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138 reviews
This American Ex-Wife: How I Ended My Marriage and Started My Life by Lyz Lenz
4.5
More than I believe in the institution of marriage, I believe in the institution of divorce.
A divorce is a cause for celebration to me. I love it! I want everybody on this planet of earth to be able to come home to someone who shows them genuine care, kindness, love, and a personal investment into building something beautiful. And if they don't do that, kick rocks! Leave them in the dust! Whoop with joy (a la Nicole Kidman after divorcing Tom Cruise) as your life sheds the weight of someone who just couldn't give a fuck about you! Marriage can be great when it is afforded to you - especially as someone who loves commitment. But even greater, even more sacred, blessed, holy, and awe-inducing, is Divorce.
So you can imagine how excited I was to get my hands on this book. I had been reading Lyz' personal essays for months, ready to devour the novel and see how it would slot together. After all, divorce is one of the strongest tools in a patriarchal marriage - the means and ability to create an independent life has completely transformed the dynamics of gender and relationships in the people around me.
There are a lot of interesting tidbits about marriage around the world in the first few chapters, like my learning that more than 50 percent of the world's marriage are arranged. I recently told a friend I grew up under the knowledge that "marriage" inherently meant arranged, and only later I learned of the concept of "love marriage". Now, I operate under the knowledge of "marriage" (meaning a choice made by the couple), and "arranged marriage" (a choice made by parents, with varying degrees of agreement by the couple).
That said, Lyz fails when she tries to engage with it in a global context. It is impossible to do without engaging with colonialism and the western dogma of relationships. She talks about the patriarchal nature of marriage as being widespread, without directly engaging with way the church did all that spreading. "As long as there has been marriage, it has been about controlling the actions of women." is a direct quote - and it's not wrong, it's been like that for 600+ years, but so has the empire of the church across the planet. With the first few chapters engaging with the global marriage, citing different cultures, nations, and communities, the book drifts and I bristle. The book should never have opened that door, and readers could have taken what they read and applied it to their own contexts. But Lyz covers the global institution of marriage shallowly, and it detracts.
However, the book shines when Lyz discusses the American marriage, feminism, and divorce. About the outright cartoon villanery of government funding for entrapment, and the politics of love. No matter how much you think you are removed from these things, about how you think your attraction, choice of partner, and household dynamics come from yourself, she keenly reminds you of how hard others are working to funnel you into it. She also engages directly with the institutions desperate for women to continue the traditional marriage, where the longevity of it relies on the work of women treating the household like a full time job, rather than a partnership freely entered by two people.
What I appreciate most about this book is that Lyz does not treat marriage like it is freely chosen. She discusses the way women were not allowed to have mortgages or credit scores on their own until 1974, hindering women from leaving their marriages and being actively barred from financial independence or accruing assets. She discusses the court cases in the 70s where women were denied health insurance unless they changed their last name to match their husband's. Entering a marriage, giving up financial freedom and independence was not a choice women made - they were burdened into it by the courts and the state. And today, banks calculate higher mortgage interest rates for single women, adding financial premiums for women who want to get the hell out. Lyz paraphrases Moira Donegan, who argues that "we like to believe in the idea of a choice, because it allows us to choose subjugation and thus absolve ourselves of the political consequences."
This book weaved together memoir of Lyz' own accounts and modern and historical law and policies in a brilliant way. Every divorce right has been hard won in court, has come from fighting written law that cages away financial freedom and stability from women, requiring they tie themselves to a wielder of power just to have food stamps in their pocket or a roof above their head. The social safety net is women toiling and slogging, off-loading government responsibility and duty of care to wives and mothers.
I love divorce. I hope you do too! <3
A divorce is a cause for celebration to me. I love it! I want everybody on this planet of earth to be able to come home to someone who shows them genuine care, kindness, love, and a personal investment into building something beautiful. And if they don't do that, kick rocks! Leave them in the dust! Whoop with joy (a la Nicole Kidman after divorcing Tom Cruise) as your life sheds the weight of someone who just couldn't give a fuck about you! Marriage can be great when it is afforded to you - especially as someone who loves commitment. But even greater, even more sacred, blessed, holy, and awe-inducing, is Divorce.
So you can imagine how excited I was to get my hands on this book. I had been reading Lyz' personal essays for months, ready to devour the novel and see how it would slot together. After all, divorce is one of the strongest tools in a patriarchal marriage - the means and ability to create an independent life has completely transformed the dynamics of gender and relationships in the people around me.
There are a lot of interesting tidbits about marriage around the world in the first few chapters, like my learning that more than 50 percent of the world's marriage are arranged. I recently told a friend I grew up under the knowledge that "marriage" inherently meant arranged, and only later I learned of the concept of "love marriage". Now, I operate under the knowledge of "marriage" (meaning a choice made by the couple), and "arranged marriage" (a choice made by parents, with varying degrees of agreement by the couple).
That said, Lyz fails when she tries to engage with it in a global context. It is impossible to do without engaging with colonialism and the western dogma of relationships. She talks about the patriarchal nature of marriage as being widespread, without directly engaging with way the church did all that spreading. "As long as there has been marriage, it has been about controlling the actions of women." is a direct quote - and it's not wrong, it's been like that for 600+ years, but so has the empire of the church across the planet. With the first few chapters engaging with the global marriage, citing different cultures, nations, and communities, the book drifts and I bristle. The book should never have opened that door, and readers could have taken what they read and applied it to their own contexts. But Lyz covers the global institution of marriage shallowly, and it detracts.
However, the book shines when Lyz discusses the American marriage, feminism, and divorce. About the outright cartoon villanery of government funding for entrapment, and the politics of love. No matter how much you think you are removed from these things, about how you think your attraction, choice of partner, and household dynamics come from yourself, she keenly reminds you of how hard others are working to funnel you into it. She also engages directly with the institutions desperate for women to continue the traditional marriage, where the longevity of it relies on the work of women treating the household like a full time job, rather than a partnership freely entered by two people.
What I appreciate most about this book is that Lyz does not treat marriage like it is freely chosen. She discusses the way women were not allowed to have mortgages or credit scores on their own until 1974, hindering women from leaving their marriages and being actively barred from financial independence or accruing assets. She discusses the court cases in the 70s where women were denied health insurance unless they changed their last name to match their husband's. Entering a marriage, giving up financial freedom and independence was not a choice women made - they were burdened into it by the courts and the state. And today, banks calculate higher mortgage interest rates for single women, adding financial premiums for women who want to get the hell out. Lyz paraphrases Moira Donegan, who argues that "we like to believe in the idea of a choice, because it allows us to choose subjugation and thus absolve ourselves of the political consequences."
This book weaved together memoir of Lyz' own accounts and modern and historical law and policies in a brilliant way. Every divorce right has been hard won in court, has come from fighting written law that cages away financial freedom and stability from women, requiring they tie themselves to a wielder of power just to have food stamps in their pocket or a roof above their head. The social safety net is women toiling and slogging, off-loading government responsibility and duty of care to wives and mothers.
I love divorce. I hope you do too! <3
They Called Us Exceptional: And Other Lies That Raised Us by Prachi Gupta
medium-paced
5.0
Completely unexpected. I have some healed scars in my heart that feel like they're open again. I'll sit with this book for a long time.
Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah
emotional
funny
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
3.75
The middle dragged. But the beginning and end - I wept.
Big Swiss by Jen Beagin
dark
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
0.5
This book was awful. I could not wait for it to end. I wish I could get the hours of my life back. This book fits in exactly with the Otessa Mosfegh books it is widely compared to: empty of thought, over the top edginess, and obsessed with disgusting shock value. Painfully unfunny, too. It's not even that the comedy didn't land for me, more than it was that I could never figure out what was supposed to be funny at all.
It desperately wanted to have some wider commentary on trauma in fiction, but mostly felt like a bunch of bumbling nonsense. The book neither took a stand, nor asked enough questions to make me consider my own stance. It's obviously why this book was so well loved by critics - it's great fodder for pretending you're deep and interesting.
It desperately wanted to have some wider commentary on trauma in fiction, but mostly felt like a bunch of bumbling nonsense. The book neither took a stand, nor asked enough questions to make me consider my own stance. It's obviously why this book was so well loved by critics - it's great fodder for pretending you're deep and interesting.
Pizza Girl by Jean Kyoung Frazier
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.75
I think if you like Otess Mosfegh, you may like this book. I do not
The Writing Retreat by Julia Bartz
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.75
I thought this would be queer horror but it was more of a cartoon-esque horror of errors based off the main characters god awful decisions
The main character was INSUFFERABLE. The whole plot could've gone very differently if she wasn't so caught up in her self-obsession. It didn't feel like a stunning psychological, dark, erotic thriller, so much as it felt like a bunch of bumbling self-serving idiots trying to enact a half cooked plan. All the interesting characters with real driving forces were lazily written and tossed aside to make more room for the bumbling idiots !!
The main character was INSUFFERABLE. The whole plot could've gone very differently if she wasn't so caught up in her self-obsession. It didn't feel like a stunning psychological, dark, erotic thriller, so much as it felt like a bunch of bumbling self-serving idiots trying to enact a half cooked plan. All the interesting characters with real driving forces were lazily written and tossed aside to make more room for the bumbling idiots !!
The Thursday Murder Club by Richard Osman
funny
lighthearted
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
3.75
The Celebrants by Steven Rowley
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
I enjoyed the concept, but I wasn't able to get invested in the book unfortunately
The Happy Couple by Naoise Dolan
emotional
funny
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
I ADORED this book. The writing style, the messy characters, the humour...it was all perfect. I was gripped as I tried to sort out what on earth they were going to do and how the hell they'd get out of this mess. A bunch of confrontation-avoidant people with a lot of love and angst in their heart. and TONS of reflections on love and relationships.
A book about bisexuals, being bisexual, with all the messy and endlessly funny anxious existentialism of being a 20-something in a heteronormative world. The book that made me realise I've been seriously missing out on the powerhouse of Irish authors writing queer literary fiction.
A book about bisexuals, being bisexual, with all the messy and endlessly funny anxious existentialism of being a 20-something in a heteronormative world. The book that made me realise I've been seriously missing out on the powerhouse of Irish authors writing queer literary fiction.