Reviews with content warning for Medical trauma - Gender Queer: een memoir

DISCLAIMER: this is a memoir, but when I talk about Maia in my review, I talk about Maia as presented as a character in this comic book. When I say "Maia didn't really examine X", I mean Maia the character, not Maia the real person. For all I know, e DID examine X, but decided to not include eir process in eir memoir. I can only judge from what is presented here.
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I thought I'd really like Gender Queer. Well, I didn't. I feel like Gender Queer very much lacks self-reflection. Maia is self-centered in eir journey, dismissing any points raised by eir environment and how eir perception of gender could be shaped by culture. Exhibit A: when Maia talks to eir mom about hating the female parts of eir anatomy, eir mom addresses the issue that she as a parent faces: reconciling wanting her children to love their bodies regardless of beauty standards and validating Maia's dysphoric feelings. It's actually an interesting point, but Maia doesn't engage with it in the slightest. Or, exhibit B: how eir aunt wonders if eir hatred of anything feminine (and yes, it does seem like e despises anything that's coded feminine in any way, shape or form) could be linked to misogyny. That's a valid point and I know I wanted to be a boy when I was little because of my internalized "girls are inferior"-misogyny. Maia tells us that the two talked until 1 AM. The actual contents of their conversation? No idea, e doesn't tell us. Again, eir aunt's notion is quickly brushed aside without REALLY examining it - one page of em tossing and turning at night doesn't cut it for me.

I liked that Maia was very honest and didn't shy away from discussing and depicting the unpleasantness that is having a period. Normalizing these issues is a good thing and I really don't get uncomfortable easily.
Except Gender Queer managed to make me feel REALLY uncomfortable when Maia talked about having sexual fantasies about Plato's Symposium. In it, Phaedrus drones on about the heavenly love between an older and a "young man (before the age when his beard starts to grow)" - yikes - and Maia depicts eir fantasies with that exact image. Maybe the beardless boy is 18+, but I was really questioning why e would include this detail, since it isn't even important for the story. Unfortunately, all of this gives conservatives and TERFs ammunition to paint gender non-conforming folks as deviants and predators again, and for this reason alone I wish it had been cut.

I am glad that Maia found a way of expressing eir gender so that e feels comfortable - I am sincerely happy for eir journey. I do think that the way e represented it in this comic book felt too surface-level at times (e.g., concerning eir hatred of anything feminine and desire to have a penis, despite claiming that e wants balance and neither identifies male or female - which is valid, but these (on the surface) contradictory feeling weren't explored at all), even though it was such an intimate memoir. Further, I was uncomfortable with some stuff that I felt like wasn't even unpacked properly, so I can only guess at the reason behind including it. I hope Gender Queer can help gender non-conforming folks feel seen and help others see them - for all it's worth, I know I examined some of my assumptions after reading, so that was a success imo.

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zefancifulreader's review against another edition

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emotional hopeful inspiring fast-paced

5.0

“Some people are born in the mountains, while others are born by the sea. Some people are happy to live in the place they were born, while others must make a journey to reach the climate in which they can flourish and grow.
Between the ocean and the mountains is a wild forest. That is where I want to make my home.”

Wow. Ok. Let’s talk about it.

I read this book knowing only 2 things about it:
1. It was the most banned book in 2022
2. That it was a comic memoir about a genderqueer person

That’s it. So I launched in to see what I would find…
The more I read banned books the more I’m learning that when a book is banned it often means that the book makes the reader reevaluate how to see and/or think about the world. Personally, I think that’s the most cherished, important part of reading. I want to be shook, I want to have my perspective altered, I want to LEARN through someone else’s experiences.

Maia’s story is one of incredible vulnerability. It took me on a journey that I think will resonate with everyone’s awkward teenage years. Growing up is weird and I was so surprised (and ultimately appreciated) that Maia didn’t shy away from the awkward and embarrassing parts of eir story. I’ve NEVER read a book that actually talked about the internal monologues about crushes (or lack there of), the horror of periods, the constant “am I doing this right?”, the awfulness of pap-smears. It was too real at times but honestly, I think we need that. We need to talk about what ACTUALLY goes on in our heads, especially during puberty, instead of turning away and not addressing it.
It might make for a happier world and why would we ever want to stifle that?

As Maia discusses at the end of the comic, “I wonder if any of these kids are trans or non-binary, but don’t have words for it yet? How many of them have never seen a nonbinary adult? Is my silence actually a disservice to all of them?”.
I am so grateful that e shared this memoir with the world.

Side note: I also learned that the e/em/eir pronouns are called Spivak Pronouns. Learn something new everyday!!

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theetherealelf's review against another edition

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funny hopeful reflective medium-paced

4.5

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jessie_h's review against another edition

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emotional hopeful reflective sad medium-paced

4.0

I have been wanting to read this book solely based on how often it has been being banned in the last year but what sold me on picking it up was that I had a student ask me questions about some things they read about gender in this book. And I was so excited to see that it was available in Kindle Unlimited!

What can I say about this memoir that hasn't already been said? It was eye-opening to read and I wish I had read it before now because I have had students and friends who I wish I could have recommended it to when they needed it. I have never really questioned my gender identity but I can see how important this graphic novel is to have on shelves for those who are. I kept thinking of specific friends who needed this book ten years ago when they were struggling with these same things. It makes me sad that it is the most banned book in the US right now.

The thing I wasn't expecting when I picked it up was how often I saw pieces of myself in this book when the author is was figuring out e were ace/aro. It was something I didn't know I needed to read.

I wish this book could be required reading. Not only so those who need it can read it but also so others can understand the struggles of others and build some empathy.

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emilyhv's review against another edition

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emotional informative reflective medium-paced

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bookishmillennial's review against another edition

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emotional funny hopeful informative inspiring reflective sad medium-paced

General disclaimer if you’ve read other reviews by me and are noticing a pattern: You’re correct that I don’t really give starred reviews, I feel like a peasant and don’t like leaving them and most often, I will only leave them if I vehemently despised a book. Thus, no stars doesn’t indicate that the book wasn’t worthy of any starred system. It just means I enjoy most books for what they are, & I extract lessons from them all, even if the lesson is that I’m a ho for the smut, recognizing a genre/book/author is not for me, or confronting my own mommy/daddy issues lol. Everyone’s reading experiences are subjective, so I hope my reviews provide enough information to let you know if a book is for you or not. Happy reading! Find me on Instagram: @bookish.millennial

asdsdjhfslhflsdjhskfh I borrowed this from the library and after reading, I want my own copy! I adored this graphic novel/memoir from Maia Kobabe and I am so glad I read this.

Disclaimer: There are a few Harry Potter references in here, but this was published in May 2019 before JKR revealed herself as a TERF POS.

Topics covered:

asexuality / aromantics
gender dysphoria
finding queer representation in books and music
finding queer community through the Queer Straight Alliance in high school
getting eir period and the trauma of navigating this along with pap smears
figuring out what sexual orientation label felt right
discussing queerness with eir family, friends and classmates
experimenting with masturbation and tracking this to figure out eir feelings on the physical act of sex in general
the spiral of constantly questioning and/or hating eir body
binding, clothes/shopping, haircuts/styles, bodily hair
and so much more!

Besides this being highly informative for anyone who is unfamiliar with gender queerness, asexuality, aromantic, nonbinary, othergender, etc, it's at its core a beautifully generous and vulnerable account from Maia's journey as ey question and figure out all of this. I'm so grateful to em for sharing this with us.

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evelynyle_88's review against another edition

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emotional informative reflective fast-paced

4.5

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lycangrrl's review against another edition

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emotional hopeful informative inspiring fast-paced

4.5

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