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ramunepocky's review
emotional
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
“But that’s part of the healing process, too. Learning about responsibility and accountability. Having the courage to own up to mistakes and apologise and make change.”
This review is not spoiler free
I read my first Kacen Callender book this year (that book being Felix, Ever After, that I have now read a total of 5 times) and this was my third book I’ve read by them, and I adore every book I’ve read by them. Their writing style flows so beautifully and scratches my brain just right, making their words addictive and I literally fly through every book by them. They have an expert way of creating characters – each of them well-rounded, flawed and subsequently human. This book was no different. I started it one morning with the idea of reading a few chapters before bed, and then stayed up hours past my bedtime at suddenly 70% of the way through the book, forcing myself to sleep only so I could get up with enough time to finish it before work. Which I did. And dayum, I loved every second of it. The topics in this book are difficult to read about, but extremely important, as the main focus is the way that trauma/traumatic experiences can affect relationships and your behaviour. It was hard reading about the way that Logan’s experiences affected him, especially without him realising how deeply it did hurt him, and how he deemed himself unsavable and unworthy of love because of it. I also think this was a really interesting commentary on celebrity culture and Hollywood and how toxic and destructive the industry and the environment is, both from within and outside of it.
“You learned how to survive in a world that was harmful to you. Now, it’s time to thank your younger self for helping you survive this long. Now, it’s time to find another way to exist.”
Logan really broke my heart throughout this. It was so sad to see him just lean into everyone’s worst assumptions of him and let everyone use him for their own gain because he believed himself to be unlovable and because he was so mentally destroyed by what had happened to him that he didn’t care if people thought he was a bad person. It was so hard to read about the way that people treated him, about how his father had let him be assaulted and raped as a child and growing up, how he continued connecting with people in that way as an adult, and how he was constantly used and abused for publicity or for his body. I appreciate the fact that falling for and dating Mattie didn’t suddenly “fix” Logan and make him suddenly better and have zero trauma because I hate that trope and it’s not how the real world works. The real world works much more like it did in this novel, it’s messy and sometimes, as a result of your trauma, you can lash out and hurt the people you care about the most. I liked the fact that their relationship did not work out and ultimately, the two of them split up and went down different paths. And though being with Mattie didn’t suddenly “fix” Logan, I like that it helped him realise that he is worthy of love and that he deserves to help himself and get better, and he deserves to be able to consent and feel safe in his own body. I’m glad he took the jump he needed to cut himself off from his father and get the help he needed away from substances, away from the press and with therapists who could help him process his trauma. It was really nice to see Logan after the time skip, to see him working a mundane job, having hobbies, feeling safe in his own body and having been able to work on healing and reflect on the mistakes he’d made in the past. I appreciate that he apologised to Mattie when he saw him again, and didn’t try to justify his actions because of his trauma. He owned up to his mistakes and moved on from them.
“There is no guarantee that one person will make us happy for the rest of our lives. Instead, there’s something else more powerful, even deeper: the realisation of love that we have for ourselves – and the joy in sharing this love with someone else, and experiencing the love they have for themselves, too. Instead of depending on each other for happiness, we find our happiness individually, and then share that happiness with each other.”
I really loved the conclusion to this book, and how, after having time to heal and grow, they reunited and still felt the same way for each other, subsequently giving it another go. They were both truly right person, wrong time, and in reuniting, it became right person, right time, as Mattie’s last memoir suggests that they both spent many more years together after the story ended. It was really nice to have a hopeful ending, and have them both find their happiness in themselves first, and each other second.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual assault, Toxic friendship, Toxic relationship, Rape, Sexual content, Panic attacks/disorders, Emotional abuse, and Mental illness
Moderate: Suicidal thoughts, Homophobia, Racism, Child abuse, Biphobia, and Injury/Injury detail
Minor: Drug use
its_ash's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
reflective
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Sexual assault, Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Biphobia, and Emotional abuse
vagaybond's review
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.25
this was hard to read, emotionally speaking. one of the protagonists is a multiple-times-over CSA survivor and the beginning of the story was a lot of him only for the first time realizing that people are capable of seeing him as something worthy of basic respect. it hits really close to home in a few ways that I don't think are something I want to channel in a book review.
this book is the kind of thing that you might glance over and think well, cute I love the fake relationship trope. but then it hits you with heavy catholic church scale pedophilia trauma and what it means to experience love when you don't have the capability to express or receive it. and how that traumatizes people who care about you and how it pushes people away. and what accountability for that means. and maybe closure.
I think it also just weighs on me a lot as someone who has complicated grief about an ex who met me when I was like that. I always had that sense of unresolve, but this ex died before we could talk again. it hurts and I wish I had the resources for this scale of therapy. it's hard to rate this because of how I feel about my own stuff.
this book is the kind of thing that you might glance over and think well, cute I love the fake relationship trope. but then it hits you with heavy catholic church scale pedophilia trauma and what it means to experience love when you don't have the capability to express or receive it. and how that traumatizes people who care about you and how it pushes people away. and what accountability for that means. and maybe closure.
I think it also just weighs on me a lot as someone who has complicated grief about an ex who met me when I was like that. I always had that sense of unresolve, but this ex died before we could talk again. it hurts and I wish I had the resources for this scale of therapy. it's hard to rate this because of how I feel about my own stuff.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Drug use, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Toxic relationship, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Alcoholism, Child abuse, Rape, Biphobia, Sexual content, and Suicidal thoughts
Moderate: Injury/Injury detail, Racism, and Medical content
theboricuabookworm's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
reflective
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
A beautiful and heart wrenching romance that spans several years from their budding acting careers to their late in life settled down pursuits. Kacen handled incredibly difficult topics with such care and understanding. SA for the sake of SA in a book is something that will always turn me off from reading it but the way that our characters coped and processed and lived their experiences following such horrendous trauma is how all authors who include assault scenes or passed experiences should be writing. The acknowledgement that how the MC coped was not healthy nor productive but the author's refusal to make the audience shame him for his trauma response was was more poignant than I can properly put to words. **potential spoiler** A necessary third act breakup. It was not to create more drama or as the result of ridiculous miscommunication but rather a means for our MCs to take a step back, heal themselves - or put themselves on the path to healing - so that when they do eventually get back together it is when they are in a healthy, capable mindset to make a relationship work.
This book provides a perfect capsule into how we genuinely do not know what someone is going through or has lived through because of how their public persona is.
Note: the audiobook had different narrators for the two MCs but also for the blogs, news clippings, and tweets that made the book that much more engaging. I love the inclusion of the media and the outward perceptions to make the internal struggles and dialogues stand out that much more
I'm rambling at this point but this book is going to stick with me and I highly recommend you add it to your shelves.
Thank you Libro.fm for my advanced copy.
cw: rape (on page not long), sexual assault, memory and recounts of past child abuse and sexual assault of a minor, cyberbullying, emotional abuse, homophobia, biphobia, drug use, suicidal thoughts
This book provides a perfect capsule into how we genuinely do not know what someone is going through or has lived through because of how their public persona is.
Note: the audiobook had different narrators for the two MCs but also for the blogs, news clippings, and tweets that made the book that much more engaging. I love the inclusion of the media and the outward perceptions to make the internal struggles and dialogues stand out that much more
I'm rambling at this point but this book is going to stick with me and I highly recommend you add it to your shelves.
Thank you Libro.fm for my advanced copy.
cw: rape (on page not long), sexual assault, memory and recounts of past child abuse and sexual assault of a minor, cyberbullying, emotional abuse, homophobia, biphobia, drug use, suicidal thoughts
Content Warnings
Graphic: Suicidal thoughts, Rape, Child abuse, Biphobia, and Sexual assault
Moderate: Emotional abuse, Gaslighting, Addiction, Homophobia, Alcoholism, Drug abuse, and Drug use
sarafinley's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Rape, Sexual assault, Emotional abuse, Alcohol, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Child abuse, and Drug use
Moderate: Homophobia
readerpants's review
dark
emotional
hopeful
reflective
sad
tense
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.75
I'm not entirely sure how to rate/review this. Need to sit on it for a while, I think.
Not a sweet, fluffy read it, definitely not YA despite the author's having focused on younger readers in the past. Heavy on the trauma, though with an eventual HEA/HFN. NOT a match for a high school library (v explicit, rape on page).
Not a sweet, fluffy read it, definitely not YA despite the author's having focused on younger readers in the past. Heavy on the trauma, though with an eventual HEA/HFN. NOT a match for a high school library (v explicit, rape on page).
Content Warnings
Graphic: Violence, Drug use, Sexual assault, Adult/minor relationship, Domestic abuse, Suicidal thoughts, Bullying, Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Infidelity, Abandonment, Alcohol, Alcoholism, Biphobia, Drug abuse, Sexual content, Toxic relationship, Body shaming, Sexual violence, and Rape
bookobsessedmommy's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.75
While reading this, I kept thinking "this isn't really a romance", but that's not true. I'm used to light and fluffy romances filled with witty banter, meet cutes, and quirky characters. Matt and Logan's relationship is frequently raw and uncomfortable, and they restle with trauma, anxiety, drug addiction, depression, and that's only the beginning. Their journey is so real that it caught me off guard, but it is still a romance. Not 'realistic' per se, but a heartfelt exploration of pain and suffering and how living happily ever after takes work and sacrifice and patience. The audiobook has a full cast and some mixed media elements, which really brought the story to life. This was an emotional read but beautifully written, and I can't wait to read more from Kacen.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content, Grief, Addiction, Homophobia, Alcohol, Alcoholism, Drug abuse, and Sexual assault
Moderate: Child abuse, Biphobia, Suicidal thoughts, Rape, Adult/minor relationship, Religious bigotry, and Emotional abuse
Minor: Racism
quijotita's review
hopeful
inspiring
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.0
Took me out of a reading slump. I liked it a lot, though I wished I could have seen more of their relationship after they reconnected , but it was vert heart-warming.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Biphobia, Child abuse, Suicidal thoughts, Sexual assault, Drug abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, and Physical abuse
amanda_mh's review
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
This book … I took my time with it, I’m glad I did, it had me sobbing throughout almost every chapter. This is my first Kacen Callendar book and I will be reading their other books now. Major and multiple trigger warnings so please check before reading. This is going down as one of my favourite books, some really important messages in this story. So much care went into telling Matt and Logan’s story 💜
Content Warnings
Graphic: Suicidal thoughts, Panic attacks/disorders, Homophobia, Alcoholism, Alcohol, Emotional abuse, Addiction, Bullying, Cursing, Drug abuse, Rape, Body shaming, Physical abuse, Racism, Religious bigotry, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual harassment, Gaslighting, Injury/Injury detail, Biphobia, and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Emotional abuse, Child abuse, Death of parent, Cancer, and Adult/minor relationship
evawondergem's review
dark
emotional
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual assault, Sexual content, and Rape
Moderate: Emotional abuse, Religious bigotry, and Suicidal thoughts
Minor: Adult/minor relationship