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_sarahroeder's review against another edition
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
3.75
thatgrace's review against another edition
4.0
Radical empathy, tough love, and golden nuggets of wisdom. Here are a few of my favorites:
“a two-sided chalkboard in your living room I'd write humility on one side and surrender on the other for you….You loathe yourself, and yet you're consumed by the grandiose ideas you have about your own importance. You're up too high and down too low. Neither is the place where we get any work done.We get the work done on the ground level” (58).
“Nobody's going to do you like you. You have to do it yourself, whether you're rich or pur out of money or raking it in, the beneficiary of ridiculous fortune or terrible injustice. And you have to do it no matter what is true. No matter what is hard. No matter whe unjust, sad, sucky things have befallen you. Self-pity is dead-end road. You make the choice to drive down it. It’s up to you to decide to stay parked there or to turn anun and drive out” (202).
“I can only say you are worthy of [love] and that it's never too much to ask for it and that it's not crazy to fear you'll never have it again, even though your fears are probably wrong. Love is our essential nutrient. Without it, life has little meaning. It's the best thing we have to give and the most valuable thing we receive. It's worthy of all the hullabaloo” (219).
“Your longing for love is only one part of you. I know that it feels gigantic when you're all alone writing to me, or when you imagine going out on that first date with a woman you desire. But don't let your need be the only thing you show. It will scare people off. It will misrepresent how much you have to offer. We have to be whole people to find whole love, even if we have to make” (221).
“You will do this when you're ready to do this. To be ready you need only the desire to change your life. To succeed, most people need a community of support…” (232).
“The narratives we create in order to justify our actions and choices become in so many ways who we are. They are the things we say back to ourselves to explain our complicated lives. Perhaps the reason you've not yet been able to forgive yourself is that you're still invested in your self-loathing. Perhaps not forgiving yourself is the flip side of your steal-this-now cycle. Would you be a better or worse person if you forgave yourself for the bad things you did? If you perpetually condemn yourself for being a liar and thief, does that make you good?” (272).
“Saying it's hard is ultimately a justification to do whatever seems like the easiest thing to do— “ (287).
“…when we‘re in the presence of someone else's pain, the burden of not-doing is so much greater than the burden of doing. Doing lifts the burden. Even if it's a small thing. Like writing a letter” (356).
& there’s so much more!!
“a two-sided chalkboard in your living room I'd write humility on one side and surrender on the other for you….You loathe yourself, and yet you're consumed by the grandiose ideas you have about your own importance. You're up too high and down too low. Neither is the place where we get any work done.We get the work done on the ground level” (58).
“Nobody's going to do you like you. You have to do it yourself, whether you're rich or pur out of money or raking it in, the beneficiary of ridiculous fortune or terrible injustice. And you have to do it no matter what is true. No matter what is hard. No matter whe unjust, sad, sucky things have befallen you. Self-pity is dead-end road. You make the choice to drive down it. It’s up to you to decide to stay parked there or to turn anun and drive out” (202).
“I can only say you are worthy of [love] and that it's never too much to ask for it and that it's not crazy to fear you'll never have it again, even though your fears are probably wrong. Love is our essential nutrient. Without it, life has little meaning. It's the best thing we have to give and the most valuable thing we receive. It's worthy of all the hullabaloo” (219).
“Your longing for love is only one part of you. I know that it feels gigantic when you're all alone writing to me, or when you imagine going out on that first date with a woman you desire. But don't let your need be the only thing you show. It will scare people off. It will misrepresent how much you have to offer. We have to be whole people to find whole love, even if we have to make” (221).
“You will do this when you're ready to do this. To be ready you need only the desire to change your life. To succeed, most people need a community of support…” (232).
“The narratives we create in order to justify our actions and choices become in so many ways who we are. They are the things we say back to ourselves to explain our complicated lives. Perhaps the reason you've not yet been able to forgive yourself is that you're still invested in your self-loathing. Perhaps not forgiving yourself is the flip side of your steal-this-now cycle. Would you be a better or worse person if you forgave yourself for the bad things you did? If you perpetually condemn yourself for being a liar and thief, does that make you good?” (272).
“Saying it's hard is ultimately a justification to do whatever seems like the easiest thing to do— “ (287).
“…when we‘re in the presence of someone else's pain, the burden of not-doing is so much greater than the burden of doing. Doing lifts the burden. Even if it's a small thing. Like writing a letter” (356).
& there’s so much more!!
kirsten0929's review against another edition
4.0
The problems are sometimes basic, sometimes complex, but the answers are never easy. She calls people out. She gives straight-up, no-nonsense advice. But she delivers it with kindness. The answers are mostly personal essays so it ends up reading almost like a memoir.
yukti_k's review against another edition
5.0
It's a gorgeous book, to be completely honest. One I feel everyone should read!
ginasiragusa's review against another edition
4.0
I really enjoyed this book. I pulled something out of almost every advice piece she wrote; even if I didn't experience the problem she was talking about. I did come to realize that in grief, we are all connected, whatever the grief may be.....
mtstellens's review against another edition
5.0
Loved it. So simple. Want a copy for myself to read and reread. Love Cheryl Strayed, I was an avid listener of Dear Sugars and this gave me everything I was missing. Strayed’s voice (both through her writing and her literal voice) are so comforting. Loved the updated version with advice from Covid too! I mean the advice of ‘you know when you have to leave, trust yourself” is a comforting one to be sure.
jilmel24's review against another edition
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
lighthearted
reflective
fast-paced
5.0
ptchar3's review against another edition
4.0
“I can't say when you'll get love or how you'll find it or even promise you that you will. I can only say you are worthy of it and that it's never too much to ask for it and that it's not crazy to fear you'll never have it again, even though your fears are probably wrong. Love is our essential nutrient. Without it, life has little meaning. It's the best thing we have to give and the most valuable thing we receive. It's worthy of all the hullabaloo.”
"Don’t do what you know on a gut level to be the wrong thing to do. Don’t stay when you know you should go or go when you know you should stay. Don’t fight when you should hold steady or hold steady when you should fight. Don’t focus on the short-term fun instead of the long-term fall out. Don’t surrender all your joy for an idea you used to have about yourself that isn’t true anymore. Don’t seek joy at all costs. I know it’s hard to know what to do when you have a conflicting set of emotions and desires, but it’s not as hard as we pretend it is. Saying it’s hard is ultimately a justification to do whatever seems like the easiest thing to do—have the affair, stay at that horrible job, end a friendship over a slight, keep loving someone who treats you terribly. I don’t think there’s a single dumbass thing I’ve done in my adult life that I didn’t know was a dumbass thing to do while I was doing it. Even when I justified it to myself—as I did every damn time—the truest part of me knew I was doing the wrong thing. Always. As the years pass, I’m learning how to better trust my gut and not do the wrong thing, but every so often I get a harsh reminder that I’ve still got work to do.”
“Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you'll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you'll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”
“Nobody will protect you from your suffering. You can't cry it away or eat it away or starve it away or walk it away or punch it away or even therapy it away. It's just there, and you have to survive it. You have to endure it. You have to live through it and love it and move on and be better for it and run as far as you can in the direction of your best and happiest dreams across the bridge that was built by your own desire to heal.”
"Don’t do what you know on a gut level to be the wrong thing to do. Don’t stay when you know you should go or go when you know you should stay. Don’t fight when you should hold steady or hold steady when you should fight. Don’t focus on the short-term fun instead of the long-term fall out. Don’t surrender all your joy for an idea you used to have about yourself that isn’t true anymore. Don’t seek joy at all costs. I know it’s hard to know what to do when you have a conflicting set of emotions and desires, but it’s not as hard as we pretend it is. Saying it’s hard is ultimately a justification to do whatever seems like the easiest thing to do—have the affair, stay at that horrible job, end a friendship over a slight, keep loving someone who treats you terribly. I don’t think there’s a single dumbass thing I’ve done in my adult life that I didn’t know was a dumbass thing to do while I was doing it. Even when I justified it to myself—as I did every damn time—the truest part of me knew I was doing the wrong thing. Always. As the years pass, I’m learning how to better trust my gut and not do the wrong thing, but every so often I get a harsh reminder that I’ve still got work to do.”
“Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you'll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you'll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”
“Nobody will protect you from your suffering. You can't cry it away or eat it away or starve it away or walk it away or punch it away or even therapy it away. It's just there, and you have to survive it. You have to endure it. You have to live through it and love it and move on and be better for it and run as far as you can in the direction of your best and happiest dreams across the bridge that was built by your own desire to heal.”
billielentz's review against another edition
4.0
This book, like Untamed, is an individual story in each chapter. There were chapters I related to that kept me turning pages, and others that felt slower to get through. Overall, I enjoyed it thoroughly and can see myself reaching for it to re-read parts through different seasons of my life. ♥️