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percy_roy's review against another edition
emotional
funny
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
slow-paced
4.5
nuscheda's review against another edition
5.0
It changed my life. Truly. One of the best--and most important (to me)--books I will ever have read.
averypleasantpineapple's review against another edition
5.0
A must-read for queers and everybody facing closets of their own.
r_santabarbara's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
fast-paced
5.0
gradyobrien's review against another edition
4.0
great great story. raw and real.
“what love gives you is the courage to face the secrets you’ve kept from yourself, a reason to open the rest of the doors” p. 174
“what love gives you is the courage to face the secrets you’ve kept from yourself, a reason to open the rest of the doors” p. 174
lpm100's review against another edition
3.0
Out of all the many books that I have read, a coming out memoir is not among them.
And since I have read Paul Monette before (and enjoyed his tapestries of prose), I thought I would give this one a try.
When reading a book like this (with its complicated and erudite prose) it takes a lot of thought to unpack exactly the way the one thinks about it.
Just a few random thoughts:
1. This is the second book that I have read by Monette and it seems like he is a lot more human in this book than he was in "Borrowed Time." (In the former, it made it feel like it was an end of life memoir written about his partner written with WAY too much self-absorbed breathless flaminess.)
Monette was a desperate and lonely person during his youth, and his non-acceptance of his sexuality led him to have many celibate and frustrated years.
And yet he was honest with us in showing himself honestly.
2. To go to the Ivy League/private prep schools is to live a life detached. I finished undergraduate, and my experience thereof was incomparable to what the author described in this book.
Moreover, I would never have known the people live that way unless a perceptive person like this author took the time to show this to us.
3. There are many allusions that could probably only be caught by the most well-read NON-FICTION reader. (I am well read, but not so much in nonfiction, and a lot of this went over my head.)
4. The book was a little bit on the graphic side for some of the sexual scenes (p.144).
5. I wonder if the author is just one of those types of people that will never let himself be happy, and the fact that this was centered around a very long coming out process was only coincidence.
"Masochistic Personality Disorder" popped into my mind during the many occasions where he insisted on falling in love with straight/homophobic men when there were plenty of straight acting/appearing gay men out there. (Young people have so much to choose from, and they won't even realize it until they start getting older and have less to choose from.)
To be sure, there were plenty of Down Low Men even back then (the action of this book took place mostly over the 60s), but then the author showed us just as many men who were Out and Proud even in those days--and there's no reason that the author could not have found someone with whom to have experience and a relationship without the knowledge of his family.
At one point (p.144) he hooked up with a nice looking/prodigiously endowed Navyman who shot like a gusher.
But of course, Monette had to flee right after the first encounter (literally the first time the Navyman went to the bathroom) because otherwise he might have actually seen an impulse through and found himself some type of happiness. (p.149)
It was much the same story when he met older man who had been out of the closet for many years, and he would not allow himself to pursue a relationship with him.
I get the distinct impression that if it had not been his sexual orientation, Monette would have found *something else* to torture himself about.
6. Does any man go farther than one who does not know where he is going?
Monette's periapetic existence was mildly interested to watch, but the net displacement was zero.
Some Mormon/Orthodox Jew that raises a house full of children lives a life that has been lived a million times before, but I'm certain that those people have some sense of direction and fulfillment.
7. A lot of people who make a decision on their sexuality either one way or the other, did have some number of experiences with the opposite sex, and this is very common and there are many people who I willing to be the object upon which a Sexual Orientation Questioner gets his/her experience.
8. Like attracts like. The author of this book was articulate, but loopy. If you keep finding that you attract crazy partners, you have a lot of introspection / mental health treatment to do.
-(p.252): "While I was making a snowman, she [Edie] locked herself in the bathroom and plucked out first her eyebrows then all her eyelashes, then her pubic hair. She emerged, frantic with anxiety, admitting that she had a food problem and wanted me to fasten my seatbelt. Then she proceeded to cook and eat six bags of groceries...... Every half hour so she'd go into to the bathroom and throw it all up."
-(p.250): "Justin had promised to be more committed - - something he did periodically, usually when he found he had the clap, the reasonSally gave him the nickname "disease du jour."
-(p.254): "Justin was over at Concord Avenue for the night, and he and Sally invited me to share their bed. Justin's idea, not Sally's, and not much fun either. I may love to while she sucked Justin off." (Sally is willing to be with this guy even after his designation as disease du jour? The author is willing to be with them both? It's not too surprising that he did end up perishing of AIDS.)
*******
Verdict: Just a bit too wordy, and only recommended at the price of $1 plus shipping
No discussion of how he dealt with his family.
And since I have read Paul Monette before (and enjoyed his tapestries of prose), I thought I would give this one a try.
When reading a book like this (with its complicated and erudite prose) it takes a lot of thought to unpack exactly the way the one thinks about it.
Just a few random thoughts:
1. This is the second book that I have read by Monette and it seems like he is a lot more human in this book than he was in "Borrowed Time." (In the former, it made it feel like it was an end of life memoir written about his partner written with WAY too much self-absorbed breathless flaminess.)
Monette was a desperate and lonely person during his youth, and his non-acceptance of his sexuality led him to have many celibate and frustrated years.
And yet he was honest with us in showing himself honestly.
2. To go to the Ivy League/private prep schools is to live a life detached. I finished undergraduate, and my experience thereof was incomparable to what the author described in this book.
Moreover, I would never have known the people live that way unless a perceptive person like this author took the time to show this to us.
3. There are many allusions that could probably only be caught by the most well-read NON-FICTION reader. (I am well read, but not so much in nonfiction, and a lot of this went over my head.)
4. The book was a little bit on the graphic side for some of the sexual scenes (p.144).
5. I wonder if the author is just one of those types of people that will never let himself be happy, and the fact that this was centered around a very long coming out process was only coincidence.
"Masochistic Personality Disorder" popped into my mind during the many occasions where he insisted on falling in love with straight/homophobic men when there were plenty of straight acting/appearing gay men out there. (Young people have so much to choose from, and they won't even realize it until they start getting older and have less to choose from.)
To be sure, there were plenty of Down Low Men even back then (the action of this book took place mostly over the 60s), but then the author showed us just as many men who were Out and Proud even in those days--and there's no reason that the author could not have found someone with whom to have experience and a relationship without the knowledge of his family.
At one point (p.144) he hooked up with a nice looking/prodigiously endowed Navyman who shot like a gusher.
But of course, Monette had to flee right after the first encounter (literally the first time the Navyman went to the bathroom) because otherwise he might have actually seen an impulse through and found himself some type of happiness. (p.149)
It was much the same story when he met older man who had been out of the closet for many years, and he would not allow himself to pursue a relationship with him.
I get the distinct impression that if it had not been his sexual orientation, Monette would have found *something else* to torture himself about.
6. Does any man go farther than one who does not know where he is going?
Monette's periapetic existence was mildly interested to watch, but the net displacement was zero.
Some Mormon/Orthodox Jew that raises a house full of children lives a life that has been lived a million times before, but I'm certain that those people have some sense of direction and fulfillment.
7. A lot of people who make a decision on their sexuality either one way or the other, did have some number of experiences with the opposite sex, and this is very common and there are many people who I willing to be the object upon which a Sexual Orientation Questioner gets his/her experience.
8. Like attracts like. The author of this book was articulate, but loopy. If you keep finding that you attract crazy partners, you have a lot of introspection / mental health treatment to do.
-(p.252): "While I was making a snowman, she [Edie] locked herself in the bathroom and plucked out first her eyebrows then all her eyelashes, then her pubic hair. She emerged, frantic with anxiety, admitting that she had a food problem and wanted me to fasten my seatbelt. Then she proceeded to cook and eat six bags of groceries...... Every half hour so she'd go into to the bathroom and throw it all up."
-(p.250): "Justin had promised to be more committed - - something he did periodically, usually when he found he had the clap, the reasonSally gave him the nickname "disease du jour."
-(p.254): "Justin was over at Concord Avenue for the night, and he and Sally invited me to share their bed. Justin's idea, not Sally's, and not much fun either. I may love to while she sucked Justin off." (Sally is willing to be with this guy even after his designation as disease du jour? The author is willing to be with them both? It's not too surprising that he did end up perishing of AIDS.)
*******
Verdict: Just a bit too wordy, and only recommended at the price of $1 plus shipping
No discussion of how he dealt with his family.
ladyvictoriadiana's review against another edition
5.0
"Becoming a Man" is a very touching autobiography in which the author tells the story of his youth and deep-seated struggle with his gay identity up until the point of his self-acceptance in the 70s. Monette seems almost brutally honest and self-critical at times, but as a reader, this is very appreciated and I truly liked reading this book, even if it was very hard at times. I definitely also want to check out the author's other (fiction and non-fiction) books.
foy's review against another edition
4.0
I'm so conflicted about this book. On one hand, I felt like the constant "woe is me" vibe all the while skipping through Andover, Yale, Cambridge, etc was very off-putting . I know thats not what you're meant to be getting out of the book at all. I much preferred the second half, and almost cried on the bus when he started describing his search for the "laughing man".
Probably for that alone, and the feelings that it made me feel, I'll give this 4 stars. It would be 5, in fact, probably should be. But maybe its my own problems with privilege and education that prevents me from reading the first half of the book correctly.
Probably for that alone, and the feelings that it made me feel, I'll give this 4 stars. It would be 5, in fact, probably should be. But maybe its my own problems with privilege and education that prevents me from reading the first half of the book correctly.
rickyschneider's review against another edition
emotional
funny
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
The best reading experiences often have that invasively intimate feel to them that lets you know it will be significant and formative in a way that seems specific to you. Paul Monette's Becoming a Man was exactly that kind of book for me. The prose felt like the deft work of a master but also like the diary of a close friend. The story pointedly called me out while also graciously letting me in on so much of Monette's intensely personal, complex and raw memories from half a life spent ducking in and out of the closet. His nothing-left-to-lose attitude in writing this memoir makes the writing crackle with unfettered and unbothered honesty. For me, this was the perfect book at the perfect time. It always feels like a small miracle when that happens.
I've always loved Monette's writing whether in fiction or in his poetry and it worked just as well for me here. He is so skillful with a sentence that he somehow comes across as both direct and flowery at the same time. Everything from his word choice to his sentence structure flows effortlessly and conversationally while also feeling carefully concerted and meticulously crafted. His account of growing up gay is unflinching and uncensored. It manages a candid relatability laced with vivid personal detail that simultaneously involve and intrigue the reader. This man has quickly become one of my favorite writers of all time. I can't help but wish that he was more widely read and perhaps that it due to his work not being as readily available as other classic queer authors. Either way, it's a shame that should be corrected so that others like myself could be let in on the secret of this incredible author and poet.
Being a memoir of half of his life, the narrative is a linear account of his childhood up into adulthood and Monette holds nothing back. He lets the reader in on every seedy detail as he recounts the beautiful, the unseemly and the uncomfortable rites of passage that queer youth go through on the journey to finding and loving their true selves. His childhood was particularly engaging to me as he remembers each bewildering revelation and befuddling confusion of adolescence. Coming of age in the fifties, this portion reminded me of one of my favorite films, Stand By Me. Monette is every bit the Gordie complete with a motley cast of complicated and impactful supporting characters deserving of a River Phoenix performance.
The timeliness of this read in my own life was constantly shocking and engrossing. I literally had Roshomon playing on the TV in the background as I read the pages that referenced the Kurosawa classic. A few moths ago I had another thrillingly transformative reading experience in Henry David Thoreau's Walden and Monette repeatedly references his own time with that book in the final pages. I felt a pang of jealous envy as he recounted his reading that classic text in the doorway of the cabin where it is set and lounging nude on Walden pond itself. I'm just grateful I got to live vicariously through him and got the gift of reading Monette's own sort of review of that new favorite of mine. It was an added, exciting treat to see the specifics that he mentioned standing out to him and recognize my own sentiments in his thoughts about Thoreau and all his transcendental idiosyncrasies.
This is an instant classic and new favorite of mine. I have dog-eared and highlighted my used copy to reference and reminisce on for years to come. I look forward to recommending this everyone I know, especially queer young people. Monette incapsulates and artfully illustrates a common experience with uncommon grace and grit. This is why books are important and it is a glorious testament to the power of sharing your story.
I've always loved Monette's writing whether in fiction or in his poetry and it worked just as well for me here. He is so skillful with a sentence that he somehow comes across as both direct and flowery at the same time. Everything from his word choice to his sentence structure flows effortlessly and conversationally while also feeling carefully concerted and meticulously crafted. His account of growing up gay is unflinching and uncensored. It manages a candid relatability laced with vivid personal detail that simultaneously involve and intrigue the reader. This man has quickly become one of my favorite writers of all time. I can't help but wish that he was more widely read and perhaps that it due to his work not being as readily available as other classic queer authors. Either way, it's a shame that should be corrected so that others like myself could be let in on the secret of this incredible author and poet.
Being a memoir of half of his life, the narrative is a linear account of his childhood up into adulthood and Monette holds nothing back. He lets the reader in on every seedy detail as he recounts the beautiful, the unseemly and the uncomfortable rites of passage that queer youth go through on the journey to finding and loving their true selves. His childhood was particularly engaging to me as he remembers each bewildering revelation and befuddling confusion of adolescence. Coming of age in the fifties, this portion reminded me of one of my favorite films, Stand By Me. Monette is every bit the Gordie complete with a motley cast of complicated and impactful supporting characters deserving of a River Phoenix performance.
The timeliness of this read in my own life was constantly shocking and engrossing. I literally had Roshomon playing on the TV in the background as I read the pages that referenced the Kurosawa classic. A few moths ago I had another thrillingly transformative reading experience in Henry David Thoreau's Walden and Monette repeatedly references his own time with that book in the final pages. I felt a pang of jealous envy as he recounted his reading that classic text in the doorway of the cabin where it is set and lounging nude on Walden pond itself. I'm just grateful I got to live vicariously through him and got the gift of reading Monette's own sort of review of that new favorite of mine. It was an added, exciting treat to see the specifics that he mentioned standing out to him and recognize my own sentiments in his thoughts about Thoreau and all his transcendental idiosyncrasies.
This is an instant classic and new favorite of mine. I have dog-eared and highlighted my used copy to reference and reminisce on for years to come. I look forward to recommending this everyone I know, especially queer young people. Monette incapsulates and artfully illustrates a common experience with uncommon grace and grit. This is why books are important and it is a glorious testament to the power of sharing your story.
srosen930's review against another edition
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
2.75
This book focused more on flowery language than the actual substance of a story. That took away how I enjoyed reading it.
It was a good anchor point on how gay men were treated about 30 years ago, and how much of the mentality has changed. However, a lot of the issues in the book revolves around Pauls shame and attempts to deny his sexuality. It’s not a representative story, but one that is still worth learning about.
Paul writes with a lot of anger inside and it shows through his descriptions and stories.
It was a good anchor point on how gay men were treated about 30 years ago, and how much of the mentality has changed. However, a lot of the issues in the book revolves around Pauls shame and attempts to deny his sexuality. It’s not a representative story, but one that is still worth learning about.
Paul writes with a lot of anger inside and it shows through his descriptions and stories.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Sexual harassment, and Sexual assault