historical details and interpersonal interactions. And really, it was clear from all of it how much research and effort she put into making sure the setting, the time period, and all the other specifics that make for great historical fiction world-building, were correct. Reading this made the characters and location feel as real to me as it was for these people, once upon a time. It was a wonderful experience, as far as being totally engrossing. However, it's worth noting that some aspects of the time period did make that engrossing reality a frustrating and angering one too.

To that point, let me just say... The buttoned-up notions of sexual propriety are honestly infuriating to read, even as I know we’ve come so far, those are the morals that built this country and why we struggle so much with acceptance of sexuality today still. UGH. Though props to Lawhon for juxtaposing that external/societal preference with lots of recognition of sexual activity and pregnancy before marriage. This puritanical culture shit couldn’t stop it then (and of course it couldn’t, it was just easier to hide and lie with the layers of clothing and lesser medical technology/knowledge), so why we think to try it again now with hope for a different outcome is pure stupidity. Lawhon also does a nice job making the central family, the Ballards, exemplar of something better, within the confines of the time, but also realistic. Some of the "courting" with their daughters was so endearing. I mean I love that we’re past that and girls can speak for themselves more now, but the way it's carried out here in the Ballard family it’s clear that love and safety is foremost and I can’t help but smile and swoon a bit at that. Also, a word: they do have a "acts like a more typical guy" son (no matter what the family/home is like, the influence of the greater world is always still there) and like I said, that makes them a much more relatable and realistic family, but Martha also address it in a way that gives some hope, that a family can still make inroads in counter-acting that greater societal culture. And it's those observations/reflections about people and families, that each child/characters can act in ways unique from the others and unexpected, that was such a big part of what made this read so good.

A major content warning, for any potential readers: the descriptions of rape and attempted rape and assault on a woman is a lot, and detailed. Just, be aware. And on that note, oooof the rhetoric of “would you ruin the life of a respected man, a judge/colonel/insert whatever title, on the word of a woman?” is too familiar and just enraging. And what a highlight of the unevenness of justice (weighted so much in the favor of powerful men) that has always prevailed and been a cornerstone of American history and present day. How are we not further past that kind of BS??

I have a bunch of other random details that I want to add, but that don't really go with anything else, so I'm going to smoosh them together here. First, the book smelled great. It's one of my biggest book nerd traits, loving how certain books smell, and this one was a winner. The sprinkling of Shakespearen insults throughout was so fun. They're always so creative and cutting in equal measure and I imagine saying them to/about people is as satisfying and hilarious as reading them. Look, this was unexpected for me, as in I didn't think I'd be ending this novel with a book crush, but seriously: Ephraim is my favorite new book husband (vibes similar to another deep favorite of mine, Whiskey & Ribbons, just a bit older). His words, his actions, the way he treats Martha so tenderly and sweetly and strongly supportive in a way that still allows her to stand on her own strength; ohhhh yes. Sort of on that note, this has a lovely and realistic account of the process of aging, while still owning and claiming one’s sexuality; I loved that for Martha and in general. I really enjoyed the amount of time we spent with Martha as she cared for and attended to women perinatally, and of course during childbirth (content warning here for any readers for whom that might be a concern). There was so much great insight into the experience of pregnancy and childbirth and motherhood in a way that complemented the overall story, but never overwhelmed it. The afterward was really interesting, as far as giving real historical context and explaining what was “true” and what was fictionalized or embellished about this novel. A great way to close out the reading experience.

This was not just a novel of crime and murder mystery, but a fully developed period piece as well, with many fully developed characters and relationships, and a gorgeous look at the important and far-reaching role of a midwife in the community. Honestly, just a super entertaining and well-written novel.

“A woman is never more vulnerable than while in labor. Nor is she ever stronger.”

“…pretty faces and misfortune often go hand in hand…”

“Men and death: either culprits or cowards.”

“Memory is a wicked thing that warps and twists. But paper and ink receive the truth without emotion, and they read it back without partiality. That, I believe, is why so few women are taught to read and write. God only knows what they would do with the power of pen and ink at their disposal.”

“Words can be a gift, but so can silence.”

“How is it honorable to ignore that undisputed facts that a woman was raped and is now pregnant as a result? No one denies that. They only question her word. Her account. They shout 'witness!' as though crimes such as this are ever performed in broad daylight. In the middle of a street. Evil is always done in secret. You know that. [She] is a witness!"

“There is no bringing new life into this world without pain, however, and sometimes it assaults us at both ends.”

“Men aren’t so brave in the daylight as they are in the dark.”

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just_one_more_paige's reviews 1417 reviews

just_one_more_paige's reviews
1417 reviews