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64 reviews for:
Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse
Shannon Thomas
4.28 AVERAGE
64 reviews for:
Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse
Shannon Thomas
4.28 AVERAGE
A really important and difficult read. I didn’t go through all of the journal prompts at the end, but I imagine they’d be valuable.
It's not the kind of book you want to need in your life but it is a WONDERFUL resource if you do. It's very to the point, which is nice if the reader is already overwhelmed with their situation. It's an easy read with the feeling that you're in a conversation with Shannon Thomas, the author. I highly recommend this book for those who have dealt with psychological abuse or know someone who has.
Excellent book.
Excellent book.
Recognising you have been subjugated to hidden abuse is the first step to recovering from it. This book does a great job of illustrating that we can encounter hidden abuse in all areas of our life - romantic relationships, friendships, at the work place, in the family. Having the language to describe the abuse gives the survivor the hope and validation needed in order to start the journey of recovery. This of course is a long-term process and is not fixed by reading just one book (or several), but this book is a good starting point. I personally gained a lot of valuable information about the way I am feeling right now and why I am feeling this way. Even if you yourself have not been subjugated to psychological abuse I still do recommend reading this book because it can give you the valuable tools and knowlege to protect yourself from such abuse or to be able to help a loved one process such abuse.
Great resource for survivors, friends and advocates.
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HEALING FROM HIDDEN ABUSE is written by a licensed clinical social worker and therapist who pitches to the survivor. This is not a book about how to better understand the perpetrator of psychological abuse, though there are plenty of those books already flooding the market. No, this one’s different in that she takes the reader step-by-step through the six stages of recovery:
Despair
Education
Awakening
Boundaries
Restoration
Maintenance
Shannon Thomas’ conversational tone makes this reader-friendly. It’s helpful for friends, lovers, family members, coworkers and even church-goers because hidden abuse lurks in all corners of our society. Her list of resources and survivors’ journal at the end allows for more reflective thinking and learning. This is a title that can and should be read more than once.
.
Powerful.
.
Affirming.
.
Hopeful.
.
HEALING FROM HIDDEN ABUSE is written by a licensed clinical social worker and therapist who pitches to the survivor. This is not a book about how to better understand the perpetrator of psychological abuse, though there are plenty of those books already flooding the market. No, this one’s different in that she takes the reader step-by-step through the six stages of recovery:
Despair
Education
Awakening
Boundaries
Restoration
Maintenance
Shannon Thomas’ conversational tone makes this reader-friendly. It’s helpful for friends, lovers, family members, coworkers and even church-goers because hidden abuse lurks in all corners of our society. Her list of resources and survivors’ journal at the end allows for more reflective thinking and learning. This is a title that can and should be read more than once.
.
Powerful.
.
Affirming.
.
Hopeful.
.
Four years after removing myself from a 25+ year mental/emotional/financial abuse situation, I still found this book hard to read in many ways. I am finally in a place where I can move from Detached Contact to No Contact, and I'm surprised how much work it is mentally and emotionally. I still often find it hard to believe and validate my own experience and trust myself to make the best decisions for myself.
I identified with every last detail in this book and yet I still find myself experiencing heavy imposter syndrome. Part of me is still siding with my abuser - I'm not understanding it correctly, I'm overreacting, being dramatic, it's my fault we can't communicate, I just need to be more understanding, etc. etc. Because of this, the most helpful aspect of this book for me is the author's insistence that we survivors take a harder stance. We aren't crazy, and no matter how much we've always wanted it, a healthy relationship with this person (at any level) is not a realistic goal.
I am fortunate enough to have made my healing journey with the support of two wonderful therapists and a couple of close friends and it has still been a tremendous amount of work. I'm so thankful to see my kids growing and healing, and to find incredible levels of redemption and restoration in my own life. Part of that process has been aided by the support and education from understanding and caring defenders such as this author and for that I'm so grateful.
"Your wholeness demands that you figure out how to either implement Detached Contact or have No Contact. There just are no other options in the world of psychological abuse recovery."
"Living well does not mean the abuse never happened. It means the abuse did not damage you beyond repair."
"Of all the offenses an abuser puts a target through, I am most deeply outraged by the stealing of goodness."
I identified with every last detail in this book and yet I still find myself experiencing heavy imposter syndrome. Part of me is still siding with my abuser - I'm not understanding it correctly, I'm overreacting, being dramatic, it's my fault we can't communicate, I just need to be more understanding, etc. etc. Because of this, the most helpful aspect of this book for me is the author's insistence that we survivors take a harder stance. We aren't crazy, and no matter how much we've always wanted it, a healthy relationship with this person (at any level) is not a realistic goal.
I am fortunate enough to have made my healing journey with the support of two wonderful therapists and a couple of close friends and it has still been a tremendous amount of work. I'm so thankful to see my kids growing and healing, and to find incredible levels of redemption and restoration in my own life. Part of that process has been aided by the support and education from understanding and caring defenders such as this author and for that I'm so grateful.
"Your wholeness demands that you figure out how to either implement Detached Contact or have No Contact. There just are no other options in the world of psychological abuse recovery."
"Living well does not mean the abuse never happened. It means the abuse did not damage you beyond repair."
"Of all the offenses an abuser puts a target through, I am most deeply outraged by the stealing of goodness."
A must read for survivors and a must read if you want a better understanding of the damage of psychological abuse. But more than the harm, Thomas walks the reader through practical stages of recovery with patience and compassion. One thing that immediately got my attention was the author's decision to use fictional scenarios and NOT use the stories of real survivors out of respect for them and their pain. I listened to the audio, so I am looking forward to a print copy to underline.
WOW!!! This is an incredible resource indeed. Written in easy to understand conversational style. Author/therapist stays clear of mentioning actual situations, but rather makes generalizations to illustrate, which I found works just fine. Covers how to identify an abuser, different types of psychological abusers, why they abuse, how they abuse, etc... Also, recognizes that abusers can be anyone....spouse, parent, extended family, friends, church members, co-workers etc... Although I think it leans just abit more towards spousal situations, which is probably good, as I imagine those are the most difficult to heal from. :( This resource covers the six stages of recovery...walking a "survivor" step by step through the process. It also includes a resource list of other support, and a journal in the back which looks like it would be a wonderful tool. One of many areas that I especially appreciated is the educational aspect of this book that gave and defined "terms" to these types of situations. I will probably review this area over time to keep things fresh in mind. This book made me feel a variety of things...sad and angry, as well as more aware and hopeful. I will not hesitate to recommend this book to loved ones who are or may be dealing with a toxic abusive person(s). I am sickened by just how common this type of abuse is in our culture. There are no areas immune.....even the Christian community...which IMO is one of the most dangerous and hurtful as it is an attack on someone's spiritual life. :( Pretty much everyone has or will come across this type of abuser. It is helpful to have some knowledge in identifying them sooner rather than later when more damage is done. A small thing I found interesting too, was that another author whom I found to be a good resource in Christian council, Leslie Vernick, praised this book, and has been a vital resource to it's author. That said, this book did not include specific scriptures or assume the reader has a Christian worldview, but rather included some recognizable Christian principles occasionally. It very likely would be well received by both Christians and non-Christians alike. As a Christian, I would have liked to see a more upfront and deeper look from that perspective in this book. Leslie Vernick definitely does so though, if one is wanting that. But, this is surely still a very good resource nonetheless.
There are some extremely broad and ubsubstantiated claims about personality disorders in this book. I fundamentally disagree that every abuser has a personality disorder and I think there isn't sufficient research to say that personality disorders are caused by environmental influences alone, ignoring genetic and other biological contributions.
There is one bizarre section that I had to re-read several times, where she states that sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists are people who experienced insecure attachments in childhood and decided to respond to that by becoming controlling, ruthless and selfish. It's one thing to say that some people choose to be bad people- sure, I can roll with that- but it's another thing entirely to state that a clinical personality disorder is essentially just boiled down to someone's decision to be a bad person.
The rest of the book that's actually focused on recovery from abuse is helpful and interesting but I just can't get past how much bad psychology there was in the first section.
There is one bizarre section that I had to re-read several times, where she states that sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists are people who experienced insecure attachments in childhood and decided to respond to that by becoming controlling, ruthless and selfish. It's one thing to say that some people choose to be bad people- sure, I can roll with that- but it's another thing entirely to state that a clinical personality disorder is essentially just boiled down to someone's decision to be a bad person.
The rest of the book that's actually focused on recovery from abuse is helpful and interesting but I just can't get past how much bad psychology there was in the first section.